Stolen Child
by Hazel-Buttafly
Summary: Will she ever get her happy ending? Will the world ever throw her a freakin' bone? This is Leah Clearwater's story...
1. The Desertion

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**This is Leah Clearwater's story...**

**I was a little girl who believed in happy endings, and I grew up to be a young woman whisked away into a true love relationship. But the day my Sam was declared missing ignites the spark that twisted my whole reality into ashes. Now I am a woman trapped between worlds, unable to forget my past, watching the things that could have been dangle before me like some sick game of fates. **

**I wasn't always a jealous harpy, but if only they'd listen hard enough to see that.**

* * *

**Stolen Child**

**Chapter One: Desertion **

**...**

His whispered words would make my lips tremble at the sound of his voice.

I shivered again as he planted delicate kisses down my throat, breath hot when it reached my ear to murmur my name. I sighed with my neck titled back, absorbing everything―his scent, his touch, his fingers knotted in my hair, how anything seemed completely insignificant when wrapped in his embrace. "Lee-Lee…" he was calling me now, awaking me from my doze.

A smile crossed my lips, my eyes shut. "Hmm?" I moaned in acknowledgement.

"Did you fall asleep?" Sam asked.

"No," I breathed, brushing my nose against his collarbone. "I was just… mulling in your perfection."

He shifted so that his arms could curl around me, and I snuggled closer to his bare chest. I felt hot and sticky with sweat but wasn't bothered. Sam had always radiated a warm glow. "Well, that's a relief," he laughed; I could imagine his grin as he spoke. "I hate to think I was putting you to sleep when I was actually aiming for the opposite effect. That would be a terrible blow to my ego."

"Puh-lease. Your ego?" I said playfully. "It could use a good smack around. Or, you know, fifty."

"Haha," he muttered. "You have school tomorrow, save your remarks for people who aren't forced to put up with it."

"Urgh, school!" I groaned. "Damn you, why did you have to remind me?"

Sam chuckled. "It's not my fault your education isn't adequate."

"And it's not my fault you're a smart-ass." I resorted.

"Ouch," he lifted a hand to his chest. "That one hurt. Seriously Leah, this can be considered a very abusive relationship on my part. I could go to the authorities. Or better yet, the _elders_," he grinned. "I'm sure they will right the wrongs with the mystical powers of our ancestors! What with the rituals, and some kind of anti-Sam-insulting charm they can microchip in your brain while you sleep."

I disguised my amusement with a pout. "Look who's talking to who about abuse," I stuck out my neck and tapped it with one finger, grinning. "Tell me I _can't _pull that off for a good shiner, curtsey of my obnoxious boyfriend. Not to mention I'm sure the elders will believe my Sam-is-a-girl-basher story over your petty Leah-is-a-bitch statement." He glared as I flickered my eyelashes girlishly. "I mean, who wouldn't believe a little angel like me?"

"I think you mean a little _minx_ like you."

"Okay, I confess. I truly lure moronic men into my lair and eat them."

"Wow," he said. "This is bad news for me."

"You would think so, but I think your one moron I'll keep around a bit longer, if you don't mind."

Sam cupped my cheek and brought my forehead to meet his, gently stroking my face.

"I really don't mind, baby," he whispered. He pulled away and sat upright against the headboard, lifting me up with him. "But whether you like it or not," he continued in a lighter tone, "you _do_ have school tomorrow. And I'm not about to have Sue Clearwater hunt me down for your dropping grades just because you can't seem to get me out of your head. She kinda terrifies me."

I laughed. "What makes you think I'm thinking of you?"

His eyebrows rose as he gestured to his bare torso. "Who wouldn't be thinking of me?"

"Jeez, fine!" I cried, defeated. "Goodnight then, Sam. Since my grades mean that much to you."

He jumped off the bed, stumbling out of the tangled covers and snatching his shirt that was clumped on the floor. "Goodnight, my Lee-Lee..." he bent down his tall frame to match my height and lingered at my mouth, I drew back and his face mirrored my uncertainty.

"You still look a little flushed," I explained. "Is that fever from last week still bothering you?"

He grimaced. "A little. Not so much anymore. Don't worry, okay?"

"Yeah well, giant though you may be, you can still have the weaknesses of us normal people. I mean, look at Superman―a freaking rock, and its all over for him," I teased lightly, my hand rested at his pulse that beat rapidly under my palm. "Rest when you get home, alright?"

"I do feel a bit drained," he confessed with a nod. "But my heart always reacts like this around you."

I blushed as he held his hand over mine. "Just feel better, promise?" I mumbled.

"Promise." He vowed, pecking my lips. "I love you." He told me.

"I love you, too."

"Sweet dreams."

"They'll only be of you, so odds are against me." I smiled wirily. The worry returned when I noticed the sweat beaded on his neck. Sure, we'd gotten pretty hot and heavy not long ago, but this was still Washington, and I was already prepared to dive under my electronic blankets any second now. "Hey, did you want me to walk you hom―?"

There was a knock at my bedroom door.

I froze, Sam was at my open window so fast I hadn't even noticed, but paused and ran back to kiss me once more. "See you tomorrow," he breathed, not awaiting my reply as he flipped his legs over the windowsill and disappeared. The door knocked again. I let out a deep breath I didn't realise I was holding, my hands fiddling recklessly to smooth my sexed-up hair.

"Uh, w-who is it?" I tried my best to sound casual, sleepy.

Very I'm-alone-in-my-room, and very not suspicious. I felt like rolling my eyes at myself.

The handle turned and my kid brother, Seth, let himself in. He crinkled his nose in disgust at my flushed appearance. "Mum and Dad just got home," he said, sighing dramatically as he moved to sit beside me on my bed. "Thought I'd warn you in advance before you drag me down with you for the whole 'knowing but not telling' thing. I hate it when they call me on that."

I relaxed instantly, shoulders slumped. "Thanks. I owe you one, little bro."

"Yeah, you really do."

"I'll take you cliff diving on Saturday?" I offered happily.

Seth grinned, shrugging. "I can take myself, but I would appreciate you and Sam for company."

"Deal," I pledged, tossing aside my cover as I embraced him tightly, squishing his cheeks.

"Leah!" he groaned, shoving my face away as I spread playful kisses on his forehead. "Ew, gross! Why do you have to be so weird? Urgh! Why me?" Despite Seth's feeble pushes, he squeezed me back, both mulling secretly in the disguised sibling affection. "If Mum and Dad come in," he muttered into my shoulder. "You caught me in your room, and were battling to the death in hugs. Then we never speak of this moment again."

I squeezed him gently. "Whatever you say, little bro," I said, ruffling his hair. "Whatever you say."

**...**

School at the reservation was the same as every other day, the same people and setting I've known all my life, but with one change―no Sam. Of course he graduated last year, but everyday he would wait for me, leaning casually against the school gates. That's usually what made the day bearable. But when the final bell rang and I sprinted out of class, the gate was gut-wrenchingly empty. I forced myself not to look miserable. It's not like he was obligated to meet me. Something had probably come up; maybe his scholarship interview had been moved. He would visit, or call me later.

Seth caught up to me quickly, and we walked home together. He looked confused at my slightly saddened expression, but didn't comment.

I couldn't shake off my strange feeling. When we got home I went directly to my room after mumbling an unenthusiastic greeting to my parents. Sam had been gone longer than twenty hours before, and yet I felt a sense creeping over my head as each minute passed and I sat staring blankly at my text book, fingers twitching beside my phone as I read the same sentence over again for what felt like forever. My mind refused to process the words. Irritated, I slammed the book shut.

"Alright," I settled with myself. "I'll just leave him a message…"

I snatched the phone and dialled quickly, messed it up, then started again. It rang once.

"_H-hello?_" answered a frantic voice.

"Uh, Mrs. Uley?" I stated, stunned. Why the hell was Sam's mother answering his phone?

"_Oh, Leah!_" she sounded relieved. "_Please, is he with you? Is he safe?_"

I turned away from my desk, wrapping my unoccupied arm around my middle. "What?" I demanded. "Who? What's wrong?"

"_Well, its Sam_," Mrs. Uley spoke quickly, her voice quivering. "_H-he didn't come home last night. I don't know where he is, and he didn't call, or leave a note. I was just about to call you, Forks is sending Chief Swan over, but if he doesn't want to be found… oh, Leah, did he tell you where he went? Is he angry with me? I just need to know that he's okay!_"

My mind froze. "Sam's missing?" I whispered the words; they felt thick on my tongue. "He's gone?"

Mrs. Uley let out an involuntary moan of despair. "_H-he isn't with you_…"

"I'm coming over." And with that, I hung up the phone.

**...**

It was incredibly stupid, considering I barely knew anything about the situation, but I couldn't stop the tears from choking through me. Horrible, graphic images swam about my head, plaguing my rational thoughts with circumstances that could have led to Sam's sudden desertion.

_Your fault!_ Part of me screamed at the other. _If only you hadn't asked him to come see you that night!_

Selfish, selfish, selfish!

The harsh words sent out a fresh sob, I attempted to silence it, having been sitting broodingly around the corner from Sam's house for ten minutes trying to gather my wits before I spoke to his obviously distraught mother. My overly expressive reaction would only make matters worse.

I heard sirens and scrubbed away my tears in time to see a police cruiser turning into the street.

The noise blocked out the in-my-head voices and, five deep breaths later, I uncrossed my legs and scrambled quickly onto the lawn where Mrs. Uley had stepped out from the porch to meet Fork's Chief of Police. Her nightrobe was wrapped tightly around her, faded mascara running own both her cheeks as she tried desperately to tidy herself. I rubbed under my eyes again, sure to remove any evidence before shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket.

"Emma," Chief Swan greeted her gently, his lips pursed as he closed the cruisers door.

"Charlie," she whispered back, her voice shaking. "Thank… thank you for coming."

It was then she noticed my approach. Fresh tears coated her eyes as she sidestepped the baffled chief and pulled me into a bone-crushing embrace, shoulders heaving with the velocity of her weeping. Stunned, I stiffened against the dominant urge to cry with her, settling on soothingly patting her back. I hoped it was at least a little comforting.

"Leah…" Mrs. Uley snivelled. "Dear, dear Leah… you're here."

I knew she was secretly thanking me for my company – someone who loved and cared for Sam as much as she did. "Of course," I murmured, blinking away my blurred vision. "Don't worry, we'll find him. It'll be fine. It'll be fine…" I repeated the statement for both our sakes, branding it to my memory.

He's fine, Sam's fine. He has to be.

"Leah Clearwater?" the chief watched our emotional display uncomfortably. "My, you've grown."

Chief Charlie Swan was a close friend of my father; they went fishing a lot with Billy Black, and he use to be a frequent visitor in my younger years. Twice with his estrange daughter, tossing us together with Rebecca and Rachel, Billy's girls, so they could sneak away without a guilty conscience. I'd always known Charlie was a bit uncertain how to deal with emotional women, ever since he babysat me and the twins. We'd force ourselves to cry just to see him get all flustered.

I nodded awkwardly in his direction, my expression blank.

"Emma?" he questioned hesitantly, clearly unsure whether he should interrupt such a delicate moment between females. "When you're ready, would you mind answering a few questions?" Mrs. Uley gazed up quickly from my shoulder, clearly embarrassed. "Sorry, just standard procedure. When you saw him last, what he was wearing, his current emotional state…"

My eyes narrowed. "Sam is _not_ suicidal if that's what you're suggesting," I spat, creasing my brow in a deep glower.

Both adults were startled by my outburst. Charlie studied me carefully. "Um, p-please," Mrs. Uley said, walking back towards the porch with a motioning hand. "Please, come inside and make yourselves comfortable. I'll… I'll go grab some drinks."

The chief and I shared one long look before following behind and closing the door, taking seats in the lounge room to our left. Instinctively I shied away from the side of the canary-yellow couch Sam usually inhabited, recoiling at the unintentional blow when Charlie took a seat there instead.

Cupboards opening and the trickle of water sounded from the kitchen, the muffle of Mrs. Uley's slippers against the faded lino as she shuffled the small distances of the counters back and forth. I gripped my fists tightly and stared blankly ahead, only vaguely aware of the throbbing where my nails punctured my flesh. "Uh, so Leah," Charlie said conversationally. "How do you know Sam?"

I looked up and stared at him suspiciously.

"Sam and Leah have been dating for quite a while now," Mrs. Uley answered for me, carrying in a plastic tray of different sized glasses filled with water, handing us each one. I muttered my thanks and took a reluctant sip at the chilled liquid.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "Really?" I had a feeling that his interest was not strictly personal.

"Oh yes," continued Mrs. Uley. "Since Leah's freshman year."

"And have things been working out well with them?"

"They are quite smitten with each other."

I hated it. Them talking about us like I wasn't even here. I might as well blend into the stupid couch.

Charlie reverted his attention back at me, leaning in a little closer as if I might whisper a secret. "Do you know where Sam has gone, Leah?" he questioned hesitantly. Yeah, he should know I was a ticking timebomb, I'm sure my Dad has informed him more than once of my infamous temper.

I scowled and returned my full glass back to the tray. The clunk of colliding items seemed unusually loud to my ears. "Obviously not or I wouldn't be wasting my time sitting around here." I knew I was being rude. I didn't care.

For whatever reason, neither appeared offended by my tone. The chief wasn't even surprised. Mrs. Uley followed my action in putting down her drink, cupping my fist that still remained clenched on my lap. Wisely, Charlie remained silent as Mrs. Uley eyed me anxiously, a desperate expression only a mother could muster smouldering in her stare, gnawing at my guilt.

"Leah," she breathed. "When did you last see him?"

My heart sank, the accusations reawakened. "Last night," I confessed grimly. "He was at my house."

Oh, dammit. I hate my freaking conscience.

I could barely breathe.

There was the sound of pen scratching against paper as Charlie took notes; it was as if it added to the raking against my lungs, the pain almost unbearable. The noise so loud. I needed Sam. My Sam, I wanted to hold him, kiss him, to know that he's safe. I broke into gasps, seeing blood and splattered gore of a mangled, unidentifiable corpse...

_He's not dead,_ my mind pleaded._ He's not dead… oh God, Sam… please…_

"Leah," Mrs. Uley took my other hand. "Leah, dear, are you alright? Please, Leah, where did he go after he left your house? Was he acting strange?"

"Which way does he go?" Charlie inquired.

"Sam…" I choked out his name. "He… he takes the forest route, back here, after…" I trailed off, my breathing shallow. "Y-you…" my voice broke, I swallowed quickly. "You don't think he could have gotten into an accident, in the woods?" Before I could fully comprehend the new revelation, Charlie was on the phone, hissing orders for back-up and rangers that knew the area.

My heart stuttered.

I was too ashamed to face his mother, afraid to find hate in her eyes as she would recognised it was my fault for her son's disappearance. My fault. My Sam could be lost―frantic, hungry. He could be hurt, desperately hurt and needing me while I foolishly sit by, answering stupid questions and sipping at water. Sam _needed_ me.

I was suddenly on my feet, trembling and wheezing out air. I ignored Mrs. Uley's worried expression as she called my name when I bolted and slammed the screen door shut behind me. And then I was running, racing, praying to find him. Desperate to find him. Sam, Sam, Sam. Each time my feet hit the ground I saw his face. Shoving my way passed a crowded group of boys in my path; someone jerked me back, holding onto my arm.

"Leah?" Jared demanded. "What's the matter? Why are you crying?"

I hadn't realised I was crying.

I gritted my teeth, my scowl locked. "Let me _go_!"

Retching myself free, I stumbled and slid across the gravel, quick to disregard those who made a move to help me. I didn't need help. The oozing blood couldn't stop me, even with my scraps I easily managed to outrun the footsteps I could hear distancing behind me. I was the rez schools best runner. I approached the woods without wavering. I knew the short-cut well, the forest extended outward just near my house before meeting the road, and Sam's path may be traceable.

I stumbled through the trees, screaming his name. No one replied.

"Sam? Please, can you hear me? SAM!" I cried, and without warning my legs caved in so I was left kneeling in the soft earth, clutching at my splintering stomach.

I couldn't breathe, but I couldn't stop screaming.

"SAM! _SAM_!"

My calls didn't affect the silent forest, but I numbly felt a hand place itself on my shoulder. Half hopeful, I gazed upward, only to be unbearably disappointed to find Jared standing at my side, defiled by debris of the woods, and several other young men panting from the run and eyeing me with concern behind him. "I'm going to take you home, Leah." He whispered, face grave.

And I was too far-gone to argue.

**...**

Two days had passed when the authorities finally had the decency to confirm Sam's trail had been intercepted with large, unknown animal prints, bleakly stating that this missing person's investigation had turned into a body search. Mrs. Uley had been admitted to hospital after she broke down, crying through the trauma. I didn't cry. Some said it was heartless of me; others took pity that the news hadn't hit yet.

But I know Sam is alive, and I'm going to find him.

I didn't go to school. I spent most my time mapping out the forest, hiking through a section everyday, occasionally accompanied by my parents, and constantly accompanied by Seth in his attempts to be the protective brother in case I 'ran into something that could eat me'. He was always trying to make me smile, and I appreciated his efforts, wasted though they were. We only came across the marks of the strange, unidentifiable creature once, and it forced us to turn since the deranged beast had crossed a mere hour before us, leaving blind destruction in its wake.

I convinced Charlie to send over everyone in the station he could spare, made phone calls at all hours demanding forest rangers drop whatever stupid bird they were watching and assist in the field. They were wise enough to abide me; the hysterical tone in my voice was obvious as they provided information the police found unfamiliar.

The two days slowly sunk into two weeks, with no new information. No traces, no luck. My sanity dangling dangerously on its last tether. My family was increasingly troubled by my lack of appetite, but I was never hungry. If anything, I felt sick.

"Leah," my father sat beside me, speaking cautiously. "Maybe, sweetheart, its time for you to admit―"

"_No_!" I covered my ears, my hair swirling wildly as I shook my head. "Please, Dad!" I hissed. "No, you can't _say_ things like that, because Sam is fine. He's okay, and when he comes home it's just going to make you feel bad for even _suggesting_…" I continued mutely, unable to finish the thought, my tether jerked glaringly. "Just…" my voice was barely a whisper. "Just go away."

He did, and I was alone.

The next day the search was dismissed.

Curling up beside the woods was the closest to comfort I could get, because it was the closest I could possibly be to Sam.

To my disgust, I still didn't feel like crying. Was something fucking wrong with me? I wouldn't be surprised. There was nothing but the radiating numbness that seemed to dull everything I touched, everything I thought of. Everything but Sam, and his smile and his laugh. I wasn't ready to let anything go, holding on to the memories as tight as I could, and every time I did they seemed to slip further and further away. But nothing could affect me when I thought of him.

The forest drooped with the pounding rain; pouring down on me as I rolled onto my back to watch the grey clouds churn in dark patterns. My hair stuck to my face. Pressed against the mud I could feel the subdued vibrations of fast-approaching footsteps. Annoyed, I sat up, unemotionally squinting through the rain as a panting figure burst through the trees line.

There, standing meters away―ragged and completely naked―was Sam.

* * *

**Well, this is sort of the first chapter and the prologue squished together, that's why it seems so rushed. I wanted to give you all a taste of what Leah was like before everything got all warped, while at the same time I'm trying not to linger and actually get to the good stuff. I hope you enjoyed this, let me know what you think!**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	2. Reunited At Last

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Thank you all very much for reading! Special thanks to you lovely reviewers!**

* * *

**Chapter Two: Reunited At Last **

**...**

I couldn't breathe again, but it was an entirely different feeling.

"Sam…" the name escaped as a brittle sigh, barely legible over the rain. His heavily lidded eyes held dark purple shadows, widening and flickering to me at the minor movement. I watched his muscles clench as his solid, black stare burrowed into me, rendering me completely immobile.

Hesitant, his chest heaving, Sam swallowed. "L-Leah?" his voice was hoarse. His _voice_…

That was all it took. The next moment I was leaping mindlessly into his arms, locking my legs around his waist. Sam barely staggered and held me, turning to press my body between him and the side of a maple trunk, hungrily searching, kissing my mouth. There was nothing but the sheer desperation to feel his touch, his body against mine. One of his hands skimmed up my ribcage, stroking the clinging fabric of my saturated shirt and leaving a trail of burning heat in its wake. With a jolt I blinked, my senses renewed, I broke the kiss. But I couldn't let go; my fingers caressed his face, afraid he might disappear. I rested my forehead against his.

"Sam…" I gasped, unable to hide my grin.

"Leah," he was grinning with me, sweeping my doused hair from my face. "Lee-Lee… is it really you?"

"No!" I laughed, my tone rough with passion. "I'm the toothfairy." I quickly swept my gaze over him, careful to examine any wounds, but there was no blood. No horrible gashes. No contusions or chunks of flesh ripped by giant animals. Not a scratch. Nothing. Reacting to my stunned and unresponsive expression, Sam held his fingers under my chin and lifted it to brush his lips against mine.

He smiled smugly. "You chose _now_ to sneak-a-peak at something you've already seen?"

I flushed, realising his line of thought. Jeez. Quick to defend my dignity, I stuttered. "Y-you're not hurt? Fuck, I mean," scoffing, I gestured to the wilderness behind us. "You just fell out of _that_! And you're… you're…" my eyes drifted downward again and I was incapable of finishing the sentence.

Sam's smile faltered. "I don't feel hurt."

"Sam, you've been missing for _two freaking weeks_!" At the thought, I clung to him tighter. "Don't go all hard-ass on me. If your hurt, your hurt. I'm not going to think less of you, so don't put on that Mr. Suffering-in-Silence shit. That's just plain stupid―"

"I'm not hurt, Leah," he snapped. A shudder rippled through him.

I froze at his harsh tone, my temper flickered. Slowly, I unwound my legs, my shoes sloshed when they hit the mud. Without a word I uncurled from his grasp, he unwillingly let me, his arms hovering around me as I stripped from my jacket and held it to his waist, covering him. By his gape, my shirt was probably on its way to transparency, or already there.

"C'mon," I tugged at his arm, my soggy jacket barely managed to tie around him. "Let's get your naked, sorry ass inside."

I pulled him forward, noticing the bizarre way he walked.

A gracefulness in how he held himself, as if he was in a new skin.

The storm clouds barely lit the sky from the suns place below the horizon, the house visible and front door unlocked, my palm slipped against the icy handle. I attempted twice more without any luck. Frustrated, I gritted my teeth and balled my hands into fists to bang on the wood, flecks of old paint peeling away. Seth answered, the door cracked open. I shoved the frame till it hit and rebounded off the wall, leading Sam ahead in front of me. "Leah, what is it? Wha―_Sam_?" Seth exclaimed in disbelief.

"Where's Mum and Dad?" I demanded, ignoring his baffled tone.

Seth continued to appear brainless as I seated Sam on the couch. "They… Mum and Dad… council meeting…"

I swore, hissing a low string of profanities, then sent the Stammering-Seth to fetch spare blankets. He hurled open the sliding wardrobe and tugging free as many woollen covers as he could bear, bringing them back and dropping them by Sam's feet, then bolted back up the narrow hallway.

Despite Sam's protest, I rubbed a thin linen sheet across him, absorbing the cold of the rain. I was surprised to realise he wasn't as soaking as I appeared to be. Most of the water seemed to have disappeared from his skin.

Seth returned, carrying an armful of our Dad's clothes, giving them to Sam with a timid expression.

"Thanks," Sam muttered gratefully.

He slid on an old pair of out-stretched sweats and removed my jacket from around his waist. It slopped to the ground to join the wet sheet we'd used to dry off with. Sam was watching me with eyes squarely focused as they darted from the lounge room to the kitchen as I did, staring as I rummaged through the pantry. "Here," I hurled a chip packet into Sam's waiting hands. "Eat those to hold you off, you must be starving. I'll make something nice and hot."

Or attempt to at least, I added silently.

I wasn't a _bad_ cook, I just never really exceeded in any household activity, but I knew a few somewhat usable things. Putting a large pot on the boil, I sprinkled a clump of salt and plunged in half a packet of pasta. Seth was already equipped with a saucepan and can opener. I watched him work at the corner of my eye as I shoved a tray full of frozen pies into the oven. I toasted some bread and grated cheese, tossing them both into plates, hopefully getting credit for trying.

Seth took over. I was too preoccupied to be humiliated that my younger brother was better in the kitchen than I was. I sat beside Sam, whose eyes hadn't wavered, fiddling absently with the empty chip packet.

I reached out to hold his hand, at my touch Sam cringed away. Trying not to seem hurt, I replaced my hands on my lap.

"Sam," I said gently, at a loss for once. Damn. "Sam… will you tell me where you've been?"

He seemed withdrawn, eerily distant. "This is all too unfamiliar," he mumbled, curling his fingers in his hair and pulling the dangling black locks. "The way you move, your smell, your voice, your words. It's too unpredictable. You were _cooking_. My mind isn't able… I couldn't have thought _you_ up this well. I couldn't have memorized your exact scent this way. Nothing around you should be so clear…"

It took me a second to comprehend his jumbled thoughts. "Sam, I'm right here. You're not _imagining_ things."

"Leah," he whispered. "I think I've gone insane."

My lips pursed and I snatched his hands into mine, holding them to his cheek.

"Where―have―you―been?"

Mutely, he shook his head. "I-I can't… I won't…"

I sighed. "Alright, it's okay," I leant towards him. My heart retched uneasily, longing to comfort him, afraid of his new invisible boundaries. "It's fine. You don't have to say anything. You're here, and you're safe. That's all I care about."

We were quiet as Seth set the food on the clustered coffee table. The pasta was mixed with sauce, still in the cooking pot, and the pies were golden brown. Sam ate two at a time; a pie in his mouth then spearing down the pasta till all of it was devoured. Seth watched in awe, munching slowly on a piece of toast, it was like watching something horrible but being unable to look away.

I never noticed too much of a difference between this Sam, and the one that went missing a fortnight ago. I did now. This Sam was wider, his muscles thicker, jaw sharper. His glare would circulate the room before falling back on me, as if he was searching for something out of place, a hidden danger or lurking threat. He flinched at contact, at noises, and winced every so often without any reason that I could perceive. He was different, and something was very wrong.

"Maybe…" Seth hissed to me, shrugging. "Should we take him to the hospital or something?"

Sam looked up, eyes wild. "No!"

"Okay." I said quickly, not wanting to upset him. "We'll talk about it later."

With the food gone, Sam stretched experimentally against the couch. I realised I'd forgotten to change; my clothes were only damp now. Sam slanted towards me, coiling his arms around my middle as he rested his head above my chest, closing his eyes. I shifted so we were laying back, Sam draped over me comfortably. I played with his hair quietly, his head tucked under my chin.

Seth was standing behind me, his cheek resting on the sofas padding.

"How's it looking?" he asked anxiously in hushed tones.

I tried to speak without disturbing Sam. "He's exhausted. And running a temperature." The heat of his exposed chest against me was making me sweat, he breathed casually through his mouth, already deeply asleep. "I'm so worried, but at the same time I have to stop myself from doing a victory lap."

"What happened? Where did you find him?"

I smiled, a small smile. "I didn't. He found me." I shot a swift glance at the clock, dangling on the wall. "It's getting late Seth, you have school tomorrow. Thanks for cooking and stuff… and," I trailed off, "you know, for being a pain-in-the-ass and sticking by me no matter what when I was all crazy. You did good, little bro."

There was a pause and I heard Seth's footsteps pace slowly to his room.

"Goodnight, Lee." He said gently.

His door closed, and I concentrated on the hum of Sam's breathing. I was tired, utterly drained, two weeks of little to no rest getting its revenge by prodding my eyes closed with what felt like barbed wire. This, roasting and pinned under Sam's crushing grip, was the most relaxed I'd been in a long time. But I couldn't bring myself to sleep, only watch him. His brow was crinkled, almost like he was having a nightmare. I lost all notice of time, it seemed so very unimportant now.

I hardly heard my parent's arrival, muttering to each other as they entered the house. My mother's loud gasp is what alerted me as she spotted Sam and myself sprawled on the sofa, the lights switched on and I winced at the sudden exposure.

"_Shhh_!" I hissed, throwing both of them irritated looks.

Harry was set to stunned when Sue threw her hand over his mouth, her eyes narrowed into slits.

"We'll talk about this in the morning," she mouthed to me. I nodded my head in understanding.

She turned off the light, only the dim glow of the moon and the lamp shining from under my parent's door. From the quiet, I could still hear them whispering anxiously to each other. I gazed at Sam, the creases in his forehead smoothed out. I placed a chaste kiss on the crown of his head, allowing my lips to linger on his heated flesh.

And I drifted silently into an embracing slumber.

**...**

Dawn showered the soft glow that woke me. My eyes opened to see Sam, smiling at me like he did the first and many times after we awoke beside one another. My heart jumped at the recognised gesture, eyelashes brushing my cheeks as I gaze down to his arms still entwined around me. The heat was somewhat acceptable, blankets forgotten, Sam's fever having kept me from freezing halfway through the night.

The smell of sausages wafted and paralysed my senses.

Sue was already up and about―possibly having no sleep at all―as she hurried around the kitchen, frying eggs and bacon in one pan, the sausages sizzling in another. Buttering bread and pouring orange juice, toasting waffles and mixing porridge.

Sue Clearwater; utterly indestructible.

"Good morning," she said briskly as Sam and I stretched. "Come and eat."

She made clear that there were no other options. I didn't complain, I'd barely eaten, and my stomach was growling up a vengeance. Sam pulled me up with him, moving so fluently it was almost creepy, still without a shirt, more at ease being half-naked in front of my mother than he should be. Not that I was complaining. He seemed more sculpted, as if he aged and sprouted a couple more biceps overnight. Yeah, definitely not complaining.

Harry and Seth were on edge. I guess it freaked them. Sam ate two thirds of everything, and what he didn't eat, I did. Sue was pleased. Seth was as considerate as always and had some cereal from the pantry. Harry glanced ruefully at the empty plate bacon, but didn't mull once Mum began frying more sausages. The only conversation that passed was the small, meaningful brushed Sam made along the length of my back to ensure himself my presence remained.

"So Samuel," my mother could never be quiet for long. "How are you feeling?"

He swallowed a mouthful of juice and shot me a look I couldn't quite decipher. "I'm okay." He stated.

"Did you get to the hospital alright...?" she prodded.

"He didn't want to go to the hospital." I answered bluntly.

My scalp prickled as her gaze zeroed on me, lips pursed. I was more than aware she didn't want me interrupting her interrogation. She spoke in a carefully disguised sugary voice, her fingers knotted together to rest under her chin with her elbows resting on the table. "Well, did you ever think of what he needs, instead of what he wants?"

Sam growled. "Leah took _very _good care of me."

His feverish hand snatched mine defensively. Sue was dazed into a brief silence. Then she smiled, one of her bizarre approvals. "I'm sure she did," she continued, the sweet voice somewhat mellowed. "But a simple check-up won't do you any harm. Haven't you noticed anything peculiar? Symptoms of shock perhaps?" She turned to me. "Have you, Leah?"

I didn't want mention his temperature, neither did he.

And apparently neither did Seth, who stuffed the last of his cereal into his mouth and dumped his bowl in the sink, deciding it best to flee the room while he still could. Lucky bastard.

"Uh, I'll take Sam home now. Mrs. Uley is very worried about him." I said, scraping my chair against the floor. It was in Sam's best interest I didn't mention that everyone in the tribe, including his mother, thought he was dead. A conversation I'd rather avoid.

"Fine." Sue acknowledged. I made a face; this discussion clearly wasn't over.

**...**

Sam kept his hand pressed against mine. The walk to his house was undisturbed; everyone was too half-asleep to really pay any attention to people who were supposably dead strutting their stuff down the road. I hoped that Sam's funeral papers and flowers of sympathy were tucked safely out of sight until I could dispose of them in an extremely thorough manner. Preferably with lots of fire.

I tried to edge away, reluctant to intrude on the private moment as a groggy Emma Uley answered the door and began blubbering uncontrollably, clumsily embracing her son. But Sam held my hand firmly so I stood awkwardly to the side, shifting from foot to foot, while I compared the colossal size differences that made Mrs. Uley almost child-like compared to Sam as she sobbed into his chest.

Through sheer talent alone that only Leah Clearwater can manage, I manoeuvred the two into the house while they hugged.

Mrs. Uley cried for ten straight minutes before she could say a legible sentence. Constantly patting Sam's limbs and sniffling into a box of aloevera tissues, it was fifteen minutes before she realised my presence, but that only made her sob harder as she pulled me into a familiar squeeze. "Thank you…" she whispered to me, wheezing out breaths. "Thank… you… so _much_!"

I smiled wryly at Sam as he sat wedged between us, lost for words.

Nothing―even in my sleep-deprived, bone-crushed, dreamlike state―could describe my happiness.

**...**

Days passed, and I had taken in upon myself to call everyone at the police station, forest ranger cabins, neighbours and unfortunate tribe residents I ran into on the street, to smugly tell them that the man they gave up for dead was alive and well―specifically, the gorgeous hunk I had on my arm. It made me feel better to listen to their nervous stuttering. Sam had barely left my side. He was afraid to let me out of his sight.

And I didn't protest, because I was terrified of the exact same thing.

It remained an unsolved mystery of Sam's previously missing whereabouts, and his measures to keep it that way would get more elaborate each time around, until he would flat-out refuse to even branch the subject. I had mentioned it a few times, but Sam seemed quite content to pretend the whole thing never happened.

During the long hours sneaking out of public eye, I could never pinpoint Sam's bizarre attitude.

And whenever I tried to speak my thoughts out loud, it just made me sound paranoid. How can I explain to someone that my boyfriend desperately avoided changing emotion? Or he constantly walked around in shorts with everything else bare in the middle of Washington? Not to mention his fever that could roast freaking marshmallows.

But none of it mattered. I care about Sam more than anything else. I would do anything for him, even against my better judgement. I pleaded with him to go to a doctor; it had gotten to the point of demanding. His temperature a constant worry of mine. He claimed his perfect health, and I knew I could never put him through anything that would upset him.

I stifled a yawn, curling up beside him. It was no secret that he spent the night at my house anymore.

"Well, goodnight." I pecked his lips and laid my head on the pillow.

"Why?" Sam blinked. "It's early."

"I have school tomorrow." I stated obviously.

His expression petrified me. His eyes clouded over and his hands hooked into claws as they gripped my shoulders. He shook his head in horror, for a moment he couldn't speak. "No, Leah, no! Please, don't leave me!" he begged desperately, his whole frame quivering. "You can't leave me! I need you. I _need_ you. You can't go! Please, don't go! Don't leave me!"

My breath escaped me. I blinked away the moisture that welled at the sight of his pain.

"Okay," I embraced him consoling as he clung to my middle. "It's okay, I'm not going anywhere."

I could never deny him anything that would cause him comfort.

I woke up late that night and saw the silent tears streaming down his face, full of blind panic and fear as he stared up at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts. I didn't speak as he curled up against me, and I held him as he slept, to keep the nightmares away.

**...**

The week continued, and people began talking of how I had officially dropped out of high school. I didn't want to let their shit stories bother me, but they did. My education had always been important to me and something that always worked to my advantage, so overhearing my mother answering the phone calls of brainless big-mouths asking if I was rebelling―or impregnated―just so they could have something juicy to spread around the reservation pissed me off to no end.

I didn't want to speak to Sam about it; the pain it brought to him was too much to bear, and I would give up anything just to see him as happy as he'd been. Now I settle for the slight simmer in his eyes, something that only my constant presence gave him. Shadows of his past joy.

But I couldn't shut it out. I would never get into college. I would never pursue a career. Sam and I would never have the future we planned if I didn't finish school. We would be stuck here, in this dank place, where our only option would be to take up a low wage jobs where no one would take us seriously because they'd most likely have seen us in fucking diapers. I would be stuck here, without a complete education, just like my mother.

"Sam…" I spoke bluntly. "I need to go to school."

He looked up, alarmed. "No," he said quickly.

"Listen, okay?" I frowned, folding my arms tightly across my chest. "I _need _to go. It's been over a week, and isn't that enough to prove to you that I'm not going to up and disappear like some freakish hallucination? You are not insane. Besides, I'll just be gone for a couple of hours. No big deal."

Sam was quiet for a long time, his eyes to the floor, contemplating. "I don't like it." He whispered simply.

I grimaced. "I don't exactly plan on doing a happy dance or something either."

"Then stay with me," he pleaded softly.

"Hey," I said, curling his locks around my fingers, "I'll be back before you know it."

He closed his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose. His jaw clenched and I heard his teeth snap together. He glared at me, a dull, black stare. I was afraid he was going to leave, or yell, or disappear again. But he spoke in a deathly quiet voice. "I will take you in the morning, _and_ I will meet you at the gate the second that bell sounds. Not a minute later, Leah, do you hear me?"

"Yes," I mumbled, my victory tainted by his dark gaze. "I hear you."

"And you have to _promise_ you'll stay safe. Not one little scratch on you."

"Uh-huh."

He was quiet again, then he murmured. "I don't like not being there. Not being able to protect you."

I shivered at the seriousness in his voice. "Protect me from what?"

He shook his head, the seriousness softened and he gave me a small, lopsided smile. "From yourself, you silly girl. How can I be sure you won't run into a door if I'm not there to watch you?" I detected an edge of hysteria behind his teasing tone. He clearly wasn't worried about stupid doors at all.

**...**

"Oh Godammit, Sam! This won't work unless you let go of me."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled and yet he held me tighter, moulding me to him. "Bye, then."

I sighed. "Must we go through it again? I'm telling you―and for this I don't need a high school education―you _can't_ say goodbye to someone then continue clinging like this. Call me insane, but I think it kinda defeats the purpose. Goodbye means goodbye. Now," I pressed my hands against his chest to pry myself away, a smirk quirked my lips. "_Goodbye_."

Sam buried his face in my hair. "I'm sorry." He repeated, gradually unknotting his fingers.

I absorbed his ominous expression, how his mouth pulled unhappily.

"Perhaps this isn't such a good idea," I mused while he finished unwinding his grip and took a large step in my opposite direction. His pleasant warmth deteriorated as soon as he moved away. "Maybe we should wean you off gently with a few stand-in girlfriends with similar breasts and daycare programs." I taunted lightly, he shook his head as I spoke.

"Your hilarious, Leah. Go to school now." He tilted my chin and kissed my brow. "I love you."

"Do you love me, or my boobs?"

Sam rolled his eyes.

I shifted awkwardly. Clearly he wasn't in a joking mood. "Um, so I'll meet you right here after lessons are over." I gestured to the muddy patch directly below my feet and, for added effects, scratched into the ground a small 'x' with the heel of my sneakers. "Is that okay with you?"

"I'll be here." He said tightly, folding his arms.

The way his muscles clenched was almost hypnotic.

The warning bell rang from the building. Despite it being my argument, I didn't want to leave.

I turned and quickly stalked away, if I stayed a second longer I might dive into his arms and beg him to take me home, making sure I never do anything this stupid again. How stupid. Once I was safely out of the mist drizzling outside, I peered through the fogged window. Sam was gone. My heart plunged and landed somewhere near my knees.

"Miss Clearwater?" The voice startled me. I turned to face its equally surprised owner.

In the middle of the front room was my grey-haired science professor, staring as if I'd sprouted an extra head, his notes splayed messily in his arms. "Err… Mr. Oakley…?" I acknowledge unsurely, disturbed by his expression.

He seemed to recomposed, clearing his throat and plastering on an aggravated frown.

"You are late for roll call class, Miss Clearwater. Hop to it, or it's a detention." His threat didn't seem very official with half his papers worming their way from his grip and his glasses dangling on the edge of his nose. I don't think he realised his hairpiece was upside-down.

I blinked. "Right... yeah."

"Yeah, what?" he questioned sternly.

I struggled back a snort, managing to hold a serious expression.

"Yeah, _sir_."

"Good. Off you go, Leah."

Shaking my head, I walked leisurely down the hall, feeling his stare burning holes in my sweater. Surely my reappearance wasn't that shocking? I'm no scholarship-earning student like Sam had been, but I'm still pretty up there. I didn't ditch school too often, nor show any signs of leaving the minute the opportunity arose. I was the best runner this place had ever seen. I'd like to think I gave this tiny school a spark of personality. Everyone knew my name by reputation alone. Though, I never said most of it was _good_ reputation.

Boldly, as if it was what I'd been doing everyday for the past month, I stepped over the threshold and into the classroom. One of the things about an upbringing on the reservation meant that pretty much everyone grew up together. I could read all the reactions of the room without difficulty. Most had a similar expression as Mr. Oakley.

I sat at the end of a table and rested my head on my arm, choosing to ignore the few hissing questions aimed in my direction from the senior class, and those a year or two younger than us. Our school is small; most of the grades are squished together based on academic performance.

A hand resting on my shoulder made me look up. Jared stood beside me, his expression carefully composed. I hadn't seen him since the afternoon he took me home from the woods; I had been a complete mess. He removed his hand and attempted a casual smile, to disguise himself from the rest of the class that had swarmed on the opposite end of the room, knowing better than to disturb me, chattering to each other.

Through his smile, Jared asked bluntly. "So how have you been Clearwater?"

"Just fine, thanks." I replied curtly.

"And how's Sam?"

He spoke so quietly now I had trouble hearing him. "He's fine."

"That's great," he said, his eyes flickered away before returning to me. He sighed, dropping the casual-conversation exterior. "Okay, look Leah, I've wanted to speak with you lately, but you've been nowhere in sight. There's a lot of shit going on, and I think it's about time someone clued you in. I've heard some things, and... and, well, Sam―"

"Thanks for the concern," I snapped, "but I don't need it."

I threw my bag over my shoulder and breezed out of the room. Too late, I was pissed off, and without the buzz of voices, I was alone in my thoughts. Was Jared really thinking Sam was up to no good? Did he think I need to be _clued in _on the activities of my boyfriend? I don't fucking think so.

While churning around my aggravated thoughts, the bell rang, and I tested my patience capability in order to ignore all the stares I was receiving, floating in my imagination of being reunited with Sam after school. I snapped only once, hissing to an ogling bunch of eighth graders, "take a picture, you little fuckers, it lasts longer!" I felt a little better as they scampered away, terrified.

Classes went quickly, and, after receiving a hefty stack of catch-up papers from each subject, I was one of the last to reach the lunch room. Trying to shove all the extra work into my bag was annoying.

"Oi, Clearwater! Leah!" the call came from a table near the dessert section, a small group waving towards me. "Hey, Leah!"

Lisa Malone-Bell, Anna Collins and Shiye Rice were all grinning at me. "Well, welcome back to the land of those who own telephones and other such communication devices," Shiye commented sarcastically, his short, black hair flattened by a baseball cap. "It's nice to know you're alive I guess, don't you think?" He turned to Lisa and Anna, both girls rolled their eyes.

Anna joined in on the guilt-trip. "Yeap. Feels good to be back in the loop,"

"So sorry," I drawled as I pulled out a chair from under the table. "In my defence, I did go insane."

"I can imagine," Lisa said in her small, breathe-quiet voice, immediately sympathetic. "Sorry, we were being insensitive. We were just excited to see you is all. We figured if we laughed about it a bit, it might make the better of the really crap situation." She smiled timidly. "How are you?"

I groaned. "Why is everyone asking me that?"

"Because we haven't seen or heard from you in weeks?" Anna offered with a shrug.

"I'd rather not talk about it," I said, twisting the cap of my water bottle and taking a swig.

"Ouch," Shiye winced dramatically. "And we're out of the loop once again."

"Different subject?" offered Anna, sweeping her blonde highlights from her face.

"Right," Lisa said with a nod. "Um… Kim is sitting with us today, if you guys don't mind."

"I don't mind, we need to start interviewing possible Leah-replacements anyway," Shiye joked, winking at me.

As if on cue, Kim could be seen hesitantly pushing her way out of the crowd around the dessert section, a tray of sandwiches and pudding clutched tight in her hand, her chest puffed out, slightly out of breath. She smiled and lifted one arm in greeting. "Hey you guys, sorry I'm la―urgh!" Kim recoiled as someone from the dessert swarm elbowed her, sending the carefully balanced tray ricocheting into the air, the sandwiches on the floor and the cup of pudding landing splattered on my sweater. I blinked at the chocolately blob in disbelief. Jeez, could my life get any shittier?

"O-oh no! I'm sorry, Leah," Kim stuttered, her face flushed as she nervously handed over her napkin.

I stripped away the layer of clothing. It had seeped through to my blouse. "No worries, it's not your fault, it was the asshole behind you. And the dickhead owes me a new jumper," I stated, scrubbing the pudding off my sweater, glowering. "I'm going to go wash it off."

"Do you want us to come with you?" Lisa asked, setting down her apple.

"No, you can eat your lunch. I'll be back in a sec,"

I walked off, hearing Kim still mumbling apologises until I was out of earshot. I turned down the hall and pushed open the bathroom door with my back, since my hands were now coated with pudding, my bag awkwardly slung around my elbow, my ruined sweater folded and held up by my upper arm pressed against my side. I dumped the load in one of the stall's hooks, reaching over the sink to wash my hands before moistening a scrunch of toilet paper to scrub against my blouse.

The paper ripped. I swore and tossed it into the waste basket beside the mirror and re-entered the stall for an extra handful. It automatically swung shut behind me. Another door creaked opened, the entrance, high-heeled footsteps and voices giggled from behind the stall; I froze as the name bounced off the tiled walls.

"Sam Uley?" One of the voices, I recognised to be a senior girl, Nadie Wills, exclaimed. "No way!"

"It's true," her companion insisted. "Remember he disappeared a couple weeks ago? Julie told me that Frank said he heard from Steve that he fell hard from the drugs. Couldn't remember his own name or something, and ending up in Seattle jail for a few days. Poor fucker."

"No fucking way!" She repeated in awe. "I just heard he was selling the stuff."

"Jesus Christ, you're both _wrong_," a new voice commented, but I could barely hear them. Blood had rushed to my head, swirling all ration thought. I could taste something bitter in my mouth, like sucking on copper. Sam on drugs? Seriously? What the fuck were_ these_ fuckers smoking? "Haven't you seen him lately?" The girl continued. "Well I certainly have. Looks like drugs to me. But anyway, have you seen him and Clearwater? Wondered why she hasn't been to school? Probably trying to thoroughly dispose of the evidence or something."

Dammit Leah, don't do anything stupid, I begged myself. Shut your mouth for once…

They'll just add another mask of make-up and leave, right?

Nadie and the other girl went quiet. "What evidence, Maria?" Nadie whispered, taking the bait.

"Well, first I thought Sam joined some wannabe gang or whatever, got a little carried away, but no." Maria answered pleasantly. "I heard Uley's been sleeping around behind Clearwater's back and she caught him at it. You know how Leah Clearwater is, and if you ask me she's the jealous type. Someone said he tried to bolt with the girl―"

Oh, fuck this.

I shoved the door and stormed towards the mirrored counter where the three had forgotten all about their lipstick. My teeth gritted as they stared at me in surprise and, I noted pleasingly, more than a little horror. "Please," I snapped. "Finish that sentence, I fucking _dare_ you."

Maria was the first to compose herself.

She raised one plucked eyebrow. "Piss off, Clearwater. We're just saying the facts."

"You wouldn't know the facts if they knocked you on your ass!" I resorted bitterly. "This isn't any of your business, so butt out and don't say another word about it if you know what's good for you." To my shock I recognised the unnamed girl as Shiye's younger sister, Karen.

"Are you threatening us?" Karen whispered.

"That's one way to look at it," I shrugged.

"Be careful, Clearwater," Maria hissed. "You play with fire, you'll get burnt."

"By what, your cheap-ass hairdryer?" I sneered.

Nadie tapped her heel against the tiles. "Let's go," she said impatiently, eyeing the exit. Karen eagerly followed her outside, Maria close behind them. The door shut and I let out a deep breath, my eyes closed, before collecting my things and leaving, the stain on my shirt far from my mind. Making my way back down the hallway, passing the office towards the lunch room, I heard the voices of my classmates―their chattering had become eerily clear.

"Drugs is what I reckon, don't cha think?"

"―arrested for possession―"

"Shit! That doesn't sound like the same Sam Uley…"

"―and then knocked up some chick!"

"―just like his father, you know. Like they say, the apple doesn't fall far―"

"Oh, poor Leah. I could never handle that…"

"… and beats her… he's an alcoholic, you know what the Uley men are like…"

I closed my eyes and walked faster, trying to escape the lies from the faces I passed. Lies. Fucking lies. In my brisk pace I spilt the pile of clothes and papers in my hands. I bent to retrieve them, when I heard them again; Maria was leaning against her locker a couple feet away. "Sam is such a pussy. The only smart thing he's ever done is cheat on that stupid bitch."

Before I could control myself, my fist made vicious contact with her nose.

And I have to admit, the _crack_ was pretty satisfying.

People passing by stopped and gaped as Maria wobbled to regain her balance from the blow, staring at me in disbelief as she slapped her palm over her upper lip to either stop the blood or cover the ugliness, I wasn't sure. No one speaks about Sam like that. I smirked to myself, allowing a brief, menacing grin. "You play with fire, you'll get burnt." I said tauntingly.

Maria scowled and threw herself at me with a loud shriek, instantly tearing at my hair while I charged forward and slammed her against the lockers. I heard cheers of encouragement from all around me, like a football stadium. Maria pulled back her hand and slapped me. Grimacing, I tackled her to the floor and pressed her face against the ground by her pigtails. Her arms flayed about, searching for something to hit. I ducked out of the way and twisted her left one behind her back until she cried out in pain. Her heel kicked up and dug into my back, as it buried deeper I felt moisture sprung to my eyes from the ache. I pulled tighter at her arm, teeth locked together.

"What the hell's going on here?"

I hadn't really thought that the large crowd gathered around us would obviously provoking the interest of the teachers.

"Leah!" Mr. Oakley exclaimed. "Get off of her!" Grudgingly, I let go of Maria's arm, allowing her to sit up. She rubbed her wrist in tears. "Both of you to the office, now!" he barked, turning to the crowd. "What do you think you lot are looking at? Get out of the way! Move along, or it's detention! Move!"

Mindlessly, I stood and followed them from the hallway.

I felt that numbness radiated up my cheek, pins and needles, as I marched solemnly towards the staffroom.

**...**

I held the icepack against my face as I sloshed moodily through the rain, gnawing my teeth together in attempt to stop their chattering. I noticed the figure leaning by the gate, his arms crossed and shaking, a vivid expression plastered on his face as he took in my appearance. There was no time for me to be surprised by his presence; I mean shit, for all I know he could have been waiting here since I first left. I still couldn't keep the shock from my voice.

"Sam?" I called through the downpour, though we were only meters apart.

"Leah," he growled. "What happened?"

I had no trouble hearing his furious roar. "U-uh, I got into a little disagreement. It's just a―" I froze, his words from last night dawning on me. I couldn't say _scratch_. He'd kill me. "Err… I'm fine. Fuck, I'm more than fine. The nurse just gave me ice for insurance reasons, you know. And they sent me home early to have a think about what I did."

He was quivering, his fist clenched. "What _did_ you do?"

"I punched Maria Nelson right in the face." I blurted out. "Dumb bitch deserved it."

"Did she hurt you?" he demanded.

"No," I didn't dare remove the icepack in fear he might notice the swelling.

"You're lying." He snarled.

"Am not," I scoffed stubbornly. "I would have knocked her out cold if Oakley hadn't stepped in to save the day. Besides, the reason this started was because I was defending _you_!" I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, it was stupid of me, I'll admit, but I'd do it again."

Wordlessly he snatched my hand, so the icepack had no choice but to fall to the ground. But Sam didn't scrutinise my face like I thought, instead he held my fingers close under his eyes. "Its blood!" he exclaimed, letting my arm drop back to my side. "Blood, Leah! You have fucking blood under your fingernails. Now, tell me again it wasn't fucking serious."

I didn't have a chance to ask how the hell he knew that. "Well, it's not _my_ blood." I insisted.

"Oh really?" He was shaking now, each word felt like a stab in the chest.

"Yeah, really." I said firmly.

He was quiet, my eyes softened, and I reached out to stop his trembling frame.

"It's alright, I'm fine," I whispered, brushing his exposed skin. "Stop shaking,"

I meant it as reassurance, but Sam's eyes widened as he too seemed to just notice the tremors rocketing through him. I saw something flash through his face. Fear? Panic? I wasn't sure, because the next thing I knew Sam had pulled away and bolted up the street, towards the forest. I stood there completely immobile for ten long seconds, terror of the all-too-familiar scene replaying in my head.

With a jerking movement, I raced after him. "Sam, no, _wait_!"

He ran on ahead, practically vibrating, passing through the forest line and dodging the moss-covered trees. No, no! I couldn't lose him again! I ran on. He had never been faster than me before. The rain continued, lightened by the trees, but it was darker and hard to see. I felt something catch my backpack, wrenching me backwards, briefly winding me.

Damn, fuck, shit! I cursed, ripping away from the branch.

I dropped the bag, prepared to pursue, but he was gone, leaving me leaning against the tree, panting and completely petrified.

* * *

**Second chapter, done! Whoa, that took me a while. I've had it done up to the fight scene for weeks, but I was never really happy with it, so I've deleted pages of it until I got this result. Sorry it took so long, but the next couple of chapters should be a breeze. I'm on holidays now, so plenty of time to write! Enjoy, and let me know your thoughts!**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	3. Homemade Fish Fry

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Thanks for reviews! They inspired this chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter Three: Homemade Fish Fry**

**...**

I stood there for hours, waiting for him to return to me. Eventually he did, sweat and woodland debris layering his naked form. I didn't move as he approached, with eyes refusing to meet mine, my face remained blank and empty. I dropped my stained sweater to the floor and left the forest. I wasn't too sure if he followed me, I couldn't hear him, but when I reached home he was right behind me, the sweater tied around his waist.

I felt drained. My mind had slipped into a defensive mode.

I didn't speak, and my family didn't comment as Sam and I wordlessly entered the house and closed the door of my room. I sat on my bed and stared vacantly ahead as Sam took a seat on the edge of the mattress, as far away from me as possible.

"Lee-Lee…" he said gently, his face contorted with pain. "Please baby, say something. Anything."

I didn't recognise my voice, it was withered and dead. "You… you did it again, Sam," I whispered, the tears finally poured down my cheeks, my lips slightly parted. "You did it again right in front of me. You disappeared, and I didn't know where you were going, or whether you were going to come back, or… or―"

"I'll always come back to you, Leah," I was shocked to realise he was crying too. "Always."

"I don't know what to do, Sam," I sobbed, shaking my head. "I just don't know. You were there, and then you were gone. Fucking gone! Do you have any idea how much that terrifies me? Every time you aren't with me I think to myself, is this it? Am I ever going to see you again? Will today be the day you _don't _come back?" I pressed the heel of my palms to my lids, my throat cracked and I was embarrassed of the velocity of my weeping. "You―you just can't do that. You _can't_ keep doing that. If you value my sanity at all, you will _never_ fucking do that again!"

I was numb but I felt his arms wrap around me, pulling me into his lap. I cried into his shoulder, feeling his tears drip into my hair.

"Please, don't do that to me again!" I blubbered. "Please…"

"I-I'm so sorry, Lee-Lee. I don't know what to do either."

I pulled back so I could peck his lips, despite the tears. "You can tell me what happened," I suggested meekly.

Sam stiffened. "No, Leah, I told you before. No. I can't."

"Why the hell not?" I demanded desperately.

"I… I think…" he stared at me with a conflicting expression. Then he looked away. "Maybe… maybe we should take a break."

I froze. "W-what?" I wasn't sure if the word had sound, or if I imagined speaking, or if he chose to ignore me. He unwound our embrace, and my tears stopped. It all felt like a dream. A nightmare. The kind where you're screaming, begging to wake up, but your eyes won't open. Sam wouldn't say these things to me. Sam wouldn't keep secrets from me. Not Sam. Not my Sam. He wouldn't do these things to me. "I don't understand…"

I was pissed off now, the anger bubbling below the surface. I could feel it―the calm before the storm.

It was difficult to swallow, like I inhaled dust. "I love you, Sam." I said quietly. "Don't you love me anymore?"

"For fuck's sake, Leah!" Sam swore, his fists thrown up in frustration. "I love you more than anything, how can you doubt that? That's why we need to do this. I can never expect you to forgive me after everything, and how can I even think of forgiving myself when I don't even know what I'm sorry for anymore? I don't even understand what happened when I was out there! I don't know what to think. Am I insane? Because everything I can recall in that forest seems crazy, even to me!"

He was starting to shake again.

He froze. A sickened expression twisted his face. He spoke softly, crestfallen. "How can I look you in the eye and hold you close to me when I'm so disgusted with myself? How can I stand to be with you when I wish you were safe, a million miles _away_ from me? You've been in pain, and it's my fault. How can you possibly forgive me for everything I've done to you?"

"Because I love you," I repeated, my brows crumbled together. "I _love_ you!"

"Why?" He pleaded.

"How can you doubt _me_?" I claimed incredulously. "_Why_? Seriously, Sam! I'm not stupid. You disappear into the forest, and then you come back like you joined some fucking nudist colony or some shit. You won't tell me what's happening, and it's frustrating the hell out of me, but I let it go, because I trust you!"

"It would be safer if I stopped seeing you," Sam said coldly, his eyes narrowed. "There's no other option."

"No! You can't think of it that way. We―we can work through this," I stuttered, my hands fluttered about, looking for something to distract me. Anything else but this. "Whatever this is your going through, I know we can make it through."

"I don't know if this is as simple as that, Leah," he said miserably.

I shook my head, infuriated. "You're wrong, it _is_ that simple," I studied him carefully. "It's the most simple thing in the world. The most basic laws of life. Be loyal. Be honest. Do right. Work hard. It's not the kind of thing that can be taught, or bought, or told. It's something you're born with, and you can feel it, right in the pit of your stomach, so strong that it might make you want to puke," I pursed my lips grimly, the tears were flowing freely again, I cut short, afraid I might start hyperventilating if I didn't gulp down enough air. "It's that fucking simple, Sam."

He was glaring at me, and I him, I was so sure he was going to leave, and that would be it. It would be over. Fresh tears overspilled when he pulled me back into his bone-crushing embrace, his face buried in my hair, breathing me in. He kissed my neck softly. "I love you," he murmured in-between pecks. "I'm so, so sorry. I love you."

"I love _you_," I sighed. "Don't go scaring me like that!"

"Only you, my Lee-Lee, can be completely logical and sexy while talking about puking,"

A hysterical giggle burst through my lips.

"That's me, alright." I pressed my face to his chest, listening to his heart beat, a fast, energetic pulse. "Hey," I murmured, a smile breaking through. "I know my chocolate-pudding sweater is very fashionable, but you _can_ put on some pants. You have sweats in my top drawer."

"Oh," he looked down, cheeks flushed. "Right."

Regrettably, he untangled our limbs and fetched his pants from my bedside table, swiftly making the switch. He stretched across my bed, tugging me from my seated position to lay next to him. One of his arms snaked around me, while one of mine coiled around his bare torso. I felt very small compared to him. I pressed my lips to his ear. "Are you staying the night?" I whispered. He nodded, and pressed his mouth to mine.

**...**

It was a Saturday the next morning. Sam was breathing deeply and mumbling in his sleep. A smile curved my mouth as I slipped away and across the room, backing out of the door in order to take a last peek at him, his legs dangling off my bed. I went straight to the kitchen, opening the fridge I blindly groped around until I located the milk and took a long swig from the carton. I closed the fridge door.

"Leah?" I jumped around, my mother's voice startling me. "Your father and I want to talk to you."

I wiped my mouth to remove any traces of milk. "Good morning to you, too."

She was in her dressing gown and Harry was standing somewhat hesitantly behind her. I eyed them both suspiciously. Sue gestured to the lounge room and we all reluctantly sat down together. Sue folded her hands into her lap. "Explain to us, Leah," she said calmly. "What were you and Sam fighting about last night? There was yelling and―"

"And your mother had to restrain me from barging in there," Harry muttered darkly.

I had expected this. "We were just arguing," I stated truthfully. "Sam left again, and he came back, but I was pissed off."

Her eyebrows shot into the air. "He disappeared again? Into the forest?"

"No, into the ocean," I said sarcastically. "This time he grew flippers."

I thought my remark would make them smile or at least ease some of the tension, but it didn't and they looked irritated. "Enough," Sue said firmly. "This is serious, Leah. We are very worried about you, and about Sam. Something isn't right with these disappearances. Taking off into that forest isn't safe, it isn't natural. Haven't you noticed how different Sam looks?"

"Well," I frowned, mumbling. "He's buffed up… and had a bit of a growth spurt…"

Sue shook her head. "He's _different_."

"Are you suggesting Sam's got a steroid stash in the forest or something?" I snapped, shooting out of the chair.

"No, no, of course not," Harry soothed quickly, standing by me and cupping my cheek affectionately. "We aren't suggesting anything. We thought it best to warn you, sweetheart, that not everything might be as it seems," his expression was apologetic. "Sam might be up to something no good, and we just don't want to see you get hurt by this."

"Okay," I said stiffly. "I understand what you're saying, but you're both wrong."

"Your blinded by what he use to be," Sue sighed. "You don't see what he's becoming."

"I see him perfectly fine," I seethed. "He's worth everything."

"My girl…" Harry whispered, his hand falling from my face. "My baby girl… be careful."

I nodded at him and marched back into my room, slamming the door angrily on my way. I leaned against the wall, eyes closed, trying to relax. Sam was sitting upright on the covers, watching me forlornly. "Leah," Sam hesitated, his arms rested on his knees. "I don't want to cause problems between you and your family."

"You're not causing problems," I replied curtly. "They're just blowing it way out of proportion." I could tell he was going to argue, so I started speaking again. "Are you ready to leave? I thought we might go for a walk on the beach, then later go to your place and pick out some clothes that you can leave here for emergencies. We can invite your mum for dinner, too. I bet she's feeling bad cause I'm stealing you away all the time."

He was quiet, then gave me a nod. "Alright. Sounds good."

I smiled, and dived into his arms.

**...**

I got changed and we snuck out through my bedroom window; I didn't want to go through my parents again. By now I was no longer anxious about Sam and his shirtlessness, he didn't get sick from the cold and I couldn't be bothered nagging him to bring a jacket anymore. It was one of those rare visible-sun kind of days. Sam and I raced each other up and down the sand like we use to when we were young. I had always prided myself in winning. Today was a tie. It shocked me how fast he could carry his new load of muscle, and the competitor in me was silently fuming.

But I didn't really mind. It was nice, just me and him together, like we use to be. Joking around, laughing obnoxiously loud, disturbing the other couples that were just walking leisurely hand-in-hand, throwing us irritated looks.

It was nice to see Sam this way again.

By late afternoon the sun had vanished behind the clouds. Sam piggy-backed me all the way to his house. He kicked open the screen door and carried me bridal-style through the threshold, grinning widely. Skilfully he swung me down so my feet brushed the floor, then let me drop.

"Hey, Mum," he called. "We're home!"

"Sam! Leah!" Mrs. Uley exclaimed. I could see her surprise to see him in such high spirits, though she was clearly overjoyed.

"Hi," I greeted happily, waving towards the sitting area where Sam's mother was drinking tea. Sam and I ambled pleasantly towards her, hands enlaced. I paused when I noticed someone sitting across from her. Old Quil Ateara smiled at us as we entered the room, I noticed Sam stare openly with shock. "Um, hello there, Mr. Ateara," I acknowledged, returning a polite smile.

"A good day for a visit, don't you think?" Old Quil croaked, his wispy grey hair platted down his back. His eyes made him look younger than he really was, with his infamous piercing glare. A lot of the kids on the rez like to debate his actual age, since he changes it every few years. He goes from saying seventy-three one birthday to eighty-two the next. I always said the guy had a screw lose somewhere. He looked at me, I was wondering if his glare could read thoughts when he eyed Sam with a furtive sideway glance. "Nice to see you looking so well, son."

"Thank you, sir," Sam said, leaning down to the chair sheepishly and offering his hand.

Old Quil met Sam's outstretched fingers, but the moment their skin touched Old Quil went rigid and pulled away with a horrified expression. His arm dropped by his side, his fingers twitched. Sam look puzzled, I was stunned. But as soon as the expression came, it was gone. Old Quil coughed and cleared his throat. "Good handshake, that," he murmured, his gaze drifting to his own palm as if the flesh itself were telling him the words. "Very good handshake… Reminds me of your grandfather. I haven't had one like that in… a long time."

I wasn't sure what to make of the compliment. Sam didn't either, but he muttered his thanks.

"I came to see your mother and steal a slice of her celebrated sweet tarts. Isn't she looking lovely?" Old Quil questioned, but didn't wait for a reply; instead he stood from his seat and turned to address Mrs. Uley. "Thank you for the tea Emma, but I best be heading off now."

"Oh," Mrs. Uley said while placing down her cup. "I'll walk you out, then."

"Not necessary," he insisted as he hopped across the hall and opened the front door. "Take care of yourself!"

The door closed behind him and the house was quiet. "Huh, well that's Old Quil for you," I stated merrily, trying to shake off the awkwardness. "Uh, Mrs. Uley," I babbled. "Did you want to come over for dinner? We are having fish fry―no surprise, Dad just went fishing, and, well, you know how he gets carried away. You can take some home, too. I'm so sick of fish. You can take our whole freaking stockpile."

"Oh sorry, honey. I have a roast in the oven," Mrs. Uley sighed. "Sam will you be joining me?"

"Of course he will," I answered for him, Sam threw us both bemused looks. I politely declined my invitation to stay and eat with them. "Well, I just came here to bring home a few things for Sam, so I'll be out of your way," I started hauling him towards his bedroom. "Let's go, let's go," I sang as we walked down the hallway and into Sam's room, the door shut behind us.

"I'm… not staying with you?" Sam blinked, his head tilted to the side.

"Nope," I crooned, collecting a few pants and t-shirts that were scattered about the furniture. "Your mother cooked a bloody roast and you haven't been spending much time with her, so I think it will be good for you to stay here the night. Don't give me that look, Sam. You can survive one night alone with your own mother, can't you?" I folded my arms triumphantly, daring him to argue.

He didn't. "Yeah, I suppose," Sam mumbled.

"Well, I'll be off," I stretched onto my toes and planted a kiss on his mouth. "Goodnight,"

"Fine. I'll be here," he said dryly. "Enjoying quality time with my mother as she begs me for grandchildren."

"I can't picture a more perfect evening for you."

He brushed his fingers up and down the length of my arm. "Me either," he stated forlornly.

I laughed and tore away from him, fleeing out the door before I was tempted to stay. His clothes scooped in my hands I waved goodbye to both Sam and Mrs. Uley from their lawn. "Put on a shirt before you poke someone's eye out!" I called my departing words, snickering to myself.

Sam playfully blew me a kiss.

Feeling the drizzle I quickened my pace through the streets. I didn't take the shortcut through the forest anymore. I made it to the house before the downpour came, leaving my muddy shoes on the porch and wringing out the moisture in my hair before I entered. By the time the door closed I was immediately aware of Old Quil whispering frantically to Harry and Billy Black, the three men gathered around our kitchen table, their heads pressed together. At the sound of my arrival they went quiet, staring at me with worn faces.

I was cautious. "Dad…" I spoke slowly, sensing the tense atmosphere. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing, Leah," Harry said quickly, standing from his seat. A grim smile dominated his features. "Council business, is all. Apparently there are some rumours of a wolf running about the forest, causing a bit of problems. But its fine now, it's going to be dealt with."

"A wolf?" I questioned with surprise. "Really?"

"Ah, no need to fear, young Clearwater," Old Quil said with a wiry smile. "Dealt with it shall be."

"Where's Sam gone off to?" Harry peered behind me. I wasn't surprised he was expecting Sam to appear like a second shadow, and I had told him it was possible that he and Mrs. Uley might join us for dinner. I swung the clothes over the couch to dry before I put them away.

"Sam is staying home tonight," I answered. "Did you need him?"

"No, no, not particularly," Billy manoeuvred his chair out from the table. "Harry was just saying before that the boy's been a bit down lately, and I was thinking that a good man-to-man fishing trip tomorrow might make things a little better for him. Ease a little tension, perhaps. There's no better cure than some nylon string, a couple old geezers and the open sea, am I right?"

I laughed. It sounded good. I rarely thought about Sam's lack of fatherly guidance, since he was brought up so well by his mother. I was grateful to Harry and the others for showing some manly affection every once and a while. This could be just what Sam needs. The fresh air of the ocean to clear his head, the simple task of laying back in a sort of calm zone. A place with no problems.

I nodded with a smirk. "I think Sam would like that, but you better ask him."

"On my way to do just that," Billy said, his chair rolling towards the front door. He looked back at me before wheeling himself out. "Emma won't mind me and Old Quil stopping by, will she?" At his words, Old Quil leapt from his seat and joined Billy by the door.

"Probably not," I shrugged. "She cooked roast, so she'll most likely tempt you to stay."

Billy chuckled to himself and patted his stomach. "Not necessary," as he rolled outside with Old Quil, shouting over to us. "Thanks for the fish fry, Harry. We'll be at your doorstep tomorrow morning, bright and early, so don't forget to pack beforehand so we don't miss the tide."

"Will do," Harry called out to them through the thin mist. He closed the door again.

I was quiet.

"Er, Dad―"

"Your mother and Seth just went to buy more potatoes to go with dinner."

"Oh, um, okay," I sighed. That wasn't what I was going to say. "Look Dad… I feel bad about this morning, I―"

"There's no need for you to be sorry, Leah," he said, turning towards me, I was startled to see his face more worn and tired than it was with Old Quil and Billy in the room. "Your mother and I worry. It's what we do. Sometimes that worry gets a bit out of hand, especially when it's fuelled by your mother's vivid imagination," Harry chuckled to himself, ruffling my hair affectionately. "Well, baby girl, Sam is a good guy, and I have faith in him."

I rolled my eyes. "That's good to know, Dad."

"Better late than never,"

"If you say so."

When Sue and Seth got home, Harry apologised for sending them out and sheepishly pulled an unopened bag of potatoes from the cupboard under the sink. It was a quiet dinner, Seth and I watch TV from the over our parent's shoulders, picking absentmindedly at the fish fry flaking off the white flesh. I wasn't sure how long it would take me to fall asleep without Sam with me, so I headed off early for a complete evening of gazing at the ceiling.

I was restless. Physically and mentally, I felt kicked into overdrive.

I tossed, tapping my foot rhythmically against the bedpost, my eyes shifting in the darkness as I watched the blotches dance before my lids. My mind wouldn't stop; it kept replaying moments in my head. Sam's smile. Sam running away from me. Harry and Sue's warning. Seth's anxious gaze. Sam's laugh as he chased me down the beach. Harry's weary expression. Sam's kiss, and then his hands shaking in anger. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the images.

I bolted upright under my covers, fingers fidgeting through my hair as I brought up my knees and hugged them to my chest. I couldn't find comfort in Sam's cheerful attitude today, almost as if I expected it to be gone for good tomorrow. I pictured myself walking on ice, unsure if the ground would betray me and crumble beneath my feet, plunging into the black death of arctic waters.

It would be a kinder fate than to watch my Sam continue to slowly fade.

* * *

**This one is a bit shorter than I expected, but no worries, the next chapter is sure to be a long one. Very much so in fact that I'm considering cutting it in half, so tell me, would you guys prefer a really long chapter or two somewhat reasonable ones? Please let me know!**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	4. Hell Hath No Fury Like Leah

****

Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.

**Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews! Phew, this is a long one!**

* * *

**Chapter Four: Hell Hath No Fury Like Leah**

**...**

I woke up the next morning and, true to their word, Harry and his fishing gear were gone.

Sam left me a voicemail on my cell from late last night, apologising for ditching me and saying that Billy had insisted he join them, that he'll hopefully be back by late afternoon if he doesn't fall overboard, and I should fry up some garlic for all the fish he's going to catch. I smiled and pressed the 'end' button. I had two unread messages; the first one was from Sam, received at six o'clock this morning.

_I love you. See you soon. _It read.

The second one was from Emily, my sister-like cousin, casually asking how everything was. I called her back and spent an hour sprawled across my bed chatting with her, laughing and teasing as we swapped stories. She knew about Sam and the odd occurrences, so when she asked about him, I told her he was doing better. It wasn't a straight-out lie, he _was_ better, but I didn't want her to worry unnecessarily by going into details.

It was almost noon, so after I hung up I got dressed and skipped down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Hm, someone's in a good mood," Sue commented as she grilled cheese sandwiches.

"Hey, wow," Seth grinned from his spot in front to the television. "Thanks for noticing, Mum."

I playfully lobbed a couch pillow at his head. "She meant _me_."

"Oh really?" Seth said, jumping up and flinging the cushion back towards me. I ducked for cover so it skimmed over the top of my head and was sent rattling into the wall behind me. I overleaped the couch wedged between us and tackled him to the floor, perched on his back, pinning him to the ground with my knees. He struggled, but I held firm.

"Say it!" I commanded, smirking. "C'mon, I got _all _day…"

Seth sighed grudgingly, the left side of his face squished against the carpet. "Leah is awesome." He grunted.

I stood up and grinned down at him. "That's right, and don't you forget it―_oh __shit_!" Seth flipped onto his back and used the other forgotten couch pillow to sweep under my feet, I landed rather objectionably on my ass beside him as he burst into a fit a chuckles. Scowling, I shoved the cushion into his gut, knocking the breath from him.

"Language," Sue scolded lightly. "Now that's enough. Leave my furniture out of this."

"She started it!" Seth and I claimed simultaneously.

"Dude," Seth gave me a mellowed shove to show his annoyance. "I'm not a chick!"

I waved my fingers mysteriously. "That's what _you_ think!"

He laughed and we helped each other stand up, arms swung lazily across our shoulders, we flopped backwards onto the couch. I elevated my legs on the coffee table. "It's nice to see you back to your old self," Seth whispered to me, so Sue wouldn't overhear his confession. "Serious-protective Leah wasn't any fun. I missed you."

I rolled my eyes. "Puh-lease Seth, your vagina's showing."

He shook his head. Well, he should know better than to be sappy. Sometimes I wondered if the kid had more feminine hormones than me. "Mum," he gave up on the heart-felt talk and turned towards the kitchen. "Can I go over to the Blacks? Jake's starting to rebuild a Volkswagen and said I could help out if I wanted to." As if hanging around cars would make him manlier. All the testosterone in the world couldn't help him.

I should point out that he's doomed.

"Clean your room, then we'll talk." Sue waved a wooden spoon at him.

Seth pouted and trudged towards the hallway. I heard the door to his bedroom close with a quiet click.

"Did you have any plans today?" Sue asked me.

The question surprised me. And it kind of made me realise that I didn't have much of anything going on that didn't revolve around Sam. I frowned. "Well, no, not really." I replied. I mentally calculated how long it would be before he would be back. It seemed a lifetime away. "I think I'll just get all my school work done…" I muttered. Might as well. It's not like I had anything better to do.

"You should go with your brother to visit the Blacks," suggested Sue. I knew she was trying to up my social skills, failing miserably at be casual about it. The Clearwater's and the Black's have been close family friends for decades, centuries probably, since we were two of the oldest and purest Quileute families. I hadn't been over since Rachel went away visiting her newly-wed twin in Hawaii. We had always been good friends. She and Rebecca graduated with Sam, a year ahead of me. "It will be good for you, Leah."

It sounded like an incredibly sad and desperate thing to do to me. Seriously, tagging along with my little brother and his mates? It was humiliating just considering it. I made a grunting noise that feigned interest. Mum wasn't fooled.

"I want you out of this house, young lady," it seemed she had given up on being subtle. "You either go with your brother up the road to the Blacks or I'll call up Old Quil and you can spend the day scraping off the mould growing in his bathtub with a toothpick. Have I made myself clear?"

I groaned. "But _Mum_…"

"You heard me, Leah."

"But―"

"No. Don't make me repeat myself."

"Ugh, Mum! Why can't I unclog the hair from our drains, or take a bullet to the brain or something? Cause seriously, either one of those will be so much more fun than what you're suggesting right now. I don't wanna hang with Seth and the dork-brigade." I folded my arms and sunk into the sofa, glowering at the commercials on the TV.

Sue ignored my sulking and began washing dishes.

Ten minutes of silence was ruined by Seth bolting from his room, oblivious as always to any tension flying about, wearing his usually grin and a rugged-up grey jumper that he got for Christmas the year before. He proudly displayed his mess-free room.

"Okay," he was practically bouncing with excitement. Jeez. "Can I go now?"

"Of course. Your free to leave," Sue smiled agreeably at him, Seth stumbled and then made a run for the front door, he had yanked it open and was about to make his getaway when Sue added those damn words: "But you have to take your sister with you."

Seth and I both looked horror-struck. "_What_?"

"Aw, Mum!" I buried my face in my hands. "I thought you were kidding!"

"This is so unfair!" Seth claimed.

"How can you be so cruel? We're your offspring!"

"I can't _believe_ this is happening…"

"I don't want to watch a bunch of tweens moan about car troubles until they discover they haven't put the freaking key in the ignition!"

Sue raised an eyebrow. "Toothpick and bathroom mould, Leah."

I pursed my lips and stalked outside.

"Dammit. Let's go, kid."

**...**

I sat cross-legged in a new makeshift garage, watching four teenage boys gulp down warm soda and telling crude jokes whilst pondering over what mental-tube-looking-thing they should rip out of a rundown Rabbit next. It was dull to the point that and I found myself fantasising about going back to Sue and begging her to make me clean Old Quil's overgrown fungus. I shuddered at the thought and determinably tried to pay attention to the conversation. "… but my Mum had just busted up the only spare tyre!"

There was a chorus of laughter. I just about laughed at the stupidity of it all.

"So… why are you fixing up this piece of junk for, Jake?" I asked, gesturing to the car and patting the headlights. I was sure the question had already been covered, but I hadn't been listening at the time. The guys stared at me, stunned that I was speaking. "What? Doesn't Billy plan on giving you that old Chevy?"

Jacob made a face. "Shit, I hate that thing," he smiled. Sometimes that kid can be less annoying and somewhat adorable. "I'm hoping something tragic will happen to it so Billy has no choice but to let me ride around in this baby," he stroked the Rabbit's bonnet lovingly, shrugging. "Like, I don't know, getting crushed into a cube or something." Embry and Quil sniggered and started making car-cube crushing noises.

"You can only hope." I said dryly.

Either way, that truck looked like it was about to wheeze its last wheeze at any moment. Jacob just might get his wish. Seth took a large swig of soda and stroke up another conversation that I soon zoned out of. The garage was once again filled again with adolescent amusement. I uncrossed my legs and stretched. I'm _so_ getting the hell out of here.

"Well, thanks for the lousy company, guys. See ya later."

Without waiting for a reply I ambled out into the forest, still within distance to hear one of the boys, Embry I'm sure, comment loudly. "Seth I know how bad this sounds, but your sister's _hot_!" It was followed by the slapping sound of a high-five and a scuffle as Seth threw something metallic in what I hoped was their direction.

I walked down towards the beach, the rain wasn't a bother, but it stopped after a few minutes anyway. I lost track of time as I sat on a piece of driftwood and stared out at the churning patterns of the grey waters. Checking up at the sky didn't give much away, just constantly moving blotches, but after a lifetime of watching such blotches made it somewhat easier to decipher. It was late afternoon; three, maybe four o'clock.

A shudder tore through me and the hair stood up on the back of my neck. An involuntary reaction, as if I was being watched. Trying to be subtle about it, I swept my gaze up and down the beach. There was nothing, no sound but the waves. I thought maybe I was losing it, but I saw a flicker of movement in the forest behind me, and a swung around, my pulse kicked up a notch, fists clenched as I prepared for the worst.

Sam was standing at the borderline between the thick greenery and the pebble shore, wearing a pair of ragged old shorts and a goofy grin. The adrenaline in my blood pounded, and I couldn't return the same happy greeting.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Sam, you scared the living fuck out of me! What the hell is wrong with you?"

It pissed me off even more that his smile only widened as I spoke, he leapt over the driftwood separating us and pulled me into a gut-wrenching embrace. He lifted me from the ground in his enthusiasm, swinging from side to side so that my legs dangled uselessly beneath me. He pressed his lips eagerly to mine, kissing me with such passion and fervour that I was left somewhat breathless. He held me there for a good two minutes before placing me back onto the earth. I eyed him and his happy-go-lucky grin sceptically.

"Well hello to you, too." I said smoothly, I couldn't help the smirk showing on my face. "How'd the trip go?"

Sam entwined our hands together, beaming. "Really, _really_ good." My fingers burned under his feverish grip, but I didn't let go. I checked behind him for a fishing pole, an esky, or something along those lines. I didn't see any. I could feel the confusion crease my brow. Wouldn't they have just gotten back from their little venture?

"Err… where's the fish?"

Sam kept watching me with the same eccentric appearance and began leading me back towards the reservation. The ground beneath his feet shifted, but didn't make the loud crunching noise it did with me. His eyes were soft as he watched me; the wind blew strands of his shoulder-length hair onto his face. I couldn't quite place the expression.

He shrugged, his large shoulder muscles rolled. "Didn't get any."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean exactly what I said," he sounded amused, the smile still plastered on his face.

"Seriously…" I stared blankly. "You didn't catch _anything_?"

"I guess they just weren't biting today." Sam stated cheerfully.

"Not one?"

"Nope."

"Did you even get a _nibble_?"

"Don't think so. Maybe."

"But you were out there, like, eleven hours!"

He seemed surprised at this. "Shit, really? It didn't seem that long to me."

"Jeez, Sam," I allowed myself a smile. "Can't trust you to be the fish winner of the family!"

He wrapped his arms around my waist, threw his head back and laughed. His chest heaved with his breaths. My mouth fell open in shock. I felt as if I might start beaming happiness rays into the sky, the way Sam laughed and spoke and walked. His bulky frame completely at ease, black eyes full of life. We had almost reached my house when Sam sighed in frustration and hugged me again, with as much affection as if he hadn't done it in years.

"Hell, Leah," he exclaimed. "I'm sorry… I'm just so… so _relieved_! I can't help myself. I just want to hold you."

"It's okay," I mumbled. I punched him in the arm once he released me to hide the untamed emotion I was sure could be seen through my features. "Don't think about making a habit of it, though." I warned. He smiled that goofy smile and I couldn't help but love him more.

My Sam was back. That fishing trip sure worked wonders.

**...**

I woke up cold, and Sam was gone. My heart raced as I scrubbed the blurry sleep from my eyes and glanced frantically at every corner of the room. He left again, my stomach dropped. Oh God, he was gone. He's left me. I felt sick and had curled my legs up into a ball when I noticed the folded sheet of paper on my bedside; I wiped away the tears and read the quickly scrawled sentence.

_My Lee-Lee, I'll be back soon. Gone for a walk. I didn't have the heart to wake you. _

I felt very stupid for jumping to such drastic conclusions. My stomach slowly climbed back into place. I calmed my wild breathing and ran my fingers through my hair, more afraid of my reaction. Did I really expect Sam to leave again? Had my trust in him wavered so severely? I just didn't know anymore. There was no way I could get back to sleep. So I slumped back down onto the mattress, pulled the blanket over my head and squeezed my eyes shut, hoping the horrible feeling would get the fucking message and go away.

Sam didn't return until dawn. He snuck back in through my window, thinking I was asleep, and collapsed on the bed next to me. I bit my lip and sat up against my elbows. "Sam?" I whispered, shaking his arm. "Sam!" I was answered with distastefully loud snoring.

Aggravated, I snapped back my hand whacked him over the head. Sam bolted up-right. "Wha―huh?"

"Oh good, you're awake," I stated pleasantly.

"Leah?" Sam squinted at me. "What the hell?"

"Sorry to interrupt your beauty sleep, but where in the name of fuck were you?"

He yawned. "I left you… note… walking…"

"That was one long-ass walk Sam," I said wryly. "Where the hell did you go? _Mexico_?" I paused for his reply. When he didn't respond I pulled back the covers to glare at him. Another snore tore from his chest. I sighed and grabbed some jeans that were swung over my bed-frame, strolling out of the room and over to the lounge room for some early morning cartoons before school.

I climbed upstairs to the bathroom and took a hot shower to calm my nerves. After forty-five minutes Seth started pounding on the door to get me to hurry up, but it only made me go slower as I carefully pulled the comb through my hair, humming cheerfully to myself. Sam hauled himself out of bed to take me to school, even though I told him he should stay and rest after Seth and I tried to sneak passed him on our way out.

School dragged. I had a detention after-hours for starting the fight, but I didn't go.

I was on my way outside to meet Sam when I felt a hand tap my shoulder.

"Hey Leah?"

I turned my head, expecting a teacher that had been given the treacherous duty to round-up all the students that were attempting to ditch incarceration. "Oh hey, Jared. What's up?" I couldn't remember craning my neck so far to look at him before. I squinted at him dramatically and used my hand as cover from an imaginary sun glare. "Huh. You, apparently." He laughed at the comment and swung his arm around me.

"Hi, Leah. I just… wait, didn't you have a detention?"

"Uh, nope."

He shook his head and chuckled. "Of course you didn't."

I shifted my feet as he stood there and watched me. "Err, was there something you wanted?"

"Yeah," he nodded thoughtfully. "I was just thinking―"

"Lee? Leah!" Sam's voice drifted over towards us and I immediately felt my mood perk at the sound. I smirked and winked at Jared before spinning around on my heels to greet him. I felt like I was clobbered over the head and stop dead in my tracks, gawking at the sight. My heart jumped to my throat. Sam continued. "There you are, Lee-Lee," he sighed, shoulders tense. "Where have you been?"

"Sam…" I blinked. "What… what the… Fuck! Did your head get stuck in a _blender_?"

I stared at his hair, well what was left of it anyway. It was completely butchered. I'm sure the horrified expression on my face wasn't very difficult to read. His beautiful, run-your-fingers-through-it hair was all but shaved off, leaving it jagged and short close to his scalp. My mouth fell open.

Jared, on the other hand, looked like he was struggling not to laugh his ass off.

Sam ignored my comment and turned to face Jared, who immediately returned the look with a dead-serious expression. They didn't speak for a long minute, with me uncomfortably standing between the two, wishing the awkwardness away. "Jared," Sam said, the gravity in his tone freaked me a little. "If… uh, if you ever need anything… I'm here for you, okay?" Wow. Awkwardness didn't begin to describe this moment.

"Uh… yeah, okay. Thanks?" Apparently Jared felt the same way.

Sam continued to stare at him, his creepy, black focus unwavering.

"Err, I better get going," Jared took a hesitant step backwards. "See you later, Leah."

I lifted my hand in farewell, my voice refused to work and I watched with my back to Sam until Jared was out of sight. I turned to face him; I think my mouth was still hanging open because the words came out like bottled-up helium. "What the hell was _that_? Holy fuck, were you trying to turn him to stone? Now everyone's gonna think you're a fucking loon!"

"What? No! It's just―I just… don't want someone to make the same mistake as me."

"Oh I'm _so_ sorry, how considerate of you. Not wanting someone to make the same mistake? Are you telling me you regret not having a buffed-up, rumoured-drug addict a head taller than you to come up to you at high school and say that their shoulder is always welcome for you to cry on?"

Sam frowned. "That's not what I said."

"Yeah, well, you don't say a lot of things."

"Lee-Lee, please," Sam groaned. "Not now."

My habitual reaction would be sarcasm, but instead I whispered. "What did you do to your _hair_?"

He looked upwards to a thick strand that fell lifelessly above his eyes. "Oh, right. Can you help fix it? I just used kitchen scissors." Jeez, that explained a lot. I was quiet, awaiting an explanation. "It was a spontaneous decision… I thought maybe it would look better this way. Less hassle, you know? More convenient. Please, will you help or not?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I'll fix it up. Can't have you walking around looking like you got mauled by a rabid cat."

**...**

I was officially on vacation. Weeks had passed since I had given Sam a fucking buzz cut. It was the only thing I could really work with after he'd chopped at it like a madman with blunt chicken-knife blades. I was sort of use to the look now, but I missed the sleek touch and the way it tickled when it brushed my face. But that wasn't all I missed. I missed Sam. I missed Sam. I _missed _Sam.

Every night he was gone.

For a walk, he claimed. What a load of bullshit, I countered.

He returned to me, exhausted, at the first sign of daybreak, collapsing into deep slumber after eating his poor mother out of house and home. But by then I had to leave for school. Before we had time in the afternoon to be together, but now I was lucky if I caught a glimpse of him.

As fucking scary as his previous declaration to 'be there' for Jared was, that was exactly what had happened. I didn't really think of it much at first, when I didn't see Jared at school for a while and I saw Sam much less than usual. And then I saw them _together_, with Jared following after Sam into the forest like a shadow with an identical hairstyle. That especially confused me, since Jared had mentioned to me how stupid he looked to go around La Push sporting a military recruit cut.

Today I hoped to pry Sam away from Jared, preferably without the use of a crowbar. The kids on the rez were having a bonfire down at the beach, so I figured it would be a good time to have some alone time with Sam since there were over forty other people there to keep Jared busy. To my extreme genius, Jared, with a freaky confirm-nod-thing from Sam, wondered off into the crowd as soon as the three of us, plus Seth, reached the rocky shore, the fire was already crackling and sending glowing embers into the dusk sky.

And to my approval it wasn't I who suggested our alone time, it was Sam.

"Leah, do you want to come for a walk with me?"

I grinned, squeezing his fingers that were locked between mine. "Sure," We turned towards the somewhat deserted section of the beach, with Seth trailing behind. I looked at him, raising an eyebrow sceptically at his movements. "And where do you think you're going, little bro?"

Seth cocked his head to the side. "To… go for a walk?"

"Ha, you're funny. Try again."

He slumped down his gangly posture. "To the opposite end of the beach, very far away from you and Sam?"

"Good boy," I praised, patting his head patronizingly. Seth glared and stalked away. Sam was staring after him with sombre expression. I clicked my fingers in front of his face to remind him of my presence. He snapped out of it almost immediately. "Hi." I stated simply to him, trying to put as much allure into the one syllable as humanely possible.

"Hi," he replied back, his lips curving upwards.

"Well, isn't this nice?"

"The–the Quileutes are said to be descendants from spirit warriors, right?" Sam blurted. "The first chief was Kaheleha."

I rolled my eyes. "Uh, yeah. The tribe legends. I know."

He acted strange like that sometimes. Randomly babbling about the old stories of our people. I shrugged it off half the time, though Sam's sudden intense interest in the tribe-pride and fairytales was a bit unsettling. And so was the fact that the elders sudden seemed to worship the ground Sam walked on, but I didn't question it. No one really questioned the elders; they were mostly crazed old coots anyway.

We spent a cosy half-hour leaning against each other on a piece of driftwood, comfortable in silence, watching the little colour soak into the horizon. It imagined it was a little chilly, but Sam's embrace kept me toasty warm.

Inky blackness filled the sky. The only source of light was the giant flames roaring far to our left.

I felt Sam's warm fingertips brush along my jaw.

"Lee-Lee," he murmured. "I―"

"Sam, hey, Sam! _Sam_!" The moment shattered into a million sharp pieces, one of which I hoped would hit Jared in the eye as he ran from one of the main group by the fire, coming to an abrupt stop in front of us. He didn't appear even slightly out of breath from the sprint, and Sam wordlessly pulled him a couple of feet away from me. They were making low sounds to each other, the clicking and consistent speech of our native tongue.

I blinked. "When did you get so good at speaking Quileute?" I asked, mystified. In our school, it was compulsory to learn the basics, since most people were worried about loss of heritage and all that crap, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Sam is fluent now. All the time he's spent away he could've learnt Latin or some shit too.

They ignored me and kept muttering. Jared went to take off back towards the main group when Sam paused. Jared hesitated when Sam didn't immediately follow, but instead took two large strides to face me again, griping me by the shoulders. "I'll be back," he said in a business tone, and then they were gone, disappearing in a run towards the crowds.

I sat there like an idiot trying to figure out what the hell just happened. "Um, okay then…"

I kicked a few pebbles at my feet, scowling. I can see the moon directly above me, partly covered by the clouds. I lost track of how long I sat there alone, so it surprised me when I heard a footsteps approach. I looked up, wishing for Sam, or at least Seth to keep me company, but instead an unknown man sat next to me.

"Hey there," he greeted. I observed him. This guy was copper skinned like a Quileute, but I had never seen him before. He looked a few years older than me, maybe early twenties, the same age Sam looked the past couple months, but not quite as bulky. I wasn't amused or flattered that he seemed to have singled me out. I actually wished he would go away, even though he seemed polite enough to tolerate. "Do you have a name, Beautiful?"

"Do you?" I asked. I suppose it was a little snarky of me. Oh well.

He smirked. "Ha, yeah. It's Greg."

I was quiet. Had he left yet? Nope. Still there.

"You look a little down, Beautiful," he smiled warmly and scooted closer to me. Seriously, wasn't my 'get the hell away from me' waves radiating through his skull? I was considering punching him for invading my personal space. "Here, try this. It'll give you a little kick. A spring in your step or whatever the fuck you wanna call it." He dug into his jeans pocket and pulled out onto his palm two small bags of very identifiable white powder.

"Fuck!" I sprung off the driftwood. "Are you trying to sell me _meth_?" I snapped, he seemed mildly surprised at my outburst, tucking his supply unshamefully back into his pocket. "Do I look like a dickhead to you? Shit! Get the fuck away from me you creep!"

He sniggered. "You looked like a hot chick in need of a good time."

I was use to men being a head or so taller than me, mostly because of Sam, so when he stood and looked down at me I didn't feel the slightest bit intimidated as he seemed to hope for. He took a step forward and I look an involuntary step back.

"Are you deaf?" I hissed, teeth clenched. "I said fuck off!"

He reached out and snatched my upper arm when I heard it.

"_Leah_!"

Greg sneered at me, pulling me closer. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "Leah, eh?" But I barely noticed. Sam was marching angrily towards us, Jared following close behind, with a few curious on-lookers that sensed the commotion. Greg's neck rotated to watch Sam approach, he was no longer watching me and his grip loosened enough for me to snatch my arm away. A low growl sent a warning shiver down my spine. The unnatural sound seemed to have made its way from Sam's throat as he came to a halt between me and my unwelcomed companion. Sam's twisted expression was terrifying, and I was glad it wasn't directed at me.

"Don't you dare," Sam seethed, extending his rippling forearms and giving a powerful shove to Greg's pecks, sending him staggering meters. "Don't you fucking _dare_ touch her. You stay the fuck away from her, do you hear me?" I felt my scalp prickle at the unpleasantness.

"Sam," I said quietly, meekly touching his arm. "Sam, calm down, will you?"

Greg had taken the time to compose himself and was staring in out-right shock. "I'm sorry, man," his voice was still mocking. "I didn't know someone already had a claim on her. I just assumed, because she was sitting there all alone for such a long time, and well…" he looked at me like a sliver of meat dangling from a hook. "Can you really blame me, brother?"

I scrunched up my features in anger. "Piss off," I hissed.

Sam took a menacing pace towards him. "I heard some things about you," he claimed through narrowed black eyes. "And I don't like it. This is our land, and I will not tolerate a piece of scum like you selling drugs to our people. Leave now, go back to Makah," Oh, realisation hit. He wasn't Quileute; he was from the Makah reservation, further north. That explained it. "Don't even think about setting one foot on our land, because when I hear about it―and make no mistake, I _will _hear―we won't hesitate to drag you back home, _brother_."

Jared was beside Sam now; a small crowd had gathered a couple feet away and was watching the scene unfold in silence, beside the few whispers between the teenagers. Sam and Jared both tightly grasped one of his biceps, which were large but still significantly smaller than theirs.

Jared smiled grimly. "We'll escort you out, shall we?" and he gave a tug to his limb.

Greg seemed torn between rage and panic. Jared and Sam were both bigger than him.

The two began pulling him towards the forest where the road was shrouded in trees, and he went willingly, clearly smart enough not to take on both of them. Sam threw me an anxious gaze over his shoulder. I knew the look well by now. It meant that he was leaving, but he'd be back. How I loathe that stupid look.

I suddenly felt somewhat hysterical. Did my boyfriend seriously just chase a drug-dealer off the rez? I was numb.

"Leah?" I heard my name again, but I couldn't tear my eyes from the forest where they had disappeared. A hand griped mine, shaking it wildly as if to snap me from my trance. Shit, had Sam always been that scary? "Leah! Lee, are you okay?" Seth was there, tapping my cheek. "Oh man! Leah, you didn't take something from him, did you?"

A frenzied laugh broke through my lips. "Ha, ha! Oh fuck! Ha!"

Damn, did that seriously just happen?

"Wow, dude," Embry was standing by my other side, sounding anxious. "Maybe she _did _take something."

"She looks a little out of it…" I saw Quil's head inches from mine, squinting at me. I heard someone exhale noisily, and Quil's face got shoved out of the way. Jacob peered at me through a crinkled brow as Seth watched him uneasily, stroking the back of my hand. I blinked at them.

"Naw, she's fine," Jacob proclaimed. "Her pupils aren't dilated."

"Of course I'm fine," I stated, annoyed. "Can't I zone-out in peace? Jeez."

"Leah, urgh!" Seth groaned, his fingers nervously running through his hair. "Not cool, Lee. I thought that guy drugged you!"

"And you were afraid about how you were going to explain it to Mum and Dad?" I rolled my eyes.

He looked truly offended by my snub.

"No," he said quietly. "I was actually really worried about you."

I really couldn't help the bitchiness. It was a defence mechanism. Now I felt kind of bad, but I couldn't utter the words that resembled an apology, even to my little brother. Jacob seemed to sense my unease, because he pointed at something back towards the main camp and quickly ushered Quil and Embry away. I made a mental note to thank him later, somehow, since I can't seem to form words of gratitude or regret recently.

"You don't have to worry about me," I settled on telling Seth once the guys were at a distance and the ogling crowd had dissolved back towards the fire, probably to spread the news around. "I can take care of myself, okay? You're still a kid, Seth Clearwater, and it's _my_ job to worry about _you_. And you'll never be alone, because I'm here for you."

"Do you promise?" Seth mumbled. "Do you promise to always be here?"

For a male adolescent, even a sensitive-girly one like Seth, I knew how difficult it was to say those words aloud. To make sure that their older, annoying sister would be there for them, no matter what. I didn't have to think about my answer. "You'll have to bathe in holy water to keep me away," he smiled, and I smiled, giving him a one-armed hug. "Forever and ever, little bro, even if it sounds sappy."

Yeah, I suppose I am capable of being a big pile of mush when I wanna be.

**...**

Despite my tender drug-scare moment with Seth, when we got home, I slammed my window shut, locked it, and pulled the curtains over the glass, shielding away the night. If Sam thinks he can do something so stupidly reckless and still crawl into bed next to me whenever the hell he pleases, the bastard's got another thing coming to bite him on the ass.

I changed into thick, cotton pyjamas and buried myself under the covers.

I woke briefly to a tapping at my windowpane, but I ignored it, and it soon went away.

**...**

It was morning. There was a knock at my door. "Urgh, go away." I groaned.

It clicked open and I felt my bed sink to one side. "Leah, you better come see this," I heard Seth hiss to me.

I glared up from my pillow. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Just come, okay?"

Seth dragged from my room, down the hallway to the front entrance. I stood there, drowsily rubbing the sleep from my eyes, silently cursing my morning-person brother. He peeked through the glass to the opposite side of the door and gestured me forward. I groaned again and squinted through the transparent strips. I jumped into compete consciousness and shot a bewildered look at Seth before unbolting the deadlock and yanking the door open.

Sam, who had been lying asleep against the door, fell backwards onto his back, his eyes now wide awake, staring up at us uncomprehendingly. I should have known he wouldn't be wearing a shirt, but I still felt a jolt of shock. "Sam, did you stay out here all fucking night?" I enquired in panic, it surely reached minus degrees, and he'd been half-naked on our porch.

He stood up and we closed the door behind him. "Uh, maybe," he muttered in a haze.

"Are you freaking _nuts_? Why didn't you go home?" I demanded.

"You locked your window," he stated obviously.

"I mean your _home_ home. The place you live with your mother? Am I ringing any bells?"

Sam looked nervous. "Are you angry at me?" he asked.

I pulled my arms tightly around myself, I noticed Seth looking uncomfortable in the background, busying himself with breakfast. "Yeah, I'm angry, Sam. What the hell were you thinking last night? Do you seriously just wake up in the morning and think 'hmm, I might scare the shit out of Leah today'? Fuck, people just don't go around running drug dealers out of town! That kind of crap you leave to the suckers down at the police station."

He listened blankly. "I have a responsibility, Lee-Lee. I couldn't have just done nothing."

I stared. "Uh, yes you can. That's the beauty about not being a cop!"

"I don't want to argue," Sam said quickly, closing his eyes momentarily. "That thing… that's tonight, right?"

Billy had invited my family over to eat, mainly I think because he and Jake were running out of frozen, edible things that Rachel had left them and he hoped when Sue saw how hopeless he was at cooking dinner she'd intervene. Sam and I planned a quiet dinner at his place, since his mother was gone for a couple of days to Seattle for business.

"Would you mind if Jared comes over to eat with us?"

He was watching my reaction cautiously, as if he expected me to explode.

I remained reasonably calm. "You want Jared to join us on our romantic dinner?" I repeated, to clarify.

Sam didn't like my choice of words. He pursed his lips. "If you don't mind."

"Fine," I snapped. There goes my fucking evening.

**...**

I moodily put the last touches on the food and dropped it onto the middle of the table. Knowing that Jared would be joining us, I had to go out and buy twice as much groceries in order to feed both of them. As far as I'm concerned, they were lucky I even cooked. I wanted to get the pizza delivered. Sam disagreed and thought it would be more _host-like_ if I made them myself. I told him, sure, if they wanted to get food poisoning and die painfully. But the bastard said he had faith in me, so I was stuck making five family-sized pizzas.

It wasn't as bad as I thought. Jared was an old friend, so there was a laid-back atmosphere. Sam and I had a bit of fun preparing the food, but it was the principal of the matter that I remained pissed, even if I didn't want to. By the time we were halfway through dinner, I forgot about why I was angry. The conversation was steering dangerously towards sports I didn't like, so I cut in with a safer topic.

"Hey Jared, where are you planning on going to college?" I asked.

They both looked at me, and Jared looked at Sam before shrugging. "Uh, I'm not sure yet. I think I'll do a trade."

I frowned. I was almost positive Jared had told me once that he wanted to go to college and become a lawyer or something, like his uncle. Maybe he'd changed his mind. "That sounds cool. I applied to Northwest University, so Sam and I can study together." The room went quiet, and I felt uneasy. Sam's expression caught my eye. "Um… why are you looking at me like that?"

"Actually, Leah…" he was staring at his plate. "I've decided not to go."

I inhaled sharply, and the pizza slid down the wrong tube. I spluttered. "W-what?"

"I'm not going to go to college."

"You're… you," I couldn't wrap my head around the thought. "You're giving up the scholarship?"

"Yes," Sam fiddled with a burnt piece of crust, crumbling it in his fingers. He squared his shoulders and heaved a breath, finally gazing back at me, utterly serious. I guess some part of me was hoping it was a sick joke. He offered a submissive smile. "I thought that we could just, you know… settle right here, in La Push, close to our families."

I titled my head as I absorbed the information, my mouth moved in unpleasant angles. "Jared," my voice was a million times more composed than I expected. "Please get the fuck out of this house. Sam and I need to have a little chat," when he didn't move right away, I growled. "Now!"

He stumbled out from his seat and quickly mumbled something about waiting outside and fresh air.

I folded my hands onto the table and chewed on the inside of my cheeks. Sam hadn't moved, nor taken his guarded eyes off me, and I waited until I heard the door close and could no longer hear footsteps before speaking.

"Explain," I ordered furiously.

"Lee-Lee… college doesn't seem the right option for me right now―"

"Bullshit!" I exclaimed, slamming my fist onto the table. The plates jumped. "Bull_shit_, Sam!"

"You're overreacting."

"Overreacting?" I demanded. "When the hell did you decide all this? Didn't it occur to you that it doesn't just involve you? We've been planning for years, and this is the kind of thing we need to decide together! You haven't gone to college yet because we agreed that it would be best to save up for living expenses, so we can go together! You have a _complete tuition scholarship_! For God's sake, don't just throw that away!"

"I don't know what you want me to say, Leah."

"What about our plans, Sam? The life we had set out… what the hell is wrong with you lately?"

His eyes narrowed. "What do you want me to do?"

I glared right back at him. "I want you to explain to me―"

"Jesus Christ, Leah, I'm done explaining things to you!" he snapped, scrapping his chair against the floor as he stood. He clenched his palms tightly into fists and violently shook his head. He sighed, and managed to stop shaking. "To hell with this! This conversation is over. I'm going for a walk―"

"No!" I hissed, jumping up from my seat to block his path to the door, my arms spread apart so my fingertips touched the parallel frames of the doorway. "_No_! Godammit, this is not over Sam. Right now, _right fucking now_, you explain to me what's going on! And if you even _think_ about giving me that fucking 'I can't tell you' shit, I'll tear you an extra limb and beat you with it!"

His fists started shaking again. "Leah, please…"

"No!" I repeated angrily. My eyes softened as I glared at him desperately, he flinched away as I reached up to brush his cheek. "Sam this has to stop, please, you're _scaring_ me. Is it really drugs? Do you… do you _owe_ someone? You have to tell me what's happened to you!"

At my accusations his whole frame quivered, his eyes blacked. I snatched my hand away from his face as he heaved himself forward and shoved my against the wall, panting heavily he pinned me there. I couldn't move, his arms locked rigidly against mine. I was shaking too; his tremors shook me along with him. He was watching the ground, trying to steady his breath, a look of horror on his features. He loosened his grip.

"I'm sorry, Lee-Lee," he gasped. "I… can't describe how much."

My back stiffened, and I masked my face. "I'm going to go home now, Sam," I spoke clearly and evenly, almost robotically. "I'm going to leave, and I don't want you to come after me until your ready to tell me everything. And… and if that time never comes," I felt a sob forming, so I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. Not looking at him made it easier. "If that time never comes, then I don't want you to come after me at all."

**...**

I walked home in a trance. Sam hadn't let me go without a fight. He pleaded desperately. Jared ran in to hold him back so that he wouldn't follow me. I was contemplating locking my window again, but it hurt me more than it did last night since I wasn't only blinded by rage. I almost wanted to scream. How much longer can we continue to spiral down? Could Sam and I going to sink any lower than this?

It was late but I laid awake in bed, and I heard the tapping again. This time it didn't go away, so I opened the glass.

"What do you want, Sam?" my voice didn't come out as venomous as I planned. "I told you, I don't―"

"I'll tell you anything, Lee," Sam whispered, his face worn. He was exhausted, but spoke with fevered passion. "I swear it. I'll tell you whatever you want. Nothing is worse than being away from you, and I'll take whatever punishment there may be happily as long as I stay with you. I'll do anything… please, don't leave me… I'll tell you everything."

"Do you mean it?" I mumbled, leaning against the wooden edge.

"I'm a protector," he said quickly, like ripping off a bandaid.

I raised an eyebrow. "Protector?" I repeated.

"Yeah…" Sam stated reluctantly. "It's kinda like our job… Will you come for a walk with me?"

"Okay," I agreed, swiftly switching my cotton pyjama pants for sweats. I swung my legs over the sill, and Sam held my hips and slowly lowered me to the ground. I could have easily gotten down on my own, I had chosen the first-floor bedroom for this very reason, but I think helping me was a big deal to Sam. To show that I still need him in some way.

I didn't really notice how _late_ it really was. We were both unearthly quiet. I could barely see where my feet were going, so Sam placed a hand on the small of my back and directed me through the trees scattered in the woods. It was weird how he could see so well in the fog. There were times he would pull me into his arms and carry me over crevices and large tree roots. I didn't like unwillingly being dependant on him, though part of me admitted it felt nice. I quickly shot down the thought and reminded myself why I was here.

"Sam, where the hell are you taking me?"

"I want you to think, Leah," he said, his voice echoed through the forest, almost ghostlike. "I want you to think really hard, because what I'm going to say… well, I actually just need you to keep an open mind, alright? And not running away screaming would be good, too. Huh, maybe taking you into the forest wasn't the best idea, in case you _do_ want to run away. But home is pretty much straight forward," I pointed back the way we came.

"If it wasn't the best idea, then why did you take me here in the first place?" I retorted.

"I'm a werewolf, Lee," Sam lamented, sitting on an overgrown tree root, his face in his hands. "I know it sounds crazy, but that's it. Everything I've been keeping from you. Jared and me… we're _protectors_. We guard the reservation. It's what we were born to do, passed down in blood, from father to son since the beginning of our people. We were born to hunt and kill vampires."

I was silent. I frowned and squinted up to the tops of nearby trees, waving my arms at them.

"Lee?" Sam sounded concerned. "What are you doing?"

I rolled my eyes. "Duh. I'm looking for the video cameras."

"I'm not joking with you, Leah." Sam squared his shoulders. "I _am_ a werewolf."

There was never a time that I didn't believe him when he was using this tone. The use of it now frightened me, but at the same time I was satisfied. As if everything finally made sense to me. And it did. "Those strange tracks…" my mouth was dry and when it moved, sound came out, even if I didn't realise I was thinking out loud. "Before… here, in the forest, when you disappeared the first time… those tracks were _you_."

Sam nodded gravely, I felt my knees wobble.

* * *

**Okay, I know plenty of you are probably confused. But I was thinking about it, and not once did Jacob say in Eclipse that Sam **_**didn't **_**tell Leah he was a werewolf. Bella just assumed. Jake actually said that he got the idea of how to tell her from Sam or something, didn't he? He also said that Leah and Sam were trying to work things out, and how can they possibly do that with such a large secret keeping them apart? I'm just saying this so someone doesn't bite my head off. Heh. Oh, and ****this isn't going to be an AU.**** It is what I believe Leah's story is.**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazelbuttafly**


	5. Overreaction, Much?

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Another big thanks to reviewers!**

* * *

**Chapter Five: Overreaction, Much?**

**...**

"Oh God," the blood drained from my face. "Oh God… He… Dad said… we were having a _wolf_ _problem_…" I suddenly felt a rush of anger, and I jabbed a finger accusingly into Sam's chest. "How the hell could you keep this from me? Before, when you said you gave up the scholarship and didn't want to leave the rez, you might have also mentioned it's because you morph into a giant fucking fluffball! How could you?"

Sam remained impassive. "I wasn't allowed to tell you. But I'm Alpha, so the rules don't really apply to me―"

I huffed and slapped myself on the head. "Jeez, this is insane. You're the fucking _Alpha_?"

"Do you… You honestly believe me?" I noticed his jaw slowly unclench.

"Yeah, I do," my eyes narrowed, I prodded again at his pecks. "Urgh, I'm warning you Sam, you better not be screwing around with me, or I'll shove my foot so far down your throat it'll come out of your ass, got it? Dammit, this is so stupid! Werewolves and… and _vampires_? Christ, and I thought that kid that eats glue in biology has issues."

Sam softened, his tone gentle. "You truly believe me, Lee-Lee?"

"Of course, moron," I glowered, eyes focused to the ground. "Take me home. I want to go home now."

"Leah, I―"

"Please!" I held my arms out, stopping his approach. I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the pained expression that crumpled his face. "Please, just take me home! Fuck, I just want to go home, okay? Can you just take me? I've had enough for tonight. Too much… I need to sleep…" I trailed off in a quiet mumble, and began stumbling in the direction Sam had pointed out to me earlier.

Again, we didn't speak as we walked through the forest, but it was a more unsettling silence then the first. Sam didn't attempt to touch me this time, so I could feel the cuts and bruises forming when my leg made contact with an unseen branch. My bedroom window was still open; I clambered through and turned to say my goodnight to Sam. He wasn't there.

Sighing, I closed the window, slithered into bed, and closed my eyes.

Sleep never came.

**...**

Sam is a werewolf.

It was morning now, the birds twittered annoyingly outside my room, and I'd had hours mulling over and over Sam's confession. At first I struggled through denial. Shit, was _that_ the best excuse he can come up with? He should have stuck with drug dealer or cross-dresser, at least those were believable. But a werewolf? If I was anyone but the daughter of Harry Clearwater, superstitious-extraordinaire, I would have cackled hysterically at the thought of my boyfriend seriously thinking he was some kind of mythical creature.

I sprawled like a starfish on the mattress, staring at the ceiling, though not really _seeing_ it.

I trust Sam with everything, and I've gotten so good at reading him that I can do it effortlessly. What he told me was no lie, I knew that, and yet I'm still awake debating with myself about the existence of things that I don't understand. That had been it. In the forest, that was the moment that would change our lives forever.

Logic told me this was crazy. Hell, I was crazy if I _didn't _think this was crazy. But I still believed him.

Oh, shit.

Revelation struck. Sam had said he wasn't _allowed_ to tell me. That there were _rules_… and who else on this stupid reservation would enforce a heap of stupid rules other than a certain bunch of stupid menopausal old men? One of which was probably sleeping upstairs, within two seconds angry-marching distance from here.

I balled my fists and kicked open my bedroom door. Each step of the stairs echoed in my furious march, taking long strides I skipped two at a time, I reached my parents door and jerked it open. My mother was halfway through putting on her dressing gown and slippers to come and find the commotion, and my father was sitting on the edge of the bed ready to do the same, their actions ceased as they stared at me.

"Leah?" Sue sounded annoyed, though reassured I wasn't a robber. "What's happened? You look a mess!"

Yeah, spending the whole night not sleeping will do that to you. I was incapable of focusing on my mother's face. I glared at Harry, biting back tears of betrayal and outrage, my hands shaking as they pointed at him. I spat out my words. "How could you, Dad? All this time I was blaming him, when really I should have been blaming _you_!"

Both of them looked startled. Harry paled and stared at me quivering in their doorway.

Obviously the world would end if my mother didn't have something to say about my little scene.

"Leah Clearwater, bite your tongue!" she ordered, her face flushed and nostrils flared. Her fury was only a fraction of what I was feeling. My father's blank expression said it all. I was right. He knew exactly what was happening. "I did not raise you to use that tone to your elders!"

"Is it true, Dad?" I demanded, ignoring my scolding. "You told him not to tell me?"

Harry continued to stare in his emotionless state.

"Sue…" he whispered, interrupting her about to chide me again. "Would you leave us, please?"

She gaped in silence but nodded slowly. Drawing her robe tighter to herself she brushed passed me on her way out of the room, throwing me a meaningful look as she departed. I closed the door behind her, but couldn't find the nerves to turn back around and face him. I leaned my forehead against the wood. Exhaustion hit me. I heard the squeak of the bedsprings and felt a hand on my shoulder a moment later.

"Come sit with me, Leah."

Suddenly wordless, I paced over and perched at the edge of the bed.

Harry sat next to me, features grim. "So… you know?"

I looked at him. "I don't know…" I said cautiously. "Do you know?"

"Do you know that I know?"

"Do you know that I know that you know?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Are we on the same page?"

"I don't know." I answered truthfully.

"What _do _you know?"

"That my boyfriend told me he can turn into a wolf and kill vampires." I stated bluntly.

"Ah," Harry breathed.

"Thought so," I snapped, narrowing my eyes to slits, tucking my clenched fists under my arms to avoid waving them about like a madman. "You'd expect when someone hears something like that for the first time they'd have a somewhat different response. I certainly had a lot more to say than one bloody syllable."

Harry ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. "He told you?" he asked me in disbelief.

"Yeah, and thanks for the heads-up. Really appreciate it."

"He _told_ you…" Harry repeated, building in his tone.

"Someone had to," I miffed. "And you didn't seem to be jumping the gun anytime soon."

"It–it's against the rules. Against everything we stand for!" Harry seethed, making me jump. His eyes softened. "I'm sorry, but I know too well this is no light matter that you can wave around and not face consequences. It's council business. It's _dangerous_. Sam is dangerous, and though I know in my heart he would never intentionally hurt you…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. This is a risk to your life, and I cannot allow that."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I choked out. "All this time you've known! You could have said something―"

"We have good reason to order Sam not to talk," his lined face deepened. "We have good reason to order him away from you, and away from others. It's not safe. Those with the burden must pay a high price. It is not something you can wake up one morning and control―"

"The council… you _ordered_ Sam not to spend time with me," I muttered.

"My Leah," Harry whispered. "This is not the life I want for you." The anger was gone. I didn't want to bite back for that remark. It was quiet, only our breathing. I was tired and miserable. "I can't have my only daughter trapped in that world," he emitted, gazing to the floor. "I can't risk losing you too, when my son might one day bear the burden of this tribe, like his brothers and forefathers before him."

I closed my eyes. "Oh no, Seth…"

"He will be fine. A mighty task, but one of fulfilment and pride."

"Will it happen to all of them?" I thought of the others. Seth, Jacob, Embry, Quil, Shiye…

"Maybe," he murmured. "Maybe not."

"Why Sam?" I questioned, my voice oddly dull and lifeless.

"He was eldest with descendant blood."

"Yeah," I persisted. "But _why_?"

Harry paused, reluctant before answering. "The Cullens."

Everyone at the rez knew our legends of the Cold Ones. Our tales are something told from birth. From those, a select few knew about the so-called treaty that our last chief, Ephraim Black, granted to a vampire coven. The Cullens. My generation thought it was superstitious bedtime stories, Sam and I were along with them. The Cullens had supposably moved back to Forks not too long ago, so if Sam is a werewolf, them being vampires shouldn't surprise me. And Sam was suppose to, what, nail a stake in their hearts? Maul them?

"Have I given you enough to think about?" Harry asked me.

"Yeah," I said, standing from the bed. It squeaked again. "Plenty."

I turned to leave when I felt him tug my arm. "Mind my warning, Leah," he begged. "Please."

My body stiffened. "I can't promise anything, Dad."

He smiled sadly. "I don't expect you to."

I slipped out of the room, my eyes trailing along the ground. I suppose my love for Sam was never really simple, but I couldn't survive without him. We couldn't survive without each other. We've faced resentment, clucking tongues and expectations we didn't wish for ourselves.

This'll be just be another small bump in the road, right?

**...**

"Oh man, _please _tell me you guys have seen Sam?"

I'd been wandering around the reservation all day; my feet were literally dragging on the road as I walked, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. He was around here somewhere. I needed to find him. Talk to him. I didn't like the way I had ended things last night. I needed to hold him close, to tell him it was all okay. Quil and Embry shook their heads at me.

"Nope, sorry." Quil answered.

"Are you feeling okay, Leah?" Embry piped in. "You don't look so good."

"I just really need to find Sam before I crawl away somewhere and die," I mumbled, massaging my temples, trying to convince myself that it wasn't nearly as bad as when he had vanished the first time. How did I live through two weeks of little to no sleep? I'm a fucking robot. "If you see him, will you tell him I'm looking for him?"

Embry bounced the basketball in his hands. "Yeah, sure thing."

I continued my saunter, upraising my arm in thanks to the two boys behind me.

I made it further than I thought I would. I was at the very end of the beach, leaning against a tree after having asked a group of squealing white kids if they'd seen a tall, dark, scary-looking man walk by. I guess they hadn't noticed anything because they all ran-away to the picnic blanket their mothers had set up near the cars.

The only place left to look is that forest. And the odds of me finding him in there were not in my favour. Then again if he _is_ in the forest, it's not very likely of him coming out of it unless someone retrieved him. I took comfort in the fact that maybe if I fell and hit my head I'd get a chance to sleep.

Sighing, I drew apart the first thick layer of shrubs and pushed myself into the woodland.

Sam and I would always go for adventures in the forest, before this mess happened. It was our escape. So I knew the area pretty well, enough not to get lost within five minutes anyway. Seth and I had gone further and deeper into its depth in my fruitless searches for Sam during the time of his disappearance. I suppose some good had come out of it, since I managed to develop a sense of direction without my map-reader…

Hold the phone. _Seth_ had been my temporary map-reader. Even so, right now, I didn't even _have_ a map.

I looked around at the greenery.

"Aw, hell." I cursed. Where the fuck am I?

I really shouldn't roam into forests when I'm tired. I couldn't even see the trail from the way I came.

The crashing of the waves to the shore was faint, and I followed it. My arms splayed out in front of me, reaching out for branches. The noise was louder, soothing, tempting me to doze. I broke through the twists and entwining of the foliage from the gap of an overturned tree and into a small clearing of a cliff-top. At the sight I was immediately disappointed, having hoped for a beach, but it quickly washed away. It was a nice little place, thick trees towering around it, the sun shining over the calm ocean. The rock-face was highly elevated, and I couldn't see the coastline I knew wouldn't be far off. It was its own cosy world.

The overturned tree ran through the middle. The grass was soft as I bent down to brush my fingertips against the bristles. I sat into the earth, resting my back against the tree trunk. I fluttered my lids closed, smiling.

I hate those moments when you shut your eyes for one second, and the next thing you know its completely dark, the moon the only source of light, glowing overhead. Confused, I sat up, stretching the discomfort feeling in my shoulders. The shrubbery ruffled, my neck snapped in the direction of the noise, there wasn't enough time for me to think through whether it was someone coming to my rescue or something wanting to eat me, because Sam materialised out of nowhere, as he often does these days.

He was staring at me, unsurprised. I propelled myself from the ground and sat down on the tree.

"Hi," I stated, beyond being shocked about anything. "How did you find me?" I asked.

He looked uncomfortable. "I followed your scent."

"Oh," I said. "That's not weird."

Sam was quiet and unearthly still. I waited for him to speak, but he didn't.

"Where have you been?" I asked, struggling to keep my tone light. He remained motionless; it disturbed me that I was getting use to his black gaze, studying me like a complicated artwork, the kind you have to stare at for a while before finally understanding that you aren't meant to understand. I raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter? Wolf got your tongue?"

That got him speaking. "Why are you here?" he blurted out.

I blinked. "Looking for you, stupid."

"_Why_?"

It hurt me that he sounded so desperate. Wasn't it painstakingly obvious why I was here?

"I don't just decide to go on picnics and get stranded in the middle of the woods for kicks," I muttered more to myself, flicking back my hair, aggravated. "Didn't you hear I've been trying to find you? Were you under a rock? I pretty much scoured the whole reservation―"

Sam shook his head. "I haven't seen anyone today."

I cringed, noticing that whenever I moved he would readjust himself, keeping the distance between us. Standing, I sauntered over and wrapped my arms around his waist. I enlaced my hands together behind his back and leaned away to look at him. I frowned, his features were wide, his frame rigid. "Were…" the thought got stuck in my throat. "Were you… _avoiding_ me?"

He looked ashamed, glowering at his curled hands held by his sides. They quivered, though he wasn't angry. Sam ripped himself from my grasp and paced backwards, away from me, his mouth unpleasantly set.

"I thought…" his voice broke with raw emotion. "I thought you were disgusted with me."

My lips parted in horror. "Disgusted?" I repeated. I retched forward, ignoring his recoil as I held both his hands in mine. It burned, he was warmer than usual, but I couldn't care less. I could feel the angry tears streaming down my cheeks. "Fuck Sam, you listen and listen good! I don't care if you turned into Michael Jackson on a full fucking moon, I would―I could _never_―" I stopped, my chest constricted, exhaling. "What the fuck made you think that?"

Sam faltered, a longing gaze slowly slipping into a sloppy grin, he lifted me into his arms and embraced me firmly. I clung to his body, my legs tangled around him and my arms hooked under his, my chin rested against his shoulder, my lips to his ear and his to mine.

"You wanted to go home," I heard him whisper. "You were mad."

"I'm always mad."

"Madder than usual."

I sniffled, my nose twitching. "Well, you're stupider than usual." I resorted.

"Lee-Lee, I didn't know what I was going to do if I lost you."

"Join the circus?" I suggested.

"You…" Sam seemed more courageous now. "Don't you want me to phase or something?"

A grimace shuddered through me as I pictured some bloody, gory scene from a bad horror movie in my head. The whole plastic guts thing. I was glad he couldn't see my expression. I felt a little queasy. "Uh, somehow I think I can live without witnessing that."

"But how can you trust me with this? It sounds so…"

"Gay?"

"I was going for strange,"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please. I've seen Animal Planet. I talked to my crazy father who happened to know all along, so that's working to your advantage. And you being an Alpha sort of makes sense. No wonder you're such a dominant, hard-headed pain-in-my-ass."

"You told Harry?" Sam questioned curiously.

"He's cool with it, I think," I said inconsequentially. "Nothing he can really do about it now, anyway."

To my surprise, he laughed. "No, they can't do anything."

"Sam," I readjusted my arms to curl upwards around his collar. I could look at him that way. He turned anxious again at my suddenly solemn tone. I brushed my mouth against his jaw to put him at ease. "I understand," I whispered, his lips quivered at my breath. "I know you can't go to college. You need to stay here, and…" I closed my eyes. "And I want to stay with you."

He swallowed his silence. "You… you'll stay with me? But what about―"

"I honestly don't give a shit," I answered, shrugging.

Sam's chest puffed out with his breaths, overexerted, he laughed. My heart skipped a beat as Sam chuckled, swinging me from my current position until I was scooped in his arms. I relocked my arms around his neck, he smirked at my scowl. "Will you come with me somewhere?" he asked, eyes lit up. He began carrying me back into the woods, his pace smooth and not strained despite my burdened weight.

"I don't know…" I stated teasingly. "Remember our last outing? Didn't go well."

He remained in good humour. "This one will be better, I promise."

Once confirmed I wasn't about to have a panic attack about the werewolf thing, Sam chatted eagerly as we walked a good twenty minutes through the undergrowth until we reached a road. I was a little humiliated that I had gotten lost so close to some form of civilisation, but Sam didn't notice and I quickly forgot. He censored things, and I let him, until he could be comfortable talking about it.

Apparently, Jared is a werewolf too. I wasn't sure if I should have seen that one coming, now I know it's kind of obvious but I never really linked it all together. In thought, I caressed the muscles on his back while he spoke; my small way of letting him know I was okay with the conversation.

I was on my own feet and we were walking in the middle of the road, the moon my source of light. I imagined it different―Sam, my moon, brightening up my night sky. The stars so insignificant shining beside him. He caught me staring and reached out to hold my hand.

"We're almost there," he told me.

We rounded a bend in the road and came to a stop by a gate in the front garden of a little house. Sam extended an arm outwards towards it in a dramatic presentation, he was watching me keenly.

"Well?" he asked. "What do you think?"

I was confused. "Um, you want to yard roll a house?"

"No, Leah," Sam chuckled. "Seriously. What do you think of it?" he gestured to the structure again.

Indifferently, I absorbed the detail. I was a little stunned. I liked it right away. It was the type of place were the faults made it better, made it an individual. Unique, though not something you'd go around bragging about. All it needed was a fresh splash of paint, a little love and care. But, me being me, I had to make a snazzy remark about it. I paused. I couldn't think of one. "It's okay," I settled. "Why?"

Sam beamed, his arm gliding around my waist. "Because I just bought it for us." He answered simply.

My mouth dropped open.

"What?" I gaped, my eyes immediately drawn to the _sold_ sign on the front lawn. "You're shitting me!"

He opened the gate for me, and we walked through. I was still in a state of shock.

"I bought it for us, Lee-Lee," he repeated, gazing tenderly at me. "I've been here all day, working on it. Just imagine… this will be the house we'll come home to every night. Where we'll lay in each other's arms," as he spoke, Sam emphasised by curling around me. "That'll be the kitchen you will almost burn down and cook our frozen meals," he joked. I elbowed his ribs and he bent down to capture my lips. "This will be the house we raise our children in," he murmured to me. "This is the yard they'll play on. Can you see it, Leah?"

I could see it. I could see Sam, laughing as a small, beautiful black-haired girl jumped on his back and he carried her around in dizzying circles on a sunny day. I could see myself, leaning against the front door, watching them while I rubbed my largely swollen abdomen, thinking of baby names. I could see both of us, withered and grey, sitting on this same porch as we grew into bickering old farts together, guarding over our grandchildren.

My heart ached with the longing. "I can…" I mumbled to him, smiling.

"I know what we planned," Sam began, his voice soft. "I know that we said we were going to wait until you finished school, but…" he trailed off, rummaged through his pants pockets and pulled out a little velvet box. I stared vacantly; all thoughts lost as he opened it, and revealed a ring.

A square-cut diamond on a thin gold band.

Without my consent, I felt a tear leak down my cheek.

"Leah Clearwater, I love you," Sam whispered. "Will you marry me?"

I couldn't speak. "Okay. Yeah," I gasped, nodding profoundly. "Hell, sure, why the fuck not?"

Trust me to have to most unromantic proposal reaction in the history of La Push.

My heart pounded with my thrill, at the time, I didn't care. Sam didn't seem troubled by my lack of word-decorum either―he was ecstatic, fumbling to slip the ring onto my finger as if his triumphant smile made him lopsided. I jumped into his arms, splaying kisses all over his face with a sudden spark of overflowing energy. Everything with Sam had always been spontaneous, wild and passionate. His hand slowly shimmied along the curve of my breast, the other gently slid up and down my back, pressing me tighter to his chest, craving more contact. His lips hungrily searched for mine, nipping and nibbling playfully, I retaliated by teasingly grinding our hips together at the rim of his jeans. He grunted through his teeth.

I liked the fact that there was no longer any need to remove his shirt. I ran my fingers along the hard surface of his toned stomach, feeling the smooth firmness of his pecks and relishing in the way his abs clenched with every sharp inhale of his panting breaths. My tongue slowly traced the outline of his lips. I noticed his legs beginning to buckle.

I was surprised when I felt his warm hands unsnap my bra.

Sam had taken almost every measure possible to avoid sex, or anything that might possibly lead to sex, ever since he first disappeared. Of course, now I understand why. It would be a real mood-killer if he suddenly lost himself and started howling at the moon at the wrong time, in all the wrong ways. But now I was too distracted to care.

The feverish atmosphere had my eyes clouded with lustful desire, Sam briefly pulled away.

"Care to christen our new house?" he asked me huskily.

I smirked, managing to say sceptically. "The walls won't crumble in on us, will they?"

Sam breathed raggedly against my neck, trailing hot kisses. I tilted my head back, a rumble vibrated deep in his throat. I got the feeling that he didn't have the intention of stopping even if the sky fell, and neither did I. He swooped down to knock my knees from beneath me, so I was in his arms, our lips still fused together. In his haste, he stumbled up the short pathway to reach the entrance, turning the knob and carrying me over the threshold.

He grinned, pressing me up against the door and closing it behind us.

* * *

**Dude, my first attempt at an almost-lemon! Heh. I'm so mature. Anyway, as always, opinions and questions of any kind are welcome. This is a really short chapter so I'll make up for it in the next time with a normal-sized one. Oh, and for those non-American's who have to look everything up like me, "yard roll" is that thing where you throw toilet paper over the house. **

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	6. A Dish Best Served Cold

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Hehe, reviews were lovely, thank you! This chapter should answer some of your questions...**

* * *

**Chapter Six: A Dish Best Served Cold**

**...**

We decided the keep the engagement a secret, for now. My parents would flip if they found out, and I'd rather avoid that conversation for as long as humanely possible. I kept my ring hidden under my shirt, around my neck dangling from a long silver chain. I used silver to try and be clever because when I told Sam he looked at me oddly and shook his head at my failed attempt for a werewolf-induced joke. Well, I thought it was funny.

Every now and then I would press my palm against the fabric to feel its presence. It made me smile.

Mrs. Leah Uley had a nice sound to it.

"Hey, I was thinking we could get you a car. It doesn't have to be in great shape or anything. Jake could fix it up," Sam was saying. It was one of our lazy afternoons lounging on the single piece of furniture we had in our new house―a scruffy old mattress.

Sam was fiddling with my hair as I rested on his chest.

"He's working on a VW Rabbit and that stupid truck right now. Besides, that's called _child labour_."

"I would pay him."

According to Sam, the house was nothing short of a crapshack before he and his toolbox got to it. He said it was a good deal. The 80-something year old woman had been a family friend. She was selling all her properties on La Push and moving away to live with her daughter in Seattle. Sam bought it with the money he'd been saving for a place for us when we got to college, and he had some left to get us by for a couple months until he could find a job. I had my college tuition too, it's not like I'm going to use it now anyway, so it was going towards furniture.

Like hell if I was going to sleep on this ratty mattress the rest of my life.

Sam thought the car was a good idea since he figured I wouldn't really enjoy hiking back from town with groceries. He left early to spend the day with Jared hunting for a decent scrap-metal box that I could ride around in. I was given the task of seeking the mechanical skills of Jacob Black. I heard from my mother before I left that morning that Rachel was back early from Hawaii, and I welcomed the chance to visit.

I stepped onto the porch, knowing Jacob would be out back in his garage, taking the opportunity to see Rachel after her long months abroad. Knocking on the door, I heard the throaty grunt of Billy permitting my entrance, I allowed myself in to see the older man sulking by the sofa. He was glaring at a game on the television.

"Shit Billy, did all the fish migrate south or something?" I teased him.

"No," he grunted again, his eyes flickering to me. "You're too late. You've just missed her."

That surprised me. "Oh, okay. I'll stop by later then."

Huh. That was weird behaviour, especially from Billy. I shrugged it off, walking back out the door and around towards the forest, following the familiar trail to Jacob's garage. I heard music long before I reached the place, Jacob had his head stuck in the engine of Billy's giant red Chevy, I could hear him cursing loudly as he threw out a couple pieces of twisted metal. I smirked, pacing around till I snuck my way into the cab. At the same time, I turned off the radio and slammed my palm against the horn on the steering wheel.

Jacob shot up so quickly he hit his head on the bonnet.

"Ow, fuck!" he swore, biting his lip and angrily slamming the bonnet closed.

He looked up and noticed me sitting smugly in the cab. "Yo, Jake," I greeted. "Whatcha doing?"

"Leah?" he said in surprise, crinkling his nose as he dabbed gingerly at the back of his head. I remembered that I unintentionally owed Jacob a favour, back when he had given Seth and me a moment away from nosy busybodies. I plead insanity. I don't like owing people.

Jumping out of the cab, I coolly leaned against the monster truck door. "Do you need help or what?"

He blinked at me. "_You_ know about cars?" I know he didn't mean it, but his tone was insulting.

"Well, I've changed a tire once. What, am I not qualified enough for you, Black?"

"No! Sure, sure, cool," Jacob grinned. "I could use an extra set of hands."

I rolled up my sleeves and picked up a crowbar.

Smirking, I tapped it threateningly against my palm. "So what shall I bust up?"

Jacob cautiously removed the potential weapon from my hands and replaced it with a screwdriver.

"Let's start small, okay?"

**...**

Until late afternoon, I'd completely forgotten my purpose for talking to Jacob Black. Being knee-deep in motor oil and singing along to cheesy eighties songs will do that to you, I guess. Jacob agreed to lend a hand if Sam was successful in finding a car, since I helped him bring the Chevy back to life. We had managed to drive the thing thirty meters down the street. Well, that is _before_ I pushed it to sixty-three miles an hour and the engine almost burst into flames. It's a good thing Jacob keeps a spare fire extinguisher handy.

Other than that tiny flammable mishap, that red monster was purring like a kitten.

I was sweating and my clothes were dirty with black grease marks from where I wiped my hands.

I asked Jacob if Billy would go off at me if I walked through his house looking like a chimney sweeper. He said he did it all the time. I rolled my eyes and added that if he did it all the time that didn't necessarily mean Billy didn't go off at _him_ for it.

I was back on the Blacks porch. I didn't knock this time, and I was sure in the couple of hours I'd been gone Rachel would have returned. Billy didn't acknowledge me, which was again surprising, but I ignored him and walked down the cramped hallway to the room that the twins shared for as long as I could remember. I could hear rustling and movement from inside.

Without bothering to announce myself, I pushed open the door.

"Hey Rach, how… wait, what the _hell_ are you doing?"

Rachel looked up and paused at her task: folding her clothes into a large suitcase on her bed. Her curly black hair was fuzzy, half of everything was strewn all over the small room. I almost laughed since Rebecca was usually the messy one of the two and Rachel was the control freak, tending to have infamous tantrums if their room wasn't to her liking.

I stared at her with confusion when she didn't say anything.

"You know, usually when you come back from travel, you _unpack_ your bag," I joked lightly.

Her lack of words made me a little nervous. Usually she would have been gushing about all the cute guys she'd met in Hawaii by now, giving me a rating scale in order of hotness and personality, followed by dating preference. Instead, she bit her lip to keep from speaking and restarted throwing things into the bag.

Then it hit me. "Are you going somewhere?" I asked, my eyebrows creased as I watched her scurry.

"Leah," Rachel smiled sadly, stopping again. "I… I got a scholarship."

My stomach dropped. I understood now. "Oh,"

"The–the school rang me up when Sam didn't want it," she blurted out. "I was next in line and, oh Lee… a full-tuition scholarship! How could I turn it down? I can finally get out of here, like we use to talk about. Make better things for ourselves, you know? But since Sam isn't going, I figured that…" she trailed off meekly. "I'm sorry, Lee."

I tried to blink away the shock. "Uh-huh. Okay."

I think I muttered some kind of congratulations, but I couldn't be sure. I didn't wait for her reply, calmly walking out of the room and out of the house, clutching my hand to my chest as I took in shaking breaths. Trying to reason with myself, I concluded: I would have Sam.

Rachel could never have afforded college. She'd had to take on so much responsibility after her mother died in the same car accident that left her father completely paralysed below the waist. Deep down I was happy for her, I really was, but I was gritting my teeth trying to stop the rage from making me scream. Seeing her now only reminded me of the life I had wanted but would never have. I hadn't really grasped the concept until just now, when the words she didn't say left her mouth.

"_Leah, I got a scholarship." And you don't. I'm leaving, and you're stuck here._

I reasoned with myself again: I have Sam.

I knew he's all I wanted, and the jealousy was just stupid. I knew this must be hurting Billy, one of his daughters getting married and moving so far away, the other about to make a break for it, the next time he'd see her, in about four years…

The anger made me shake. I wondered vaguely if this is what Sam felt like, but quickly dismissed the thought. How could Rachel do this to Billy? To her little brother? How could she just leave them to fend for themselves, to force Jacob to grow up too soon the way she was forced? The kid was barely fourteen!

Realising that I had stormed all the way home, I slammed open the front door. I simmered angrily in my bedroom for a while. It was dark, and I smelt my mother's cooking wafting in. Still covered in motor grease, I marched outside, telling her I'd be back soon and throwing a couple things into a basket before I left. I found myself back at the Blacks house, bursting into the kitchen. Jacob had just succeeded in quieting the fire alarm after burning two pieces of toast, and Billy followed me to figure out the commotion. I don't blame him. I was pissed off.

"Um, Leah, she's already―"

"She's gone, yeah I know. Where do you keep your stupid pots?" I demanded, rummaging through the cupboards.

Jacob gestured warily to the appropriate cabinet and I pulled out the largest saucer they had. I tipped out the basket filled with spices, herbs and meat. I spent the next hour concocting a thick stew with chunks of beef and bacon.

I even had time to roll up some dough into a couple of loafs and pop them in the oven.

Hell, it's about time my mothers cooking genes finally started kicking in. But I somehow managed to make it look like someone spewed colourful macaroni. Billy and Jacob tried to thank me, I told them to shut up and eat, then left in the same fuming state in which I had arrived.

When I got home, my father was smiling knowingly at me, and I knew Billy had made a phone-call.

What a bunch of old blabbermouths.

**...**

As the weeks passed, the cliff-top that I had stumbled across became the place Sam and I would go together, to get away. It was our special place that escaped the world of werewolves and college and disapproving parents. The place we would go to just be Leah and Sam, to be ourselves, and to be together. On one of the surrounding trees, Sam carved our names and encased them in a heart. I gave him shit about it being sappy and clichéd, but every time I saw it I felt comfortably secure, as if the statement being permanently marked made it undoubtable.

With Sam's new position in the council, my fiancé was technically chief of the whole tribe. Now that's an interesting thought. I kind of wished I had bragging rights. But if Sam wasn't off doing something in his wolf form, he was in a meeting with the other elders, which sucked. The only time I would get to see him was at night every now and then when we met at the cliff clearing, or if he snuck away.

It was putting strain on us, despite our desperate attempts to work everything out.

"Lee-Lee," Sam was forlornly watching me, the moonlight reflecting off the ocean. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too," I mumbled sleepily. We were trying, we really were, but I was so tired. Sam was even more exhausted than I thought possible. Trying to be discreet, I peeked at him sceptically. "How much sleep have you gotten lately, mister?"

Shrugging, he answered indifferently. "A couple hours, maybe."

"That's stupid, Sam," I pursed my lips. "You need a good night's rest."

"I _need_ a chance to be with you once in a fucking while," Sam snapped furiously. "We barely see each other, and when we do we can barely keep our eyes open! And the council, they're watching us as if we're doing something wrong. I want you with me always, but I just can't… I'm not feeling that anymore, you know?"

His words stung, but I knew it was true.

With everything happening, it was distancing Sam from me.

The thought made me cringe.

I was quiet, thinking quickly. Sam always carried around a little woven pouch, usually in some sort of clothing compartment, in replacement of a wallet. It also contained photos of me and his mother. I took it out, along with his pocket-knife to cut a few inches off a lock of my hair. I used an elastic from around my wrist to keep the strands together, shoving it into the pouch and returning to him with a satisfied expression.

"There," I stated. "Now there's a part of me you can always carry with you, a part you'll always have. Better?"

He seemed amused by my act and placed the pouch back into his pants pocket. Sam kissed me. "Much better," he muttered against my mouth. A moment passed and I blinked at him as he pulled away, he was grinning wistfully. "Did Leah Clearwater seriously just cut off a chunk of her hair for me just now?"

I whacked myself on the forehead. "Oh shit, I think I did. Do you think I can reattach it?"

Fuck. Stupid, impulsive decisions! Sam chuckled and chastely kissed my forehead.

"I'll treasure it forever."

"You'd better," I warned.

**...**

I wanted to spend the night with Sam, but he said he had wolf-business, and it would be better if I went home. I grudgingly agreed, trying to ask what wolf-business he had, but he shrugged off the question, preferring to keep my wolf-knowledge, on council orders, to a bare minimum.

He walked me home. I didn't even bother climbing through my window, what with Harry being in the loop.

"I love you," Sam whispered as we stepped onto the porch. He brushed my cheek. "Just think, this time next year, we'll be married,"

"I've got some things packed and ready for the house," I said, grinning. "I can drop them off tomorrow, and this time next week we'll be _living_ together," I pulled a face, pretending to be horrified. "Urgh, my house is gonna smell like wet dog all the time, isn't it?"

Sam chuckled, leaning down the press or foreheads together. "You can count on it, baby."

With my noise still crinkled, he kissed me. Lost in the passion, my eyes still closed even when he pulled away. He lightly pecked my lips once, twice. And then I was watching him leave, strolling into the forest. I resisted the urge to wolf-whistle when I caught a glimpse of him removing his shorts in the darkness. Shaking my head to myself, I opened the door and closed it quietly behind me.

I was in a daze, drifting to my room with a blur of wedding cakes and roses in my head. I couldn't see it all too clearly, I knew I'd wear my mother's old dress, and we'd say our vows in the same church my parents said theirs, but everything else was at the back of my mind. The only thing I was certain of was that Sam would be waiting for me at the end of that aisle, and we'll spend our eternally in each other's arms.

Yeah, Mrs. Leah Uley had a very nice sound to it.

**...**

The morning came too quickly for my liking.

"Leeeaaah!" Seth called, bouncing on my bed. "C'mon, Lee! There's a surprise here for you!"

I buried my head under my pillow, groaning. "Nnnghh, _Seth_!" I could never figure out how in the hell my baby brother could be a morning person. How can anyone stand to get out of bed, those nice warm covers, in such a good mood? I removed my pillow to glare at him. "I swear, kid, if Sam is naked on our porch again that's hardly a freaking surprise and I'll kill you for waking me up!"

"But," Seth pouted. "You have a visitor…"

"Do I look like I care if I have a visitor, you little twerp?"

A heard someone giggle from my doorway. "Aw don't be too hard on him, Leah. I sent him up here."

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"Uh… _Emily_?"

My cousin smiled shyly at me.

"Well," Emily mused, "it was really your Dad's idea. He thought it would be funny."

I couldn't help my grin. I pulled away my sheet. Emily approached and pulled me into a sisterly embrace, we were laughing together now. I playfully elbowed her, pulling us over to sit on my bed; I sat cross-legged and started tugging at my hair in attempt to untangle it. "Hey, wow, what are you doing here? Is school up in Makah finished for the term too?"

Seth nodded cheerfully. "Emily will be spending her holidays with us. Cool, huh?"

"That certainly doesn't suck," I commented.

"I wanted to surprise you," Emily said in her soft tones. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"It has," I grinned, adding teasingly. "I mean, you _almost _have boobs now!"

Emily blushed and folded her arms across her chest. It was a long running joke with us. I had developed far earlier than her and I would say these things just to watch her squirm, since Emily was always far too proper to bring up such topics without turning an interesting shade of red. Seth took the opportunity to leave the room before I twisted the subject around to involve him.

Emily shocked me by looking downwards at them. "They are a bit bigger, aren't they?" she giggled.

I laughed. "Yeah, I suppose they are. A little."

"Very funny," Emily smiled. "I was thinking since it's such a nice day, we could go to the beach?"

I frowned slightly. "Uh, I had a lunch planned with…" I trailed off, my eyes widened and I jumped up from my mattress. Emily looked a little concerned. She opened her mouth to speak and placed a hand on my shoulder, but I beat her to it. "I have a lunch with Sam down in Port Angeles!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, Sam Uley?" Emily beamed at me.

"You'll be coming with us, Emily," I babbled on eagerly. "I want you to meet him."

"I'd love to, Lee, if you want."

I swung my arm around her shoulders.

"It would mean the world to me," I told her.

**...**

Sam had called, apologising profoundly for his lateness as Emily and I drank coffee in Port Angeles.

He was suppose to have driven, but the council meeting had dragged on so I borrowed Sue's car and told him we'd meet him up there. I said not to worry, that I was catching up with Emily. But even so, I had to make him feel a little guilty.

For the theatrics, I sulked over the phone. "Sam, where the hell are you? We're starving over here."

We weren't really. Emily and I shared a vanilla cheesecake.

Sam said he was two minutes away and another long string of apologises followed. I held in my laughter and carried on, half-heartedly covering the speaker with my hand, stating loudly. "Emily, it seems my boyfriend has better things to do with his time than show up at the agreed time to our date," we both stifled giggles. Emily lightly hit my shoulder, her way of saying 'stop being mean'.

I saw Sam walk into the café, huffing slightly and wearing a shirt. Well, we were in public after all. Emily and I were seated in a booth, she had her back to the door and I was facing it. At his arrival, I stood and sauntered over to him, smirking.

"Well, look who decided to grace us with his pres―"

My snide remark was cut off by Sam's sweet, lingering kiss. He pulled away, knowing he was forgiven.

I glared up at him. "I hate it when you do that,"

"If you say so, baby."

He just smiled, so I smiled and took his hand and led him back to the booth. "Sam, I want you to meet someone," I noticed Emily stand up with polite courtesy. "Emily, this is Sam," I introduced, beaming in my pride, gesturing to him. "And Sam this is Emily Young, my cousin."

Sam seemed unwillingly to pull his eyes away from me, but he did as she spoke.

"I've heard so many things about you," Emily said conversationally.

I frowned when Sam didn't speak back.

He was staring intently at Emily and her outstretched hand until it fell limply back to her side. Her eyes awkwardly shifted to a nearby wall, uncomfortable with his gaze. I felt embarrassed. Why the hell is he looking at her like that? Before I had a chance to say anything else, Sam hesitated, as if he wanted to speak, but instead he spun his bulky frame around, crashing directly into a waitress carrying a tray full of food. The echo of smashing glass rebounded off the floor. He didn't falter, the café was quiet and he was outside the door before I could think.

I stared. "I'm sorry, Emily," I said, stepping over the mess of broken plates and food. "I'll be right back,"

Emily reached out to stop me. "Leah―"

I shrugged her off and followed him, my fists balled angrily. He was standing in the middle of the road, his face in his hands. I marched over furiously. "Sam, what the fuck?" I exclaimed. He didn't remove his hands. He didn't look at me. "Sam," I couldn't stop the hurt edging in my voice. "Sam, what the hell was that? You… what happened? Are you okay?"

I heard the door open and close softly. Emily was watching with an anxious expression.

"Nothing, Leah," I winced. His tone completely detached. "I've… I need to leave."

My anger flared. "_Excuse me_? Wha―Sam!"

He wouldn't look at me. Sam climbed into his car, he shifted the gear and I could do nothing but watch stupidly as he sped off down the main road, leaving me there. _What the hell just happened_? Emily ran to me, placing a comforting hand on my back.

"Oh, Leah," she whispered gently. "Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry," I muttered, I hadn't taken my eyes from the place the car disappeared. "He's never… that's never…"

Emily drove us home. The whole time I stared out the passenger window, dreading. She tried to cheer me up, mentioning possible scenarios that could have been misapprehended or caused Sam to act that way. I shook my head, knowing well that's what someone is suppose to say in these situations.

I hate common decency.

**...**

Emily continued attempting to reassure me. She even went for a walk around the corner to buy me ice-cream. In the end, I decided not to worry. It was probably wolf-business. Instead I concentrated on Emily as she prattled on about unimportant things in her effort to distract me.

We fell asleep. I was woken at daybreak by an unread message on my phone.

It was from Sam, and it contained two words.

_I'm outside_.

From my stirring, Emily half-propped herself up against the bed.

"What's wrong?" she mumbled hazily.

"Nothing," I threw the phone back on the bedside table. I didn't want her to worry. "I just… got to go pee?"

Wow, what an excuse.

Emily sighed. "Oh, mm'kay…" and laid back down, her hair fanned out on her pillow.

When I was sure she was asleep, I crawled out from under the covers and changed out of my panamas into jeans that I found on the floor and a warm jacket. I slipped out of the room unnoticed and unlocked the front door. I could hear Harry snoring loudly upstairs.

Sam was waiting, sitting on the porch steps, and as soon as I stepped out his head snapped in my direction. He watched me for a long moment, and his empty expression didn't change, if anything it grew more miserable. He stood up, folding his arms across his broad chest.

"Leah," he greeted stiffly.

My stomach squirmed. "Sam," I replied in the same dead tone.

I had never seen Sam like this before. He was a mess, his eyes dark and distant, black bruises under them making his exhaustion prominent. He kept looking behind me, into the house, searching.

"Can I come inside?" he asked hesitantly.

In response, I stepped out of the way to allow him access. He was very careful not to touch me as he stepped through the door. I closed it behind him. "What is it you want, Sam?" I demanded, rubbing my temples. "For fucks sake, you're worse than a hormonal pregnant woman."

He was silent, staring. As if he didn't recognise me. "Lee-Lee…"

"Yeah?" I snapped.

Sam drifted his gaze to the floor. _Why won't he look at me_? My heart wrenched. "We…" he grimaced agonizingly. I thought he was going to cry but he didn't, his face painfully contorted. "We can't do this, we just can't," It took me a moment to understand what he was talking about.

I shook my head. "No, not this bullshit again, Sam―"

"I can't do this, Lee," it was robotic and bleak. "I'm sorry. I'm not strong enough for this,"

I felt oddly numb, I shook my head again.

"No, _no_…"

"I'm so sorry. Please Lee, say you'll forgive me?"

"No! This isn't what you want! You…" I stuttered as my voice broke. "You promised me…"

Sam looked at me with pity. _Pity_. "This is what I want, Leah. It's over."

"We're engaged!" I spat at him, he recoiled. "Engaged, Sam! You're shitting me right now, aren't you? Tell me this is some sick joke!" He was silent. I grew more desperate. "Please say that you love me," I whispered through a silent stream of tears. "You said it yesterday, didn't you? So it shouldn't be a problem for you now, right?" When he still didn't speak I heard myself mumble, "son of a bitch… you son of a _bitch_, say it!"

His voice quivered. "It would be better for both of us, if we ended it now―"

"You fucking bastard! Say it!"

"Lee-Lee…"

This was it. It's over. _What did I do wrong_? "Say it, you backstabbing faggot! Why won't you say it?"

Sam's wall crumpled around him, his arms shuddered. "I just―I just don't love you anymore! I love Emily!" He roared, his eyes fierce. He froze as he watched me cower away from him and his words. I couldn't breathe. Emily. Did he say Emily? "Oh God, Leah… I didn't mean… I'm sorry, I―"

"Fuck you, Sam!" It took all my strength. "I… I fucking hate you! Get the fuck out of my house! I _hate_ you!" I love you.

"Leah, please, no, it came out wrong. I… I _do_ love you. It's just―"

He wouldn't leave. I wanted him to leave. I refuse to let him see me breakdown. My breath was coming in furious pants, but it felt like I was getting no air. A fish gaping out of water. On the coffee table was my mother's vase. I picked it up and hurled it at him, shattering it into pieces.

"Get out!" I fumed, grasping the next nearest thing I could throw. It was a phone frame. "Get the fuck out!"

Sam back up against the door. "Please, baby…"

"I'm not your baby, you asshole!" I threw the remote control, followed by a tissue box. "Get"―a magazine―"out"―a scented candle―"of my"―Seth's algebra text book―"_fucking_"―empty cola bottle and a beaded lamp shade―"_house_!" The hurt was clear on his face, and for once I didn't want it to go away. I wanted him to hurt. I wanted him to suffer.

I _wanted_ him to suffer.

He did what I asked, walking down towards the road, I watched him leave with narrowed eyes.

I looked down at the last item that laid limply in my hand, and I threw it.

"Hey Sam," I called out. He hesitated with his back to me before turning.

He stared hopelessly at the ring weaved through the silver chain by his feet.

"You forgot something," I said bitterly.

I slammed the door and waited a decent amount of time before I covered my mouth to muffle the sobs.

That was it. It's over.

_It's over_.

* * *

**Okay, folks. It's happened. He's imprinted. Joy rides over. Don't hate me!**

**This was incredibly depressing to write, even more so when I look back at the previous chapters and re-read all the cute times Sam and Leah had together. The story shall pick up on a faster pace now, since almost all the basics are dealt with. **

**Also, I apologise if any language Leah uses offends anyone. It's completely not intentional.**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	7. Yeah? Well Fuck You!

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Thanks again for reviews, they really inspire me to continue writing. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Yeah? Well Fuck You!**

**...**

It was stupid to think that all the commotion wouldn't wake up anyone else. I might as well have broadcasted the whole thing all over La Push. I wouldn't be surprised if my family heard every uttered word, but I didn't stick around for the scolding over Sue's broken antique vase. I stormed down to First Beach and threw rocks into the sea.

A rock for each thought. Sam left me, Sam left me, Sam left me. _For Emily_.

That stung more than anything. She'd barely spoken a sentence to him, and he says he… he said love, didn't he? In the four years of our relationship, I knew Sam wasn't one to throw around words meaninglessly. That hurt even more, knowing that he _meant _them.

The stones took out my anger.

I restrained the feeling as long as I could.

My stomach churned and I made a lurch for the nearby shrubbery, violently heaving everything I'd eaten. I stood hunched over for a long moment, gagging on the bitter taste and salty tears that now flowed freely. I was sobbing quietly, kneeling on the ground, when I felt someone pull my hair away from my face.

I first thought of Sam, but the hope was distressingly slim.

I turned my gaze cautiously upwards to briefly notice Embry crouched beside me, his hands gently held back my hair as I twisted downwards, dug my fingers into the earth and continued to haul out my intestines, and possibly my spleen. He waited in patient silence until I spat the last acidic trace on my tongue and wiped my lips before allowing my curls to fall in place. I scrubbed away my tears to rid myself of further shame.

"Leah," Embry spoke softly. "What's the matter?"

I couldn't say it.

Not out loud.

It would confirm it. _How dare he ask me to say it out loud_.

"I'm sick, obviously," I mumbled, my cheeks flushed with indignity. "What's it to you anyway?"

"You were crying," he stated dumbly.

"Oh, really?" I miffed. "I didn't notice."

Embry faltered. "Is it Sam? Is he gone again?" At the mention of his name, I felt sick all over again.

"No," I spat, kicking the pebbles at my feet. "No, he's still here."

"Did… did you two have a fight or something?" Embry asked doubtingly.

Of course he would think that. Most people wouldn't even have the thought occur to them. Sam and Leah, Leah and Sam. Our names had always been tagged together, as if we weren't even separate people. We were pretty much considered the teenage super couple, and if they couldn't work something out, what chance did the rest of them stand? Sam himself was deemed fearless for asking the renowned Leah Clearwater out on a date. The same Leah Clearwater that would sooner chew your head off if you looked at her funny than accept dinner and a movie.

Even though I'd crushed on Sam for most of my childhood and early adolescent years, I made myself play hard to get.

It was Sam's endurance after my numerous rejections that had me surrender to him in the end. I never regretted it.

Until now, at least.

"You could say that," I admitted flatly. "Hell, what are you doing out this early?"

Embry shifted uncomfortably. "I'll tell you if you tell me," he settled. I wasn't interested, but I'd appreciate a distraction. I nodded at him in agreement, and he gave me a half-hearted smile. "My Mum brought a guy home," he confessed. "He was a total dick, yabbering on about some truck stop he works at. He's not good enough for her, and I told her so. Got myself kicked out," he shrugged. "He'll be gone by next week, anyway."

He looked at me expectantly when I didn't speak right away.

"Well?" he pried.

I sneered. "You got to learn to get things in writing, buddy. A little head wobble won't get me to spill my guts."

Embry stared downwards, whispering. "I'll remember that for next time."

We were quiet, the ocean's waves crashing faintly.

I sighed and glared at him. "Shit, alright. But just because you're going to find out in a couple hours either way," I told him. "He… _he_…" it was embarrassing, like I was suffocating as I attempted to speak his name. Embry waited, I closed my eyes and took a breath. It poured from my mouth even though it almost killed me, compressing my chest as I spoke. "Sam dumped me. The bastard dumped me, and if you tell anyone I was crying―which I _wasn't_―I'll tear you a new asshole, got it?"

Embry was only fifteen, I didn't expect sympathy from him as I turned to glare out at the horizon.

"I'm sorry, Leah," he almost sounded sincere.

I scowled. "Yeah, me too."

There was silence again; we both stared at the grey water.

"Hey listen," Embry said hesitantly. "Quil and I swiped some beer from his grandfather's stash and hid it in a tree somewhere, for a special occasion…" I turned towards him with a raised eyebrow, he smiled coyly. "This is as good a time as any. Did you maybe want to go find it?"

Despite myself, I laughed.

It sounded hollow.

I gestured forward. "Lead the fucking way."

Consequently, we drank five beers at seven in the morning.

**...**

In the end I didn't want to go home, but I went anyway. Embry and the beer had a nice calming effect on me, which sure enough went away as soon as I walked through the door. I expected my mother to blow a fuse the second she saw me, but the house was still. Harry sat in his armchair reading the paper and I heard Sue banging around pots in the kitchen. It was Emily who was first on the scene, pulling me into an embrace that I couldn't bring myself to return.

Somewhere inside me, I blamed her. _She ruined everything_.

"Leah, oh God, I'm so sorry," she had tears in her eyes. Was it horrible that I had none? I was empty. "I–I overheard what happened this morning and… and, oh God! I r–ran into him this afternoon at the store when I was buying things for dinner and he started going on about love, and soulmates and–and _destiny_. I told him never to speak to me again and left!"

I bit my tongue. "I… I'm going to sleep," I muttered, walking passed her to the hallway. Emily followed, trailing behind me. I suppressed a sigh and spun back around, trying not to sound too rude in a place with parental witnesses. "Look, I need to be alone tonight, so if you want my room I'll take the couch," I offered stiffly.

Harry cautiously peered over his newspaper at us.

"Oh, uh, I understand," Emily whispered sympathetically.

I frowned to myself. She didn't understand at all. As soon as my head hit the pillow, the tears unwillingly fell.

I cried myself to sleep, and dreamt only of Sam.

**...**

The days passed slowly. My insides hurt with the heartache while my outsides were sentenced to public scrutiny from the entire reservation. I spent my day trying not to think of Sam, and my nights dreaming about him. What little waking moments I had I spent with Embry. He was an icon from my childhood and a time before that dickhead Sam decided to fuck with me. Time with Embry was a little soothing like that split-second moment when hot water feels cold against the skin.

We were walking down the street when a couple guys were lounging around on logs by the fringe of the beach, people from school I think.

I recognised the one with greasy hair and a brow piercing as a dude that gave me a valentine when we were kids. A heart with glitter or some shit. Either way, I'd left it in the dirt. The rez was funny like that. You know everyone from somewhere. He stopped talking to one of the others to glare at me as we walked passed, and he called out snidely. "Aye, so what's someone gotta do to join Sam's new group, Clearwater? Is it a band of guy's that have gotten into your pants or something?"

His friends laughed, and I noticed Embry's shoulders stiffen beside me.

"Ha, don't you wish, asshole," I drawled, flipping them the finger. "You really want to know? You have to stick it up Sam's ass!" I ignored their other comments and kept walking. Embry had turned quiet. I led us down to the water, feel brushing the shore. I was okay with the silence, but I knew Embry barely shuts up without reason, so I sighed and glared at him. "What's nagging at you, kid?"

He frowned. "It'll upset you."

I rolled my eyes. "Puh-lease. Give me some fucking credit."

Embry hesitated. "Sam's gang… group, _whatever_," he shook his head. "Paul's started to hang with them. He's just turned sixteen, a real loud-mouth, do you know him? And anyway, well… Leah, you would know, what _does_ someone got to do, to get in with them, you know?"

My eyes narrowed. "Why?" I snapped. "You thinking of joining the cult?"

"No, of course not!" Jeez. The kid spoke so sincerely.

I stared out at the ocean. "Sam and his elite?" I chose my words carefully. Harry had made it his mission to make it clear to me that I wasn't to let-slip the secret to anyone, and I respect that, for my father's sake, even if I wanted to post it on billboards just to screw with Sam. "They call themselves protectors. Of the rez, and of our heritage. Pretty fucking corny, huh?"

"Protectors?" Embry repeated.

"Yeah."

He cracked a smile. "That is pretty corny."

I snorted. "Tell me about it."

**...**

Jacob sold the truck to Charlie Swan. Apparently it was a gift for his daughter that was coming to live with him in a few weeks or something. He offered me half the pay since I half helped him fix it up, but I just laughed and hung up on him. All my energy had gone into applying to colleges, the further away the better. The only good thing that has come out of all this shit is that I can finally escape it. And Sam will still be stuck here, playing his little role of guard dog.

It's been two weeks since I've talked to Emily. How could I when Sam was trying to court her right in front of my face, right in front of everyone I know? The day he left me he started throwing words around like destiny when I could still remember distinctly how warm it was and how if felt to have his lips on me? How could I look at her knowing he wished it had been her lips and not mine?

Emily should have left La Push. She should have cared enough not to hurt me further by staying and adding salt to the wounds, pretending to slap a bandaid on it. But she didn't. I don't know why she chose to stay here, but she did.

And I hated her for it, because it was getting thrown back in my face every time I saw her.

Sam left me for _her_.

She tried to reason with me. Talk with me. Comfort me. I couldn't look at her.

"Leah," Emily whispered through the wood of my bedroom door. "Leah, he told you too, didn't he? He said so."

Curiosity got the better of me. "Told me what?" I muttered grudgingly.

"About the… the protectors. And the gene."

I jerked at the handle open, but it wasn't to let her in. I flew passed Emily, who stood bewildered at the doorway, and ran to the bathroom just in time to vomit out everything I seemed to have ever eaten. Reluctantly I glanced inside the sink. God, when had I eaten carrot? Someone knocked at the bathroom door. The banging only added to the throb in my head and taste of bile on my tongue.

"Urgh, fuck off," I rasped.

"Lee, are you okay? Are you sick?" Emily asked softly.

"I'm okay, got it? Leave me alone!" I'm not okay.

I'm not okay. I'm _not_ okay. Sam told Emily about the werewolves. Had it been so easy for him to tell her? After weeks and weeks of begging and pleading and understanding, he still hadn't told me. Was it so hard for him to tell _me_? Why hadn't he told _me_? Oh God…

I retched and pressed my hand to my mouth to stop the nausea.

**...**

The days crept by slower, maybe a week passed since Emily had told me, and it was the day it happened. I hadn't eaten much, but that didn't stop me from puking out my guts with as much gusto as I had the first couple of times. I was on the beach waiting for Embry to meet me, hiding away from the pitiful looks when I heard the scream. It was loud and excruciatingly familiar. It was close. Before I could question it I was running, running into the woods I'd tried so hard to forget. Running towards the scream. I hadn't run for a minute before I skidded to a stop.

And I found her. Drenched in blood, cowering at the feet of an oversized black wolf.

I wasn't afraid when I knew I should've been. I recognised those pitch black eyes. I didn't get sick when I knew I should have. There was so much blood. Emily was crying, and I wasn't sure if she was crying in her unconscious pain or if she was still awake and feeling the hurt of the three ragged gashes that sliced down her body. I absorbed it all in seconds. If it weren't for her tears I'd have thought she was dead.

My feet were moving forward before I'd finished thinking. The wolf was whimpering as I knelt beside Emily, turning her around so that she wouldn't be laying face-down in the dirt. I cringed away in disgust. The slashes were carved so deeply on her face that if I hadn't known it was Emily I wouldn't have recognised her. The wolf whimpered again, and I looked up at him with a venomous glare.

"What have you done?" I asked him, it came out as I intended. A heartless accusation.

The wolf howled mournfully.

"_Get a fucking grip_!" I snarled at him. "Get out of here!"

I slung half of Emily's limp frame around my shoulders and hauled her off the ground. She was sobbing, her blood soaked through my clothes. I could smell it, that sickly scent. If she lost any more blood she wouldn't make it. I forced my legs to move back towards the reservation.

Tiny wisps of air broke through her mouth. My back ached as I pressed onwards, relief rushing through me as I hit the main road. Emily's feet dragged against the concrete. I couldn't see anyone, she was going to die, and I couldn't see anyone.

"Help!" the frenzied word echoed out, hoarse and desperate. "Somebody help! Please, hello? HELP!"

Several voices began at once, but I couldn't really make any of them out. Men came running out of the houses – I didn't know why none of them were at work, but it's the weekend or something, right? I'm not going to complain. They took one horrified look at Emily, carrying her between them and yelling questions at me, and I couldn't understand because all I could think about was getting her to a hospital. Emily needs a hospital.

"We need to call an ambulance," I heard myself say over the voices. "We need an ambulance!"

"Leah? Leah! Calm down now, baby girl, it's alright," someone said and I felt a firm hand grip my arm. I recognised the voice with a rush of relief and I felt myself revert back to childish thoughts. Daddy was here, everything is fine now. My father held onto me as neighbours brought towels out of the houses and used them to try and slow the bleeding. "We need to get her to the hospital, immediately," Harry commanded, voicing my thoughts.

"Harry, please think about this," it was one of two elders who spoke now, his name escaped me. The older of the two, maybe a bit younger than Old Quil. I think his name was Tim? "You know as well as I do that… that one of _them_ works at the hospital now… we cannot risk it."

His acquaintance nodded in agreement, and my father was outvoted.

I shook my head, unsure if I was hearing correctly. "You stupid old fucks," I muttered darkly.

Harry looked at me sharply but I had already pulled away from him, glowering at them both. Were they seriously willing to put Emily's life in danger just because a Cullen was a fucking doctor or some shit? The others had strapped Emily into a run-down Ute. She was silent now, and they were waiting on the verdict of the elders on the scene. I shook my head again.

"I'm sorry, Thomas," Harry whispered to the man. "My daughter is upset…"

Upset? I was beyond fucking upset!

I scowled. If you want something done, Leah, my recklessness told me. Do it yourself.

I gritted my teeth and jumped into the driver's seat of the Ute, slamming the door shut and twisting the key already in the ignition. The tires squealed and I pushed down the handbrake, shooting off along the main road, uplifting a layer of mud in my wake. Fuming, I pressed my foot down on the accelerator, my fingernails digging into the cheap foam cover on the wheel as I glared out the mud-splattered windscreen.

Following speed limits, it would have taken forty minutes to reach Forks Community Hospital. It took me about nineteen. The small, grey one-storey building was almost empty, I cut in front of a delivery truck and I parked the Ute diagonally across three parking spaces just because I was pissed off and I felt like it.

The truckie rolled down his window. "Oi! You handicapped or something, bitch?"

"Do you wanna be?" I growled at him.

He rolled his window back up. Yeah, smart move.

It was seconds before a paramedic and a couple of nurses rushed through the emergency doors and began unstrapping Emily out of the Ute. I guess someone had called them in advance. I leapt out and helped them lower her onto the gurney, they were about to wheel her away when I felt something lightly brush against my hand. Emily was awake, barely, and staring at me through the heavy-lidded eye on the good side of her face. Her fingertips stretched out to take my hand. I bit my lip and started walking in pace with the gurney, her hand linked weakly with mine.

I squeezed it tightly.

"It'll be okay, Emily," I told her. "It's going to be okay. You're safe now."

"Miss? Miss? Uh, excuse me, Miss?" I didn't realise one of the nurses was talking to me. Jeez, how long had they been speaking to me or about Emily, how long had I pushed their voices away? I'd completely zoned out. "I'm sorry, Miss. We're going to have to get you to fill a few things out."

"Like hell you are," I said to her. "Is my cousin going to be okay?"

"She needs blood. Lots of it," the paramedic said, frustrated, speaking to the nurse and attaching an oxygen tube through the right side of Emily's lips. The nurse was dabbing antiseptic along the gashes. It looked like they were preparing to stitch it up. "We don't get a proper delivery till Monday."

The blonde secretary from behind a desk picked up the phone. "I'll call Dr. Cullen,"

I held up my bare arm. "I'll donate."

"Where's Dr. Greene?" the paramedic asked, he was staring at me as he spoke.

"In the OR," the secretary answered.

My head churned. "Crap. Fine, okay," the paramedic motioned me forward. "You're local? Your blood should be on record. Alright, come with us. I got to get these wounds closed before we even think about giving her blood. You haven't had any illnesses lately? No? Good. Without a doctor present I'm not authorised to grant drastic decisions, but there's no time to wait for one, I trust I have your permission?" I could only nod stupidly at him as I followed the gurney down a corridor and into a room. "It might help if we knew what happened to her, err, Miss…?"

"Leah," I introduced myself quickly. "I found her in the woods."

"Definite animal attack," he whispered to himself, stringing a needle. "Oh, and I'm Dylan Clark. Hey Diana," he addressed one of the bustling nurses still cleaning the wounds down to Emily's arms. "Can you get them ready for a blood transfusion while I stitch up?"

I closed my eyes and tried not to think, of Dylan Clark the paramedic stitching Emily's face or the tubes carrying blood, my blood and the blood of others, into Emily's body. I vaguely remember the nurses stating that there was a whole group of people in the waiting room claiming to be family that weren't allowed through. Lucky them. I wish I were spared the gory details of what happens after a werewolf attack.

A couple hours later, Emily was asleep and stable. Me on the other hand, I was light-headed and sent outside to provide information for whoever the hell was in the waiting room. I felt a little better after the secretary gave me a cookie.

I walked into the room and collapsed into a padded armchair.

"She's fine," I mumbled, and then I was asleep.

**...**

Emily didn't wake up until two days later. I hadn't left the hospital, and practically lived on the padded armchair I dragged into her tiny room. I knew Emily well, everyone had stopped by the hospital with flowers and best-wishes, and she was too polite to say the attention embarrassed her, so I took it upon myself to kick people out of the room when they got overly indulgent or brought in something reflective. Emily didn't need to see her reflection right now. Especially when she could see it so clearly through the eyes of her visitors. She was permanently disfigured.

Her parents―my Aunt and Uncle―came down from Makah. Upon seeing her, my Aunt Jenna burst into tears while Uncle Moko fought with my mother and father, since Emily was technically under their care, how could they _allow_ it to happen? I angrily said to my Uncle that next time we'd be sure to keep a fucking leash on her.

When they asked Emily what happened to her, she told everyone that she had been mauled by a bear. After hearing that lame-ass excuse I stormed back to the reservation for the day to cool-off. Harry and I knew the truth, and the lie, no matter how justified they claimed it as, disgusted me.

At home Sue gave me a firm talking-to about stealing Utes, but privately I knew she was proud.

On the drive back I bought some chocolates at a gas station to sneak-in to Emily.

It was in-between visiting hours, but the nurses now knew better to think that I'd really give a shit, so I swept swiftly passed the empty waiting room and passed the secretary Cindy's desk and down the hall towards Emily's private room. It was open a crack, and even from the other side of the corridor I could smell the flowers that the small space was practically smothered in. It could probably be mistaken for a bloody greenhouse.

Emily wasn't alone in the room. I heard feet shuffling, and she wasn't capable of standing yet. I peeked through the door's crevice to be sure I wasn't walking in on someone redressing her stitches or something equally as gruesome, but my breath caught in my throat and once I looked I was incapable of looking away.

Sam.

I'd taken Emily's accident as a way to forget about him. Only focusing only on her, and not the _thing_ that did it to her. But now that I saw him all the emotions flooded to the surface, and I felt angry and sad and sick all at once. I watched as he spoke to her, his face twisted with a pain that I could not read, and she listened with a very calm expression. And the bastard was sitting in _my _padded armchair and she was _listening_ to him speak, and she was holding his fucking hand in a soothing gesture as he stared at her with such twisted remorse.

I was preparing to confront them, the anger had overshot all my other feelings, and if only I'd done it sooner I might have stopped it. Sam leant forward slowly, and he pressed his lips against Emily's ruined mouth, and I felt sicker than I've ever felt. My heart thudded in my ears. It begged my eyes to look away but they stayed glued to how their lips moved together, and how Emily didn't pull away or struggle or scream.

She kissed him, and he kissed her, and I snapped in two.

I might have made a noise―a gasp, a scream, a sob―because now they broke apart and were staring at me standing in the doorway. The chocolates had slipped through my fingers and onto the floor, my chest raking through breaths as if I was getting no air at all.

Sam moved away from her, but in a half-hearted attempt. They both knew I saw everything.

Emily looked horrified. "Oh God, Leah. I… we…"

"You bitch," I managed to spit. "You _bitch_."

I didn't want to see anymore. I couldn't stand them in the room together, and I was replaying their kiss over and over in my head and I was afraid that they might see me cry. I ran out of the room, out of the hospital and into Sue's car, and I was driving back to the reservation even though I could hardly see through the rain and my blurry vision. The windscreen wipers were flicking violently across the window. I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled over to the side of the forest and got out of the car. I wrapped my arms around me and walked into the surrounding greenery, leaving my mother's car open and running on the empty highway.

There I was, in the middle of trees that extended towards the grey sky, and I screamed my lungs out, until it felt like I might start coughing up blood. And then I curled up in the mud and cried into my knees. Emily betrayed me. She _betrayed_ me.

The sobs wouldn't stop, but I heard it, over the rain and my tears.

"Lee-Lee…"

I glared up from my position curled in the mud. Sam was looking down at me, his gaze full of pity and sadness and hurt. The rage flared and I propped myself up on my elbows. "What the fuck do you want, Uley?" I asked him, my features coiled with fury. "What the _fuck_ do you want, asshole?"

He stared at me on the ground and I picked myself up and ran back to the car, locking myself in.

It's stupid the way someone breaks your heart, but you still love them with all the little pieces.

* * *

**I'm not really happy with how this chapter turned out, but I thought 'oh, what the hell' and I posted it anyway. I know a lot of you were disappointed that Sam imprinted on Emily, and I apologise but its how I intended it to happen all along. Hopefully you'll continue reading to find out where Leah's path ends. There is absolutely more of Leah and Sam in the future, whether or not the story will end with it I will not say! Please let me know what you think, any questions welcome!**

**Oh! And I just wanted to add I'm looking forward to writing more of Leah and Embry's new friendship.**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	8. Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Existing

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Reviews were adored, as always. Sorry it's been so long, life has been crazy. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Existing **

**...**

When I got back home, soaked to the fucking bone and layered in mud, I didn't stop to rationalize why I started throwing all Emily's belongings out the front door, I just did it. My mother was yelling, but I remained silent behind an icy mask, and I think the eeriness of it all scared her because she called my father and sent him home early from a fishing trip to talk some sense into me.

I watched through narrowed eyes as they brought her things back into the house and laid them out to dry.

Harry left again, and I was in my room when there was a knock at the door. I listened out for the visitor, hoping for Embry or Rachel or even Jacob, when I heard his voice addressing my mother, and asking for _me_.

"Sue," Sam said earnestly. "Please, is Leah home?"

I could only imagine the pick-you-up-and-spit-you-out look my mother was giving him right now. She had said Sam was scum, that he was an idiot for leaving me. She put him down to try and make me feel better. But it only made me feel worse, knowing that Sam wasn't any of these things, and he still left me for her.

"You are looking to speak with my daughter?" Sue clarified. "With whom you are no longer acquainted?"

He hesitated. "Please. I need to talk to her."

My mother's tone dropped. "You listen to me, Samuel Uley," she hissed with bland distaste. "You may be greeted by a goddamn parade whenever my husband answers the door, but you will do well to stay out of my way when he isn't here to defend you. I won't pretend to understand the little codes between you and Harry, or your place on our council, but know this: you are no longer welcomed in this house."

I heard the door close, and I was satisfied.

**...**

Seth was studying me in silence.

"Oh jeez, what now?" I snapped.

"He… he called again. Sam called again," he informed me quietly.

"Oh really?" I said indifferently. "And did you relay my message for him from the last twenty calls?"

Seth squirmed uncomfortably. "I said you said 'stop calling, dipshit'."

I pursed my lips. "I said a shit lot more than that."

"I, um, censored it."

Emily got out of the hospital today. Aunt Jenna and Uncle Moko wanted to take her back to Makah, but she wanted to stay in La Push. Her parents agreed to her demands because she was still in a fragile oh-God-forbid-a-slight-breeze-might-knock-her-on-her-ass stage. I presented my parents with the following option: her or me. I'd be damned to hell rather than be forced under the same roof as her.

Harry and Sue left that morning to explain the predicament to Emily and offer to drive her back to Makah.

When they got home, my mother slammed the door.

"Sam Uley gave her a house!" Sue spat, her eyes livid as she paced from the kitchen to the lounge room back and forth. "A house! Where did that boy even get the money for a something like that? I can't believe her parents, letting her live out there by herself―"

I felt cold. My lips moved before I could stop them. "What house?"

God, I didn't _want_ to know.

Sue waved her hand dismissively at the trivial interruption. "Oh, some measly little thing out by the woods."

Oh, she was living in _that_ house. That house Sam poured his heart and soul into fixing with me in mind. That house where he got down on one knee in front of and proposed to me. That house where I pictured our children and spent lazy days making love to Sam on our ratty old mattress and planning what furniture would go where once we could afford it. That house where, hidden in my room, I still had the bag packed from when I was going to move into it. Hoping, secretly hoping.

Yeah, _that_ fucking house.

**...**

That week I like to think I made progress.

I couldn't find the strength to burn the photos I had of Sam like my family thought, so I hid them instead. I got a part-time bar job with my fake ID up at Port Angeles. The guy that owned the place obviously didn't care if it was fake or if I had experience, he was only interested in finding a hot chick that could write down orders and serve drinks and wouldn't be intimidated by drunken lowlifes since the place apparently got a lot of roughhousing from the type of people that hung around there. Either way, it proved a satisfactory distraction from my incredibly shitty life.

School started up again, and if I bothered to show up, my will to learn wavered between not giving a shit and wanting to get into a adequate college very, very far away from La Push.

I knew I fell in with the wrong crowd. The only problem was that I didn't care. I happily drunk, and I happily took drugs with them, and I happily broke fingers when some grubby-grabby thought it was okay to let his hands wander when mine were carrying a tray full of beers.

It was a good system, and it was a satisfactory distraction.

My friends at school tried to help. To _save me_ from the person I was becoming. I didn't talk to them much, mostly because the bitter person I had become wasn't worth friends, and I needed to cut them out of my life before I poisoned them. They knew the before-Leah, and I didn't want to completely destroy that past image of me. I tried to brush off Embry as well―God knows the kid didn't need someone like _me_ screwing up his life―but the guy stuck to me like glue, and I gave in. It was nice anyway, having someone in La Push I could trust, even if it was for my own selfish reasons.

Emily or Sam―urgh, sometimes both of them―attempted to visit me on a regular basis. My family did well by turning them away, but the reservation is so small and sometimes when I was out with Embry I'd see them walking hand-in-hand, I'd have to lurch to the nearest shrubbery to avoid my gallbladder getting spilt along the sidewalk.

My constant illness was a worry for him, but I'd learnt to accept it.

Seriously, spilling my guts had become in my average daily routine.

Embry had asked why it was I got so upset with the ignorance of someone who's never been in love. I glared at him before speaking. "Because once upon a time there was a princess and a prince who fell in love. And then one day, the prince starts disappearing like a fucking crazy-ass psycho and falls in love with the princess's backstabbing best friend and they live happily ever after," I paused thoughtfully before adding. "Oh, except the princess. But who gives two shits about her?"

He didn't ask me again.

It was late afternoon on a Saturday, I'd had the morning shift at the bar and thoughts of school never occupy my mind on the weekend, when I heard a light tapping at my door. I frowned. "What is it Dad?" he was the only one home, so if couldn't very well be anyone else.

"Leah?" Oh fuck, that was _not_ Harry's voice. "Leah please, can I talk to you?"

"I don't think so," I spat at the door. "Why don't you come back when it's a cold day in hell?"

"Leah, please, I hate this. Not talking."

I made a noise that sounded like a scoff.

Pfft. She hated this? Seriously? Well maybe she should've thought of that _before_ she started fucking my boyfriend.

"Yeah well, that's just too bad now, isn't it?"

"But Lee… we're family."

I gritted my teeth, fists curled. "Bullshit, Emily! Family doesn't do shit like this to family, even _I_ know that!"

And it's not like my morals pointed due north or anything. Jeez.

"Please try to understand me, Leah," she said quietly through the wood. "I… I love him."

There was no way I could have stopped myself. I had to look at her. Was she fucking serious? I opened my door. I leant against the frame as I glared. She had tears in her eyes, and she jumped at the sight of me, as if I looked more frightening then her with red marks raking down half _my_ body. I was perfection, if not for the dark circles under my lids and the horrid stench of smoke that clung to my clothes.

"Oh you love him, do you?" I hissed, nodding at her in mock-civility. "Well, I guess that clears it all up. I feel _all_ better now, sunshine and fluffy-fucking rainbows, just knowing that you _love_ him after, what, a couple of days? Thanks for that. Now piss off." I slammed the door in her face.

She softly tapped on it again. "I know you're very upset and hurt," Shit, had I given it away? "But you're still my sister and―and we'll get through this, because we're family and I love you, and it will stop hurting one day, and… and you'll forgive us―"

I scowled. "You're wrong," I whispered in a malicious tone. "You're _dead_ to me."

And she was, because to me they were both as good as dead.

**...**

The drugs were good. Whatever the hell kind of poisons it was they crammed into those little pills, I wasn't complaining. In the months that passed, I must have got fired from my job several times, and each time it happened, Anthony―bar owner and my asshole of a boss―would call me up and ask if I could make it in tomorrow. I'd made acquaintances with too many of his customers for him to even consider _seriously_ getting rid of me.

I was a favourite amongst his regulars.

Within the months Emily continued her attempt to recover our broken relationship.

I hated myself. I smashed all the mirrors in the house just because I hated the person that stared back at me from them. Seth picked up the shards, because the kid didn't know what else he could do. I hated that I constantly hurt him, that I was a shameful disappointment to my parents.

My showers were longer. Every night I scrubbed my skin raw, as if I could wash away evidence that Sam had ever touched me. I wanted to erase everything. It never helped. I could still feel his heated flesh against mine every time I let my guard down.

But there was nothing else for me to do. If I didn't fucking swear, if I didn't drink, if I didn't take a pill every morning, what else was there for me? I couldn't cry. I'd be damned if I became one of those people that wallow like whiny little bitches. I wanted to rebel. I wanted to _feel _something again. And if I couldn't feel Sam's arms wrapped around me then I'd settle for something else. Anything else. I had gotten desperate.

I just wanted to feel again. And that's why I started it.

It wasn't much, and I'd rather resolve for a cut on my arm than worthless sex with a stranger. The slashes were never deep, I wasn't so messed up that I wanted to do myself in, but they were enough for the fulfilling release of the blood slipping down the crease of my elbow. And this was Washington. We wore long-sleeves all the time, so no one suspected a thing. It was just between me. Something within my control, I could control my body. It was my body, and I could control it. No one else but me.

Embry and I were hiking along the beach. He was prattling on about his friends and I listened because I didn't much feel like talking. He mentioned a bonfire a week or so back that they had with some kids from school.

"You really should have come, Leah," he stated cheerfully. "Jake and I went rock-pool gazing with a couple of guys, and Quil was off his face and completely flirting with this chick, you know, Fred Simons girl. You should have seen him, it was fucking _hilarious_. But seriously, next bonfire you're coming even if I have to drag you there by your teeth."

"Huh, right…" I mumbled.

He looked down at me. I was a little unsettled by how much Embry had grown over the last couple weeks. Actually, it fucking freaked me the hell out. I'd voiced my concerns to my father, but he said Embry's mother was from Makah and that there was nothing to worry about. It was just a teenaged growth spurt, and I was severely paranoid. "Something bothering you, Leah?" Of course something was bothering me.

When was something _not_ bothering me?

"Council meeting at my house. Sam's there," I said shortly. "I won't be heading home for a while."

Embry raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Jeez, the council _meets_ with Sam now?"

I gave a humourless laugh. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

**...**

It was late September, almost midnight, when I received a sharp knock at my window.

"Leah? Hey Leah, open up, will you?" a voice hissed from the darkness

"Man, she sleeps like a rock…"

"Leah, are you awake?"

The voice spoke again. "C'mon Lee, we gotta go!"

I opened the window, aggravated, to find Embry grinning stupidly at me.

Jacob and Quil were crouching behind him, both seeming equally amused, energized and proud of themselves. "Jesus Christ, what the fuck do you guys want? I don't have time to baby-sit you three right now, so you better make this quick."

"I told you I'd drag you if I have to," Embry stated seriously.

My eyes rolled. "Shit, you idiots decide to have a bonfire _now_?"

"It's a celebration!" Quil beamed.

"Celebration?" I repeated flatly.

"Those Cullens hightailed it," Jacob flashed his teeth. "So everyone's at the cliffs, you in?"

The vampires left? They actually _left_? Now that's a fucking reason to celebrate if I've ever heard one. I slept in my jeans, so I just reached for my jacket and swung my legs over the windowsill. The boys were high-fiving each other and I landed with a muted thud beside them.

I grinned. "Let's party."

The sea cliffs were already lit and thriving by the time we manipulated and blackmailed Seth to climb out his window and join us. People were laughing, drinking and dancing around the fires. There were about four main ones burning about the place, so the people were scattered. I noticed Emily among them, and my partying mood was suddenly smothered. Embry took hold of my arm as if he knew I planned to make a run for it the minute I was out of his sight. He shook his head at me. "You're not going anywhere, Leah."

I'd never admit it aloud, but I was thankful for a friend like Embry. I craved someone with stability, someone who will always be there, and he didn't possess the werewolf gene like Sam or Seth or Jacob or Quil. He wouldn't leave me. And I loved that feeling of consistency in my otherwise completely unpredictable life.

Embry would always be there for me.

"Fine, I'll stay," I said irritably. "But if I have the urge to jump off the cliffs, have fun stopping me."

He smiled and nudged me teasingly. "Who says I'll try and stop you?"

"You're an asshole," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Now play nice Leah," Embry shifted nervously. "And please _try _to be civil."

That last comment confused me.

"What?"

"Um, Leah?" I heard Emily say timidly. "Would you like to come and sit with us?"

Oh, why don't I just jump off the cliff and get it the fuck over with? Embry gave me a thumbs-up and slunk away into the crowd with Quil and Seth. That bastard. I reluctantly turned towards Emily, my mouth pressed downward into a grimace. I just _know_ I'm going to regret this. "Uh, I guess," I agreed, allowing her to lead me back towards a smaller fire where she was sitting with… wait, was that _Kim_? Huh, yeah it was.

Emily was nervous and tittering. "Oh, um Leah, this is Kim―" she flustered.

My eyes narrowed. "I _know_ who Kim is. Why the hell is she here?"

Both girls smiled coyly, immune to my hostility.

"She's Jared's… err, new girlfriend."

Well, isn't _that_ lovely? I'm sitting at the our-boyfriends-are-werewolves-suck-on-it fire.

"So where are the furry bastards tonight?" I asked.

Who am I kidding. I might as well blurt out 'where the fuck is Sam?'

Emily leaned in and lowered her voice. She was all too eager to answer my question because I was actually speaking with her in a non-spiteful way. "They're all out in the forest looking for Isabella Swan," she whispered gravely. "Billy called them to help. She left her father a note that she went walking with a… you-know-what, a Cullen, and she hasn't been seen since. And now the Cullens have up and left like they've got something to hide. We think they violated the treaty. Sam's really worried. It's all a bit suspicious."

It seems Chief Charlie Swan's daughter has gone and mixed herself with the wrong kind of mythical creatures. Not that I'm surprised. She's not the sharpest screwdriver in the toolbox.

"That's nice," I commented lightly.

"Sam told us to wait at their house," Kim added conversationally. "But this is a great chance to get out, right?"

My face warped furiously and Kim threw an anxious glance at Emily, wondering what she said wrong. I hadn't missed the way she said _their house_, and the thick implication that so obviously followed. I rounded on Emily who was watched me desperately because she knew exactly why I was upset.

"_Their_ house?" I repeated viciously. "What the fuck does _that _mean, Emily?"

"Leah," she sighed sadly. "I was going to tell you, I swear I was―"

"How were you planning on doing that?" I sneered, standing from the ground and towering over her. My hands coiled into fists by my sides and shook. I wanted to hit something. My teeth locked. "How exactly does someone go about doing that? Were you just going to walk up to me a month from now and be like _oh, nice weather we're having, I like your sweater. And by the way, I'm shacking up with your boyfriend now_?"

"Ex-boyfriend," Emily corrected quietly.

My face flushed. "Yeah, that's what I meant."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No, you're not. That's what makes it so fucking horrible," I said coldly. "Goodnight."

I met Embry's concerned gaze from the other side of the crowd, but I ignored him and walked home alone.

**...**

The weeks bled together. It was New Years Eve. On that night, I didn't feel like going out with some of the guys down at the bar, despite the invitations. I told my family I _was_ going out, so that they wouldn't feel bad about leaving me home by myself. But I just wanted to be alone. A year ago, two years ago, three years ago today, Sam and I developed the tradition of finding the most desolated spot in La Push and staring at the sky.

Just me, and him, and a bottle of champagne, and the stars.

I wondered if he'd uphold that tradition with Emily this year. I wondered, as I sat on my bed, if that's what he was doing right now. Laughing with her as they tried unsuccessfully to pop the cork of the champagne, only to have it rebound off a tree and hit him in the forehead. I wondered if she'd kiss it better the way I did.

"Leah, we're leaving," Sue told me, she turned to Harry. "Anyone else you want to invite?"

"Charlie can't leave his daughter alone right now," Harry said.

Ha, that's right. Charlie was a usual guest to Quileute festivities, but now had to mind his suicidal child. Seth seemed to think I'd get along with Isabella Swan, since I could empathise with her after her _traumatic_ heartbreak when her vampire boyfriend didn't eat her and skipped town. He dropped that theory quickly after I all but bit his head off. Apparently moping around and pretty much needing to be hospitalised was her style. I found it to be pathetic to the point that I'd rather take a shotgun to the head than hear someone say how similar our situations were.

I didn't sulk around after Sam left me. I turned my heartbreak into rage and violence.

It just seemed more productive that way.

It was close to midnight, and I was alone. The phone rang. I glared at it, contemplating.

I picked it up.

"Hello, you've reached the Clearwater residence," I spoke stiffly. "If you're selling shit, we don't want any."

"_Leah, is that you_?" Oh, it was only Jacob.

"Urgh fuck, what do you want?" I groaned into the receiver.

"_What are you doing at home_?" he sounded baffled.

I frowned. "Make this quick, Jacob. I'm busy."

"_Is Seth around_?" he asked.

"He's out enjoying the festivities with Mum and Dad," I informed him. "Anyway, isn't that where you should be? I saw Billy leave with them. Oh, you don't have to answer that. I don't care, and I've got to go because I said I was busy and I'm sticking by that and I got to go find alcohol to drown in. Later."

I hung up. Seconds afterwards the phone rang again, I pressed it to my ear.

"What?" I snapped.

"_You sound upset_," Jacob said. "_You're not stringing up rope or slitting your wrists or anything, are you_?"

"No," I said dryly. "Now goodbye."

I hung up again. I almost expected him to ring back, but he didn't.

Instead, fifteen minutes later, I got a knock on the front door, and there was Jacob, grinning and carrying two six-packs of beer and a bottle of tequila. I stared at him. "Where do you Quileute boys get all this alcohol?" I asked curiously, folding my arms and holding to door open for him to pass because who was I to turn away free drinks?

"We have our secrets," Jacob said, raising his eyebrows mysteriously.

By now my conscience didn't care if I got drunk with fifteen year olds. I removed two shot glasses from the cabinet and led Jacob to the backyard, where we sat on lawn chairs around the bug zapper. He poured the tequila into the glasses and held one up to me. I heard a loud bang, followed by the light of fireworks and distant cheering.

"Happy New Year, Leah," Jacob said, holding up his shot.

"Yeah… you too, Jake," I replied, clinking my glass with his.

And then we drank.

Only in the morning did I remember why Jacob would have chosen to be alone on New Years. It was the anniversary of Sarah Black's death. I remembered when Jake's mum died, he was four and I was seven. Sarah and Billy Black were on their way home from a party in Seattle when a drunk driver hit them. The days following, the adults fussed over the newly wheelchair-bound Billy and the funeral arrangements. Rachel and Rebecca comforted each other in their grief, and I held Jacob as he cried because no one else could find the time to.

I wondered if he remembered that, and if he came to me that night because this time I was the one who needed comfort, even if I wouldn't admit it to myself and it was in the form of someone to take my mind of Sam and bring alcohol.

Because there's no way in hell I'd let Jacob Black hold me while I cried.

**...**

From what Embry has told me, Jacob's become best buddies with Isabella Swan. Now _that's_ an odd couple. I didn't spend much time watching them interact when the Blacks invited my family over for dinner. I was preoccupied with Emily on the phone all night, as she tried to make polite conversation. I would have hung up on her if I wasn't under the careful supervision of my mother, who―after more than a few heated arguments with my father―was suddenly acting like she knew more than I did. So I settled for not really speaking unless it was completely necessary, prodding at the spaghetti and holding the phone in place on my shoulder.

I vaguely recalled Sue scolding Harry about his cholesterol. The woman worries too much. Seth had always seen Jacob in the older brother sense and seemed even more desperate to cling than usual since Jacob was paying more attention to the Swan girl than him, which I found pretty entertaining. While Emily prattled on, I pictured myself on the beach, which is where I would be if my mother hadn't forced me to socialise.

A couple nights later I had a late shift at work, so when I got home I crashed straight into bed and fell asleep. I'd heard from Embry the day before, he called to tell me he had food poisoning or something. I told him to grow a pair, have some aspirin and take it like a man. He laughed.

I was more than annoyed when I heard a frantic hammering at my window.

Glowering, I sat up in bed and looked towards the noise. The curtains were already drawn back since I'd forgotten to close them, displaying the black night and Embry, who was gazing steadily at me through the glass. All my irritation drained away and was replaced with blind panic as I threw myself across the room. I fumbled with the lock before I calmed myself enough to unlatch it.

"Embry?" I whispered frantically. "What the hell, man?"

He was naked, and his face as pale as a sheets. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open as if he wanted to speak but no sound was coming out. Like he wanted to scream. His hands griped my windowpane until his knuckled turned white and I heard the wood crack and splinter.

"Leah," his voice shook. "C-can I have some c-c-clothes?"

I nodded and took an old pair of Sam's sweats from my draw. I felt oddly numb. This couldn't be what I thought it was, could it? I needed reassurance. Another fucking explanation. "Embry, was someone playing a joke on you?" I managed to ask, it sounded like I was choking as I helped pull his bulky frame through the window.

"I–I don't know," he sounded unattached and distant. "I don't know. The voices…"

He stopped himself and sat on my bed, his head in his hands.

I shook my head and couldn't stop the words. "So you too, huh? I can't catch a fucking break."

Embry frowned. "What?"

"You turned into one of them, didn't you?" I snapped at him, folding my arms and holding back the sting in my eyes. I _will not_ cry like a little bitch. "You turned into a fucking wolf even though you're not suppose to. Shit, I must be cursed or something," I muttered darkly to myself. "It's like I should come with a warning label, that if you hang around me enough you'll experience side effects like itchy scalps and morphing into a giant dog―"

Embry leapt up and griped my shoulders, knocking the breath from me.

"You know what's happening to me?" he demanded, shaking and desperate. "_What's happening to me_?"

I stiffened. "Let me go!" he blinked and loosened his grasp. I pulled back from him in disgust. "It's not _my_ fucking fault, if that's what you're thinking," I spat. "You can thank your daddy for this little genetic twist, whoever the hell the bastard was!"

"My father?" Embry cringed. It was always a soft spot for him.

I sighed and glared at the floor. "Look Embry," I said slowly. "I don't want to deal with this shit again. So why don't you run along and go bang on Sam and Emily's window, I'm sure they can explain everything to you more than I can. You're not insane, and you're not alone, but I won't… I _can't_ be the one to hold your hand and walk you through this," I inclined my head towards the window. "So good luck, kid."

I don't know what I was expecting. A little fight? A little 'no, Leah, I want you to explain it to me'? But he didn't. He didn't say anything as he climbed out the window and started running towards Sam and Emily. I don't know why I suddenly felt empty and betrayed, but I did.

Embry left, after I'd been so sure he wouldn't.

And I was furious at him.

* * *

**This chapter was originally fourteen pages, but I cut it in half and now it is eight. A lot seemed to be happening, so I decided to put the rest of it in the next chapter. Please feel free to message me if you have any comments or questions or suggestions. **

**Oh, and let me know if I'm going too fast. I'm just so eager to get ahead to what I want to write about (Leah after her transformation) that sometimes I get a bit carried away and don't realise the pace. This chapter all took place within months, the next chapter will be less so, but things will slow down soon so please forgive my rushing. **

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	9. Condemnation Sucks

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Condemnation Sucks**

**...**

In the days that followed, Embry didn't show up at school, for obvious reasons.

Jacob asked me if I'd heard from him, so I gave him the stupid food poisoning story. It was a Friday when I bothered to go to class instead of hiding out like I'd done for most of the week. I was heading towards the cafeteria when I noticed Quil getting into a loud argument with a senior. Fred Simons, moron around my age. They were in the middle of the hallway, a large crowd lingering around them with adolescent anticipation to see someone get their face punched in. I could taste the tension on my tongue.

Rolling my eyes, I thought it best to intercede before sissy slaps were thrown and I get scolded for _not_ interceding by certain nosy people. People like old men, or fathers, that don't want teenage boys turning into wolves in busy school corridors because we Quileute's don't happen to possess awesome technology that can erase seeing shit like that. Quil was huge now, and I was weary of the fact, plus I'd rather not witness the kid explode today.

I sauntered over and stood between them, both too busy spitting insults to pay me much attention.

"There a problem here, idiots?" I asked them stiffly.

Quil showed his teeth and balled his fists, pointing angrily at the older boy. "This dickhead's got a problem with my name," he hissed, nose scrunched with disgust and rage that sent cold shivers to my bones because I knew _that _expression all too well, "and I got a problem with his face!"

"Not this again, Quil," I muttered to him. "Just fucking cool it, will you?" I glared at Fred. "You too, fuckwit."

"Back off, Clearwater," Fred sneered at me. "This doesn't involve you."

My eyes narrowed. "Seems like it involves me when you start picking petty fights with juniors, asshole." It didn't matter that Quil was actually bigger than him. I squared my shoulders and gave him a shove to the chest. "So why don't _you_ back the fuck off, go develop a brain and perhaps exchange your vagina for a penis while you're at it?"

Fred managed to growl: "You fucking bitch!" before Quil charged at him, tackling him to the ground as the two scuffled, a loud eruption of cheering surrounded them, and I rolled my eyes again before attempting to pry them apart.

I _hate_ when the tables turn and I end up stuck as the responsible one.

And if I hadn't babysat Quil all those years ago, or been disturbed by freakish genetics, I wouldn't have bothered.

In the end, being the responsible one sucked because I was sent to the office along with Quil and Fred, and some guy I didn't know but decided he wanted to be a fucking hero and jump in on the action. When Quil's mother arrived he got himself screeched at for ten minutes and grounded for the better half of the next couple of months. When Harry made his appearance, I scowled, folded my arms and told him flat-out that it wasn't my fight and I'd been unjustly accused. He laughed at me and said he was proud of me for standing up for Quil.

Then he took me out for burgers.

Harry always had this air of indefinite wisdom about him. I pointed it out to him once, he said it was an old-person thing, but I never thought so. It was a Harry Clearwater thing. He'd always been a great elder, respected by everyone. I could never understand how he drew people to him, even as he stared at the ocean and took a handful of fries. "Don't tell your mother," he said to me, sucking the salt off his fingers. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay, how about this, I won't tell her about the fight if you don't tell her about the fries. Deal?" he stuck out his hand and grinned lopsidedly.

I smiled. He wouldn't have told Mum anyway, but I shook on it. "Deal," we pledged.

We stared at the sea. "So… they say Embry's been having a tough time this week," Harry said finally, I frowned stubbornly at his words. He held his hands up in meek defence and shrugged to himself. "You know I won't preach at you, Leah. That's all I'm saying."

Oh, hell. Of course, trust _my_ father to leave it to my own conscience to come up with a solution, instead of just telling me what to do like a normal parent. Damn old people. "Jeez, alright," I groaned. "I'll check on him, but only because your guilting me and not because I feel like it," I justified broodingly.

Harry grinned smugly in that annoying parent-that-got-their-way way.

"That's my baby girl."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever old man,"

Embry's mother spends most her time at work, being a single mother she works hard to earn a living for her and her son, so I expected Embry to be home alone. Well, at least that's what Harry hinted when our car _conveniently_ stopped running two and a half blocks from Embry's house. I stepped onto the porch and opened the screen door because no one knocks in La Push, it's part of our No Privacy policy.

I was about to call out, taking a step into the house, when I breathed in and almost choked.

It wasn't that the smell was strong, it was actually pretty faint, but I recognised it immediately.

My body went rigid. It does that when I'm angry, but the tensing annoys me when I want to hit someone and my arms are too busy locked into my shoulders. I stormed heatedly through the small house towards Embry's room and pushed open his bedroom door without announcing myself and met Embry's startled expression with a fierce one of my own. I jabbed a finger at him. "Where the fuck is it?" I seethed.

His face was carefully blank. He sat straighter on his mattress.

"Where's what?" he asked innocently.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Embry, don't you _dare_ play dumb with me!" I screeched at him, thrusting out my arm I hit the wall and it echoed dully. My eyes focused on his, wild and fuming. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, so where is it? Why in the name of fuck are _you_ smoking _pot_? _Give it to me right now_!"

When he didn't move I lunged for his bedside table and yanked it open. The object was easily identifiable in its translucent bag and Embry's reflexes were too slow for him to stop me. My fist closed around the bag and I shoved it into his face, my hair a muddled disarray. I was so furious I felt like spitting.

"Fuck, Embry! How could you be so stupid, stupid?" I hissed.

He wouldn't look at me.

I took a deep breath and shook the remnants of the plant in my hand. "Is this your first time?" I demanded in a calmer voice.

"Yes," he mumbled reluctantly.

I straightened myself and coolly left the room. It wasn't until Embry heard the toilet flush that he knew what I had done. He came running to the bathroom, wide-eyed and desperate. I stood over the toilet bowl with the empty bag in one hand and the other hovering over the button. Under different circumstances I might have smirked and found something like this amusing in some way. I didn't smile or sneer or betray my emotions. I waited.

There was a minute of sceptic silence before he exploded.

"You―you _hypocrite_!" Embry roared, throwing his arms into the air. "You fucking hypocrite, Leah! I'm not an idiot, we both know you do stuff like this all the time, and you don't see me barging into that fucking bar and―and! Urgh! Why the hell did you do that for?"

His immense frame was shaking uncontrollably and as he shouted I stuffed the empty bag into my pocket and planted myself firmly in front of him. I reached up and slapped him with as much force my stance could gather. He stopped shaking in stunned disbelief, his mouth opened, eyes blinking.

My hand hurt but I ignored it.

"Embry Call," I glared at him and he didn't dare disrupt me. "Whether you like it or not―jeez, whether _I_ like it or not―I actually give a shit about you, and I'd rather rot than watch you fuck up your life the way I fucked up mine. What I do is how I deal, and you are not the type of person that does crap like this. And if you think I'll stand idly by while you screw things up for yourself, think again." I cuffed him upside the head. "Don't you _ever_ do something this―this, _argh_! Just don't fuck with it again, got it?"

He nodded mutely at me.

We stood awkwardly for a moment, quiet and still. It made me uncomfortable to feel the familiar heat radiating from his body. I thought of embracing him, I mean, should I hug the guy? Offering some form of comfort seemed appropriate, but I turned the thought away and settled for cuffing him by the ear again. The idea of hugging him made my heart ache, just because I longed for another set of large, warm arms around me.

"Why'd you do it for anyway?" I asked in a softer tone.

"I'm a… a werewolf," he said quietly. "And I can't tell Jake or Quil or my Mum…"

"They aren't worth it, you know," I told him.

"Neither is Sam," he replied.

My brow puckered, I shook my head.

"See you around, kid."

I knew I was lying. So did he, I think.

I disposed of the empty bag five streets away in Fred Simons yard.

**...**

I refused to speak to Embry. It all became too familiar for me to deal with, so I ran away from it all, stocking it at in the back of my mind and ignoring it completely. The occasional smoke wasn't enough for me anymore. I craved something stronger. I needed it, and it relaxed me and helped me forget about everything. About Sam. About Emily and Embry's betrayal and Seth. I watched my brother closely, dreading more each day of what the future held for him, dreading the day he would betray me too. I forgot it all, at least of a couple hours.

Sue helped me buy new clothes, since everything I owned I seemed to have grown out of, even though I stopped developing when I was fourteen. My mother said it was probably my body defining my adult femineity or some shit like that―I was pissed off that my comfortable bras didn't fit anymore.

I grew anxious as I walked through crowds in Port Angeles, working shifts in the bar or jogging along the beaches of La Push. I felt tense, as if eyes were following me, judging and hidden, but whenever I turn there is never anything unfamiliar. No unknown faces paid any attention. Even so, the only time I felt alone was when I sat in the darkness of my room, curtains drawn shut with the homely sounds of muffled television and distant waves crashing onto shore.

I would stay out until early morning. Sometimes I wouldn't intend to go home at all, afraid of forcing upon Seth the task of helping drag my drunken ass to bed. But I'd always wake up safely in my room, with no clue how I'd managed it and no memory of the night before.

I knew better than to question it.

My sickness episodes had become less frequent now. Even so, I'd like to think I had perfected the art of upchucking with creating as little noise possible. But I had bigger problems, because as I stared through the shadowed room at the calendar dangling from the crooked nail in my wall, I was hauntingly reminded of how my period hadn't made an appearance in over two months.

I had dismissed it as my body reacting negatively to smoking weed, and I figured I could have suffered worse things than a few not-missed cramps. But now it seemed odd that my body practically ran on the stuff and still nothing had happened. I was late, and not in the hooray-I-have-a-few-more-days-of-glorious-freedom kind of late, but the shit-something-ain't-right-here-batman kind.

I was stupid to not have noticed it. Maybe I was sicker than I gave myself credit for.

Or maybe…

No. It was impossible, even as I yanked the calendar off the wall, flicking back the pages and starting counting in my head. It was impossible, but I had planted the stupid seed of doubt. My stomach churned and recoiled until I picked myself off the floor and set my mouth determinably, because I _couldn't_ be―

I wrapped my hand around my throat to stop the tingling approach of tears. Oh, fuck.

I think I might have mumbled an excuse for my sudden departure as I ran passed my mother out the front door and up the road to the local store and froze outside it. Old Quil and his family owned the place, they had for generations, and I cursed under my breath that I lived in such a small town where everyone knew everyone and it just made stepping into the store and hearing the cheerful jingle of bells upon my entrance that much more annoying.

Quil was asleep at the counter―serving his sentence for fighting, I assume―and I hid behind the long strands of my inky hair as I walked casually to the back of the shop. Small town, small shop, small variety of pregnancy tests lined up in an orderly row right beside the pregnancy protection.

Damn I hate irony.

Looking at the offensive rectangular boxes made me dizzy. I only had three brand options and, seriously, how hard could it be to pick one? I made a reach for a pack of two―it sounded reasonable, two tests just in case―when the hairs on the back of my neck prickled and I spun around on my heels to face the aisle to my left.

I noticed the arms of thickly wound muscle grab something quickly from the shelf before turning towards me and blinking.

"Oh, Leah," Embry said, his face openly surprised. "Uh, hi. Err, what are you doing here?"

He eyed my outstretched hand sceptically so I changed my course and snatched a packet of condoms that was perched above my intended item and clenched them to my fist, folding my arms.

"That's none of your business," I said a little coldly.

I hadn't heard the bell jingle to symbolise his entering, and it disturbed me.

Embry flushed and turned back around towards the counter. "Um, well okay, bye."

I waited until I was sure he was no longer inside, the door closed rather loudly, and I put the condoms back and tucked the pregnancy test inside my jacket. Quil was still snoring on the register, oblivious, and I was too on-edge to roll my eyes at him. So I folded a twenty in half and enclosed in his hand, thankful for the secrecy.

Outside the store Embry was nowhere in sight. I let out a breath and ran home through the drizzle. Locking myself in the bathroom I took out the box, balanced it on the sink and stared at it. I willed myself to read the instructions, open the container, try to pee―_something_―but all I could do is stare and stare and dread.

What the fuck am I going to do?

_Think, Clearwater, think!_ I demanded myself.

If it was true, it was his. Sam. No, wait a second, I'd had too many nights that were blanked from my memory completely for me to be certain that it was a hundred percent. I hadn't had sex with anyone but Sam. To my knowledge at least. Which brings on another problem, what would my unhealthy habit be doing to an unborn… thing? Oh, God. Shit! I couldn't be pregnant, it would fuck up everything! I couldn't tell my parents and take the disgrace and disappointment. I couldn't tell Sam or show my face on the reservation with everyone knowing I was carrying his bastard child. I'd have to run―

Someone knocked on the bathroom door.

"Lee, you're going to be late for work!" Seth said through the wood.

I took a breath and cleared my throat.

"Just―just give me a minute!" I called out hoarsely.

He was quiet before adding inaudibly. "Lee, are you okay?"

"No!" I hissed angrily. "_Go away_!"

Harry was with Charlie and Billy soaking up on March fishing, I didn't have to worry about him being curious. Sue knew that my yelling at Seth was somewhere on the normal scale. I lingered, sitting on the toilet until I heard Seth's departing footsteps, I hid the box back in my jacket and buried it under a load of crap in my room.

I drove the usual route to Port Angeles; made-up scenes and rehearsed conversations skiting through my skull like a really bad soap opera. Well I was planning to leave La Push anyway, but this brought my plans to a whole other level. I loved that I would get out and see the world. I would be gone, while Sam and Emily remain trapped.

Because seriously, now that the vampires left, it wasn't like being a werewolf would do much good around here.

And Embry had Jacob with him now, the most recent sucker to jump the bandwagon from what I vaguely noticed in the drastic measures I took to keep my distance from anyone that sprouts fur on a whim. I had thought that along with the vampire's departure it might have put a stop to the gene.

Of course, I had been wrong.

Oh, the joy.

I felt uncomfortably warm as I parked my mother's car a street away from the bar, swapping the sneakers I drove in for a pair of strappy stilettos as I stepped onto the sidewalk. I came in through the back entrance, knotting an apron around my jeans. I signed on and reported to the bar counter where Anthony stood cleaning glasses.

Closing my eyes briefly I took a moment to stable myself.

"Hey boss," I greeted half-heartedly. "My, you look great today. Is that a new piercing?"

Anthony was a white, scrawny man whose flesh barely clung to the bone, a receding hairline and every inch of him covered in silver metal rings or studs. He was not the stereotypical thug, but I guess the dork had to look intimidating in his own bar somehow.

He glared at me suspiciously. "You're not getting a raise," he stated bluntly.

I had to smirk. "Shit, better luck next time I guess."

Anthony tossed a notepad and pen in my direction. "Just get to work, Clearwater. Don't get into trouble."

Ha, it's far too late for that.

I'm in the deepest possible trouble imaginable.

"I'll try," I muttered wirily.

Rose Colt―another older, twenty-something blonde, jealously-prone bargirl―folded her hand to her hip in bleak acknowledgement and gestured to a table at the back of the bar, where a group of dark-skinned men raised their glasses and beckoned me to them. I immediately relaxed at the sight, whereas most would have stiffened.

The men were all muscle, the rowdy I-lurk-in-the-shadows type, I guess you'd describe them as the kind you wouldn't want approaching you unless you had good bladder control. They were also my closest of connections.

I had given up labelling anyone a friend, because they all eventually screw you over.

"Well, well," I drawled, halting at the table and slowly running my eyes over each recognizable face. The Makah men regarded me with ranging levels of familiarity and interest. I was always a form of entertainment among them, as they were to me. "Look what we have here. Do I know you gentlemen?" I asked innocently.

"How could you forget?" the burliest of the men spoke, smirking. "Don't you remember _me_?"

I gave one of my best customer-service smiles.

"Oh how could I not? You're the asshole that tried to sell me meth."

"And you're the hot bitch whose boyfriend scared away all my business," he said in the same indifferent tone.

I grimaced angrily. "Ex-boyfriend," I spat.

He shook his head.

"Right. Sorry, babe. I forgot."

"Don't let it happen again, Greg," I snapped, then sighed. "You guys having the usual?"

Greg grinned at me. "A couple tankards, sweetheart."

I nodded distantly, already walking away before he finished speaking, I wandered back over to the bar. "Five jugs, Anthony," I informed, and there, as I leant over the counter, it happened. Only for a second. I broke into a cold sweat and dropped the first of the glasses brimmed with frothy alcohol in my hands. My vision turned red.

"Hey, that's coming out of your pay," I heard Anthony say. "Clearwater… are you alright?"

I was trembling. There were two of Anthony. Oh fuck, are there _meant_ to be two of Anthony? I clung to the counter to stop myself toppling over, the sweat beaded and slipped down my spine, and I shivered even though I felt like my skin was ablaze. And then it was gone, and I felt fine, and there was only one of Anthony again.

Thank God.

"Clearwater?" Anthony actually sounded _concerned_. Like I might die in his bar and ruin business.

I untied my apron and threw it at him.

"Don't feel well," I said curtly. "I'm going home."

For once, Anthony didn't argue with me, so I must look as shitty as I just felt.

I ran my fingers irritably through my hair, wiping away the sweat and dabbing my clammy palms on my pants. I was a million miles from where I stood, my head reeling until I thought it might collapse in on itself. I nearly jumped clean out of my skin when I felt a heavy hand drop onto my shoulder and spin me around.

"_What_?" I spat, heart thudding unevenly.

"Leah," another Makah man whose name I didn't want recall said. "Are you joining us or what?"

I scowled and opened my mouth to rudely decline the offer. "Of course she is," Greg answered for me, grinning. "C'mon Leah, have a drink."

"I told Anthony I was going home," I told him flatly.

"We won't stay here then," Greg shrugged. "There's an alright club up the road."

Huffing, I muttered. "I feel sick."

He flashed his teeth.

"Then we'll give you a pick-me-up."

It was obvious what he meant by that, and I was sorely tempted to the point that I almost blurted out 'what the fuck are we waiting for?' when I held my arms around my middle and squeezed, as if I expected a response from something back. I bit my tongue and inwardly groaned.

"I… no, I can't. Not tonight."

The two men swapped confused expressions as I stared uncomfortably at my feet. Jeez, it's like they never heard the words suggesting I-got-something-more-going-on-than-getting-smashed-with-you-can-fix before.

"Hell Leah," the other guy grunted. "Just have one drink with us."

My brain was muddled; I was too exhausted to argue.

"Lemonade," I said curtly, though my body longed for something stiff and strong.

Greg smirked, as if my reply amused him.

"Lemonade it is,"

My eyes narrowed as he placed his palm on the small of my back and led me towards the door, despite my better judgement of allowing any man to take control of any part of me. I was slowly catching on to these types of things due to my moment of temporary weakness. Greg nodded to the group at his table and they all stood to follow. I crossed my arms stubbornly to assure myself I still had some control and put a little more into my stride than necessary.

I remembered strolling into the pulsing red lights from the club across the street, someone enfolding a cool glass in my hands, and I drank greedily because the fever made my throat dry and agitated.

I remembered the colours.

The blues, whites and pinks flashing to the beat as I staggered through the crowds of sweaty people dancing and grinding against me and each other, and I was laughing and spinning and I was in bliss, tasting the traces of lemonade tingling on my tongue and feeling the flesh against my flesh.

Yet none of me felt something was wrong―in fact, everything felt so _right_ that I couldn't think straight.

Then my knees gave way beneath me and I blacked out.

I opened my eyes to… _Embry_?

I don't know, maybe. I was shaking―or was I being shook? I felt fingers gripping my shoulders, I didn't know what I was seeing―flashes and blurs and a blurry face I was now sure resembled Embry Call. What the fuck? My head pounded and the next thing I heard was shouting and my head hammered inside my skull and I was sure I heard someone calling my name over and over but the words were jumbled before they could reach my brain. Urgh. I closed my eyes, willing the horrible delusion away.

I was confused. I didn't know where I was going, but I was sure I was in some kind of motion though my feet weren't touching the ground, nor were they moving. This just added to my confusion. I'd never been _this_ high before. Wait, am I high? I don't remember taking anything. Oh God, especially since I might be―

I forced my lids to reopen, regretting it immediately since everything was spinning worse than before.

I heard deep voices. Oh shit, I'm in hell. I've died. This is it.

"Leah, are you okay? Lee, can you hear me?"

Crap. Embry's voice. Am I doomed to feel this guilt for eternity?

This is my punishment. What did I do wrong in my life to deserve this?

"Fuck! We are going to be in so much shit!"

Um, who was _that_?

"Shut it Paul, we need to get her to the hospital or something. She doesn't look too good."

"I called Sam,"

Sam? Oh hell no.

I didn't know how much time passed, consciousness claiming me in and out, the voices slowly becoming recognisable, until I parted my lashes to peer through at the man leaning over me with an uncertain smile. He brushed back my hair and I noticed another face peek around his shoulder.

I could still feel that we were moving, but differently now; I was lying in the backseat of a shabby car, my head resting in Embry's lap. My cheeks flushed a vivid red in outrage, but couldn't find the strength to work my muscles, not even to let out a low stream of profanities that I desperately wanted to screech at them.

The older face sighed.

"Man, Leah," I barely recognised Jared. He looked tired and aggravated. "Glad you feel better. You know, after you puked on my new shoes and everything."

I puked on his shoes? Awesome.

And then I closed my eyes.

**...**

_What a fucked up dream_.

I awoke buried deeply under the sheets of my bed, uncomfortable and hot.

Scrubbing groggily at my face I would have gladly remained so, but Sue barged in with motherish authority and told me to go buy low-cholesterol milk, even though I'd never heard of such a thing, I doubted its existence in the crappy corner shops of La Push. Complaining didn't get me anywhere, so I sluggishly changed clothes and shoved Seth out the door so I had someone to suffer with me.

The store brought back unwanted memories of my most previous visit, the horror clawing at my stomach as I tried to recall anything from the night before the realistically impossible hallucinations, like how the hell I managed to get myself tucked tightly into bed and not lying facedown in a gutter after all that.

Quil looked miserable and bored behind the register, but managed to talk animatedly with Seth for a few seconds as I snatched the first fat-free milk carton I saw out of the fridge and moodily handed it to him. I paid with the bills Sue had given me and made Seth carry the bag.

Then rang the bell jingle, signalling someone entering the store.

"Lee-Lee?"

I froze. I couldn't move from my place facing the register, my back to him. Quil was glaring at the person behind me in vicious hatred and fear. I couldn't deal with this. Not today. Not when I felt like my skin might catch alight and my brain might dribble out through my ears. Not when I hadn't spoken to him since _it_ happened.

Not when I might be carrying his… his _thing_.

"Lee-Lee, can I speak with you alone?"

Seth slammed the bag back onto the counter and took a firm stance beside me. He puffed out his chest and let his mouth fall downwards, a look he often carried when faced with something unpleasant. "No way, Sam." He sounded angry. _Seth_ sounded angry.

Jeez, if I wasn't so distracted I would be a little proud of him.

"What I have to say to her isn't for anyone else to hear, Seth," Sam spoke calmly.

I tensed instinctively and my fists clenched, shaking by my sides. Seth shook his head and softly tugged on my arm. "C'mon Lee, let's just go," he said in a quieter voice. "You don't need to do this to prove how strong you are. We can just walk away right now. You don't need to listen to him."

He was wrong, and knowing that he thought those things made me cringe. I didn't need to face Sam to prove how strong I was. I needed to face him because I was weak. Sam wanted to talk with me, and I was too pathetic to refuse him. He still held power over me that I could not control. Gritting my teeth I turned to look at him. It was a stab to the gut and a breath of fresh air both at once, seeing him up close. And his _smell_―

Sam was just as handsome as I remembered him.

"What the fuck do _you_ want?" I snapped.

He looked uncomfortable.

"It would be better if we spoke alone―"

I scowled at him. "Just say it and piss off."

Sam took in a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders, letting them slump. A minute passed and he stared at me like I was the only one there. His voice changed from the indifferent calmness I'd grown accustomed to _his _voice. My Sam. The one who loved me unconditionally. My anger burned out and I felt cold as I watched with fascination at the change in his black eyes.

"You haven't been returning my calls," he murmured, taking a step closer and stunning me with another whiff of his intoxicating scent. "You haven't been home when I come over to see you…" I wanted to scream at him that I wasn't obligated anymore, but my lips wouldn't respond. "You've been… hurting yourself," he said with thick suggestion of things he shouldn't know.

His black eyes hardened as he spoke the demand:

"I want you to stop."

I noticed Seth trying to hide a cringe, my face flushed back with colour.

I was speechless for two long seconds, spluttering, not able to get the fury past my teeth.

"How... that―_that's none of your fucking business_! How _dare_ you!"

"I thought you might feel that way," Sam whispered grimly, eyes narrowed and jaw hard-bitten. "So I'll be keeping a closer eye on you, I won't allow anything to happen again."

I mulled on his words, frowning. "You…" I had a number of things flash through my mind. Most of which held Embry's face and how I hadn't really felt like I was truly alone, especially when I'd had no one around me. Embry. That double-crossing bastard. "You had _them_ follow me. And when someone that had gotten close to me after you were gone joined your little cult you―you… you fucking asshole!"

He had them trailing me like a piece of his godforsaken property, and worse yet, the dream hadn't been a dream.

Embry had told Sam everything. Sam knew I was weak.

I gnashed my teeth together and growled furiously. Snatching a handful of chewing gum sticks off the display by Quil's cash register, I threw them at him before storming out of the store and slamming the door hard enough that the annoying little bell broke off completely.

Seth followed me home, but I didn't look back. But I knew he was right there, always right behind me, and it helped a bit.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a window, and it horrified me. I didn't recognise this girl glaring back at me through eyes that made me want to cry, though I could never bare it if I did. Just a pair of black, dead eyes that were so horribly familiar. My hair hung down past my shoulders, my skin toned and angular. I'd lost my glow and grown a strange new one.

_I'm still more beautiful than Emily_, I thought with bleak satisfaction.

The rez spoke in whispers, but I still heard them. _Why would he pick her cousin over her? What does Emily Young have that Leah Clearwater doesn't?_ I was always prettier than her, smarter and processed wit that she did not. What did Emily have that I didn't?

She had Sam.

Stupidly, I allowed a few tears to leak through before angrily scrubbing them away.

I threw off blankets and stuffed animals that littered a section my room. Some would probably be surprised, entering my domain expecting to see skulls and voodoo dolls, maybe a cauldron simmering in the corner. My room was surprisingly unchanged, the only thing gone was the mirrors I'd smashed and photos I'd hidden.

Under the items I picked up the box containing the pregnancy tests, though I knew I still hadn't the guts to use them and set my future in stone. I put it out of sight in my wardrobe. I would turn white every time the previous night came to mind, fearing the outcome things like that would do to a baby. Hell, they tell you not to eat soft cheeses when you're pregnant, what the fuck would binge drinking and almost-overdoses do?

_Tomorrow, _I told myself determinably. _I'll do it tomorrow._

I pressed my palm to my lower abdomen. I took in a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, pressing harder still. "I'm so sorry. They slipped me something, I didn't know―"

Without a chance to finish, my legs wobbled and I collapsed to the floor, panting and trying to keep down whatever it was I last ate. The sweat felt cool against my skin as it slipped down my forehead. Blood coated my nails as they dug into the flesh of my arm to stop myself screaming out in pain from the twisting in my bones.

I curled up until the recklessness finally put me to sleep.

**...**

I could feel cold hands smoothing back my hair.

"Leah, honey…" my mother whispered, and I stirred, sticky from the heat. "Come for breakfast."

Rigidly I rose and shuddered. "I feel… blegh," I said bluntly.

"You need to get up now," Sue ordered tenderly.

"It's early," I groaned.

"I know," she replied.

Sue was not usually so sympathetic when someone wanted to sleep-in, and I wondered vaguely why my mother's standard do-what-I-say-or-else voice had turned soft-spoken. I dunked my head in cold water in the bathroom and jaggedly cut fifteen inches off my jeans with toenail clippers.

Downstairs I saw Seth and Harry sitting at the table, with Seth's plate piled high.

I sat down and reached for a crispy piece of bacon when there was a knock at the door. Harry didn't look up from his paper, Seth was too busy stuffing his face to notice and Sue was flipping pancakes, so I stood and hauled myself to the front door. I should have asked who it was before I opened it, but of course I didn't, so the hinges swung inward and standing on the porch was Emily, in one of her lovely long-sleeved dresses and carrying a basket full of muffins wrapped in a red bow.

She smiled at me, and I could only stare coldly.

"What do you want?" I managed to ask, sounding less curious and more aggressive.

Emily lifted the basket slightly in gesture. "These are for your mother," she said, looking awkward after standing in the same spot for the whole minute of silence that followed, just because I couldn't think of what the fuck to say to something like that.

_Hello Leah, I stole your fiancé and your life. Here are some muffins for your mother_.

Bitch.

"Emily?" I heard Sue say in shock, opening the door wider from beside me. "Oh, come in."

I was disgusted by the invitation, though I didn't trust myself to speak. I didn't deny her access into the house, but I also didn't make it easy for her, refusing to move from my space squarely in the middle of the doorway, forcing her to carefully manoeuvre around me.

"Emily," Harry blinked in surprise, his paper limp in his hands.

Seth stopped eating as the two watched the three of us re-enter the kitchen.

"What a surprise! Will you join us for breakfast?"

I blanched, spluttered, scowled then glared as Emily smiled, tittered a 'thank you uncle' and placed the basket on the countertop before sitting in a chair. I just stood there until Sue shot me a warning glance and I reluctantly sank back into my seat.

We ate in silence. The only relatively comfortable-looking people at the table were Sue and Emily who were exchanging recipes, trying to involve me in their conversations. "You like ginger, don't you Leah?" Emily asked happily. "I was experimenting and came up with this delicious stir-fry I think you might like. With beef and ginger and―"

"Oh for fucks sake," I hissed, ignoring Sue's outraged exclaim. "You came here for something and it sure as hell wasn't to deliver a basket of goodies to grandma or some shit, so just fucking say it will you? Why can't you just outright say it instead of shuffling your feet and annoying the hell out of us all? _Fuck_! Just say it and leave, I can't face the sight of you anymore, you make me sick!"

"Leah!" Harry scolded.

"Leah Clearwater," Sue snapped. "Watch your tongue!"

"Its okay," Emily said quietly. "She's right, I did come here for a reason," my cousin looked at me, only at me, with such misery despite the fact that her lips tugged a smile that very nearly outshone the sun. "Sam proposed to me a few weeks ago," she whispered, "and I said yes."

In saying it aloud, Emily beamed.

"Lee, it would mean a lot to me if you'd be my maid of honour, so would you?"

Before I could respond Sue stood slowly from her chair and embraced her, as did Harry and they gave their cheerful congratulations. Seth―bless the kid who could never be unhappy when someone is so joyful―presented her with a small smile but otherwise remained seated. I saw him look anxiously at me, and he paled. They all shared their best wishes and lively chat on decorations and dates and venues. The picture was so perfect, so unbearably perfect. And I was shaking.

Then next thing I knew, I exploded out of my skin.

* * *

**Urgh, after working on this chapter for so long, there is little that I like about it other than its finally over and done with! Sorry again if it seems a little rushed, but I do hope at least someone out there found it enjoyable. **

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	10. Screwed Over, Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Hehe, thank you for reading! At last, we've reached the good part!**

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Screwed Over, Again**

**...**

I'd never been in more pain.

I could feel my bones dislocating and twisting back into places that they shouldn't have been―tendons and muscle ripping apart and reforming together in taunt limbs. Nerves splitting and my skeleton was being pulled, stretching and hardening into something terrifying and completely alien. I screamed, but all I could hear was a high-pitched wailing from something monstrous that belonged to my nightmares.

The kitchen was chaotic, the table overturned and I lay panting on the tiles.

I shook my head, the coolness from the ground tingling my hands and feet as I gasped for air on all-fours, I looked up and wondered why anyone hadn't rushed to me, why I was alone and why I could see pictures in my head―of running in a forest, of confusion, trying to figure out the new presence in my mind that was also confused―

_The trail's still fresh, what… wait, who are _you_?_

Okay, I just heard a voice in my head. It spoke to me. _Fuck, don't reply, don't reply_, I chanted.

I heard Seth cry out in terror and saw him stumble back, away from me, pressed against a wall. Sue had an expression of pure panic. She held Emily close to her as both women stared with wide-eyes. My father clenched his chest and toppled over the upturned table and crashed to the ground, shattering more plates upon impact. I cried out his name, but I only heard a whimper. I tried to reach for him but saw in replace for my hands two giant clawed paws.

Stiffening, I couldn't think of why I had paws responding to my movement and not fingers. Sue and Emily ran to Harry and were shouting, at him and at each other and at me, though I could hear both everything and nothing of what they were saying, only the blood pounding in my ears and Seth's terrified breathing and the voice in my head demanding my name. I closed my eyes and thought human.

Human, human, human.

I'm a mother-fucking _human_.

I heard an ear-splitting crack of re-breaking bones, a gasp and weeping before I realised it was me, kneeling naked in the kitchen and wheezing breath in and out of my lungs like it wasn't a regular habit and I had to work to keep them functioning.

I snatched the food-lathered tablecloth wrapped it around myself, heart thudding in my chest, body numb.

Sue was sobbing and Emily appeared utterly lost, holding my father's hand tightly as he groaned and rasped air past his teeth. I stared at the scene dazedly, the smell of blood was thick and I couldn't return Seth's gaze as he too watched entranced by all the happenings.

He too couldn't find the strength to move.

"Hospital," I choked out, my voice hoarse and bloodily raw. "Call… call the hospital,"

Emily looked at me frantically, nodding and lunging for the phone by the sink.

She was pale, and I retched. _What the fuck am I?_

I just turned into something just now―a beast, an animal. Something like _them_.

What the fuck should I do?

"Dad?" I had no control, my voice shook like a frightened child. "Daddy?"

Sue glanced up, tears silently streaming and relieved at the sight of me.

"Go put some clothes on," she told me.

It was amazing how strong my mother's voice was―so calm, something I needed to hear at that moment. I needed someone to hold my hand and tell me everything was okay. I needed Harry. Harry, who was struggling to breathe. I needed my father to hold me and stroke my hair and murmur comforting words. I needed that one moment, otherwise I'd never be able to pick myself off the floor.

"Dad?" I whispered again.

"Go, Leah," Sue barked.

"The ambulance is on its way," Emily said quietly.

I managed my way to my room, everything except my father seemed utterly insignificant, and I ran back before a few moments had passed. I was quiet and thought better to blend in with the wallpaper; it wasn't long before my head perked and I could hear the distant ambulance sirens, though no one else in the room seemed to notice it until minutes later when it pulled up in front of the house.

I could smell the burnt rubber from the tires, the hospital-stench that clung to the paramedics…

Emily elected to stay behind to pass the news on to those who needed to know as Sue jumped into the back of the ambulance once they finished strapping my father to a gurney and hooking tubes into him. She left me with the brief order of taking her car and driving Seth and myself to the hospital behind them because the ambulance would only allow one person to ride with them and neither Seth nor myself denied our mother that right.

Before I could register my thoughts I had the keys in my hand and was turning it in the ignition, Seth buckled in at my side and the car roaring to life I sped off after the siren-blaring vehicle.

Seth didn't speak, wouldn't look at me, though I was very aware of his irregular breathing habits.

I didn't want to scare him more than he already was, so I didn't look back at him and speak and drive and do a million other things at once because of the adrenaline in my veins made me feel incredibly invincible and the steering wheel suddenly felt very fragile in my hands.

_The hands of a monster_.

We bolted out of the car the moment I pulled up on the emergency entrance of Forks Community Hospital. I'd seen this place too many times this past year, and I remembered all too clearly the last occasion when I had run from these doors that I was now running back into, how I ran and never wanted to return here. Yet here I was, and the running never mattered because a greater force was pushing me forward, towards my father.

Nurses were hooking more tubes and wires into Harry's skin. I could smell something foul and sickeningly sweet faded into the air, mixed with the hospital-stench of sterile metals and plastic. I crinkled my nose against it and tried not to let it bother me, though it made the back of my throat ache.

The consistent beeping of the machines fastened to my father was a source of dread and relief. When the doctor arrived Seth and I were sent to the waiting room, where I caught a glimpse of Charlie Swan wheeling Billy Black through the corridors to my father's room. I didn't call out to them, afraid that I looked as creature-like as I felt and that they―Billy in particular―would be able to tell what I really was.

All I could do was think of moments I'd had with my father, moments I'd hadn't had a chance to have yet and hoped that I would have a chance to have in the future. I managed to hunt down one of the young trainee nurses tending him to question her. She stuttered and wouldn't give me a straight answer as to his condition until I eventually made her cry and almost got myself kicked out of the ward by one of the older residents.

The day had moved by as a haze of check-ups, worried expressions and medical-term words that I had no hope of understanding though Sue always interceded sharply with a 'and that means _what_ exactly?' followed by a stern glare whenever someone started babbling nine-syllable phrases.

I was half-lying on the bed, holding Harry's hand between both of mine and Sue did the same with his other, her back stiff against the awkward hospital chairs yet her eyes were soft as she regarded her husband as alertly as she had when we first arrived.

I couldn't recall a moment in my life when I had felt more frightened. I suppose that is what you'd expect when you suddenly turn into something non-human, but I had barely given it a thought. My father, the man who raised me, needed a machine to breathe for him. And that was scarier than anything I could have imagined, anything that would happen to me didn't matter. I didn't give a shit about _me_.

"He'll be fine," my mother whispered. "He'll be laughing about this tomorrow."

I could only nod in response.

Before I could comprehend why, I tensed. The nerves covering every inch of my skin stood on end. I sensed something different in the air, a sudden change in sound and taste, and it wasn't seconds later my strange new instincts were confirmed by an alarm sounded from the devices strapped to Harry.

A long emptiness rang clear; no heartbeat. Dead.

Dead.

_Dead_.

A strangled cry broke my lips and I muffled it with my hand. No one else had reacted yet. I alone could hear his heart no longer hammering. I alone heard the last struggles of its beats and smelt the death clouding the room and saw with razor-accuracy the stillness of his form.

Here lies Harry Clearwater; dead.

Nurses flooded in, adjusting dials and ordering us away, performing CPR and pounding at his chest as if to beat the life back into him.

I dropped to the ground and sobbed before anyone else knew why.

Deeper, deeper… down, down…

He's gone.

_Gone_.

**...**

They let us stay in the room to say goodbye.

Charlie and Billy put on brave faces and waited outside; dealing with some paperwork the staff had shoved under our noses before my father's corpse was cold. Seth cried all but silently, his fingers wound through Harry's stiff ones. Sue buried her face in the bed sheets at his chest and gave no sign of life other than the unsteady shaking of her shoulders. And I stood there, fixated on the lifeless form that had taught me to walk and talk and fish for a good catch. My eyes were cruelly dry.

I had screamed and sobbed but not one tear fell, only my mouth slightly parted.

Was I in shock? Hadn't the reality of this moment hit me yet? There was something else hidden under all the sadness and pain and regret and anger. I don't feel the way I should feel―my father is gone forever. Why do I feel this fathomless _guilt_? The weight on my back was crushing, and I felt blame where there should be grief.

Why?

_Because it's your fault_, a malicious voice I recognised as my own answered. _You killed him._

I froze. No, no, no. Not me, it couldn't be me.

Stupid, fucked-up thoughts.

I let out a breath. Oh God, were they right?

I turned to escape and opened the door, colliding with something hard. I pressed my hands against it to push myself away, realising too late that it was a well-formed chest, and not just any well-formed chest, but the well-formed chest of Sam fucking Uley.

It took all I had not to fling myself in his arms and cry my eyes out, so instead I glared.

Sam didn't seem to notice though, because he's the one who pulled me into his embrace and ran his fingers in my hair as my head rested on his shoulder, by his pecks, with the beating of his heart in my ear. I didn't move, didn't shove him away like I should have, I didn't object to the murmured condolences and tight squeezes he showered upon me as if I was the only one who mattered in the world. Sam held me close, and I let him.

"I'm so sorry, Leah," he mumbled, lips pressed to the top of my head. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It's my fault," I said, a hoarse whisper. "I killed him. I killed my father."

_What kind of sick monster am I?_ I killed him. I transformed into this horrible, sickening thing that killed him. It was my fault. My burden, knowing that one look at me sent my father to his grave.

"No, baby," Sam took my shoulders and forced me to meet his gaze. "None of this is your fault, Lee-Lee―"

The old nicknames made me recoil. "Let go, Sam," I pried at his grip, squirming. "Let go!"

He dropped his loosened grasp with a startled look. Frowning curiously, he hesitated before leaning forward and breathing in a deep whiff of my hair. He pulled back again, looking almost as puzzled as I did agitated. "Leah, you smell different," he began. "What―"

"My cousin!" I snapped, shaking. "You're engaged to my cousin but want to talk about my _shampoo_?"

Sam flinched.

"Please Lee, if I knew she was going to―"

"My father's dead, Sam! _Dead_! I don't give a shit if Emily is going to be your little virgin sacrifice or you don't like the smell of my new hair products or whatever―"

"Leah―"

He was interrupted when we heard an impatient clearing of a throat. "Samuel, could you take Leah and Seth home?" Sue stood at the doorway to Harry's room. Seth standing rigidly nearby. Her face a cold mask and arms wrapped around herself to hold the jacket I recognised as Charlie's police coat to her body. "There are still a few things I need to do here so I'll need to keep the car."

"Of course," Sam said earnestly. "I'm sorry for your loss, Sue. Harry was a great man."

She muttered an inaudible "I know" and disappeared back through the door.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'd rather walk," I spat.

"Don't be stubborn, Leah," Sam sighed. "I'll drive you, its no big deal."

My lips were open, ready to argue, when Seth softly spoke for the first time all day.

"Stay with me, Leah. I need you. Please."

He sounded utterly destroyed. Lost and broken. I couldn't deny Seth anything. It was a weakness I never liked to admit. And hearing him speak and him wanting me to be with him after he saw me turn into something gruesome was exactly what I needed. I nodded at my brother, and made my march towards the exit, passed the main ward where Charlie and Billy were talking to a doctor.

Charlie looked up at our approach, his brow heavily creased.

"I'll go check on Sue," he said before stalking off.

I knew it was so we wouldn't see the tears staining his face. The doctor left with a clipboard Billy had handed to him, and the older man wheeled himself over to us, the misery weighing down his usually strong figure.

"I'll go with you," Billy said gruffly, addressing Sam. "I need to check on Jake,"

"He's with Bella," Sam answered, disapproval lathered in his tone. "She went swimming."

_Swimming_? What a bimbo.

Billy raised his brows. "In this… _weather_?"

Sam shrugged indifferently. "The storm passed earlier this afternoon."

Now I knew for sure that they were talking bullshit, because I could hear clearly the pounding rain and howling wind from inside the building, the thunder still crackling in the distance. I pursed my lips and reached for Seth, to guide him outside to the car, when he shrunk away from my hand, I flinched away as if he'd slapped me.

Seth was afraid of me.

He recoiled from my touch. My own brother.

I tried to appear as if it didn't bother me as I climbed into the front of Sam's car and left the boys to help Billy out of his chair and into the back, while I tried not to recollect the number of times Sam and I had sex in this same scrap of metal, in the same backseat where my little brother and an elder now sat. I noticed the faded nail imprints from where I'd griped the worn leather and the indent on the roof where Sam hit his head one time afterwards.

Sam slid across to the driver's side, his jaw tightly locked as he stared straight ahead through the windscreen.

I wondered if he was having the same past thoughts I was.

We drove in silence, none attempted to make small talk, and as soon as we pulled up to the house I jumped out of my seat without a word and started fumbling my pockets for my keys, standing impatiently on the porch I heard Seth's door slam and Sam's engine roar back to life and take off up the road to the Blacks street.

I wedged the key into the door, anticipating a shower and a sleep, except I heard the distinct sound of splintering of wood.

Seth's fist had struck the porch railing, sending a long crack through the timber. His teeth were straining and his forearms shaking. "Why didn't you thank him?" Seth growled at me, his kind features twisted until I couldn't recognise my own flesh and blood beneath the rage. "It was rude! He didn't have to take us home, it was the least you could have done!"

It seemed like a stupid thing to be angry about, but his blame irritated me, and I bit back with just as much vigour.

"Do I look like I care if I'm rude to the fucker or not?" I asked furiously.

I could feel myself quivering. My blood felt hot, my vision sharpened, and I calculated Seth's hostile stance and matched it with one of my own, our fury clashed at eye level. I hadn't noticed. He was almost taller than me. "Dad wouldn't like it!" he spat. "Dad could never stand it if someone was rude!"

My lip curled upwards. "Well Dad isn't here now, is he?"

Seth snarled. "Shut up, Leah!"

"Make me!" I hissed.

"_Tell me what the hell's going on_!" he demanded.

I'd never fought with Seth, beside from the common argument of who is doing the dishes, and now I had a strong urge to leap forward and rip out his throat, tear into his flesh with my teeth that had a thirst for blood that had to be quenched―

I shoved at his chest, pushing him from my path. "_Move_!" I ordered, hauling my shivering body down the porch proved harder than I anticipated. I fell under the pressure and squirmed against the grass that smelt like rain and earth, I managed to distance myself from Seth before I felt the burn of my skin splitting, the agony of my reforming shape that so easily burst forth.

It was less painful this time, as if my body had adjusted after the first encounter. The voices came almost immediately, like a wave of foreign thoughts brushing dangerously close to my soul, I shrouded from the intimate touch.

I was in the forest again. No, _they_ were in the forest; I was still sprawled on my lawn. Two of them this time, two voices speaking as distinctly as if they were right by my ear, though they were nothing but a buzzing distraction to me. I was set out for blood. The pain had not smothered my fury, and I settled my eyes on Seth who took one step forward and exploded, shreds of fabric flying everywhere. I snarled and lunged for him.

My attack ceased as a pain knocked me to my knees. The torment combined with mine was almost unbearable, and I watched as a sandy-brown wolf withered and whimpered. I could hear its screams in my head as if it were my own. The anger was replaced.

I touched the thrashing form with the tip of my nose. _Seth?_ I whispered.

His ears perked, I knew he had heard me.

_It's Seth Clearwater._

_Fuck, little Seth Clearwater? _The voices acknowledged.

Oh shit, what should I do?

_Run into the forest_, I heard one of them say. _We'll meet you there and we can explain._

I didn't argue with the voice, I nudged Seth to his feet and watched him wobble as he altered to the new limbs. I felt a rush of relief from him as he realised the ache had subsided to nothing more than a dull throbbing. And mine… actually felt pretty good. As if I'd been reclined all my life inside a small box until just now.

The sandy wolf that was Seth whined. _Oh man, what the hell's happening? What's going on?_

He pushed all his confusion outwards, it weighed down as if it was my own burden and the burden of the two others present in my head, and I tried to shove everything inside so they couldn't hear me, wouldn't notice me. I wanted to disappear.

_I've gone crazy_, Seth settled, and a picture of him in a straightjacket came to mind.

_You're not crazy, Seth. _The first voice said soothingly.

_Don't run_, the other warned._ We're almost there._

And they were. I could see the flashes of greenery as they flew by them, smell the crushed leaves and a sickeningly familiar scent that was not what they smelt now―a memory of a smell. They were looking for something. Something stronger and less diluted than the one I'd come across in the hospital…

_Hospital?_ I winced as one of them picked up my thoughts as if I'd intended for them to hear it. _You smelt a leech in the hospital? _I didn't intend to answer, but my memory of the scent sprung to mind and confirmed the question. The voice growled. _What the fuck was she doing there? Shit! We're going to have to extend the perimeter again_―

_Listen, will you? _The other hissed. _The scent was weak. It was from the doctor bloodsucker, not her. _

Their arguing stopped and I cocked my head towards the rustling in the nearby shrubbery. I'd managed to walk Seth and myself a good distance into the forest. It was dark from the storm yet I managed to see with perfect accuracy through my eyes and the eyes of the two enormous wolves that stood before us. Through them I could clearly see the lanky desert-sand wolf―Seth―drop his tail between his legs as he let out a low whimper, his front paws digging into the ground as he contemplated bolting back through the trees.

I could also observe a smaller, light grey wolf that stood rigidly with its upper lip curled up to show its teeth, ears pressed back flat against its skull, fur bristling. It was the smallest of the wolves they had come across, so they figured it must be young boy, its frame so delicate and slim.

It took me a long-ass minute to realise that the pale grey wolf was me.

The bigger of the wolves had pure white fur, tarnished only by the coffee-coloured stripes that covered his back and face like a mask. He stepped forward and his eyes burned into me; studying, confused, eager to be introduced. The other was a dark shade of grey, and mirrored my aggressive pose by raising his hackles; he was not pleased by my threatening greeting.

_You may know us_, the white-wolf said, plainly ignoring his companion. _My name is Jared, and this idiot is Paul. _He swung his head around to gesture to the darker grey wolf who was sneering at me. They approached us and continued to analyse our appearance.

Seth's confusion only increased by the introduction. _What…I don't…_

_What are you waiting for?_ Paul barked. _Say your names._

_Seth_, he replied quickly.

_Asshole_, I thought bitterly.

Paul leered at me._ You're a bit small to be mouthing-off, you little_―

_Leah,_ Seth answered for me. _That's Leah._

_What?_ Paul scoffed._ As in your sister, _female_ sister Leah? _

_No,_ I snapped back. _As in his _male_ sister Leah, moron._

The bigger wolf growled in warning but was silenced by a softer voice. _Leah… _Jared's thoughts were quiet, but then I was seeing something different, through someone else's eyes, staring in through my bedroom window. I suddenly somehow knew that Sam had ordered them to find Leah, keep Leah safe, and then bring Leah to him. _Bring Leah to him_. The person didn't like that order, he didn't think it was right as he watched low to the ground in envy as Sam carried her unconscious form in his arms and laid her gently onto her bed.

_Let it go, brother…_ Jared's calming tone had broken through, sensing his resentment.

Sam was watching her―_me_―with such tender awareness before he knelt down and brushed his lips to my forehead, lingering longer than he should of according to the person keeping guard. Sam stared at me for another long moment then strode across and jumped out the window, towards the person that was watching him with spite.

"Embry," Sam addressed him, his voice strangely struggled and face masked with pain. "You can go home now."

A shift that was as easy as breathing and Embry was gone, his presence no longer in Jared's head―

_I… I thought it was you… _I whispered. I didn't know what to think of the memory. It hadn't been Jared or Paul or Embry that tucked me safely into bed all the times I couldn't figure out how I'd done it. It was Sam. His instructions had them report to him with an out-cold me, and he'd send them off once I was in his arms, and he'd tuck me under warm covers and kiss my forehead tenderly before retreating back out my window.

_Impossible,_ Jared thought numbly. _Girls can't… Leah can't be…_ he shook his head. _We gotta call Sam._

Sam, Sam, Sam. _Sam…_

I couldn't help it, my memories awakened. Sam. My Sam. I pictured him holding my hand, caressing my face. Our bodies fused together the first time we had sex, tears springing to my eyes from the pain, him apologising at the horror of hurting me, and me telling him to "shut up and quit ruining the moment" as he laughed and kissed my tears away. Sweet, gentle kisses―

_Urgh, Leah, stop, _stop_!_ Seth cried, attempting to block the images. He was horrified and nauseous.

_Sorry,_ I said quickly. _I'm sorry, I didn't mean to_―

Urgh, what the hell is wrong with me?

Paul was quick to show his disgust while Jared tried not to feel too uncomfortable, probably because I was feeling embarrassed enough for all four of us. I closed my eyes and tried to force the memories to stop, but they wouldn't. Sam carrying me in his arms down the beach. Sam smiling and tucking my hair behind my ear, reminding me how beautiful it is and how much he loves it. Sam getting down on one knee, asking me to be his wife―fuck, brain, shut up!

_Um, okay… awkward._ Jared interrupted.

Paul rolled his eyes at me. _Jeez, get over it already, will you? We have more important stuff to worry about. There's a fucking female werewolf and some psycho-bitch redheaded bloodsucker running around the place. You haven't seen her by any chance have you?_

Seth let out an uneasy laugh. _Werewolf? Redheaded what?_ It sounded funny to him, but he didn't seem to know whether it was okay to ask questions, though he was risking it with the hope that it would change the topic and get the pictures of Sam and me out of his mind. He still didn't feel comfortable not knowing what was happening, not knowing what he was. _What's a redheaded bloodsucker? _

_Oh, you know… _Jared made it sound like it was obvious. _Bloodsucker, parasite, leech, Cold One_―

_Cold One?_ Seth's amusement disappeared.

He knew the stories well, as did we all.

_You mean, like… a vampire?_

Seth's eyes widened as the confirmation passed through the link between us.

_So, you're looking for a redheaded vampire? Then what are we, the protectors of the tribe like in the old legends? How do we find it_―_the redhead thing? Are they all redheaded? Do we have any cool powers? Is that what you guys are_―_Sam Uley's gang, you run around as wolves and find redheaded vampires_―

My brother's cynical yet eager swarm of questions came in a never-ending flow that made my head throb since he didn't need to pause for a breath through the connection to our brains. _They all look different, but the one in the area that has been testing our border is a redhead, she's been trying to find a way in_, Jared answered him. I wanted to roll my eyes at Seth and ask him if turning into a werewolf wasn't "cool powers" enough for him―

_Leah,_ Seth sighed. Of course, he'd heard my thoughts. Fuck. _Aren't you even a little curious?_

_Not in the slightest, _I said flatly.

_Oh… _he picked up a memory from one of the others, Seth slowly turned to look at me. It was amazing how he could take the form of a ferocious animal and still manage a puppy-dog expression. _You already knew about all this, Lee… you knew about Sam and the others, but you didn't…_

He was hurt that I hadn't told him. _It wasn't my secret to tell… at the time_, I thought bitterly.

With a swift motion Jared threw his head back and howled into the crisp forest air, his cry was seconded by Paul and their voices echoed with ear-splitting fierceness. I felt Seth have the urge to join them, so I threw him a don't-even-think-about-it glare and he huffed in defeat.

_What's with the noise?_ I asked Jared once they were quiet.

He walked closer to us now, since there was no longer the possibility of scaring us away.

_We've called the others. You have to understand Leah, this is more than a little strange. Its not that a girl becoming a protector is unusual… it just _isn't_, you know? There has never been a female werewolf, ever. Something must be seriously wrong with you. _Jared flinched, he didn't mean to state the last fact, but it was forced out by the blunt, honest-brutality of his thoughts. Nothing was censored, nothing you could keep to yourself.

So, I'm some sort of freak among freaks.

Great.

I wasn't as upset about this as I should be, my mind had gone blank. There has never been another female werewolf. I'm the only one. Harry had known this. If it had been Seth to transform at the breakfast table―not me―then maybe, maybe he never would have… maybe it wouldn't have happened, it wouldn't have been such a bombshell to him―

Seth whined. _Lee, no, please don't_―

I couldn't stop it. I replayed it in my mind, through my eyes Seth, Jared and Paul witnessed my father's horror-struck expression as he looked at me, the shock and pain that filled his eyes, his last breaths in the hospital, how I could smell the death reeking off him, hear his heart's final beats…

_Leah,_ Seth cowered under the images. _Please Lee, please… _

I could feel the dull disbelief coming from Jared and Paul. _Harry's dead?_ Paul said to himself. _Man…_

Jared sent out his sympathy through the bond, and Seth thanked him. My ears perked and I sensed a change in the still night air. It was a difficult feeling to explain, almost like the atmosphere itself shimmered, like a ripple in water that made me shiver as it passed through me.

_It means someone's about to phase,_ Jared explained. _It's probably Sam._

As he finished speaking another presence made itself known in my head.

_Guys, we got a problem,_ the new voice spoke.

Paul dug his claws into the ground impatiently. _No, Jake, _we've_ got the problem. You were just too busy babysitting your leech-loving girlfriend._

Huh, Jacob Black.

The tension between Paul and Jacob was borderline-hostile. Though it came as no surprise to Jared, we could all plainly see that the two had less-than-friendly feelings for the other. They were forced to cooperate, but neither was happy about it. Jacob was in the woods by his house, running to meet up with the group. He tightened his teeth together. _Really?_ Jacob said sourly. _Then since you're so smart Paul, you must have already used your awesome psychic abilities to know that the Cullens are back in town and were lying in wait inside Bella's house. You did a great job patrolling since they slipped through right under your ugly nose_―

_Psychic abilities? Do we have that? _Seth asked sceptically.

_Seth?_ Jacob sounded surprised. _Hey, sorry about your dad. Welcome to the ranks, kid._

_Welcome to our problem,_ Paul added dryly.

Jacob rolled his eyes. _Seth Clearwater is your problem? You've got to be kidding me_―

_Actually,_ I drawled. _The problem would be me._

_Who… oh, holy _shit_!_ Jacob staggered mid-run and almost ran into a tree. _Leah? Fuck! What the hell, guys?_

_My thoughts exactly, _Jared wirily stated.

Jacob's thoughts were temporarily stuttering so he pushed himself to run faster until a large figure burst through the undergrowth and skidded to a stop a few feet away. Compared to Seth and myself, Jacob was a gigantic beast with russet coloured fur with his tongue lolling out of his muzzle as he panted for breath. He stared at me, unsure of how to react to the impossible standing right there before him, defying everything that they know about themselves and the wolves within, making them all doubt and share anxious expressions.

_You've called Sam?_ Jacob asked, though it didn't sound like a question.

I grimaced, or as close to one as a wolf could get.

_Yeah,_ Jared confirmed with a nod. _He must be held back by something._

_Last I heard he was on his way back to the hospital from my place, _Jacob said. _To keep Sue company since Charlie had to go home to Bella and the leeches. I don't know how many of them have come back, I called to make sure she hadn't been eaten, _he added darkly. _I called the hospital too, to tell Sam, but Sue said he'd come and gone._

Through Jacob's memories I could hear my mother's crackled, broken voice over the phone.

Seth cringed and I fought to keep my face neutral.

_Did she say where he was going? _Paul enquired.

_No, only that he seemed like he was in a hurry to get there._

The air simmered, I felt myself freeze and the others waited patiently. _What the hell happened? _A new, strong voice demanded.

I recognised it immediately even when I hadn't recognised the others at first. I recognised _his_ voice. Sam. Though the sternness of his tone didn't show it, he was frantic and his memories were muddled. He directed his question to Jared. It became clear then that he was second-in-command.

_Leah,_ Sam hissed my name, and a memory came and gone before I could understand it. _Did you find her? Did you find them? Why didn't you stop it? What the _fuck_ happened? _He was angry and his first question hadn't been about what they themselves had discovered as the wolves had originally thought. They weren't quite sure what he was thinking in his anxious state, except that it had to do with me being in danger, and they all knew I was as fine as I could possibly be at that moment, standing right beside them as a fellow wolf.

No one was sure how to answer.

So I spoke.

_Sam…_ I had no hope. I called out to him, and he was close, so close that I could hear him running.

Through the other wolves I heard how my voice sounded―miserable and yearning. The kind of voice someone uses when in mortifying pain, the kind of tone they'd say it in with their last agonizing breaths of life. Confusion filtered through Sam, and it seemed the number of presences in his head became known to him.

_Who…?_ He trailed off, and I saw flashes of his recent memories, he left the hospital and sped down streets, the desperate urge to check on me, to make sure I was okay. It was unavoidable. We witnessed him running out of his car back to my house and finding Seth's ruined clothes alongside of my shredded ones. He feared the worst and blamed himself for not being there to protect me, because it was obvious to him what had happened:

Seth Clearwater had transformed and attacked me.

My brother was openly mortified. _I didn't attack Leah!_ He exclaimed. _I would never do that!_

I almost laughed at the fact of how close we had actually come.

But instead I felt grim.

_I'm right here, Sam. _I said bleakly.

There was dead silence. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that Sam was there, in my mind. I didn't want to believe that any of these boys held access to my innermost thoughts and memories. It made me vulnerable, it made me weak.

It was like I'd already lived this moment. Another figure as large as Jacob emerged through the trees. As I expected, the black coat and eyes were already etched into my memory, I remembered the same overgrown wolf I'd already established as Sam from the day Emily received her scars. If anything, he was bigger now, and pinned me to the ground with his glare.

The atmosphere was thick and I caught my breath.

_You're not Leah, _Sam finally broke the silence, stern and definite.

I shrunk under the weight of his accusation, ashamed of my weakness.

_Yes I am,_ I hissed.

I know who I am. Leah Clearwater. Fuck, he thinks I'm so stupid I didn't even know myself?

The black wolf bared his teeth. _No, you're not._

I felt the sudden worry of the others. Jared took a step forward. _Sam_―

_No!_ Sam snarled and Jared fell silent. _Enough! You're _not_ Leah. You can't be. It's not possible. _

He paced the small clearing in which we were all gathered, frustrated and focused on denial. Jacob and Jared followed his every move with their eyes, their wolf forms incredibly still. Paul lost interest and laid on the forest floor. Seth padded over to me cautiously. Regardless of his better judgement, Sam could think of no one other than Seth that had shown any signs of becoming one of them.

Then I was suddenly watching myself through his eyes, he saw me in the hospital with pain and heartache twisting my features and a lost part of him opened his arms and knew it felt so right to have me wrapped in them. It was so gut-wrenchingly familiar to him; how perfectly I fit in his embrace.

But as he breathed in my scent it was a warped version of what he had thought he remembered so flawlessly.

He knew well that an effect on the body's natural smell meant drastic change to the body itself. It scared him then, and now he had the doubt of my altered scent and body that pointed towards the small grey wolf that stood before him.

Still he refused to allow himself to think of the wolf as me, because he wanted nothing more that to _not_ have me in his thoughts. The legends mentioned nothing about female werewolves; therefore, it was impossible. The growing unease of the other wolves did nothing to bring Sam back to his senses, his escaped thoughts of me bombarding every corner of his mind―how he would watch me run every morning along First Beach, how he loved the way my long hair felt slipping through his fingers.

It was all impossible to him, and yet there I was, defying all reason by my very presence.

_Lee-Lee…_ Sam stopped pacing and cocked his head to the side. _Oh God, no…_

And then something became clear to me.

Sam Uley still loved me.

* * *

**I was determined to get this posted tonight! Well, it's now very early morning here but close enough! Finally, we've gotten passed Leah's transformation. I feel like doing a happy-dance. Anyway, please feel free to tell me your thoughts, ideas, suggestions. I'm more than happy to hear from you. Oh, and I just finished the Vampire Academy novels, how awesome are they?**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	11. Freaks And Funerals

**Disclaimer****: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Sorry it's been a while! Hopefully this makes up for lost time!**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Freaks And Funerals**

**...**

The pack fell once more into uneasy silence.

Well, as silent as several linked-minds could be, and even with the other guys trying not to get involved it's not like the situation could possibly get any worse than it already was. Sam began pacing again, attempting to call his thoughts into order, trying not to think about me.

He forced his mind onto Emily, to focus on her and the distraction she would bring to him―the first time he saw her, nothing could compare and how the world itself shifted. How it felt when he kissed her, touched her flesh that was cool against his. How he lived everyday just to see her face, and each relived moment with her made all the horrible parts of life so much more bearable. Because she was Emily, his perfect beautiful Emily, and he only lived to make her happy, wake beside her everyday, see her mother his children―

I couldn't take anymore.

_No… stop! Enough! _Enough_! STOP IT!_ I spat.

I'd heard enough. I'd seen enough. I wanted out of this freakishly warped body. _Now_.

Beside me, Seth was a mixture of emotions.

He was sad. He missed Harry; he wished he was there to guide him.

He was angry. Angry that I felt pain and he could do nothing.

He felt hopeless. His mind wandered and I suddenly found myself looking through him, his memories. The pack saw it too, obviously, and it showed the inside of our house, Seth was standing by my bedroom door in the dead of the night and he could hear Leah―_me_, quietly crying myself to sleep on the other side. He felt completely useless at that moment, because his big sister had always been the strong one, his idol for as long as he could remember. He had thought me indestructible―before Sam left me.

After that he would listen to me cry night after night when I thought everyone was asleep. He would sit on the other side of my door and try to think of ways that he could fix things, cursing Sam Uley and what he had done, and burning the sound of my tears into his memory so that he remembered it every time I woke up the next morning and pretended everything was okay―

_Would you shut up already?_ I snapped at him. _Why were you _spying_ on me?_

_Don't be too hard on him Leah, he can't help it,_ Jacob said.

I thought many nasty things I could have responded with―all of which they all heard anyway―but my endless supply of swear words and insults were cut-off by Jared in his attempt to keep the peace. He swung his head around dramatically with the purpose of getting our attention.

_Has anyone heard from Embry? _He asked, curious but more interested in changing the subject.

Everyone declined.

I learnt then that Embry's delayed attendance was a pretty common thing. He had to keep thinking of elaborate plans to ditch his mother who was taking more drastic actions to stop him from sneaking out of the house at all hours. She didn't know about the werewolf gene, and despite offers from the council and the pack to include her in them, Embry would rather her think she was the mother of a juvenile delinquent than that of a monster.

The others didn't agree with him, but respected his wishes.

_He's probably bending the bars on his window as we speak, _Paul said apathetically.

_Oh, would you just shut… _Jacob's thoughts shifted. _Oh shit_―_the Cullens!_

Sam snapped into a kind of Alpha-mode and had the situation swiftly analysed. _If they are back we can't be found on their territory. They will have to watch their side of the line. Stay away, we can't risk the treaty being breeched. _He ordered, and almost everyone displayed their understanding.

Jacob was outraged. _But Bella_―

_She went running back to them, _Paul pointed out snidely. _Obviously she doesn't want _you_._

Jacob snarled at his words and Paul bared his muzzle. Jacob had been itching for a fight since he smelt the vampire and saw Isabella Swan scamper off to join them without a second glance. He didn't want to admit it, but Paul's statement hit a sore spot. Just the thought of it sent a fresh wave of fury through the link, and it almost made me want to reach out a snap at Paul's legs off myself.

_That's enough, _Sam barked, rising to his full height, and the enmity ceased as soon as it was said. _Jacob, you will stay away from Forks. Do you understand? _I could feel the weight of the command hit Jacob's shoulders like bricks, and he bowed his head in defeat. Sam turned his attention to his Beta. _Jared, when Embry arrives take him and Paul and try to find the bloodsuckers scent. We can't afford to lose her trail again. Jacob, go home. Tell Billy what's happened and to call the council. I'll join you once I get Leah and Seth back safely. _

The pack broke apart. Jared and Paul ran deeper into the forest and Jacob made a break for the reservation. I could still hear them, in the back of my head; their voices didn't fade with distance as I'd hoped they would. Sam began walking back towards the house and Seth threw me a troubled look before hesitantly scuffling his feet, as if wanting to follow him.

I stayed rooted to the ground.

I felt the push too, the raw instinct to follow after Sam, though I wasn't sure if it was purely for the reason Seth wanted to and more so for my own twisted motives. The thought that Sam now held _rank_ over me was twisted in itself. He was Alpha of the pack. I was now part of the pack, even if it was by default.

My claws dug into the earth as I fought the urge. I'd be damned if I followed that fucker.

Sam had expected me to be difficult. Surprise, surprise. Restraining a sigh, he turned to stare back at me. _Leah, _he was anxious about directly acknowledging me, he was still trying to come to terms that I was actually there. That I could hear him. _Do you want to turn human again or not?_

He knew very well that I did, so his question annoyed me.

_No,_ I said curtly. _I want to run around like this forever. It's just _that_ awesome._

My attitude brought upon his disapproval. He was attempting to view me just like he did everyone else―a newbie werewolf that needed immediate discipline and training. A liability until otherwise proven. Sam didn't have to act with my brother, he fell into the leader roll easily and Seth couldn't help but respond to it even if he felt like he was betraying his big sister by doing so.

I desperately wanted my body back, so I shoved my stubbornness aside and began walking, making a show of falling into step ahead of Sam and remaining there in spite of the stupid instinct that told me to let him pass and claim his rightful place as leader.

We were still in the woods, closer to the reservation. Jacob's presence was gone and Jared and Paul were occupied scouting out the land, the smell of their desired victim held firmly in their minds.

Sam stopped walking, and I felt my own feet stop in perfect timing to his. Fuck.

_Taking back you're human form can be more difficult for some and easier for others, _Sam unintentionally thought of the first time he managed to phase back―how it had taken him fourteen days to calm down, wandering the forest as a wolf, starving enough by the fifth day that he'd started preying on the woodland creatures that stood no chance against his bulk. He'd thought he was lost, gone forever.

That is, until he smelt me.

He ran. The rain only made my scent stronger to him, instead of washing it away. When he saw me, he was sure that he was imagining things; he'd seen it so many times before. It was too good to possibly be happening to him, yet he could kiss and touch me and I spoke to him and he had hoped with everything that he wasn't crazy and that I was real.

Picturing me that day in the rain brought upon another unwanted memory.

Sam's vision of me practically glowing and kissing him by the forest the night he returned warped quickly into the day I saw him and Emily kissing in the hospital. He watched me cry, curled up in the forest, desperately wanting to soothe me and how it hurt him when I yelled and ran off. It haunted him more, since he was the one that found Bella Swan in that exact same position―in the forest, in pain, crying. The similarities disturbed him, and he felt more compassion for her than he would've otherwise just because it reminded him of me.

That dead look in her eyes had mirrored my own.

_Don't compare me to her, _I snapped.

Sam pushed the memories back behind a wall in his head and regained his composure. _I'm surprised you managed to change so well you're first time, Leah, _he mused in a mellowed admiration, though he tried to be brisk and business-like. _Do you think you could do it again now?_

_Obviously not or I wouldn't still be here listening to you, _I thought bitterly.

I'd been in shock when I first phased back. I could barely remember it.

Sam refused to acknowledge my comment and started relaying instructions.

_You have to be calm, concentrate on your breathing, _Sam said, and I almost laughed at how corny after-school-special meditation-teacher-on-drugs he sounded. _Sometimes it helps to picture yourself in your human body, and just focus on making the image real. Focus. Breathe. Don't let the image slip._

By now I was focusing so hard I was sure my brain would explode. I was getting frustrated, which wasn't helping me be calm which led to me _not_ turning back into a human, ultimately leaving me frustrated. It was an endless, nauseating circle that just got harder and harder to escape. Almost like a barrier of rubber that only flexed when I pushed against it. I tested the strange feeling out with a few experimental pokes.

I gave a firm shove and the rubber snapped.

It was as if I'd physically been propelling my body forward, because I fell hard to the ground with the effort. A wild mane of black hair fell around my face, knotted and weaved with leaves, and I gasped. I curled my fingers and my toes, the sheer bliss it was to do those simple acts, a wave of triumph washed through me that I had to restrain myself from leaping up and cheering.

That is to say, before I realised I was very naked.

Very naked in front of my baby brother and ex-fiancé.

"_Shit_!" I jolted and flung my arms around myself as shields for anything and everything I could.

Seth immediately spun around with a low whine of what I assumed was an exclamation of horror. But at least my brother had the good sense to turn away. Sam stared at me openly―both our eyes wide―and I felt my cheeks flush, my vigour protest for his wandering vision stuck in my throat.

"Uh―erm, I-I'm going to get us s-some clothes," I stuttered out, humiliated.

I didn't really direct my words to either one of them, if anyone it was aimed at Seth, who would also find himself lacking in the clothing department when he manages to turn back. I doubted we would get any use of the shredded confetti that littered our front lawn.

I jumped up from the ground and started running. To say it was _uncomfortable _would be the biggest understatement of my life. Running naked through the forest? Not fun, trust me. I tried to concentrate only on reaching home, grabbing clothes and running back… but my own thoughts swarmed around me, almost twice as loud, as if they were trying to make up for the void where the others had been just minutes ago.

I'm a werewolf. Harry's dead. A fucking _werewolf_. I might be pregnant to that fucker who can now see inside my head. Sam can read my bloody mind! Oh crap, a werewolf? Pregnant―oh god, am I pregnant with his kid? My father's dead. I killed him. I'm a sick and twisted and evil thing that goes against this naturally unnatural world. I belong in neither of them now. Harry's gone, gone and he'll never smile that goofy smile of his again―

I choked back a sob and almost tripped on an uprooted tree trunk. Stumbling, I wrapped my arms tighter around my torso and pushed my feet to move faster. I flinched every time I felt my skin being ripped open by branches or particularly sharp rocks.

I could smell every wound made; the metallic scent of my blood―

Sam, that fucking bastard!

How dare he have them follow me around as if he _owns_ me, how dare he have the nerve to hold me and kiss me when he knew I was so royally fucked over that I wouldn't remember it. My memory retched, of how he looked at me with such consuming lust and yet touch Emily and thought how absolutely perfect she was, beautiful and sweet and that backstabbing two-faced bitch―

_Oh, god-fucking-dammit!_ I cursed.

I hadn't even realised I'd been shaking as I found myself once again on four freaking legs.

And not to mention receiving, at many different angles and from many different minds, naked visions of Leah Clea―oh shit!

The wolves were all too absorbed in the fantasies to realise my burst of embarrassment and outrage so I quickly caught on to their conversation. Sam had frantically tried to hide witnessing me phasing into a human, but it still hadn't stopped other recollections from jumping into his head, all of which centred on me being scarcely dressed.

_Oh, so it _was_ Leah…_ Jared thought absently, implying at one of the images Sam produced.

Paul took the image and held it out there for everyone to see, taking the advantage to admire my anatomy despite Sam's attempts to cover it up. _Fuck, Sam Uley you lucky prick! Not a guy on the whole rez that wouldn't love to bang Leah Clearwater, everyone knows she's one fine piece of ass. If only she could keep that big mouth of hers shut, I'd_―

_Urgh, don't talk about my sister like that! _Seth snapped at them, quick to defend me.

They had the decency to be ashamed about visualising all sorts of indecent things about me with Seth around, but apparently it was easier to feel bad than to actually do something about it. To make matters worse, the atmosphere shimmered and it revealed someone else running through the forest, towards the hunting group.

Trust Embry Call to tune in at the wrong moment.

_Hey guys, sorry I'm late. What's happe_―whoa_! _Embry exclaimed in shock, which promptly turned into awkwardness at both his not-so-secret pleasure and strong disapproval at the others lewd add-ons centred around the flaunting of my bare body. _Um, why the hell is everyone picturing Leah naked? Did I miss something good?_

Paul smugly flashed one of Sam's memories and wolf-whistled. _Nice rack, eh?_

It was then that the astonishment that had kept me silent dissolved; leaving me mortified and unbelievably pissed off. It was an extremely twisted thing to see yourself through someone else's eyes and be regarded as sexy, and not in the same way you always knew you were, but in the kind of way where in some bizarre sense you feel like your checking _yourself _out. The whole thing made me queasy.

_You_―_you _assholes_!_ I exclaimed, and I felt the powerful blow of Embry's shock, but I swiftly brushed it away. _How dare you dickheads just–just, urgh! I'm going to–to_―_! _I had no clue what I was going to do, but it was going to be excruciatingly painful.

My thoughts became a stream of swearing, and it surprised me when I reached the house in record time. I began circling the backyard to try and calm down without so much as a budge from my steaming temper, so I gave up and made a leap for my open bedroom window, which suddenly looked so much smaller than what it usually was.

My bulky figure got stuck in the frame and jerked myself through the tiny gap, hearing the loud rip of my claws slicing through the curtains.

_Fuck!_ I swore again. _Fuck, fuck, fuck! Those cost a fucking arm and a leg!_

I felt a pang of sadness.

My favourite curtains, ruined.

I heard Paul make a snide comment about female moodswings, but chose to ignore him.

Rummaging around the area, I didn't dare make the crossing into Seth's bedroom, firstly because I didn't know how the hell I would go about opening the door in wolf-form and secondly I really didn't want to chance an encounter with a teenage boys domain, even if that boy was Seth and I didn't know which situation would scare me more: Seth's room boyishly messy or freakishly organised.

I grabbed whatever I could find in my wardrobe and jumped back out the window.

_Seth, I'll leave them for you here,_ I showed him a picture of a shrub by the borderline of our yard and the forest.

_You're… not coming back?_ Seth asked sadly.

I scoffed. _No fucking way. I'm going to change back again on my own, then I'm going to bed. _

Sam thought absently about the clothes I'd gathered. _Uh, are those my old boxer shorts?_

_No, _I said quickly.

_Leah, _Sam began formally. _I'm sorry_―

Honestly, I didn't want to hear what he was sorry for. Whether it was for my becoming a wolf, showing a fucking slideshow of our most intimate moments, Harry's death or deserting me for Emily. I didn't want to hear it, and I guess that gave me the extra something I needed, because I was human again, bare-skinned in the yard.

I quickly threw on the summer nightgown I'd brought and gathered the destroyed shreds of clothing that laid jumbled in every square inch of the grass. I didn't want Sue coming home with such an unwelcomed reminder of everything that had happened today.

I climbed back into my room and there was no hiding from it.

The clothing-search had upturned everything, and my wardrobe poured out half its inhabitants, including the very battered pregnancy test box. I could see no point in delaying any further; I was home alone and should take advantage of the opportunity, right? Before I could talk myself into anything otherwise, I seized the test and ran into the bathroom, double checking that I'd securely locked the door behind me.

The timer ticked. It had to be the longest two minutes of my life.

By the time it signified that the wait was over, I couldn't bring myself to peer over the sink and clamp eyes on the little stick that would hold my entire future in the form of either one little pink line, or two of them. My breaths were long and controlled, and I was afraid. Afraid, and excited. The coolness of the bathroom tiles felt heavenly against my overheated skin, which was odd because I hadn't really noticed any difference between my old, normal-human temperature and my new one-hundred-and-eight one until right now.

I sighed and picked myself up from the floor and lurched towards the sink, gripping the edging almost as tight as I shut my eyes, obscuring my vision between eyelids and dark, wild hair. My breath quickened.

My eyes reluctantly opened and I stared directly across myself into the mirror.

"You can do this," I told my reflection, who stared back at me with terrified uncertainty. "You can do this…"

I cradled my abdomen and looked down, absorbing the display.

One pink line.

_Negative_.

People say they feel relief, like a large weight lifting from their shoulders. I couldn't quite describe my feelings as I frowned at that one line, the information met by absolute disbelief and rejection. I stared at the stick, as if willing another line to appear, because I had to be pregnant. What other option did I have? I wasn't menstruating, I was sick―if I wasn't having Sam's baby, then…

Then what the hell was wrong with me?

I felt cold, as if submerged in icy water.

I'm not having Sam's baby.

And just like that, any tie I had of our past together vanished and left me alone in the cold. I had nothing to hold myself to Sam, nothing but empty memories that meant next to nothing now that he was no longer with me. Sam and me together. And then I figured out something very stupid, something I should have realised and prevented in order to stop my heart of crumbling whatever of it was left:

I allowed myself to hope. I allowed myself to care for something that wasn't even real.

The tears fell and I held a hand to my flat stomach.

My reflection looked so pathetic, so detached, as my lips moved and said words that I wouldn't have believed I said if I wasn't watching myself saying them. "How could you love something that never really existed?" I demanded my reflection, and it only sobbed in response. "How could you miss something that was never really _there_?"

I had loved it―that little piece of me and Sam put together, and I had it ripped from under me.

_Negative_.

Disposing of the test, I walked myself slowly back into my bedroom, an empty shell.

I locked the door.

**...**

In the days before my father's funeral, I couldn't bring myself to leave my room.

I didn't feel guilty about not helping my mother, because she would do better with me out of the way. Why would she need the reminder of the thing that had killed her husband? How could she look at me, how could I look at her, knowing what I'd done?

Those hours sitting up in bed and blindly staring into space gave me time to process things. Time to reflect on how very stupid I'd been. My sickness had not been signs of pregnancy, but symptoms of my mutating genes that cursed me into a life that was not meant for me. I was a direct descendant from the gene, yes, but I was female. The genetic matter makes the wolves stick to males and to say it royally fucked up when it came to me was putting it lightly.

Did this mistake make me less of a woman? Am I going to grow a beard or some shit?

Was something very wrong with me, like the others had suggested?

It felt that way.

To know that Sam still loved me was a kick in the gut. To know that it had been Emily that stood in our way, not disinterest from him, mistakes by me, or fault by us both. He didn't _not_ love me. He just loved her more. When he had thought of Emily, it was clear how he saw her. To him, she had been similar to the value of light and air―something he couldn't possibly live without.

When he thought of me, it was primal. Almost as if, for that split second, Emily didn't exist. But then something sparked it like an alarm in his head that rang her name every five minutes, and all thoughts of me disappeared and we were back to square one; where Emily is his light, his air, his world, and I was no longer his Lee-Lee, but Leah―beautiful, sexy and forbidden.

Something he couldn't allow anyone else to have, because he couldn't have me.

He tried so hard to hide it from me.

At dawn, I watched them lower my father's coffin by the sea. It was his favourite place.

Sue was in a daze as Seth held her, my little brother shedding the tears that our mother did not. I clung to weakness, and felt as if I was betraying Harry by doing so. He'd raised me to be strong, and yet there I was allowing my own tears to fall in front of everyone, my stance firm on the other side of my mother, though I was very careful not to touch her, neither of them.

Why would she accept comfort from me when this was my fault?

I felt detached from my now-broken family, shamed by the fact that I didn't feel the right to grieve with them. Sue reached out in her glassy-eyed state and tightly griped my hand. She didn't look at me―her vision locked on the coffin―but I felt Seth's arms stretch that extra space to include me in their embrace. My lower lip quivered at their obvious ignorance, of how the thought probably hadn't crossed their minds that I was responsible for all this.

At that moment I tried not to think of it. I blurred all other faces. In that instant, standing there as one in the sunrise, it was just the Clearwaters; all four of us, together for the last time.

The crowd that had gathered was not surprising. I was sure that the entire tribe had come to pay their respects and mourn the loss of a beloved elder, not to mention the countless others that my father had befriended outside our community. Charlie Swan stood beside Billy and the rest of Harry's closest friends. Amongst the extravagant flowers given by families of the tribe, each of the men had merely hooked on to the coffin their best fishing lures, a token we all knew Harry would appreciate more than the most expensive display of roses.

It should have been obvious to me that with everyone there that _they_ would also be.

Sam was holding a sobbing Emily. Paul stood behind them, but the rest of the pack was eerily absent. The service was almost over when Jared joined the group, pulling Sam aside and muttering frantically to him. Sam's eyes flashed in anger and, with a single kiss and murmured phrase to Emily, the three wolves left in fevered urgency.

Frowning, I gazed around to see if anyone else had witnessed the unusual scene. It had seemed so central to me, I didn't realise that they had managed to keep it incredibly low-key, slipping away as if they'd never been. Only Seth looked up to mirror my tense expression, our lips pursed.

He shook his head irritably and squirmed, trying to ward-off the instinct.

"Wait…" I mouthed silently at him, feeling my own feet shift uncomfortably in the impulse to follow.

I barely showed signs of awareness as one by one each person approached us to offer their sympathy. I quickly lost track of the words until they all bled together. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than to _not_ go after Sam and the rest of them, and yet there was nothing I needed more.

Seth kept shooting me anxious glances as the minutes ticked on. It took a lot for me to keep my anger in check just because it pissed me off more than it should have that we couldn't even have the closure of burying our dead father without Sam and the wolf gene fucking things up.

I flexed my jaw and tried not to snap at people who were trying to comfort me.

With my emotions weighing heavily in my stomach, I managed to grasp the responsibility and find the backbone to approach my grieving mother and mumble an "I'm sorry" before Seth and I left. It was hard for me, but I couldn't have made Seth look her in the eye and tell her that we were leaving our own fathers funeral early. It was my fault, and it was my responsibility to shield him from these burdens. Seth deserves to smile and mean it. He deserves to keep his incredible outlook on life and the world that had screwed us over. He deserves happiness.

Especially when I didn't.

We followed their scent to Sam and Emily's house. Even in human form, our senses had advanced.

Finding them was the easy part. Finding the guts to walk past the gate was a different matter.

When I first realised where the trail was taking us, I felt my defences snap into place and my muscles tighten under the tension. It was the first time I had seen the house since Sam and I had been together, when it had been _our_ house. It had changed in less ways than I wanted to recall, but each time it was a slap in the face.

It still looked so much like _our_ house―if they had changed it I would have accepted it better than it looking identical to the time it had almost been mine. Everything was the same except for the blossoming flowerbox under the window, everything from the faded picket fence to the crusty blue door to the chips in the porch rail.

"I can't do this," I muttered to myself, and Seth stopped walking to turn and look at me.

"Leah?" he sounded worried.

"I can't do this," I repeated, frozen outside the fence gate in front of the garden where Sam proposed to me.

I never wanted to come back here. I didn't want to see this place again and have to link it to _her_―

Something was compressing my lungs, it was difficult to breathe. I was shaking, and not because of anger, but fear. The mind-numbing terror that griped me at the thought of losing it all over again; this was where Sam had promised me everything, and I could still effortlessly picture it. Repressing it was harder, and willingly walking into a place that held so many memories of us was like welcoming the pain I'd worked so hard to ignore.

"You _can _do this, Lee," Seth said firmly, even though he didn't know what had caused my distress, he spoke with a passion that was so utterly _Seth_. "I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together, Leah. I'm not going to leave you alone."

I gazed at him, his confidence, and swallowed. "Okay," I whispered, nodding stiffly. "Okay…"

We stepped past the gate and onto the porch where Seth raised a hand to knock. I rolled my eyes, fiddled for the spare key Sam always kept under a lose floorboard, and turned the handle, trying to project an indifference that would hide my dread. Seth blinked back his confusion and followed me grudgingly inside.

Jared stood by the door, ready to open it, when we paced through the threshold. I smiled smugly and threw the key at him, which he caught with agile reflexes and an uncomfortable expression.

I knew immediately was had arrived at a bad time.

Sam was visibly furious and so captured in the argument that he and the others had yet to notice our arrival.

"I told you to go in and get out, Jacob!" Sam snapped, despite his anger not one muscle twitched in response. He was standing by Jacob, the obvious object of his anger and the only other involved or otherwise interested in the conversation. Sam's brow was deeply furrowed. "Was that so hard to understand?" he demanded.

"Leah?" Embry jumped up from his seat at the table, the dispute interrupted.

Paul was seated beside him, followed by an empty chair that was untucked at an odd angle, having previously been claimed by Jared. Jacob was still standing rigidly by the kitchen counter, arms folded to his chest. Sam stood near him; the hostility of the conversation was clear by the strain in the room, and of how their gazes lingered on us in silence that held both discomfort and sympathy.

I knew the unease was caused by my presence. They were still unsure on how to accept me as one of them.

"Lee…" Embry broke the silence again, taking a hesitant step forward. His stature was loose compared to the others, softer and more vulnerable. He gazed a moment at Seth, then back at me. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there," he told us both, his voice an earnest whisper. "I'm sorry _we_ weren't there. I'm so sorry you had to leave."

"Yeah," I said coldly. "Me too. So tell us why we're here."

"A Cullen returned here a few days ago," Jared answered. "This morning Isabella Swan left with it. She is still under our protection from the other bloodsucker we've been hunting―the redhead," he placed a hand on my shoulder, and I shrugged it off. "I… I'm sorry too, guys." He said grimly.

I didn't believe that any of them felt actual concern, they weren't _really_ sorry. Because if they truly were sorry, they would have been there, wouldn't they? If they cared, they wouldn't have left the funeral. If they cared, they would have taken a seat with me and my family, a form of comfort no one else offered. If they cared, they wouldn't have put Bella Swan's petty problems first. Hell, Harry would still be alive if it wasn't for them and their fucking issues. I wouldn't have to be _here_, in this house with them, feeling like I'm suffocating.

Scowling my glare drifted to the floor, to the furniture, and finally to the bookshelf that now held dominance over the corner where Sam and I had kept our old mattress. I bit my lip; with the rooms all empty when I spent my days here I could still easily spot each imperfection in the walls as if the furniture didn't try to cover them. I knew every detail.

"We are all sorry," Sam repeated, and I pretended to gaze indifferently about the room. With his final words the topic had closed and Sam took on his business-tone with the subject that had clearly been the discussion before we had entered the room. "Anyway we―"

"So where's Emily?" I interrupted curtly, and the room fell quiet once more. They all knew I asked a question I already knew the answer to, and it was not only something completely unrelated, but I had disrupted Sam―the Alpha―in mid-sentence.

The pack weren't sure how to react.

"Well?" I said innocently.

Sam watched me uncertainly, as if I were something fragile, unstable. "I told her to stay at the funeral with your mother," he responded in a tone that he didn't want me to challenge.

Pfft. He didn't know me at all if he thought I'd listen to _that_.

"Of course," I gritted my teeth. "Of course _she_ should be there for my mother when I'm not. Of course _you_ knew Seth and I would have no choice but to leave her and to follow you here."

It was clearly an unwanted subject for him; Sam broke his unwavering stare at me and addressed the pack as if I hadn't spoken. "The redhead might not know that the bloodsucker has taken Bella away, and now with the Cullen gone we'll be able to return to the normal perimeter. Leave holes in the trail at first, try to lure her in with false security―at least now we won't have to worry about her getting what she wants―"

I laughed loudly. "We should just hand Bella Swan over to it," I suggested spitefully. "No big loss."

Jacob stiffened at the words.

"Jeez, isn't this suppose to be a guy thing?" Paul sneered. "Do you have a penis, Leah?"

I grinned maliciously. "Jealous?"

Jacob slammed his hand onto the bench top. "This is serious, Leah!" he hissed. "Bella's in danger―"

"And I fail to see where her brainless mistakes makes this _my_ problem," I took a step towards him, a step for each venom-filled word, stopping inches from where he stood. I narrowed my eyes into dangerous slits. "I'm beginning to think that someone like _her_ doesn't deserve protection if all she's gonna do is throw herself into danger at every fucking opportunity the little twit gets―"

Jacob Black stared me down and I fell silent. His fists were shaking. I knew what I said was cruel to him, but I didn't stop to spare his fragile feelings. It was as if my voice stopped working. Sam moved between us, standing defensively in front of me and glaring back at Jake with a stare that didn't even waver the younger boy.

"Let it go, Jacob," Sam told him quietly.

The fact that Sam was reluctant to stand up to Jacob was interesting. The fact that Jacob stood up against Sam without falling to his knees to the Alpha's powerful influence was something even more interesting.

I was still stunned to the point where I still hadn't noticed Sam rushing to my rescue, and I didn't care either way. This new information accompanied by recognising my annoyance was aimed solely at Bella Swan and not at my fellow pack members had me back off.

I folded my arms and shoved my way in front of Sam, so that I was facing Jacob once more.

"Look Jacob, I'm just sick of her, okay?" I scowled at the floor. There was no way in hell I was going to apologise, but I could at least try and explain myself. "All of Bella Swan's issues just happen to involve us, right? And I really don't give a shit about her or her seriously misguided adventures, whether you like it or not."

Jacob obviously took offence to my statement. The others were all guiltily quiet and he took the time to stop glaring at me to throw meaningful glances at each of them in turn. By their silence, I could tell my thoughts had not only been my own. Jacob had clearly noticed as well.

"Is that the way you all feel?" he asked them, his voice eerily calm.

He received no reply.

"Jacob," Sam said finally, reluctantly. "Sit away from Leah."

He obeyed the order without complaint or expression.

Embry clasped a hand on his shoulder and tried to soothe him.

"They are long gone by now anyway, brother," he said sombrely. "I'm sorry."

Jacob buried his face in his hands and didn't speak.

**...**

The same second the meeting ended, I was out the front door. Seth followed me out. I didn't see him, my body faced the forest, but I sensed his lingering presence.

"Do what you want," I said, my back still turned. "I'm leaving now."

"Leaving?" Seth echoed. "Where?"

"I don't know," I shook my head. "Away, I guess. Away from here."

"I… I'll see you at home?" the uncertainty in his voice stung.

"Yeah," my voice was void of emotion. "See you later, twerp."

I walked into the trees and waited till I was a good distance away before I unzipped my dress. It was my favourite old black dress, the kind every girl must have in her wardrobe, but like everything else I own it was smaller than it had been a couple weeks ago and made my figure more prominent than it had in the past.

Slipping out of the outfit, it wasn't difficult to find my bottled-up anger and release it.

The pain no more, replaced by a satisfying feeling. I had nothing else to do in this form, so I ran. It was unlike any other feeling―the unscathed freedom, the impossible speed. It almost felt nice. I tried to concentrate on nothing but the blissful quiet of being in my own head―

And then the freaking air shimmered.

Seth phased, and he was with Jacob. The two of them were talking, oblivious to my company.

_I'm sorry about my sister, Jake,_ Seth thought apologetically. _She was upset. She just needs some time to adjust to everything._

Jacob brought a memory to mind, a recent one that showed Leah―me―with a dead look now frequently found in my eyes. There was no spark that had usually drawn people to her, the only thing she held was her anger, all of the charm seemed to have drained away, and Jacob hadn't noticed it until moments ago.

_I've been blind,_ Jacob admitted, the pity he felt for me lathered his thoughts. _No wonder Sam didn't imprint on her…_

Seth's ears perked. _Imprint? What's an imprint?_

_Soulmate,_ came the reply, and I froze. _An imprint is when you find your soulmate._

It didn't need words for someone to describe something through the link. The knowledge flowed from one person to the other in seconds. An imprint: when someone with the gene first glimpses into the eyes of the person they were destined to be with. The object of imprinting is immediately adored, loved and cherished. All other emotional ties are severed almost completely. No one is more important than your imprint.

_Soulmate?_ I snapped.

But the aggression was short-lived.

_It... wasn't me,_ I realised. It was never _me_. It wasn't even that he cared for Emily more―it was the gene. The gene that had taken him from me and attached him to Emily from the moment he met her, that day at Port Angeles. It had forced affection on him, and she was the one that chose to accept it. It wasn't Emily that claimed his heart. It was something different, something no one completely understood.

It wasn't me. It didn't choose _me_. If Sam had really loved me, he would have imprinted on me, wouldn't he?

I wasn't good enough.

I wasn't good enough for him.

Being inside that house, seeing how Emily had transformed it into a home, where the only reminders of me consisted of past delusions in my mind, a smudge on the wall from when Sam and I had playfully hauled the kitchen cabinets leftover paint at each other during the Leah-moving-in pre-production.

Sam didn't imprint on me.

All those times he had whispered promises, he'd meant them.

If Sam and I were together, we could both hold and love that baby, that little piece of _us_―

Seth whimpered. _Lee?_

_Oh shit! Jesus Leah, how could you?_ Jacob called my attention. They had been trying to speak to me for a while after realising my presence, but I'd been too distracted to respond, my head a scrambled blur of thoughts. _Holy crap_ _Leah, you're pregnant and_―_and it's… he… _Sam_? God, you need to tell him, he has the right to know_―

I shrank away from his thoughts and envisioned the pregnancy test.

Despair pulsed through me and the depression had shocked Jacob into silence. Seth was quiet, picturing to himself all the times he'd noticed me sick, tired, worn―how I _could_ have been pregnant and he hadn't realised it.

There was no hiding my feelings on the matter. There was nowhere to run from it.

From Seth's sadness. From Jacob's pity.

_Leah… _Jacob was sincerely sorry, and then he saw what I was planning to do. _No, Leah, you don't have to go_―

But I had already gone.

I phased back and put on my dress. I slowly walked home.

The house was empty and dark. It had always felt like a safe place to be, and now every memory of it was attached to something painful. The loss of a needed father. The loss of a child that never was, and never was meant to be. The loss of my freedom, my family, my life that was now tied forever to Sam and the pack.

Tied to Sam that could never be mine, because he was tied forever with someone else.

My heart was thudding uncomfortably fast, and I made a lurch for my mattress. Hands shaking, it took dead concentration to steady them enough to reach underneath it and pull free the small, hidden bag. I unzipped the packet and swallowed a pill. It didn't go down easy, almost like swallowing dust. I could feel nothing, numbness. I took another, and another. Nothing. No blissful forgetfulness. I swallowed again.

"C'mon, c'mon…" I muttered feverishly, shaking the rest of the contents onto my palm.

I was trembling, almost to the point where the pills were threatening to jump out of my hand.

And then I saw black. Blissful, blissful black, and my feet were scratching against concrete and I knew somehow that I saw outside and no longer contained within four walls. I was stumbling and falling, but I felt like I was floating on air, an easy feeling to confuse with happiness. I almost felt happy.

Dizzying, intoxicating happiness.

I fell to my knees in the middle of the road, and my body soon followed as I collapsed to the ground into complete and utter unconsciousness.

* * *

**I really don't have that much to say other than thanks so much for the reviews I've gotten. This is a tough chapter for our poor Leah, and I hate to say that it gets worse before it gets better. The next chapters a good one, so please stay tuned! Any confusion, please message me. I know that how Sam feels about Leah may sound strange, it's difficult to explain his emotions from her point of view at this point, but all shall become clear in time!**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	12. Heartfelt Bullshit

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Oh snap. I cannot believe it's been so long. Please forgive! Here we go!**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Heartfelt Bullshit**

**...**

My eyelids were heavy.

It felt like something was pinning them down, which was seriously annoying.

My body was completely locked. Limbs stiff and rigid, I tried to flex my fingers but I couldn't. My heart leapt into panic, pumping harder than it had been before. It was painful, thudding against my ribcage as if it was trying to break through the skin. Even in the blackness I could feel the terrifying sensation, almost like gravity was sucking me into the earth, like my bones were filled with lead.

My eyelids broke apart, and everything was out of focus.

Everything was too fast and too loud and too bright. I felt like I couldn't keep still, while at the same time I couldn't move at all without the lead-filled heaviness making me queasy.

And I was tired. Impossibly exhausted, and I was about to shut my eyes into peaceful oblivion again when the noise grew louder and I felt one of my limbs snatched from its resting place and being vigorously shook to the point where I had to glare at whoever the hell was disturbing my much-needed sleep.

"Leah?" the voice sounded so far away. "Lee? God, please don't close your eyes! Wake up!"

The stubborn part of me wanted to defy them just for the fun of it.

But I couldn't bring myself to speak. My body was sore and hot and cold all at once. It was disorienting, the happy feeling was gone so quick it might as well not have been there at all, and it was replaced with my organs squirming inside me and my pulse jumping around like hummingbirds wings.

I was being held close, enclosed in a foreign heat, and I no longer felt the harsh asphalt beneath me.

"Don't worry, baby," the voice said. "It'll be alright. I've got you, you're safe with me. I've got you…"

I closed my eyes, and the blackness reclaimed me.

**...**

I woke up feeling as if I'd just had the best night's sleep of my life, but that was all that was working for me. Aside from my well-rested brain, it was as if someone had chewed me up and spit me out into a bed full of blunt knives. My resting place was lumpy and firm in a very uncomfortable way, and the sickening, horrible, rigid feelings I could somewhat recall were amplified beyond recognition.

A groan escaped my lips, and my eyes fluttered to adjust to the sudden light.

"Leah, honey?" someone called softly. "Sweetie?"

My mother sat helplessly beside me, looking worn and shattered, gripping my hand.

I winced. "Mum?" I croaked out.

She threw her arms around me and sobbed. "Oh my baby!" she cried. "Oh my baby Leah, I thought–I–I thought I… I didn't think I'd ever see… I thought I was going to lose you too!" she babbled, embracing me tightly, and I felt confused and shocked enough to pat her awkwardly on the back in a soothing gesture. From the movement I felt a prickling tug on my arm―transparent wires curled up them on their way up to the drip dangling from an IV.

I'm in the hospital? "I… I'm in the hospital?" I repeated out loud, dazed. "What the hell am I doing here?"

Sue released me and leant back to glare at me through narrowed slits.

"Pills, Leah?" she snapped, her voice like a cracking whip. "Honestly? You just decide to disappear and I get a call at four in the morning telling me _my_ daughter… that _my daughter_…" Sue shook her head, seething. "How could you do this Leah? I taught you better. You _know_ better. You're father―" her voice broke and her eyes brimmed with unshed tears and anger. "You're father would be ashamed of you," she hissed.

If she expected me to hang my head in shame, I didn't. She didn't continue her scolding at once, as if awaiting the routine response of 'I'm sorry, it was stupid, it won't happen again' that any other teenager would blurt out in this kind of situation.

Sue stared at me a long time, studying and cynical, before she wrapped me slowly in her arms again.

"I'm just so relieved you're safe," she murmured, brushing my hair with her fingertips. "I'm so thankful."

I was kind of afraid to ask, but the words fell from my mouth.

"What… what happened?" I muttered, leaning into her touch.

My mother's face fell grimly. "They said you were going to die," she spoke matter-of-factly. It wasn't like Sue to recite any important information with emotion. "They said it was too much, that it was impossible for your system to get rid of it all―and once you did that, they said it was unlikely you'll ever wake up. But you did."

I paused in thought.

It was then clear what had occurred.

"The wolf gene," I mumbled.

Sue nodded gravely. "It healed you. Be grateful child, the council had to pull a lot of special strings to convince everyone of this particular _miracle_. You're fever may have helped burn it up and help everything pass through your system abnormally fast, but you're incessant stubbornness did the rest."

My lips twitched as I pictured Old Quil slipping the doctors a twenty in hush-hush money. Mulling quietly in amusement at the notion, I gazed around the room that was abundant in well-wishing gifts, as my fathers had been, but otherwise empty.

I frowned. "Where's Se―?"

The curtain that separated my room slowly slid open.

"Aunt Sue?" Emily said timorously, holding a bunch of flowers in front of her like a twisted peace offering. "The nurse said it was alright... I just came by to―oh, Leah!" she exclaimed in shock, the flowers tumbled to the floor as she broke out a smile. "They didn't say–they didn't mention―oh, thank god! I–I didn't know what I was going to do if I… if you…!" Emily bent to the floor and gathered the scattered flowers before dumping them on a table.

"My brother," I said coldly. "Where's my brother?"

"Oh, Seth?" Emily inquired, and I rolled my eyes. As if I had another brother besides Seth. "Um, he… he's sort of _stuck_ at the moment…" her hesitance drained away as she began chatting quickly. "But almost everyone else is outside," she gestured towards the door. "Is there anyone you want to see?"

"Paul," I said immediately. "I want to see Paul."

Emily blinked. "Um… Paul? Are you sure?"

I looked at her blankly, eyes narrowed. "Yes. Fetch."

"Well, at least she still has her sense of humour," I heard Sue state dryly to Emily as they withdrew from the room.

The fact that they left without saying anymore confirmed that the poor bastard was indeed stuck out there, probably bored out of his pathetic little mind.

A minute dragged by and Paul stood alone in the curtain doorway, looking unwilling and confused.

"You… er, wanted to see me?" he said suspiciously, as if the words alone were likely to punch him. When I only glared at him, he walked slowly to my side and dug his hands into the pockets of his pants, his beady eyes wandering everywhere but directly at me. Since he was in a public building, the guy had seemed to have been forced into a shirt. "Uh, so… how're you feeling?"

His lack of enthusiasm made me grin. "You don't have to be nice to me just because I almost died," I told him.

"Thank fucking god," he snapped, slumping considerably. "So what do you want, Clearwater?"

I kept my gaze calm, cold and constant. "I want to know what the fucks going on."

Paul folded his arms lazily across his chest.

"And why do you need _me_?"

"Because you and I both know that you're the only one that will tell me what's happening without sparing details because of my precious _feelings_," I put as much power as I could behind my words, I still felt as if a slight breeze might knock me over, and my aggressive tone made me feel in control.

"Oh yeah?" he drawled. "And what do I get out of this interrogation?"

My attitude didn't take well to his arrogance. Slowly, with a lot of control to make it seem effortless and simple, I rose from my semi-propped-up position on the frumpy hospital mattress and bared my teeth at him. "How does your testicles still attached to you in the morning sound?" I offered callously, fingernails gripping the sheet.

He flashed me his teeth in an impish grin that clearly portrayed his crude, testosterone-filled thoughts.

"Sam would be pissed," I pointed out at his implication. The thought of Sam thoroughly disapproving of anything indecent between myself and a pack member was the only reason I had the slightest urge consider anything in the first place.

"He's forbidden it," Paul scoffed darkly. "Shit, let's just get this over with. What do you want to know?"

"Start from the beginning."

He rubbed the stubble on his chin in aggravation and claimed my mother's bedside chair. "You've been out of it for almost two days," he answered, smirking. "Sam found you. He was on his way to talk to you, and there you were, lying in the middle of the road. I've seen it in his mind. He was scared shitless, thinking you were dead, or worse. He didn't stop to think of all the trouble he would cause by bringing you to the hospital. But of course, the guy is never able to think things through when it comes to you."

I scowled. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Why did it always have to be _him_ rushing to my fucking rescue?

I frowned, chewing rhythmically on my tongue to mull in my anger. I didn't want to speak, or in this case swearing fluently, and risk ruining Paul's rare, reluctant generosity.

Paul took my murderous expression as a sign to continue.

"You know, we're staying in shifts, watching you when he's not here," he said, and I envisioned the rest of the pack squished inside the little waiting room, shoulder to shoulder like a cramped can of tuna. "Well, _I'm_ being forced. The others are jumping at the chance to get out of running perimeter, and Embry… well, the kids a lost cause. We leave at night. It's when Sam sits with you, staring into space for hours―"

"And where's Seth?" I interrupted.

I didn't want to listen for another second about Sam actually having the nerve to pretend to give a shit about me. I tried to make my question sound indifferent, like I didn't care where my brother was while I was in hospital, on my deathbed for all he knew, since he clearly hadn't been to visit me.

If Paul saw through my act, he didn't show it. "You gave him a scare," his mouth twitched, as if the subject entertained him. "He freaked when the hospital called. He was lucky enough to make it outside before he phased, and he still isn't calm enough to change back. He's been stuck out in the woods for days. Sam and Jacob are with him now, trying to coax him to turn back. He isn't too great at the whole instinct thing." He shook his head almost like he was ashamed of my brother's lack of control of his wolf-self.

My stomach churned as my heart dropped and weighed it down.

It was at this instant I could feel the clawing, empty need to talk to my father.

He had left this world at the moment when we had needed him the most. I needed him to look me in the eye and tell me that there was nothing horribly wrong with me. That I was nothing more than an uncommon outcome, something that could easily adjust, or even better, be cured.

That I was normal, that I would be okay.

Even if it wasn't true.

**...**

The hours ticked by and I grew increasingly impatient.

I sent my mother home. She looked as exhausted as I felt, and I managed to convince her to at least leave to take a shower or a nap on a real bed or something. When Embry and Jared came in to visit me in the late afternoon I pretended to be asleep. It was a lot easier than all the energy it would've took to persuade them I was feeling okay.

That night I was still in my dazed, not-asleep-but-not-awake stage. I heard the curtain to my room drawn back and then closed again. I stirred, confused. The nurses had checked my vitals not long ago, and I knew vaguely it was too late for visitors.

I opened my eyes and stared at the figure illuminated only by the florescent light shining through the opaque curtains. The recent dose of pain medication had mellowed me, and since it hadn't been in my system long enough for my wolf-self to reject the prescription, I was temporarily stress-free and loosely wound.

But I couldn't say the same about my visitor, who looked like someone had just shot him out of the sky.

He approached, staring back with dark, simmering emotions as the silent minutes passed.

"I thought you were…" his words were thick and raw, broken as if they were smashed just before they had the chance to form correctly and leave his throat. His expression mixed in complicated conflicts. Relief. Pain. Anger. Adoration. Confusion. Other bits of emotion scared me, as if I had been hurtled back to a time and place when he looked at me like he was looking at me now. Like I was his whole world. "I… thought I'd lost you."

When I didn't respond, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Are you going to speak?" Sam finally asked me, standing within touching distance from my bedside.

"I don't know what to say," I admitted.

"How are you feeling?" he suggested.

"Not too bad," I said, surprisingly willing. "I'm not about to drop dead like everyone seems to think, anyway. Mum has been fussing over me a lot. You know, shoving healthy crap and guilt-rants down my throat to keep my fur all nice and glossy," I pursed my lips. "The last thing I need is anyone else breathing down my neck."

I hope he took my oh-so-subtle hint.

He looked down at me with soft eyes. "Is that all?" he murmured.

"Yeah, that's it," I confirmed, shifting my gaze to the wall directly behind him. "I don't have anything else to say to you, Sam. I don't even know why you're here, unless the bribe they gave to the hospital to shut-out my abnormality also gives you special visiting-hour privileges."

Sam's expression took hold of a twisted sadness. "How about an 'I'm sorry'?"

I stiffened. "_Excuse me_?"

"You thought you were pregnant, Lee," he whispered. "And you didn't say anything to me! I had to find out through your kid brother's _mind_ that you thought that… that you… and everyone else knew _before me_…" his voice slowly drifted into the tone of a wandering memory. "It's… it's how it happened, you know," he concluded quietly.

"How _what _happened?" I snapped.

He sunk into the bedside chair, looking so utterly crushed that I didn't protest.

"How I gave Emily her scars," he confessed, his gaze lowered to the creases in my bedspread. His face was darkly shadowed. It was a funny appearance that didn't suit him at all. Not the Sam I had known anyway. "I… convinced her to take a walk with me in the forest that day, and she was so angry with me that she wouldn't speak. I was getting frustrated, and I asked her what was wrong…" he clenched the railing of the bed and I watched his knuckles turn white. "She told me you were sick, and throwing up and―"

Sam buried his face in his hands, his breathing turned heavy.

I could tell the haunting memory was being relived.

"She said she thought you were pregnant," he said blankly, his expression had fallen into an unreadable mask. "She was yelling and accusing me, and saying how she would never be with someone like that―someone like _me_ who could just do something so terrible to a girl and walk away. Because how could she know I wouldn't do the same thing to her? She said she hated me and… and I just lost it."

I was quiet and still.

I had always been curious as to what had made Sam snap, but now that I knew, I wished I didn't.

"I… lost it for one second," he continued in monotone. "For _one second_, and I'll never be able to take it back."

I should say that he deserves the guilt, the shame, the burden. But I didn't. I didn't know what willed me to stay silent and let him speak―I like to blame the pain medication―but then again, I knew what it was like to not want to be judged by your fault, to feel smothering remorse and not have it mean a thing.

I was in hospital for another three days.

Sam came to see me each night after visiting hours. We didn't speak a word, and most of the time I upheld my newly found skill of sleep-faking. He wouldn't touch me, or speak, and sometimes he wouldn't even look at me. He would just sit by my side and stare; with each passing second of silence I could hear our past laughter, knowing well that those days were now far behind us.

**...**

The day I arrived home from the hospital, I was worn. Seth was barely speaking to me; he just carried some of my stuff into the house and left me alone to feel miserable about hurting him in his own little silent-guilt way. That day he was even more vacant than ever, and with my things put away he sat on the couch and stared at me until I snapped.

"Would you stop it already?" I hissed at him. "I get it, alright? No more puppy-dog eyes."

"I…" Seth seemed lost, his mouth parted slightly and he spoke as if in a trance. "You can't do that to me, Leah. You… you're my big sister. You're the one who stands up for me and taught me naughty words with I was three―" he blinked, and now that he began it was like he couldn't stop the babbling. "―you gave me my first _Playboy_ magazine, and taught me how to punch and how to forge Mum's signature, and you would make me pancakes when Mum use to work on Sundays because Dad could never get it right, they would turn out all lumpy and gross―"

He shook his head and his eyes were wide and pleading, staring up at me like he did when we were young.

"Promise me you'll never do anything so stupid again, Lee," he begged, and I just about burst with shame when I saw he had tears running down his face, that was until recently still chubby with his boyish qualities. "Promise you'll never do that to me again, ever. You can't―"

"I promise," I said quietly. "I won't leave you alone either, bro. We're in this together, remember?"

He sniffled, scrubbing away the tears. "Y-y-yeah. O-okay, I know."

I sighed away the tension and ruffled his hair. "You're such a pansy," I told him.

Seth didn't react with anything but a smile, and I knew I was forgiven.

**...**

Lying on my bed were several letters addressed to a _Miss Leah Clearwater_. I stared at them, not feeling like I knew that name, that girl, anymore. The presence of the thick, chunky envelopes made my heart sink. Obviously someone had put them there. Sue, most likely, or even Seth. The fact that they hadn't been mentioned stung, but I knew it was necessary. I mean, why make this harder for myself?

At school I'd always been smart, though undoubtedly rowdy. I was always in the nerdy classes, which were graded accordingly since first arrival. They had Seth placed in the top groups as well when he started, just because I was his brainy older sister. It annoyed him that being related to me landed him extra work.

I'd always wanted to make something of myself―small town upbringing be damned.

Sam and I never wanted to stay in La Push. We planned a life together, to escape it. When he told me about the gene, I began preparing myself that I had to settle―Sam needed to remain here, and to be with him, so did I. But since he got with Emily, I knew it was my chance. I could leave.

I could get my life back on track.

The acceptance letters to every good college out of the state stared back up at me, and I felt the sobs start choking and constricting my chest. I snatched the papers and shredded them without even opening the seal to see the contents and class schedules of a life I knew now I would never get a chance to have.

I'll never escape the rez now. I couldn't bring myself to abandon my family, not since my Harry's death. I couldn't bring myself to leave the pack, the responsibility I now held, the burden and duty it brought that I knew my father would have wanted me to accept with good grace.

I was stuck here, forever, with _them_.

**...**

Emily called a few days later to check up on me. I claimed to be too fragile to speak to her and had Seth take the calls whilst I played violent video games with surround sound. He retold me the conversations later, stating that she mentioned "Sam had been taking quite a few night shifts the other week" and had been coming home exhausted. I felt a little smug that Sam had the urge to lie to her, since I knew he had been sitting by my side at the hospital when he was suppose to be at these _exhausting night shifts_.

Seth began taking on group patrols with the pack. I was left at home, still considered too frail to take up any pack duties, I spent the time desperately trying to steer clear of over-thinking things by upholding any distraction I could find. It barely worked, because I had to go to bed sometime, and I would glare up at my ceiling as the thoughts I'd try and avoid all day swarmed my head, keeping me from any sleep whatsoever and ultimately leaving me too exhausted to repeat the same routine the next day.

The scrutiny I was placed under made me think it would be less obvious if they crammed me between two slides and shoved me under a microscope. It didn't help that the pack held such a diverse regard for me. Sam didn't like it. He didn't like that anyone else besides him could treat me any different from any other pack member.

He could hide his jealousy from Emily, but he couldn't hide it from me―and he couldn't hide it from the pack.

One night he stood before us all, phased human and glaring furiously at us.

"Phase back," he ordered bluntly.

The wolves all turned their large bodies in my direction, uncomfortable. _He can't be serious,_ Embry blurted out at the implication, a low whine escaping his muzzle. The others were equally confused and we're muttering to each other through their thoughts.

Jared stood nearby, also human, with uncertainty scrawled across his face.

"Sam," he said quietly, though we had no trouble hearing. "Don't you think that―?"

"I said phase back," Sam snapped at the rest of us, ignoring him. "Now!"

We had no choice. There was no time for me to wander away as I would have done, concealed by greenery and distance. This time I was immediately aware of my naked body standing bare in the middle of an open meadow, surrounded by equally naked men that we're trying hard not to be aware of _me_, but show attention to their leader. I felt my skin flush in shame as I tried to untangle my dirty clothes, my hair an unruly mess above my head.

"It's something we're all going to have to get use to," Sam said coldly. "We can't afford to have this constantly disturbing our aim. She is no different from the rest of you. If I say phase back, you phase back. Leah…" he walked towards me, his eyes scrapped once over my body before stopping at my face. It was twisted in a rage that beat his, because his anger had turned into a hunger. He reached out and gave me a pair of scissors.

I stared at the blades in my hand, frozen. "No…" I mouthed, no sound escaped.

"I am your Alpha," Sam stated. "I say phase back, you phase back. I say cut your hair, you cut your hair." His gaze had fallen to the floor. "You are no different from the others. You are a member of this pack. You're hair is too long―it slows you down, which slows _us_ down. I gave you an order, now do it." I knew he didn't want to order me anything. The pack knew he didn't want to treat me the same. He knew I _was_ different from the rest of them.

And this was all a game to try and prove to himself that I wasn't.

"Sam―" Jacob began to protest.

"Quiet!" he snapped. "Now Leah!"

They were watching me because tears had begun to stream down my face. Sam's hand twitched, as if wanting to wipe them away, but they stayed firmly against his side. His expression was set in stone, and I stood there staring firmly at him. Waiting for him to cave and back the fuck down.

He of all people knew how much my hair meant to me. My whole life, and I'd only cut it once. And it had been for him―a piece of me he could carry around so he wouldn't feel alone, back when he first phased. When we were together, Sam had always told me how much he loved my hair―like the finest satin, he'd say―and he'd run his fingers through it when he thought I was asleep.

My tears ceased. I swallowed the lump in my throat and squared my shoulders, my breasts uncovered as my rigid fingers wound around my hair, my eyes locked dead with Sam. I brought the scissors to my tangled curls, and sliced cleanly through the strands until they detached and fell to the forest floor.

It had only taken a moment, Sam winced and turned away.

There was no longer the familiar feeling of my hair resting against my lower back; it barely even brushed against my shoulders. Its absence was eerie. I felt even more exposed amongst these unclothed men that were really nothing but overdeveloped boys, yet they all watched me with sympathy that most wouldn't understand.

No one spoke, and I didn't bother covering myself. I began a slow decent out of the clearing and didn't get dressed until my mind caught up with my body, in the middle of the woods, fifteen minutes later.

When I got home, I lost it. Whatever hair I had left was clenched into my fist and hacked off with the kitchen shears until I could no longer grip at it. My breathing was short and laboured, hands shaking even once I'd slammed the shears to the bathroom counter so hard it cracked, and sunk down to the floor. I hugged my legs into my torso, afraid of what I might find when I met something reflective.

That's how Sue found me. On the ground, my eyes glazed over and my lips parted in shock.

At the sight of me she pressed her hand against her mouth the turned her back, so I wouldn't see her tears. Billy Black was with her, as he'd been a lot lately. They both knew what Sam had ordered, but I guess they hadn't expected someone like me to fall off the deep end about something as insignificant as a haircut. And I suppose two council members like them thought the idea was more practical anyway. For the good of the pack, right?

My first glare into a mirror, and I could taste my bitterness on my tongue.

**...**

Even though Sam had made such a spectacle of it, he still didn't treat me as a wolf. I got away with a lot of things that the guys would never have. The next day, a few of the others tried to comfort me. I didn't want them to care, and so I discovered that thinking of other things―anything―was so much better than thinking of my own problems. And so the thoughts began.

Embry Call wasn't suppose to be a wolf, and yet no one dared say it aloud.

In their heads I could see their doubt, but they all knew better than to lay it all out on the table. His mother was single and has been living on the rez for almost eighteen years now. Everyone knew she was from obvious Makah ancestry, and everyone assumed that the baby she was pregnant with when she arrived here was too. Why would they question it? Even if the baby was Quileute, there was no way of determining the father.

That is, until the gene kicked in. And now…

"So who do you think it is?" I interrupted at the end of a pack meeting. They had all been tiptoeing around me since they all obviously knew I'd gone over the edge. I wanted to see who would be the first to bite my bait. Most of them eyed me warily.

"What do you mean, Lee?" Embry questioned gently.

Of course it was him who would respond first, as I suspected. He was always prepared to acknowledge me.

I couldn't stop that trickle of guilt―that little voice telling me to stop―but something overruled it. Pushing pain onto others almost made my own pain bearable, at least for a little while. How sick is that?

"Do you think it's Jacob?" I chose him first, because he'd annoyed me during the meeting with _Bella Swan_ this and _Bella Swan_ that. If I have to hear that fuckwits name one more time I'll gnaw my fucking arm off. "Or maybe it's Sam?" I said next, shooting a fleeting look at the Alpha. I let out an unpleasant laugh. "I mean you both kinda have the same big ugly nose if you tilt your head to the side and squint―"

"Leah," Jared spoke up. He knew Sam didn't have the guts. "There is no need to be cruel to him."

I shrugged. "Pfft, fine then. What about you, Jared? Do you ever think of that really expensive law school that was waiting for you before all this shit happened? That must have been a bitch―giving up your life's dream to chase your own fucking furry ass in a circle. Ha, you sure know how to trade up, don't you?"

Since I first phased the pack had nothing but concern for my physical and mental wellbeing. They pitied me. I couldn't have them _pity _me. I was smaller―weaker, different―compared to them. I had to prove myself. I had to prove that I was strong enough to stand among them as an equal, instead of as something useless that needs to be protected.

They were silent and chose not to react to me. I knew it bugged them. I could practically hear Paul grinding his teeth together, and that satisfied me to an extent. I was glad they responded with emotion besides pity. And I couldn't help but laugh with spite.

Anger and hate I'd accept before I'd let them pity me.

_What the hell is wrong with you, Clearwater? _The question stuck in my brain.

I really didn't know anymore.

**...**

It's what I would do. I would mention the likelihood of Embry's father. I would mock Jared for having to give up college. I would sneer at Paul for being a dick and at Jake for obsessing over a leech-loving idiot. And I would make Sam feel guilty without doing anything much else, because he knew it was his fault I'd act like this. I tried to make them all hate me. I mean, maybe they'd finally have enough and kick me out of the pack?

It was almost my graduation, and I dropped out of school. I'd been so close, but I couldn't do it anymore. The day I walked out was the day I found myself in yet another unwanted fight. But it was still _there_, you know? The urge to fight. I was shaking, shaking so badly I thought I might phase then and there and expose us all. It took all the strength and will I had left in me to turn my back. To bite back my tongue and to walk away.

I noticed the pack amongst the mass of on-looking students―they clearly stood out in the crowd. They were the only ones watching and not speaking. Their eyes followed me with weary uncertainty. I knew they thought I was unstable, that I was reckless.

A danger to the secret they worked so hard to hide.

Seth shook his head sadly at me. It hurt me that I knew he was disappointed.

So I walked out.

No one had tried to stop me.

Not an old friend, not a teacher, not a pack mate.

When I reached home, I groaned and just about turned around to bolt out of the state―Sam sat waiting on my front porch. "Leah…" it was as if he sensed my approach, or heard my angry huffing, because his hands were pressed against his face, covering his eyes and resting against his knees. "What the hell do you think you're _doing_?"

His question held the weight of his exhaustion.

He sounded like a parent and their fed up attitude towards a child that kept doing something wrong.

"Let me guess," I spat. "A little _wolf_ told you."

He looked up at me. That rare, frustrated anger I'd become to see more and more of flashed through him. "Go back to school right now," he said slowly. "Tell them you've changed your mind. Go back and graduate."

"I can't do that, Sam," I said stiffly. "And we both know you don't have the balls to make me."

He shook his head. "You're going to regret this, Leah. You're better than this, your making a huge mistake―"

"Then let me make a fucking mistake!" I snapped. "Do you think you _own _me, Sam Uley? Do you think it's fucking okay to have people tailing me, or in some twisted way it shows deep down somewhere that you still _care_? What is wrong with you? You lost the right to having a say in my life the day you―you―" _left me alone, lost in the dark. Shattered that last shred of me. Broke me._

"I'm sorry Leah," Sam interrupted. "You have no idea how sorry I am about everything―"

"Fuck you!" I exclaimed. "I don't want to hear your shitty-ass apologies!"

_Especially when I know you mean them. Especially when I know you still care._

"You think you can just show up here and scold me like some naughty little kid?" I laughed humourlessly. "I've got news for you, buddy―you and I both know you don't want to treat _me_ like a child." I looked up at him through my lashes. The air suddenly became thick. I've known Sam a long time, and I know _exactly_ how to push his buttons. He knew this too, and the guy managed to look both anxious and sternly disapproving towards my attitude.

"Leah―" he voice broke away as I chewed on my bottom lip. He watched me with a heavy expression.

"Yeah, Uley?" I was teasing him. I was shameless enough to. "Tell me again why you do it. Why do you have them follow me? Why can't you treat me like the others in the pack? Why can't you bring yourself to leave me alone? Why don't you just say it?"

We both knew why he did it.

"I―I just want to… keep the peace―" he swallowed the lump in his throat. "Uh, f-f-for Emily."

We both knew why he did it, just as we both knew _that_ was a lie.

I opened the front door and glared at him. "You wanna keep the peace, Sam?" I asked, leaning non-too-coyly against the frame. "Then piss off!"

Slamming a door in his face wasn't quite as gratifying as I thought it would be.

**...**

A week or so later, Jacob was trying to recruit some pack members for a mission to relay a reminder to the vampires that had moved back into town earlier that month of the treaty, of how they can't go around biting people and all that crap. The guy had been bitching about Bella Swan's constant phone calls―and so to shut him up, Sam had given him the task. No one else wanted to go anywhere near a Cullen with a peaceful _reminder _being the objective, so Jacob was stuck going at it alone.

I mentioned in passing to him that he should take the Bella-twits motorcycle with him to land her in some major trouble with the Police Chief, since the guy was so depressed over all the time she must be spending with her bloodsucking boyfriend back from his Italian holiday or some shit.

Not too many days later, Quil Ateara joined the pack.

The guy was so happy about it I thought the first-phase-pain had scrambled his brain.

There were eight of us now. Eight wolves.

Nothing like it had ever been seen or heard of before. And yet when it comes to abnormality within the pack―I take the fucking cake.

Though I guess I had to admit being a wolf wasn't _all_ bad. I loved knowing I was the fastest in the pack. I had discovered this when running patrol―I had pissed off Paul―surprise, surprise. He made an angry lunge for me and I took off through the forest. I could tell from the linked minds that he was following me; all the others thought he'd catch up immediately and they trailed after us to break up any bloodshed.

Paul was the fastest out of them, if you didn't count Jacob.

But they couldn't catch me. They weren't even _nearly_ as fast as me. My stealth and agility shat all over their gigantic male egos, so I couldn't help but be a little arrogant. Not only did it give me an advantage that they didn't have in a fight―making me equal to the bastards―but it gave me the slightest taste of freedom.

Just knowing I could run away if I wanted to―and they wouldn't be able to catch me.

Yeah, it made me feel a little better.

* * *

**Sorry this took so long. I've had this chapter sitting there for a while now. I got a few reviews and that gave me the good boot up the ass I needed to get this posted! So thanks for that, guys! I hope you liked it; the next chapter should be uploaded as soon as I can. Anyway, please let me know what you think. I've had to go through all the past chapters and fix them up since fanfiction has this new thing where it wouldn't show my line-thingys. Have another read through if you can. I've changed things, but it's very minor.**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	13. Bitch, I'm Broken

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Not completely happy with this, but what the hell. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter Thirteen: Bitch, I'm Broken**

**...**

"I said I fucking get it!" I barked. "To hell with this, I'm outta here."

Damn, I shouldn't have let Sue talk me into this shitty little outing in the first place. Worst. Bonding attempt. Ever. Emily tried to stop me from leaving, but I had already slammed the shitty little shops door in her mangled face. It was safer this way anyhow. I couldn't afford to lose it in public, however much I wanted to cause a scene. A big one. Even I know transforming into a giant wolf crosses some kind of line in society these days.

Okay, so let's recap.

Emily decided to take me bridal gown shopping, because we all know what a fucking genius she is. My mother had agreed with her, and let's face it―I had to have gotten my inner-bitch personality from somewhere. So there you have it. My cousin and me in a bridal store together.

I'd rather have spent the time shooting myself through the foot. Obviously less painful.

Well, I guess I'd been a _little _hostile. The grey-haired saleswoman looked scandalized by my language and at how I'd made some comments about how some of the dresses she created belong in either the fires of hell or the bottom of the ocean. The best part was Emily couldn't do much about it other than offer the woman an apologetic shrug, smile and recommend we move on to a different dress for me to wear as―urgh, bridesmaid.

"Maybe it will look better on you, Leah?" Emily had suggested, taking one off the hanger and offering it to me.

My gaze thickly stated 'bullshit' as I eyed the brightly sequined puffball she presented. I wrinkled my nose. "It looks like a rainbow got wasted and threw up on some cheap fabric." Seriously, that's me being _kind_ at how hideous this thing was.

"Actually, it's the hottest thing out in Seattle right now," the saleswoman corrected me stiffly.

"Must suck living in Port Angeles then, aye lady?"

Emily shot me a warning glance. I'd gotten us kicked out of the one other bridal store in Port Angeles already, so it's not like I've left us with much option. The woman huffed, clearly given up on me and had turned to Emily instead. She started pulling colourless monstrosities off the racks and pointing out the frills and lace layering each one. I rolled my eyes, knowing Emily was too polite to say anything. I was thinking along the lines of I could find a rabid racoon that could design a better outfit.

Emily was blushing scarlet. "Oh um, actually I… wasn't planning on finding my dress until closer to the wedding."

I looked up from my position sprawled lazily across an armchair covered in itchy scraps of material. That was a lie. I could tell. Emily could never lie. I watched her carefully, fully aware of how she was avoiding eye contact and of how my wolf-senses picked up the change in her pulse. My mouth was set in a guarded scowl.

The woman seemed bemused for a moment, then she smiled and nodded in apparent understanding. "Oh! Ah, I see. No need to feel ashamed sweetie! You'll be surprised to hear just how many brides are in the same sticky predicament as you," Emily and I looked―well, I glared―at her in confusion. And then she placed a heavily manicured hand over Emily's stomach. "So tell me darling, is it a boy or a girl?"

My jaw fell wide open like the legs of a two cents tramp.

"Oh―oh, no!" Emily said quickly, shooting anxious glances between me and the older woman. "No, no, no! You've got the wrong idea. I'm not―it's just that I…" Emily gazed at me forlornly and swiftly looked away. I felt myself frown. "I… already have a dress, that's all. It's not a big deal, really―"

"You already have a dress?" I repeated unthinkingly, and then my stomach sank. "Oh. I get it."

"Leah…" Emily quietly pleaded. "Leah, no―"

"I said I fucking get it! To hell with this, I'm outta here."

And that's about where the storming out of the store took place.

I couldn't trick myself as much as I wish I could've. The whole thing had me tied in knots. The thought of Emily being pregnant to _him_ disorientated me. I mean sure, I knew all too well that Sam had left me for my fucking cousin, but I'd never really thought―it never occurred to me―that Sam would actually be… well, _fucking_ my cousin. Urgh. I didn't want to picture shit like that. I felt like I was going to upchuck the five corndogs I had for lunch. And that would really suck, because I was already feeling hungry enough as it is.

"You're giving her the dress?" I snapped at Sue the second I got through the door back home in La Push. You'd think that in the time it had taken me to get there I would have calmed down a bit. Actually, I think I was even angrier than before. "Are you fucking serious?"

Sue sighed and continued folding a pile of clothes. That only pissed me off more. What, am I _bothering_ her? Did she see this moment coming, and now that its here, she wants to just get it the hell over with? Is my life and my feelings so unimportant these days that she is tired of an argument before it's even begun?

"Of course I'm giving her the dress, Leah," she answered. "It's the right of any woman in the family. You know that. I don't know why you sound so surprised."

She must be fucking kidding me. I swear I'd put ten bucks down that I had steam blowing out of my ears like some sort of cartoon kettle about to explode. But I couldn't, ever. Not in front of my mother. I would never phase in front of her ever again, not since Dad died. Not if I could help it. And I'd rather die myself than have her look at me as a wolf again, to look at me while I held the face of the monster that killed her husband.

Emily was my mother's niece―the daughter of her eldest brother.

Before she married Harry, she was known as Susan Young from the Makah reservation. She was the only sister in a family of four brothers, so she was the only Young woman left to inherit the family's most important dowry. My great-great grandmothers wedding dress. It had become a special right of passage for all the women on my mother's side of the family.

When I was younger I thought it was a pretty lame tradition. I always pictured this horrible big puffy thing covered in off-coloured white trimmings and buttons. But each generation had altered the dress somehow, to make it their own, and when I was thirteen I first caught a glimpse of the thing hanging in Sue's wardrobe.

I hadn't been able to picture my own wedding day without it since.

The dress itself was really simple. Plain and cut just below the knees of the average woman, it had a creamy silk texture with a square neckline and was made for a woman with curves. A thick ribbon of the same material wound around the waist―that was Sue's alteration―and the thin sleeves slipped down the shoulders to arch downwards to the corset backing.

It was kind of perfect. But…

"I―no!" I fumed. "It was my right, _mine_! She―no, she can't have it! You… Mum, you don't understand…"

I choked. The rant I'd rehearsed failed.

She didn't understand. She _couldn't_ understand. I'd seen myself marrying Sam in that goddamn dress too many times to count. Me. Not Emily. I don't think I could survive it―I couldn't watch her walk down the aisle towards him in that dress. I couldn't do it. That was _my_ wedding, not hers. I was already stuck as the damn bridesmaid, what else did they expect me to do? Stand a few inches to the left of where I was suppose to be, to try not to think that I was the one suppose to be dressed in fucking white? Screw that.

Emily didn't have the body to pull-off that dress anyway. If her complete lack of a waist wasn't enough, her pancake boobs wouldn't even begin to fill anything out, and she'll be flashing the full extent of her scars for all to see. How stupid could that girl get?

I was too crushed to even argue. I didn't know what to do. My protest, my words, wouldn't mean anything.

I was empty and used. Something disposable.

_Disposable_.

That's the word to describe me.

"I'm going out," I mumbled, snatching the car keys. "I don't know when I'll be home."

Sue began to object but I had already slammed the door shut.

**...**

Since I dropped out of school, my life consists of patrolling and getting shitfaced. Sam tries to hide his concern very unsuccessfully, since the bastard knew better than to have the pack follow me anymore. Not that they would do that anyway. My pack brothers all pretty much considered me an unnecessary nuisance that they wished would disappear, if they weren't too busy having inappropriate thoughts about my naked body. Fuckers.

I don't know what made me do it. I was angry as hell, yeah. And I was over people and the pack thinking I was nothing but Sam's crazy ex, incapable of jumping the hurtle and getting over him. I wanted to prove to them—and, I refused to acknowledge, to myself—how completely _over_ Sam I was. And what better way to prove that than jumping some other guys bones?

It wasn't like me. It wasn't something I would do. I knew that, most people that knew me knew that—not that there were many of those. But to the outside world? I looked liked the kind of girl that goes through guys like tissues. And sometimes I wish I was, if it would make those feelings go away.

It wasn't me, and it was completely meaningless, but it felt good to _feel_ something, so I wasn't complaining. I could still remember the time when I'd considered this and then disregarded it as pathetic and stupid. I guess that's how I could tell how far past low I'd finally sunk.

I was in control. Even if I took some fucked up serial killer to bed—well, to car, to be perfectly honest—and he tried to pull something on me, he would quickly wish he hadn't. Me and all my werewolf glory would maul his sorry ass if he so much as put a hand somewhere I didn't want it. It was strange how meaningless it was. How it ended with nothing but an awkward 'well, bye' on my behalf as soon as we were done with things. And that was immediately followed by me kicking the guy out of my car while he was still in a daze.

I had a sort of power surge. I felt dominant, leaving him high and dry without so much as my name.

Afterwards I guess I realised it was a stupid idea. But that thought hadn't crossed my mind until the actual _thought_ crossed my mind—with my encounter available for the pack to see up close and personal within minutes of arriving on patrol later that night. It kind of surprised me. Did I subconsciously know this would happen and did it anyway so that—not only would I prove I was over Sam—but they'd actually _see_ the evidence for themselves?

Either way I was still a little horrified.

_Oh shit_, I cursed, banishing the thought from my mind. Why the hell hadn't this occurred to me a few hours ago?

_Fucking hell Leah, obviously because you had some random stranger grinding on you!_ Jacob said between his teeth. He was furious by my actions. I thought he out of all of them would understand my need to move on, and maybe I was providing a bit of an example of how he could deal with his feelings for Bella-bitch. _Not like that,_ he answered my thoughts, hackles raised at the ill mention of the leech lover. _That's not how things work._

_He's right Leah, _Jared said gently. _You just can't trick your feelings for Sam away—_

_I don't have _feelings_ for Sam fucking Uley!_ I snapped. Yeah, even I knew that sounded really dumb. The two of them chose not to reply to my outburst, but I could still hear their blunt disbelief in their heads.

I was kind of thankful that the only wolves phased with me were Jacob and Jared. I knew this didn't mean that my rebellious little act wouldn't reach the rest of the pack, but at least I wouldn't have to deal with the full extent of Paul's ridicule and Quil's shock. Of Embry's heartbreak and Seth's raw disappointment. I tried to imagine Sam's reaction, but I couldn't picture it. Would he be disgusted in me? Would this finally make the bastard hate me? I still wasn't sure if that's what I really wanted, but it's got to be easier than him loving me, right?

It just has to be easier, because otherwise there was nothing else for me to do.

**...**

I expected the word to be spread quite quickly, but Saturday came by and I hadn't been confronted about anything. Not that I was complaining. Maybe Jared and Jacob are better at hiding their thoughts than I gave them credit for. But most likely more important things have been on their minds—I knew this was definitely the case with Jacob. Charlie told Billy who told Jacob who broadcasted it to the pack that the leech lover had gone away with her beloved bloodsucker on a little holiday. I think _to visit her mother_ was the excuse used. Pfft, more like to become an allegiant to the undead and never to be seen or heard from again.

Not that I would mind the never-seen-or-heard-from-again part.

Jacob was freaking out. That was on the normal scale really, considering how much the guy freaks out for that pathetic waste of good oxygen. He acts like the sun shines out of her albino ass. I mean, if she's that stupid not to worry about her own skin around a bunch of parasites then Jacob shouldn't be the one to do it for her.

My mind drifted to Embry and Quil—poor bastards are probably copping an earful of Jake's thoughts about the whole thing right now on patrol. The pack was suppose to be on high-alert, ready to spring at a seconds notice, just in case the redheaded tick shows her stinking scent somewhere on our side of the border.

High-alert? Pfft. Yeah, right.

I was reclined on the couch with two huge bowls of extra buttery popcorn all to myself watching reruns of old soap operas that I'd never seen and had no hope of following. I think it was something along the lines of a chick with amnesia and some prick returning from the dead. Truth be told I just couldn't be bothered moving from my comfy ass-groove in the cushion to grab the remote and change the bloody channel.

It was kind of annoying. I knew what I was watching was a load of shit yet I couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen. Sort of like watching a car accident. You know, when something's so horrible but you can't just look away? And I couldn't help but wonder if my life was turning into just that—a _really_ bad soap opera. That's more than a little depressing.

A long howl echoed out into the night.

My neck prickled. It was a summoning call.

I groaned. "You've got to be fucking kidding me..."

There goes my freaking evening. Seth came bolting down the stairs, dripping with water from a half-finished shower and a towel hastily wrapped around his waist. He looked frazzled and eager and afraid all at once, and he came to a halt beside me, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

I scowled. "You're dripping all over the rug," I told him, but he wasn't listening.

"Did you hear that, Leah?" he asked me, his body subconsciously turned towards the forest, as was mine.

"Yeah, I did," I said through narrowed eyes. "But I don't know why you look so hyper. You're not going."

He stared at me, appalled. "What?" he demanded.

"You heard me," I snapped, swiftly peeling myself from the couch and heading towards the back door, throwing off a few layers of clothing before I reached outside. Seth was following me, his mouth hanging open in disbelief but still in that too-shocked-to-say-anything stage. "No point in arguing," I muttered to him as I pulled my shirt over my shoulders and he turned his head away to give me some sliver privacy.

I stepped into the backyard and phased.

The second I was done Seth leapt after me, landing clumsily in his wolf form.

_Jeez Seth, what the hell did I just say?_ I growled.

_I'm not just going to sit home all night, you might need me,_ he whined.

_What I need is for you _not_ to get your furry little butt killed! _I hissed, taking a firm stance between him and the forest. Like hell I was going to let him prance out there and get torn apart by a bloodsucker when my back is turned. It was all cool when Seth ran some weekend day patrols, no chance in encountering a vampire then, but if this was the real deal I didn't want him anywhere remotely near that redheaded leech. Especially when everyone else will be too preoccupied keeping their own tails from being eaten to watch his.

Seth was shifting his footing from left to right and pacing along the yard, but I wasn't letting him get any ground on me. He huffed and dug in his heels to show he wasn't planning on giving in. _I don't need anyone to look out for me, Leah! I'm fifteen. I think I'm old enough to take care of myself—_

_Like hell you are,_ I said. _I wash your clothes, buddy. You have Superman underwear._

_Leah, Seth—that's enough, _like lightning my mind tuned in to the rest of the pack. Sam was scolding us for wasting time; he was running to meet with Jared and Paul that were only a five minute run away for me. _Seth, phase back and inform the council of what has happened. Stay with them until you hear from us again,_ Sam ordered.

Seth pressed his ears flat against his head and laid against the ground. _But Sam, this will be easy—_

_You're right, _he interrupted._ It will be easy. We won't need everyone out there for it to be an effortless kill. We managed the other vampire just fine with only four of us. Besides, I need to trust someone to contact the council. Will you do that Seth?_ Sam stated simply, with an underlying tone to challenge him.

Of course as soon as we phased we knew instantly what had happened.

Enough for Seth to tell the council, anyway.

Unhappily and without response, Seth phased back and with a satisfied snort I bolted into the forest.

_Thanks,_ I muttered reluctantly to Sam.

We all knew the only reason he forced Seth to stay behind was because of me. Just as we all knew the only reason he wasn't forcing _me_ to stay behind was because I'd never let him hear the end of it. He knew that if he let Seth come and he got hurt it would destroy me, and Sam wouldn't let that happen. I guess I appreciated it enough to allow him that one small sign of gratitude.

I finally let soak in what had happened—Jacob, Embry and Quil had taken off south on the redheads trail seven minutes ago. She was getting dangerously close to the treaty line. Jacob had refused to wait for the rest of us because he was worried about Bella Swan, in case she happened to have come home early.

_Puh-lease Jacob, don't tell me you're that stupid,_ I said to him. _She's probably one of them by now._

He didn't want to hear what I had to say, and just kept running along the track.

_We're going to close in from the north, try to trap her,_ Sam informed us, showing his strategy like a map in his mind. _Let Quil and Embry flush her up from the south, Jacob angled in to get her away from the treaty line. We'll cut her off from the north. She'll be trapped and we can finally end her._

The boys snarled their approval.

I'd caught up with them without much effort. I sprinted ahead of Sam and the others. We were all watching the other half of our pack further south, following the sickly scent of vampire. Jacob stopped in his tracks and did a double take, his thoughts filled with curse words, which tripled when Embry and Quil quickly caught on.

_Shit!_ Jacob spat as he turned his heel and the three of them started running back north. _She's pulled a fast one on us, guys. The trail ends there. She must have doubled back on her path and crossed the border into Cullen territory. We've gone too far south._

_Sorry Sam, _Embry said sombrely. _Watch your backs, she's sticking close this time._

I felt the animalistic instincts cloud over with the knowledge that a vampire was within a couple miles of forest surrounding me. It was strange when the wolf took over the body, like a foreign personality buried deep within the soul that only wanted the basic elements of living. A creature scrubbed down raw until it only sought what was necessary to it at that moment—and mine wanted blood. Vampire blood.

The wolves in each of us were all different, like how no two people are exactly the same. But our wolf-selves don't necessarily mirror our human-selves either. The wolf brings wolf resolutions to human problems. If we lose touch with our human groundings, we phase. It's how it works. Anger is the strongest and most likely motivation. Conflicts in wolves are settled by blood. This emotion reflects most strongly in our human forms because it is something that can easily lose control and trigger the change.

Not to mention anger is something that will undoubtedly occur to one of us when faced with a vampire. Our ancestors provided us with a little evolutionary twist in order to defend ourselves quickly and efficiently. The wolf is released when a pack member lets go of their human bearings, be it accidental or not.

It happens a lot unintentionally when you first start phasing, which explains the way Seth and I wanted to rip into each other the day we first joined the pack. It becomes easier to control it once you know what you're doing. But even the most practiced slip up every now and then, and few can summon the feeling on command.

In the end, it all becomes second nature.

The loss of control scared me. I hated allowing such a monstrous thing take over my body and my mind. I knew that in cases like this—so close to a bloodsucker—I had no choice but to accept the impulse to hunt and fight and kill without human tendencies slowing my actions.

Not that I had many of those anymore.

_You have to embrace the wolf Leah, not just accept it,_ Jacob told me. _It isn't a separate thing—it's a part of you._

_Do you mind?_ I snapped. _Stay in your own fucking head, Black._

It bugged him when I called him by his last name.

A name. His name. My name. A name that I didn't give…

Oh damn.

_Crap, not now…_ I groaned. The harder I tried not to think about it the worse it became, because technically I was still thinking about it—thinking about _not_ thinking about it. Urgh, confusing. I tried singing bad sitcom songs in my head, but of course it was way too late for that. The damage was done.

I flushed and my fur bristled. Yeah, I had expected word to get out—just not halfway through hunting a parasite.

_Now's not really a great time to be flaunting your sex life Leah, _Paul sniggered.

Embry recoiled from the link forcing him to view the scene through the packs shared mind. He replayed the memory of the day he was ordered to follow me. He was watching me in Old Quil's store and saw me pick up the condom box when I caught him lurking around the aisle. That memory had bothered him for weeks. He had to stop himself from checking my house every night to make sure I was alone. He knew now, as did the others, it was the day I'd bought the pregnancy test—

At the mention of it, I snarled. _Don't you fucking dare bring that shit up! _I spat.

I felt cold and Embry immediately regretted upsetting me.

This was enough to snap the focus of the pack. I guess it was safe to say they were all in varying stages of shock. Paul, on the other hand, was highly amused. _Ha. Better do as she says Embry,_ he almost howled with laughter. _The rate she's going, she just might decide to screw around with you, too—_

_Shut your mouth, _I hissed.

He grinned lewdly at me. _You offering? _

Urgh, there must be a hole somewhere that I can crawl away and die in.

Embry released a low growl. _That's enough, Paul. Back off her, alright?_

_Huh, funny. From what we've seen, backing off isn't quite her style—_

_Focus,_ Sam said. It was funny, like he said it more to himself than to the rest of the pack.

It was Sam's reaction that surprised me most. Silence. Dead silence. The _nerve_ of that asshole! You'd think I would deserve more—if not more than at least fucking equal to—the anger Jacob had expressed to me over this whole freaking thing. And then I tried something I'd never done before.

I deliberately dug deeper into Sam Uley's mind.

I slowly sunk, trying to pick at his feelings despite his mental barrier pushing me away. I'd always been afraid of going there. Afraid of what I'd find. Things like his intense feelings for Emily. I didn't want to see shit like that, let alone _feel_ it for myself.

Sam was trying to hide his—raging jealousy? That didn't sound right. What the hell? He has no goddamn right to be _jealous_—

_Just let it go, Leah,_ Sam begged. _Please._

He was very close to losing it. Losing his carefully placed composure and going ape shit over the whole thing.

_We'll speak about this later,_ Sam said firmly, and the topic was forced to a close.

Not a heartbeat later, the pack tensed._ Bloodsucker! _Jared warned, springing forward at the flash of movement in the distance. We leapt after him, snarling. Nothing else mattered now than to feel that granite skin against my teeth. Jacob, Embry and Quil were running to meet us north. The leech was weaving through the treaty line, making it difficult to get a lock on her.

I took a long whiff of the air. _We've got company,_ I growled.

Almost the same instant, from the other side of the border, a Cullen lunged forward with extended arms—as if to welcome her with a feral embrace. It was the large, dark-haired one. She slipped away from him, and the dark-haired parasite twisted back mid-lunge—only to narrowly miss rubbing shoulders with Paul.

A Cullen on _our_ side of the border.

Paul's thoughts ran through our heads, his fur stood on end.

_Free game_.

It was too late to intercede. Paul sprung at the Cullen, not that I can blame him for it. He missed, jaws closing around air, and the dark-haired vampire didn't waste time getting himself back to Cullen territory. Paul was swearing fluently, shaking with rage even in wolf form. I could see the rest of them now—the Cullen's. They were watching, shadowed and still under the trees, and it looked as if they would do nothing.

A blonde, female leech stepped forward and took a protective stance in front of the dark-haired one. A territorial stance. A challenge. She was hissing at Paul, who was snarling and ready to pounce at them.

I skidded to a defensive halt. The forest felt like static with tension.

I hadn't noticed Jacob and the others had arrived until Sam and Jake took Paul's flanks. The blonde didn't even flinch. The rest of us positioned ourselves behind them, parallel to the pale coven not even twenty yards away. The red-haired leech was forgotten, probably long gone. And now it looks like we might have a violation of the treaty to deal with. Not that I would strictly mind sinking my teeth into a Cullen if need be. A leech is a leech; it makes no difference to me if they like to play the role of human.

Two more Cullen's stepped forward, one with his arms held up to signal truce or perhaps to show that he had no weapons. As if a vampire needed a gun anyway. Their rock-hard muscles and speed were enough, not that it would do one of them much good against our pack. I felt that the only reason some of my pack brothers were hesitating to attack was due to their numbers. We could eliminate them, but not without loss of life on our part.

And I don't think Sam would ever allow us to risk that.

"Good evening," greeted the male blonde leech with his arms now held in greeting rather than in symbol of peace. This was Carlisle, their leader. The doctor. I got bits of information from the pack and strung it together. "Sam," Carlisle turned to our Alpha. "May I speak with you, just for a moment? I wish to settle this, that is all. None of my family will harm you, nor a member of your pack."

As he said this, all he had to do was simply glance at the blonde woman and she straightened up with her nose shoved high into the air. She took the arm of her dark-haired mate and wandered into the trees where two other Cullen's were watching.

The pack didn't even hesitate. There was no way we would allow Sam to phase in front of those creatures, defenceless.

The bloodsucker seemed to guess our thoughts, his hands had fallen to his sides and he shared a look between the other blonde male beside him. "I would offer to have you remain in your wolf form, but that is quite impossible at this point in time. My son Edward is away and cannot act as a translator to our language barrier."

My hostility was doused, like red-hot metal in ice water. I blinked, very confused at the sudden change that spread quickly through the pack. A second ago I was assessing the weak points between the parasites, the best angle to approach from, and now all urge to attack them was gone. I turned to the others for explanation, or maybe a straightjacket, and they were all faced with something similar. Like a peaceful slap in the face.

_It's the blonde one,_ Jacob said, though it was only expressed calmly because it seems we were rendered incapable of anything else. He gestured to the other leech standing next to Carlisle. _He's controlling our emotions._

_How do we stop it? _Paul asked in a tranquil tone that was more than a little disturbing coming from him.

_I'm going to phase and speak with him,_ Sam decided rationally—or irrationally, I couldn't tell the difference at the moment. Sam stood naked in front of the vampires, with Paul and Jake so close to him that he was pretty much concealed by their fur.

"Thank you for your trust," Carlisle said gratefully.

"What is it you want to say in defence of this breach of the treaty?" Sam got straight to the point.

"Emmett meant no harm," Carlisle stated in a genuinely honest voice that even I believed him, or it could have been the parasites supernatural talents that made me feel as serene as if I were soaking in a hot tub. "We were hunting Victoria—the redhead, as were you. We are in the same circumstance, Sam. You want her dead, so do we. It was an unfortunate accident, and I sincerely apologise for this, but I think its best we continue the hunt. More innocent blood will be spilt by her hands if we allow her to—"

"Fine. Hunt her," Sam said. "She's on your side of the line now."

"By all means join us," the doctor leech insisted. "I propose this as a way to make amends for our mistake. I allow you and your pack to cross the treaty line into Cullen land this night to hunt Victoria with us. Is this sufficient for you, Sam?"

Sam paused briefly before giving him one firm nod and phasing back.

_What? _I knew it was crazy, but I was unable to protest. _They better not get in my way_, I sneered instead. The thought of hunting with vampires was repulsive enough, even with the blonde leech riddled with battle scars shoving happy feelings down our throats. Very annoying.

We managed to track her. The Cullen's ran with us, keeping at a respectable distance.

She was running north, keeping as tight to the treaty line as possible. It wasn't hard to distinguish the territories; the differing smells made if hard _not_ to notice. The Cullen's kept to their side, but I for one took a sick pleasure in crossing into their land, just to see the look of irritation on the blonde woman's perfect face.

The line ended off a cliff in Makah country, the scent disappearing into the sea.

The Cullen's had stopped a hundred yards away where their land ended.

The dark-haired one that almost attacked Paul was pacing the border, clearly infuriated.

"We can follow her into the water," he called out to us, gesturing to himself and the blonde mood-changer. He was still pacing as he spoke, worked up from the adrenaline of the hunt. "If you give us permission to follow her, Sam—we can end this!"

The others didn't need to look at Sam. We knew him too well.

Sam glared at the Cullen's in that calculating way, his eyes narrowed.

He shook his head.

_No_.

The dark-haired one roared in frustration and struck down a tree in outrage.

Hunt over.

**...**

After our little semi-truce with the bloodsuckers Sam ordered us back to La Push. With every mile we managed to distance ourselves from that damn coven, the more ticked off I felt. That blonde leeches little manipulating power was a real bitch. The pack was annoyed at how we played right into their hands, though I had to admit, they probably could have forced Sam to let them cross the border. But for whatever twisted reason, they didn't.

_Are you _defending_ them, Leah? _Quil exclaimed.

_Of course not,_ I snapped. _I'm just looking at all the angles, moron. It's called having a brain._

He huffed. _Jeez, I get why Sam imprinted on Emily. What a bitch._

The pack fell silent.

No one had dared to say it before, and now there it was, echoing in my head.

Staring me right in the face.

_Quil, don't,_ Jared immediately reprimanded.

_No,_ I said, my voice empty. The pack had stopped running. _No, let him finish._

Quil didn't need to be told twice. _You were never like this, Leah. I mean… you were always tough—no one wanted to mess with Leah Clearwater. But there was a time when you actually _smiled_. And now… you just want to hurt people. What kind of decent person does that? Half the time you're so bitter and angry about everything, and the other half you're sulking about being a wolf, when the whole thing is such a huge honour—_

_An honour?_ I repeated, saying the words like a strange taste on my tongue. An honour…

It was odd hearing the worst thing that could have possibly happened to me referred to as _an honour_.

Yes, it was an honour to be a wolf. An honour to phase at the breakfast table and kill my father. An honour to be something that shouldn't even exist, to have Sam's thoughts of Emily in my head everyday, to lose my own body to this genetic disease that had taken everything from me.

A huge fucking honour.

_I don't get my period anymore Quil, did you know that?_ I said calmly, almost wistfully. _How would you feel if you woke up tomorrow morning and your dick was missing? Did anyone ever think of asking me if I, oh I don't know, maybe wanted kids one day? I did. I had it all planned out. Do you think anyone asked if I wanted to be a wolf? I didn't, I'd honestly rather be dead. But did anyone fucking _ask_ me? _

My muzzle slowly curled over my teeth, claws digging into the earth.

The pack was practically squirming, uncomfortable at the mention of my… urgh, _woman problems_.

Quil was silent, guilty. It still wasn't good enough. _No, _I hissed at him._ No, of course they didn't ask me, because I'm bitter and angry. You don't like me being bitter and angry? Is it an inconvenience for you? Well I don't give a shit! I can be as bitter and as angry as I want because I'll be this way for as long as I'm still alive. I'm a fucking bitch, and I can't have kids and I go around fucking strangers in the backseat of my car. Of course Sam didn't imprint on _me_. I don't deserve it. But you know what? _FUCK YOU_!_

Sam didn't imprint on me because fate didn't think deserved it, because I'd become such a horrible person. He didn't imprint on me because I shouldn't be here—I didn't know what I _was_ now, my body had become this unknown thing—was my body _wrong_?

Sam flinched. He couldn't bare my pain. I almost felt like rolling my eyes.

His thoughts were unnaturally clear, his need to take away whatever was hurting me. He couldn't believe that I thought he imprinted on Emily because fate had deemed me unworthy of him, since he believed he imprinted on Emily because fate deemed him unworthy of _me_.

Sam Uley thought he didn't deserve _me_.

_Why do we imprint?_ The question had been nagging Jacob for a while.

_We imprint to carry on the gene,_ Sam said in a firm voice that spoke finality. _Survival of the species. Genetic override. That's all. If we happen to meet the person that will best suit the… _He stopped. I guess he realised how it would sound to me.

That he didn't imprint on me because I couldn't have kids anymore.

Ouch.

I tried to hold what little self-control I could as I walked into some nearby shrubbery and phased. I'd rather walk home in the damn forest butt-naked than spend another second with them in their minds. I was pissed off at my outburst, of how I let those idiots push me dangerously close to breaking point.

Of how I let them get to me, when I should have an indifferent barrier held up at all times.

The entire way home it stuck in my brain of what Sam thought of imprinting.

I couldn't help but notice that not once had he mentioned _love_.

**...**

I managed to cool down eventually. I didn't show up for patrol for two days. Instead I did whatever the hell I felt like doing, not that it was much of a change for me. I jogged every morning around La Push when the village was still tucked away in their beds with no nightmares of things outside their oblivious little bubbles. Things that could rip out their throats while they slept if it weren't for the protectors they didn't even know existed.

Not that I felt like we needed recognition for what we did. I personally preferred the privacy. I would definitely snap if people stared at me more than usual, if people knew what I was. Some of the guys felt that way though, sometimes. They liked to refer to it like a superheros secret identity.

Your average six-foot tall Quileute teenager by day, huge-ass wolf vampire hunter extraordinaire by night.

Like _that_ makes the whole thing more exciting.

In reality, being a protector just meant you never get to sleep. _And_ that you need to shop for clothes a lot because everything you own won't outlast your next moodswing.

I was running along the shore of First Beach when I saw a figure sitting on a piece of driftwood in the distance. A quick sniff of the air told me that it was Jacob. I wasn't surprised to see him out so early. He probably hadn't slept all night and will spend the better part of this afternoon passed out somewhere.

I could've just kept running and ignored him, but when I saw what he was doing I slowed to a stop.

"Hey," I panted, my breath puffed and fogged in front of my face. "What are you doing?"

Jacob looked up at me for a moment. In his hand he held a tiny block of red-brown wood, and in the other was a small knife with sharp edges and an artfully scoop-shaped tip. "I'm carving," he said bluntly. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

I ignored his temperamental tone and collapsed beside him. "I remember…" I stated, my voice sounded far away as I recollected the memory. "Billy taught you when you were seven, and the first thing you made was a dolphin. In the end you gave it to me because I was going through my dolphin phase at the time." I didn't mention that the handcrafted work of a seven-year-old Jacob was still on display atop my dresser. When he gave it to me I pretended to hate it until he went away to mope.

"Close," Jacob said with a small smile. "The first thing I made was a dolphin because I was actually making it for you the entire time."

My face flushed, and I turned away. "So, uh, what's been happening in the pack?" I asked indifferently.

"Two more joined yesterday," Jacob said, eyeing my reaction carefully. "Collin and Brady."

After a moment of shock that I refused to show on my blank face, I shrugged. I guess it was a good thing I hadn't been around. Wouldn't want me poisoning their innocent minds so early in the game. Collin and Brady were even younger than Seth. That was enough to make me feel bad for them. They shouldn't have to go through this.

When Seth and I had joined the pack we'd all been given strict orders not to reveal our numbers. I guess Collin and Brady counted now, too. There was ten of us. We knew that Sam's reason behind it was that it was aimed solely at Jacob—the last thing we needed was for him to go tell Bella Swan and have her informing the Cullen's of information that could mean our advantage if the treaty was ever breeched.

I'm not sure what Jacob expected me to say about this new development, but he was still waiting patiently for me to speak. "Fucking great, I suppose," I muttered dryly. "We've become fully-fledged babysitters. Collin and Brady are only, what, twelve or something? Yeesh. Just when you start thinking it's the end… two more lives ruined by this stupid gene."

If Jacob agreed or disagreed, he didn't hint it.

His attention went back to the unfinished figurines collecting in an unfinished pile on his lap. His brow was deeply furrowed with frustration. Jacob's hands, though the large, awkward hands of a man, held the tiny things with a gentleness that someone his size surely shouldn't be able to possess.

"There all _not right_ somehow," he mumbled, irritated.

I would've never guessed Jake was one to mull over small imperfections in his art.

"Nothing's perfect, Jacob," I told him. It was hard to keep the bitterness from my voice. I reached out and plucked a little wooden wolf from the ground. "See? This one's actually pretty good," I said honestly, twisting it between my fingers. "So quit being such a girl. What the hell is wrong with it?"

He shook his head, amused. "It's missing a leg, Leah. It snapped right off."

"Fine," I sneered, dropping the wolf back to the floor. "What's got you doing this crap again anyway?"

Billy had taught him how to carve as a way to switch his mind off, a way to occupy his hands so his thoughts wouldn't concentrate on bad things. Things like his mother's death. I hadn't seen him work on the skill for a few years, but I suppose he has a lot of excuses to want to switch his mind off now, what with everything that has happened recently.

When he didn't answer I glared at him.

"Well?" I pressed.

Jacob didn't look at me. "It's for Bella," he whispered. "A graduation present."

Urgh. That's it. The line of tolerance was crossed.

I pursed my lips, stood up and continued on with my jog as if I hadn't stopped in the first place.

**...**

Sue forced me to go with her and Seth to a playoff party at Black's that night, where the only person that didn't know they were in the presence of the supernatural was Charlie Swan, ever oblivious to his daughter screwing around with living corpses. He even apologized for her being unable to attend the game. Sam and Emily were there too, with Emma Uley, Sam's mother.

Not awkward _at all_. Pfft.

I wasn't keen of showing my face, but if I had to, I was going to have a little fun.

The outfit I plotted was odd fitting, like all my clothes pre-werewolf, but if there was one thing I did know about this particular dress it was how much Sam loved me wearing it—or shall I say, how much he loved when I _wasn't_ wearing it. Sam seemed distracted the whole night. He was either caught up in the hunt from the other day or trying desperately not to recall the things that had happened whenever I wore this dress. More than likely it was a little of both, and that was enough to entertain me for the evening.

I felt a bit bad for Charlie; the whole night was rather tense, and that was with me trying _not_ to be intimidating. I ended up spending most of the night with Jake and Seth, crammed together on the one sofa, concentrating all my energy onto the television so I didn't have to listen to Emma, Sue and Emily talk wedding shit.

Seth ended up practically pressed against the screen with Charlie and Billy as they shouted things to the players running up and down the field, leaving me alone on the couch with Jacob, who I was still pissed at about this morning.

I folded my arms tightly against myself to ward off any conversation he may feel obligated to give.

Of course, being Jacob, he chose to ignore it. Typical.

"You look sort of nice tonight, Leah," he told me. I snorted and continued to glare at the TV. He shifted uncomfortably on the cushions and mimicked my arm folding. "You know, you'd look even nicer if you wiped that scowl permanently implanted on your face," he snapped quietly.

My mouth fell open in a gape. Before I had a chance to snap back, the door slammed open and Embry let himself into the overcrowded house. That's the way it was with us. We never needed an invitation. He was talking excitedly before we were even in view.

"Jake dude, have you seen the scor—" he choked.

When he caught sight of me on the couch his eyes lowered. His face turned red.

I sighed, annoyed. "What now?"

"Nothing," he said quickly. "Uh, yeah. Sorry."

"It's the dress," Jacob grinned. "If I hadn't seen you naked before I'd say it was a little distracting."

"Bite me, Black." I sneered.

He flashed me a bright smile. "Don't tempt me, Clearwater."

I sunk further into the couch cushions and tried not to look like I was sulking like a prissy little baby. Which is pretty damn difficult. I wondered what would happen if I just walked out of the house right now. Would Sue notice? Probably. Despite everything she was still my mother, which means she is most likely only appearing to be very engrossed in a conversation about frilly crap and flower arrangements.

"Okay," I declared, standing. "Fuck this shit. I'm leaving."

Jacob stared at me.

"When are you going to stop running, Leah?" he asked grimly.

I froze and stared back at him. He looked surprised that his words had even registered with me. I frowned faintly and folded my arms again—not as a defensive gesture. More like I was keeping pieces of me together. "I don't know," I said. "Until I have somewhere I can run to, I guess."

And I took a sick satisfaction in knowing that Sam watched me close the door.

**...**

The pack had a meeting the next day at Sam and Emily's house. A _compulsory meeting_. Meaning; no way I could possibly get out of it aside from dropping dead on the way there. I'd be lying if I said I completely ruled that option out. In spite of my best efforts to turn up late, I wasn't even the last one to arrive. I settled for looking heavily scorned on the porch steps while waiting for the others.

"Leah," Sam said. He had that tone that sounded like he'd been sent outside to retrieve me. "Come inside. Emily made heaps of food. You better grab a couple plates before the others get here," he paused, then added in a non-rehearsed voice. "You haven't been eating enough. You look…" he trailed off. I guess he was wise enough not to finish that sentence.

He could see the anger beginning to flash in me the second the words left his mouth. I didn't want Sam criticising me about how I looked. I didn't care if he wanted to say I was too thin, that I looked sick, or that my lack of appetite—a lack of appetite for a wolf, anyway—had him freaked.

"Fine," I really couldn't be bothered arguing with him right now.

When Jacob, Embry and Quil walked in not five minutes later, Jake had to take a moment to shake the water droplets from his hair. His mop was the same bloody length as mine. Maybe longer. That was depressing. I hadn't noticed how shaggy he'd let it get.

"Hell, Jacob," I commented. "Get a haircut."

"Not likely," Embry teased, elbowing him. "Its how the vampire girl likes it."

I grimaced.

"Jacob," I frowned and turned towards Sam as he spoke from his spot leaning against the wall. His arms were folded, his back straight and his tone was all business. "Have you thought over what we talked about this morning? My offer still stands. I can't make the choice for you. Don't regret this."

I was confused. Regret what?

"I'm sure, Sam," Jacob said without doubt. "The answers still no."

Sam nodded. They stared at each other for a moment longer before he walked into the kitchen.

Okay. Awkward silence.

It wasn't very often someone in the pack said something I didn't understand. Embry and Quil seemed to get it, but they'd just been on patrol with Jacob and were practically his shadows. They knew everything. Even though I didn't really care, it pissed me off not to know what was happening. I hated being the only one out of the stupid loop. "Alright, I'll bite," I said, annoyed that I'd given in so easily. "What was that about?"

Jacob and Quil hesitated, Embry just shrugged. "Sam offered Jake the Alpha gig."

I blinked.

Jake and Quil shot Embry a glare that he didn't quite catch.

I blinked again. Then it sunk in. "Sam I-Have-A-Big-Head Uley… was willing to _step down_ and let you become the Alpha…" I repeated furiously. "And your dumb ass said _no_? Fuck Jacob! And here I was thinking you'd already reached the damn peak of your stupidity!"

"I don't want to be Alpha, Leah," he said. "I'm not cut out for it."

I shook my head. As if I cared if he _wasn't cut out for it_. Anything was better than Sam being Alpha.

Selfish, a voice whispered in my mind. I pushed it away.

Yeah, I scowled to myself. _Jacob _is being selfish by not thinking of how his decision would impact the rest of us.

Jared strolled out of the kitchen, a huge sandwich cradled in his arms. When he saw Jacob his expression flickered before settling on an easy grin that came so naturally to him before he became a wolf. "Jake," he said. I had trouble linking his face to his voice. He _sounded _genuinely happy. "Hey, congratulations man!"

I was probably over-thinking things. There's a first time for everything, after all.

Jared misread my confusion. "Jake's our new Beta," he told me.

Oh. I see what Sam was doing here. He got Jared to step down. Jared stepped down to let Jacob step up. They were hoping to warm the kid up to the whole_ being in charge_ and _responsibility_ thing, because no matter what, the guy was going to have to be Alpha one day. It was in his blood, what he was born for. He couldn't run from it forever. He couldn't run from fate.

"_When are you going to stop running, Leah?"_

Jake's words replayed in my head, like a bad movie voice over.

"That's great," my smile was defiantly fake. "Ha, you really earned it, didn't you Jacob?"

Jared frowned and slowly shook his head at me, Jacob's face flushed with shame.

I zoned out for a while, assessing things. Sam is still Alpha, despite his offer to Jacob. Jared is now one of the pack, and Jacob has become Beta. The change hasn't made a difference to me, except that with Jared no longer holding any form of power over the rest of us I can't expect him to speak out for me anymore against the others. It's kind of a kick in the ass to someone like Paul too, whose older and been a wolf longer but is passed up because his bloodline isn't right for the job. Thank god, though. Paul would make a shitty leader.

There wouldn't ever be a hope of me becoming Alpha, or Beta. For numerous reasons, I guess. Main one being my lack of devotion to the pack as a whole, and the runner up probably cause I'm a chick. If Jacob were to refuse this, run away or get himself killed, technically the next qualified bloodline for Alpha would be me. Or should I say Seth, because even though I'm older, I'm still a girl unfit to rule things.

I hope it doesn't come to this. Seth isn't cut out to be Alpha, for very different reasons as to why I'm not.

"I still can't believe Bella Swan knew about all this before I did," Quil just finished muttering, peeved.

"Don't say her name!" Embry warned dramatically, arms held in a cross-gesture against Jacob, as if trying to comically ward him off. "You'll get Jake going again, then we won't hear the end of it for another four hours. 'Blah, blah, blah, Bella, Bella, Bella—it's killing me, man."

"Yeah, you gotta get yourself a new hobby, Jacob. All this Bella-thinking can't be healthy." Jared stated in a mocking-professional voice.

"And it's annoying as hell for the rest of us," Paul added.

No need for me to include anything, even though I knew they expected me to say something about how much I despise Isabella Swan at any second now. Paul just about summed it up for me. I hate the girl, and hearing her as a constant feature in Jacob's head was enough to drive me crazy. I didn't find it necessary to voice it right now, they already knew anyway.

"Lunch time," Emily called, drifting from the kitchen with a beaming face as she watched the two small figures no higher than her waist scurry around her carrying silver sandwich platters. Emily smiled. "Oh, and these are my two lovely little helpers today," she giggled, patting the shortest who had retreated shyly behind her leg. "My nieces, Monica and Claire."

"I'm five," said Monica, dropping a poorly-made sandwich in Paul's lap as she presented five of her fingers to him. Not that it mattered, really. He'd eat anything. Even if one slice of the bread was white and the other was wholegrain, and the things stuffed in the middle looked like a mixture of tuna and peanut butter.

"I'm allergic to sandwiches," he said, placing it back on the sliver dish.

Seemed like Paul didn't have the balls after all.

"Auntie Leah?" She handed it to me and looked so hopeful, I just _had_ to take a bite and pretend it tasted okay.

I don't think I was technically her aunt, but we were related somehow, and I'd known the girls since they were born so I guess I fell under that category. They were Emily's sister's kids, so I think that makes them my second, third cousins or something. They were freaking adorable, but I would never admit it out loud. I'd been a regular in their lives before this whole mess happened. Seeing how much they'd grown, I felt a bit guilty for cutting them out of my life completely, even if it was better for them to be very far away from the bitter-shrew-with-no-patience I'd become.

Forcing it down the throat proved difficult, but I managed with a slight twitch of my lips that could pass as a half-ass smile and that seemed like sufficient praise for the young girl before she gave the next one to Embry. Everyone looked surprised at me. Did they think I was so spiteful that I'd crush a kid by not eating something they'd poured their little hearts and souls into? I could still remember all the mudpies Seth and I made that Dad had choked down. It's one of the best feelings when you're young, that pride and satisfaction. I couldn't deny her that.

Regardless, I hid the rest of the sandwich in a pot plant when she wasn't looking.

It was what I imagined stale ass would taste like.

"Alright, down to business," Sam said. Bastard got one of Emily's roast beef and salad sandwiches and I could see some of the guys unlucky enough to be served by Monica eye his plate with envy. "I ran the border last night. Still no sign of the redheaded leec—"

He was cut off by Emily's elbow sharply digging in his ribs. I doubt he felt it; it probably had just enough power to get his attention as she cleared her throat and looked meaningfully at the two little girls that were sitting and listening to his every word with wide, innocent eyes.

"Redheaded what, Uncle Sammy?" Monica breathed.

Jeez. _Uncle Sammy_. The pack sniggered.

"Um..." our Alpha hesitated, lost.

"Redheaded lion," Seth said, lying smoothly. He gazed at the rest of us with a shrug. "From the... circus?"

"Circus! Circus!" the girls squealed, clapping their hands.

"Uh, yeah," Sam nodded enthusiastically, looking a little relieved. "Yeah. Okay. Err, so I was wandering around the circus last night, and I didn't see any sign of the redheaded lion. She's just disappeared into thin air again—"

"Is the lion a magician?" Monica interrupted, awed.

"You could say that," Sam told her.

Monica was practically bouncing up and down now. "What are you in the circus, Uncle Sammy?"

"The Bearded Lady," I answered, which got a few more sniggers from the boys.

"Really, Leah?" Quil was shaking from keeping the chuckles at bay, a glass of water in his hands practically spilling over the rim. "For some reason I thought he was the Wolf Man. Sorry I couldn't join you last night mate," he was openly grinning now, and with a wink pretended to be asleep. "I got that damn flexible acrobat to lend a hand with my crystal balls."

I scoffed. We all knew it wasn't true, but, like Quil, I took the opportunity that was too funny to pass up. "Seems to me you were more likely practising with the beginner's tightrope," I held up my pinkie finger, and the guys hooted with laughter. Even Quil was good-natured enough not to take my jab at his ego seriously and snicker with us.

Sam pursed his lips, though I could tell it was from trying not to smile. "Alright. Enough."

Quil shook his head and wiggled his fingers. "I sense much _buzz-kill_ in this one."

A small giggle responded.

"Ha. At least the two year old finds you funny, Quil." I took another jab at him.

"Of course she—" he froze.

There.

Right there.

I knew that look all too well.

The others knew, too. But I was the only one quick enough to act. Faster than I thought possible, my good mood vanished. I leapt up from my seat and my fist made vicious contact with Quil's face. That whipped him out of his daydream real quick, what with me jumping on top of him and laying punch after punch into his jaw.

"You sick fuck!" I screeched at him. "You sick fuck! She's _two_!"

I felt a few strong hands tug on my arms as the rest of the guys pulled me off the stunned boy, who still had the nerve to have a wistful expression on his face even though I'm sure I'd put enough force in my hits to smack it out of him. "Leah, calm down for god's sake! It's not his fault! _It's not his fault_!" I wasn't sure who yelled that at me, but it snapped me out of my seeing-red rage better than any slap would have.

Quil had just imprinted on Claire, a two year old baby. But of course it wasn't his fault. Even though I'd pretty much gone limp, Embry, Jacob and Paul all still held a good clasp on me. "I'm fine," I spat at them, shrugging off their grips.

I could hear crying in the next room, where Emily had taken Monica and Claire.

"I'm fine," I repeated, before leaving the house without another word.

I was disgusted and angry, kicking at anything that found its way near my feet in the forest. It was sick and twisted, imprinting on a child that hadn't even had a chance to live life yet, who didn't understand what level of devotion an imprint meant. Who would never have a choice, never have the option, of a different life.

That look in Quil's eyes—it was like watching Sam imprint on Emily all over again.

No one was home. Sue was probably out with Charlie, or Billy. It didn't matter to me. I was glad she wasn't there to ask me what was wrong, what had happened, all those stupid questions. I needed a distraction. There was nothing left to smash in my room, so I settled for hitting the nightstand.

I punched it over and over till my knuckles split and bled. But I still didn't stop. One, two. One, two. Crack, crack. Crack, _crack_! I could hear the agonizingly satisfying crunch as my bone snapped and the searing pain shot up my left arm, immobilising me momentarily. I looked back to the blood oozing down the drawers and the dents stamped in the woods thick surface. I could already feel the sinew knitting back together.

I growled and hit them again, reopening the wounds. It was no use; it healed before I could feel any real pain. In a haze, I ran into the kitchen and pulled out the butcher's knife. It was almost the size of my forearm, and I smiled.

_I'm sick,_ I thought, as even the sight of the knife hovering above my skin made me tremble.

I thought I was past this. Past trying to drain the pain out of me. No, I knew as I painted the shapes across my wrist that it wasn't enough. They healed too quickly; there was no satisfaction, no relief. No choice but to dig deeper. The blood spilled but then was gone in an array of furious pink lines. My vision blurred, my fists clenched as I probed deeper and deeper into my flesh. I couldn't stop. _I wanted to stop_.

I couldn't, it wouldn't let me. Even when I heard the door open and saw Seth staring at me, I couldn't force myself to pull the knife away. I didn't want to imagine what he was seeing. His big sister leaning over the kitchen counter with blood dripping onto the floor, splattered on the walls, as she mutated and dug at her skin with a wild expression, with no sense of stopping. No part of her he could recognise.

"Lee..." I think I heard him sob, but he'd already bolted from the room.

He left me. Not that I blame him. I'd leave me too, if I could.

The tissues attempted to heal. I wouldn't let them. It was almost fascinating, watching it try to save me, and not letting it. I wanted to be saved, didn't I? I stood there, frozen in place for god knows how long, trapped in an endless cycle.

"Leah! Leah, what—" My head shot up, alarmed. The voice was not what I expected.

_No,_ I felt like snarling. _He didn't. Seth wouldn't dare!_

But he had.

Sam was at the door, shaking, and it was then I noticed that blood-coated knife wasn't moving. I'd never seen Sam like this, after everything I'd done in the past; I'd never seen this expression on his face, and trust me I'd seen plenty. His whole frame shook, I was shaking too, but I think it was from shock. Then I noticed something else. He wasn't shaking in anger. No, it wasn't anger. For a moment I couldn't quite place it, but then I noticed the tears running down his face in strong flows.

My face was openly stunned.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" I snapped. "Are you crying?"

He reached out a trembling hand to me. "Leah... what are you _doing_? What have you _done_?"

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't speak.

Sam dropped to the ground, dropped to his knees. And he begged.

Sam _begged _me.

"Leah, _please_... please put down the knife. Please, Lee-Lee. Please." He sounded even more hysterical than I was, and I was the one with half my life source pooling at my feet.

Surprising even myself, the blade fell to the floor in a loud clatter.

The next thing I knew Sam had wrapped me in his arms, and I was sobbing and gasping for breath, shaking as I clung to him. I was disappointed in myself for giving in. So disappointed and angry. He took me into the bathroom and bandaged both my arms, even though we both knew it was pointless. It would be completely healed in a few hours anyway. It felt nice to have someone looking after me, even if it was Sam. It felt nice. A moment of weakness, to allow myself to pretend, just for a moment, that everything was back the way it was.

Sam tucked me into bed and left. But I knew better. I knew he'd be watching. He wouldn't trust the pack with this.

Laying there, I was thinking clearer than I had in months. And I had to promise myself something, because if I didn't I wasn't sure if I'd ever find the strength to get up and face the world ever again. I was through falling apart. Through with breaking down. Through with everything. Tonight, right here and now, this was the moment. This was the last time I would ever allow myself to cry for him.

Never again would I cry for Sam fucking Uley.

I fell asleep thinking that, almost at peace. It was a good feeling.

* * *

**I tried so hard to end this on a positive note and failed. Sorry again that it took so long and is such a depressing chapter guys. I seriously cannot wait for things to get better for our herione here! I hope you thought it was okay anyway; let me know what you think! Can't do much about the depression yet, Leah's life sort of sucks right now, but better times are to come! I feel that this is a good turning point for her, at least its as much as she can do for herself at this moment in time. She's making her own slow progress.**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	14. Catch You Later, Alligator

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**I know, its been a million years. A thousand apologies!**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Catch You Later, Alligator **

**...**

I was so _over_ being suicidal.

Sitting at the bonfire, I was mulling over this very fact. Granted, Seth and Sam tried to keep my most recent total mental breakdown quiet, there was only so much they could do when we all pretty much shared a brain. The pack would look at me funny, sometimes with _concern_, and I just couldn't stomach it. The thought of them seeing me so frail and exposed made me sick to my gut, so now I'd learnt to swallow and accept the agony of daily life without being such a pathetic drama queen and losing my grip on whatever little sanity I had left.

We were sitting on the cliff top, waiting. Jacob had left not long ago to pick up Isabella Swan from the treaty line. Since my becoming a wolf, this was the first sacred council meeting we'd had that included the whole pack, and Bella Swan had been given a freaking invitation to eavesdrop on it.

I sat in silence as a way of protest. I wasn't about to make a fool of myself by causing an uproar at the very thought of being a hundred yards near that goddamn leech lover. Even I had utmost respect for the council and our few elders, particularly since Dad's death.

"Hey, vampire girl!" Embry greeted, and I took it as my cue to roll my eyes and turn away.

They were sucking up because of the guilt trip Jacob had drilled into them a few hours ago, about Bella being here when most of us had argued against it. She shouldn't be here. She was an outsider. I forced myself to stare at the flames, gritting my teeth together. I'd been to plenty bonfires before, but since this one was _official _it grated on my nerves from the annoying prickle of her meek presence, just knowing that she was sitting _right there_. My mother was none too pleased about it either, but had taken the time to remind me to behave myself.

I closed my eyes when I knew it was all about to start. I could hear the annoying scratch of Emily's pen as she jotted down Billy's every word. I wasn't really paying attention. Despite my reverence, I'd heard it all a million times before.

When it was coming to a close, I listened closely to Billy's words. Describing the way the sons of our tribe carried the burden our fathers had. It sent a pang of loneliness through me. I couldn't ignore the way he said _sons_. Everything around me had fallen away in such a short time. Seth and my mother, if it wasn't those barriers of love and devotion I held for them, I was terrified of what else I had to keep me from putting that blade straight through my chest. I'd never been more lost, and even now as I'm surrounded by others, I'd never felt more alone.

I tear feel from my cheek, and I scrubbed it away, sure no one had seen it.

Bella had fallen asleep and I watched as Jake scooped her into his arms. I scowled. The poor thing has such an _exhausting_ life I bet. The fire was all but gone by now, with a few simmering embers left to light up the faces of those who remained. "I'm gonna take her back now," Jake said, nodding to the sleeping girl held against him.

"Finally," I muttered to myself, loud enough for him to hear.

Jacob pretended not to notice and disappeared into the dark. The elders shortly followed, leaving the pack in the night, waiting obediently in silence.

Quileute school was already finished for the summer, not that it mattered to me anymore, but it's the reason why most of the guys weren't trying to watch a few extra winks before morning, and the reason why Seth was around more often lately. Sam doesn't trust the Cullens, and sometimes I wonder if that's the real reason he lets Jake to hang out with the Swan girl without a fuss. After all, we've gotten some valuable information about the coven out of her. Then again, what does Jacob tell her that the vampires find just as useful about us? It was due to this strong suspicion that had Sam making us all run extra shifts for the past week.

Sam stood up, careful not to disturb Emily who had been snoring softly cradled against him.

"Thank you all for attending," he said, his voice was low but those of us with supernatural ears could hear him easily. "Double shifts tonight. Jared, Leah and Paul will be on the perimeter until dawn. The rest of us will circle the treaty line. I want the redhead found and ripped to pieces before sunrise."

"Dawn?" I repeated. "That's over six fucking hours away!"

Sam stared at me for what seemed like hours. "Come walk with me, Leah," he said slowly.

I scowled, rising to my feet. I shot a glance at the pack, but could only find myself noticing Seth, who was curled up on the ground, oblivious to the world, with dark circles under his eyes that made his youthful face appear older and more worn. Not the face of my brother, who should have no burdens. He had the face of everyone in the pack, a heavy, troubled face.

We came to a stop after five minutes of drifting through the forest. Sam turned to face me.

"This is my pack, Leah," Sam whispered. "I'm Alpha. I give the orders. I thought I'd made this very clear to you, but obviously you've chosen to ignore it, like always. In case you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of something important here. We're saving lives."

I scoffed. "Saving lives? That damn leech hasn't so much as left a strand of hair here since she took a little swim in the bloody ocean, and since then you haven't gotten off our backs about it! The guys are tired, Sam. They're tired, and you—"

"We're protectors," he interrupted. "They know what they've signed up for—"

"No! Shut up!" I hissed. "I don't recall signing up for this shit. No one did. We all just happened to be the poor sons of bitches with a fucked up inheritance. You _know_ that, but you're mind is so set to all this responsibility to others and to the elders and tribe that you've forgotten the responsibility you have to the pack!"

"What are you talking about, Leah?" he growled.

"They're just kids, Sam," I snapped. "They're kids. And I'm not going to stand here and let you break Seth too!"

"This is what this is about?" Sam shook his head. "You're pissed because Seth has been running a few more patrols? He may be a kid, Leah, but he's not _your_ kid. And if you're so damn worried about your brother, maybe you should stop putting the guy through watching you try to kill yourself!"

"Fuck you!" I screeched. "This isn't about _me_, you asshole. So swallow your own fucking pride and admit to yourself that you've made some piss poor decisions for what's best for the pack! And while you're pulling your finger out of your ass, I'm taking my brother home and you can shove your double patrols up there instead!"

And that's _exactly_ what I did.

**...**

Billy was over when I woke up late in the afternoon. Not unusual. I walked into the kitchen with the typical just-woke-up haze and poured myself a gigantic glass of juice, listening absently to Billy and my mother talking amongst themselves like gossiping neighbours. Which, I guess, they sort of were. Seth hadn't spoken to me after the meeting on the way home, and he wasn't home now, he was already gone, his dishes left in the sink.

"Jake's off with Bella today," Billy said gruffly. "I don't have anything against the girl but..."

"Billy," Sue said curtly. "She's no good for him."

My mother was preaching to the choir. Jacob had been thinking of nothing else lately than his plan that made my stomach churn so bad that I had to pour the rest of my juice down the sink. His plan to _smoothly_ tell Bella Swan that he loves her, officially. It was painful to watch the train-wreck unfold, because it was obvious that the Swan girl knew exactly what his feelings were, and she still choose to ignore them.

He'd come up with elaborate ways he'd sweep her off her feet, confess his undying love and they'd live happily ever after. Poor fool, he had no idea there is no such thing for people like us. Unless there was, and there is just no such thing for people like _me_.

**...**

What happened later that day is what we in the pack decided to call, the Bella Kissing Fiasco. She broke her hand on his face. Classic. Absolutely classic.

Quil and Embry offered to go with Jake to her graduation party, right in the heart of enemy territory, after much begging on Jacob's behalf to Sam. I think he agreed to it only because of the amount of humans that they'd have roaming that house during this so-called party, and Jacob was smart enough to play the protecting-innocent-victims card to Sam in order to be allowed to go.

_That party's a goddamn feeding frenzy, I just know it._ Paul mumbled moodily.

The rest of the pack was waiting, bored out of our minds, at the treaty line the closest place we could be if something went wrong and our brothers needed us.

_I'm sure that if it was like that, one of them would have phased by now and alerted us. _Jared stated realistically.

_Unless they ambushed them,_ Collin said fearfully, but with a touch of anticipation. He'd never been in an actual fight with a vampire before, like me or Seth or Brady or Quil, and the idea had him itching, and pacing with his ears perked. _They've ambushed them, took the wolves out first cause we're the strongest and stuff—_

I snarled, and Collin's tail fell between his legs. _Don't be stupid,_ I barked. _You don't say things like that. They're fine, and probably stuffing their faces with fancy little hors d'oeuvre. _I turned to Seth, who was curled up and quiet. I hadn't heard his voice for days. _Right Seth?_ I prompted. _Seth?_ He was ignoring me. My fur stood on end. _Seth, what the hell is your problem?_

My little brother turned to glare at me. _You wanna know my problem, Leah?_ He snapped. _You promised me. You _promised _me. And you broke that promise. I don't want anything to do with you right now._

Before I could respond with anything more than shock, and a little hurt, Embry, Quil and Jacob phased and my mind was flooded with voices, pictures, memories and words. An army of vamps heading our way, about to hit Forks, and we've signed up to team with the Cullen's to stop them.

_Oh,_ Jacob added. _And we got a meeting with them at 3am._

My sarcasm and hostility hit full throttle. _Oh joy, a little tutoring meeting with the Cullens. I'm sure Sam is going to just _love _this whole situation you've landed us in, Jacob._ I turned to Sam, who had responded to everything just the way I knew he would—badly.

Simultaneously, each wolf turned to face Sam, who stood tall and towered of the rest of us lounging amongst the foliage. I could feel Sam's twinge of annoyance that Jake had taken charge of the circumstance, but he brushed it away with a more reasonable reason to be pissed off. _Jacob, _Sam said sternly, but with his usual calm. _We don't acquaintance ourselves with bloodsuckers._

_The army is a danger to them too, Sam,_ Jacob stated. _We have common grounds._

_Double the danger for us,_ Sam barked. _Help them kill off the newborns, then have them turn on our pack?_

_We can trust them with this,_ Jake insisted.

It felt strange, listening to them speak, with almost the same tone with one another, like a shift in power waiting to take place. Sam stared at Jacob for a very long, intense time, before finally huffing out a breath into the frosty night air. Despite his doubts, Sam also knew that the pack would never stand a chance on our own. _Very well,_ Sam reluctantly agreed. _We'll go in wolf form. I'll not have us vulnerable in front of them._

_The mind-reader can translate,_ Jacob said, somewhat grudgingly.

_Then it's decided,_ Sam turned to the rest of us, and laid down his Alpha command. _Don't let your guard down for a single second. Remember, we are not amongst friends tonight._

**...**

Watching the vampires fight, I must admit, I felt an eerie chill crawl up my spine. Half way through the night, as the pack barely moved a muscle, full attention on every twitch of the vampire's muscles as they attacked each other with vicious accuracy, I thought involuntary. _Seth is so _not _going to be fighting this one,_ my eyes not leaving the bloodsucker's heated battle.

_Urgh shut up, Leah,_ Seth groaned, because he knew my statement would be seriously considered.

_Leah's right,_ Jared said. _The young ones should stay home and watch the rez._

Jared was saying that so that by watching the rez they would feel like they were contributing in some way rather than be left out entirely. The pack agreed simultaneously. Collin and Brady didn't want to be brushed aside, and Seth didn't want this to interfere with his desire to help the pack.

His ears were perked energetically. _I don't need to stay home, I want to help!_

_Don't be stubborn, Seth,_ Quil chided.

_Well, he is my brother after all..._ I mused unhappily.

_You'll be safer,_ Embry added, even if it wasn't what Seth wanted to hear.

_We can't risk any unnecessary burdens, _Paul stated, somehow believing his harsh words had good intentions.

_We'll discuss it later,_ Sam snapped. He didn't want to bloodsuckers to see any vulnerability in us through all the bitterness and squabbling going on.

Once the scarred bloodsucker wrapped it up, he offered for us to observe again tomorrow.

Sam accepted. _Yes, we'll be here._

_It would be better if we known there scents, _Jared suggested. _You know, so we don't accidently kill _them_._

_That would be a shame,_ I muttered wirily. My hackles rose in distaste.

I still didn't understand how the hell we had resorted to this. The majority of my brain said that we could take the army of bloodsuckers ourselves, that this little alliance was bad news. We took a whiff of each Cullen, and I gagged, and Seth just about shat himself when he was left uncovered between the two vamps.

I barked at him _Move it, twerp_ and sent him scampering along the line. We backed away, eyes never leaving their still presence for a second. Quil and Embry hesitated, waiting for Jacob who was caught up with the leech-loving twit. _Isn't it past her bed time? _I sighed impatiently. It was then Jacob decided to phase back to human and rejoin them. I sighed again. _Idiot..._

When Jacob returned he relayed that Seth would be playing to role of 'cell phone' to which I'd admit I was smug about since I'd gotten my way. It was highly unlikely that he could land himself in any trouble so far away from any action what-so-ever, and it made me feel better about everything as long as Seth was safe. Jake offered to go himself and relay any more information, and Sam told Embry and Quil to go with him.

The pack was preparing for battle. Everyone was excited and energetic, but there was an underlying sense of fear as we passed each other and caught eyes, wondering who among us might be unlucky enough not to survive the day. Wondering whose families we'd bring the news to, of who we might be looking at alive for the last time.

At home, I wasn't worried. If I died, sure it would suck balls, but it wouldn't be Seth and that's all that mattered to me right now. While I was stuffing my face with food for energy I'd be likely to burn off, the phone rang.

I held it against my ear, mouth full of a sandwich. "Uh, yeash?" I answered, muffled with half-digested bread.

"_Leah? It's Billy_," he sounded sort of nervous, then again it would _really_ suck knowing your only son was fighting a war with the weight of everything on his shoulders and you could do nothing but stand back and hope for the best possible outcome the fates throw at you.

"Mum's not home," I automatically replied.

"_I know_," Billy never appeared bothered by my, what some would call, rudeness. "_Listen Leah..._" from that tone, I could feel the good-natured lecture heading towards me a mile away. "_Be careful out there. I promised your dad... I promised that I'd look out for you and Seth—_"

"The pack has our backs, Billy. _All_ our backs." I hoped to reassure him about Jacob's safety, even if I wasn't too certain about it myself. "So what was it you wanted exactly?"

"_Oh, right,_" It almost made me laugh. Dad was the same. So damn forgetful. I had to hold my breath so that Billy wouldn't be able to tell that the thought of my dad made me get a little choked up considering everything that was happening. "_Can you tell Jake that Bella and her bloodsucker will be ready for him in an hour?"_

That snapped me out of any emotion I may have been feeling. I didn't want to be playing messenger for any bloodsucker.

"I thought Seth was suppose to be playing the stupid cell phone..." I muttered before hanging up.

**... **

The next day, Seth woke up in a foul mood.

"You'll thank me when you're still alive," I muttered to him as he stormed out the door and phased, heading into the mountains to the tent where Jacob had spent the night in the middle of a snow storm.

The pack gathered in the clearing, only waiting on Jacob. The Cullen's were at the clearing too, motionless as statues. We took our positions in the forest and waited. "It will be an hour or so," the little bloodsucker with the visions warned Sam. He nodded in understanding.

_Everyone just... stay cool,_ Quil reminded us, even though we all knew he was freaking out the most. It hurt a little almost everyone was thinking about their imprints, and of how because of them they had something to fight for, that extra drive to succeed in order to protect that one person that was most important to them...

All of a sudden I was knocked to my knees in pain and I huffed out a small yelp through my muzzle. The pack felt it simultaneously, like a swift blow to the gut, and we instantly knew why Bella Swan was marrying the vampire. It was Jacob's pain that we felt. None of us bad really been listening to our pack brothers mind, we'd been too busy preparing our own for what was to come.

_Jacob,_ Embry reached out to him. _Jake, I'm so sorry bro._

It was clear Jacob didn't want any sympathy, and he was mortified that we'd all witnessed what had just occurred. He phased human, and was gone from our minds. I tuned in to Seth, who saw Jacob run into the woods, worried and concerned. The bloodsucker followed after him, and everything passed in a large and jumbled blur until Alice scared the shit out of us and broke the eerie quiet of our minds.

"We have a small problem," she said to Sam, standing before us all graceful and delicate. "Tell Edward that the Volturi have decided to make an appearance," she cocked her head to the side. "But not to worry," she added. "Everything will go fine. But it would be best if you and your pack make yourself scarce."

And with that dainty message of appending doom she flittered away back to the meadow.

_You hear that, cell phone?_ Paul sneered.

_I heard,_ Seth said grudgingly.

To give a recently-returned Jacob and Bella Swan a chance to chat things out like a bunch of girls, Seth and the bloodsucker discussed strategies and conduct with Sam.

That is, until Seth trotted back into camp.

_Aw man! Gross!_ He cried, and the pack copped Jacob and Bella kissing like another slap in the face.

_Really, Jacob?_ I couldn't help but think. _Really? Right now? This is the fucking right time?_

And it wasn't long after that till Jake transformed and we had to deal with this shit up close and personal, because Jacob was too busy playing multiple vivid re-enactments of the kiss as he practically skipped to the battleground. The whole thing was making me nauseous, and it felt like I _me_ was inserting my tongue into the mouth of that leech-loving, good-for-nothing—urgh.

_Jacob, get your head in the game!_ Sam growled.

As the vampire predicted, the newborns split themselves into two groups.

_We'll ambush them, _Sam said, and all that crappy mumbo-jumbo that was occurring had been forgotten. We knew our place. Now, there was nothing but the silence of our expert stalk through the forest as we moved together. We could hear the first group in the clearing collide with the Cullen's and the roar of 'hell yeah!' as the large dark-haired one charged forward.

I blocked it all out, as much as I could, focusing on nothing but the prey. They were getting closer, I could hear their voices, their stench burned my nose like I'd snorted red hot chilli. The pack waited, for the right moment to strike them down.

"Where is she?" one of the newborns said, annoyed. "I want to eat something!"

"She said not to let her escape," said another, who seemed slightly rattled.

"It's one harmless little human," the first one cackled. "How hard could it be?"

"Stop it, Alex," a third one snapped. "She said that the girl was hers."

I could see them now, as I approached angled up the side, the one called Alex was a little ways separated from the group and he had an arrogant grin on his face that made me want to tear it off. I was close, so close I could see the emptiness of his red eyes. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I take one little bite..." he paused, I noticed, and took a slight sniff of the air before turning to the other vampires scattered around him.

I took him out without a second hesitation. The prick had caught our scent, and I easily pinned him to the ground, and blocked off his windpipe so he couldn't make a sound. It felt natural standing there, overpowering this creature that was trying in vain to take a chunk out of me. This would be my first real vampire kill. It was almost surreal. And I was glad that if I was going to kill something it was _this_ cocky asshole. Sam approached and pinned the bloodsucker down as I tore off his head with my teeth.

It was simple, easy. Sam looked at me briefly; through his eyes I could see blood covering my muzzle and his feeling of sadness, that he would have never wanted me to turn out this way, a killer like him.

I broke his gaze and turned to Paul and Jacob, who'd just joined us, taking down another one. The rest of the newborn group is on to us now, their defences rose as they became aware of our presence.

"What the hell are they?" one of the newborns cried.

Another cracked their neck and took a defensive stance. "Nothing we can't handle,"

Paul chuckled and stepped forward eagerly in front of Sam. _Don't you wish, pipsqueak,_ he growled.

_Paul, get back into rank!_ Sam barked at him, before reassuming the position of leader. The newborns were drawing closer together instinctually, safety in numbers meant it would be more difficult for us to pick them off. We took a step forward and they would take a step back, driving them towards the clearing.

It was then I caught my breath as Seth, miles away in the mountains, caught the scent of two bloodsuckers quickly approaching their little camp. My heart stopped. _Seth...? Seth... Seth, oh god no, SETH! Baby bro, I'm coming, I'm coming to help—_

_Leah, stop!_ Sam ordered. _There's nothing you can do right now. Stay here. _

_I need to go_, I fretted._ I need to go, I need to go to him— _the mind-reading bloodsucker had told him to run, and I could do nothing but agree, with Sam's order forbidding me to join him.

_What do I do?_ Seth's mind was a mess of uncertainty, as he bolted through the forest.

_Run, you moron!_ I told him. _And don't you dare stop running!_

Jacob let out a loud howl into the sky. _Bella's in danger!_

_Jacob, no! _Jared called out.

_Jacob, don't you move! _Sam barked._ You are to stay here and protect this pack! _

_She'll be fine, Jake, _Embry said. Of course, she's got the leech to protect her...

With the orders in place we advanced on the group of bloodsuckers who were eyeing us with uncertainty. We were at the clearing with the two groups starting to merge together; the Cullen's blocking their retreat and the pack blocking their advance.

_Chow time,_ Quil snarled, and we leapt forward as one single unit.

Everything was a shadow of clashing bodies and teeth. I could barely keep my head straight with Seth anywhere near danger, and in the back of my mind, through the carnage around me, I felt his mind click as he made a choice. _I'm going to go back and help,_ Seth decided.

_Seth, no!_ I whined, my jaws locked firmly around a newborn.

I watched as he turned tail and tackled the blonde bloodsucker in the mountains.

_Leah, behind you!_ Embry called, as he ripped into the vampire about to take out my hind legs. One of the Cullens, the doctor, helped him finish it off by shredding off both its arms like they were attached by Velcro.

Distained by the help of the leech doctor, I mumbled an unenthusiastic _thanks_.

I noticed a figure hiding amongst the trees, and a growl escaped my clenched canines. I approached, about to land a final blow, when another bloodsucker stood in my way. "No!" the woman Cullen, the mother, cried out, taking a shielding stance in front of the cowering newborn. "She surrendered. We're taking responsibility for her."

I eyed them both suspiciously, about to disregard the Cullens request when I noticed the newborn was only a young girl, probably Seth's age, and she looked so scared and confused. My teeth were close to them, that instinct screamed out at me to bite, but all I could think about was Seth and of how scared he must be right now, lost to me in the chaotic frenzy of the packs thoughts.

I let out a huff. _Fine,_ I sighed, even though I knew they wouldn't understand.

There were only a few left now as we closed in even tighter on the surviving newborns. I took this chance to examine my pack brothers, even though that through the connection in our minds I knew no one was severely hurt, I needed to see them all with my own eyes. They were all panting, out of breath but unscathed, and Seth still fighting all alone and unprotected in the middle of nowhere. I tried to repress a low whine of worry.

_This ends here,_ Sam snarled.

It was all over quicker than I expected, and all my brothers were congratulating each other, but I wasn't listening.

_Seth?_ I reached out to him anxiously; I just needed to know he's okay.

_Did you see that, Leah?_ Seth said smugly. _I can almost call that a single-handed defeat._

_Almost,_ Jacob stated, amused. _But not quite._

_You dipshit, _was all I could manage to express.

The scarred Cullen started a fire in the meadow, and hurled in the head of a newborn. "Collect the pieces and throw them in," he said sombrely.

The pack dispersed and began gathering the mass of limbs that showered the clearing. I scornfully began to oblige to the request with my ears pricked and I noticed a newborn hiding where had it come from? We thought we'd killed all of them. The others weren't close, but the answer came quick and clear to me like a bell. _I can take one of these things myself..._ and I prepared to attack. This would be easy. Cake.

_Leah!_ The voices in my head were loud and alarmed. _Lee-Lee, no! _

_What the hell are you doing?_

_Leah, get out of the way!_

The bloodsucker greeted me with speed and opened arms. The breath was knocked from my lungs and an agonizing cry escaped me, as my body was compressed and my bones split. The cry was loud, every member of the pack screamed in torment. I was quivering in pain on the ground, only to notice it was not _my_ body that the newborn had gotten a hold of. It was Jacobs as Sam and Paul knocked the vampire off him and tore it to shreds while Jacob howled in anguish and lay motionless a few feet from me.

_Jacob!_ Embry and Quil bolted over; to move took much will to surpass the pain we all felt. _Shit, Jake?_

_Jacob, you idiot,_ I thought, teeth clenched. _Why the fuck did you go and do something that stupid?_

Nothing was coming out of Jacob's mind then a never-ending supply of curses and swears most of which he had learnt from me. The Cullen's approached with concern, and some caution. I guess they were a little nervous on us turning on them after the battle, too.

The doctor knelt beside Jake and ran his gold eyes over him with unease. "The right half of his body is crushed," he pronounced grimly, his usually perfect features pursed. He looked up to meet Sam's gaze. "You and your pack must go now. Carry Jacob home and I'll meet you there and treat him, with your permission."

Sam nodded. _We've got no choice, do we?_

The doctor nodded back. "Try and get him to phase human, before his bones heal."

The guys phased and pulled on their shorts, and each took a hold of Jake who was still withering and howling in pain. As gently as they possibly could, they lifted him off the earth and began the walk back to the rez. I'd didn't want to transform human, but the pain was almost unbearable. I felt like I deserved it though, after all, it should have been me. I'd rather it be me. Sam stayed wolf to talk Jake through turning back.

We were almost home when Jake finally mustered the will to phase.

There was an undeniable snapping sound and Jacob threw his head back. "MOTHER FUCKERS! FUCK ME DEAD! SHIT! FUCKING LIMP-DICK COCK-SUCKERS!" he gritted his teeth together. "_Urgh, fucking ass-wiping son of a bitch_!"

"Jake," Jared said gently. "Try and calm down "

"_Fuck you spineless shit, and your mother_!" Jake replied, squeezing his eyes shut, his breathing laboured. "_Jesus fucking Christ_!"

Billy was waiting anxiously as we entered, as well as Charlie, which complicated a few things. The guy's faces were sombre, and I can't exactly say I was over the moon with any sort of happiness. The two older men looked horrified, but Charlie was the first to jump the gun and start interrogating.

"What the bloody hell happened here?" the officer spluttered, using his best professional tone.

"Motorcycle accident," Sam answered. "We called Dr. Cullen and he'll be here soon."

Charlie looked surprised, and I was surprised that Billy had nothing to say about vampires being on the rez. Jacob started laughing hysterically and grabbed a hold of Charlies arm on the way of being led into his bedroom. "I bet you're glad she loves Cullen instead of me today, huh, Charlie?" he laughed again, but it was strained. The pack looked away from each other uncomfortably. "Aren't I a mess?"

I found the guts to finally speak. "Alright Romeo," I said, trying not to let my voice falter. "Bed."

Jacob let go of his grip on Charlies arm and was carried away to his shoebox of a room. It looked pretty bad at this point; Jake's body was battered, bruised and swollen, his face pale. When he was in bed, everyone waited in the tiny front room for the doctor leech to show up while Billy and Charlie were at his bedside, and I was waited for the spark that would send the packs accusation towards me. I couldn't bare the silence.

Of course, it was brought upon by myself. "I could have handled it," I whispered, brow furrowed.

"Leave it alone, Leah," Sam said lowly, so the men in the next room would not hear.

"He didn't have to get in the way like that," I defended. "I was fine on my own."

"Obviously not," Paul hissed. "That leech would have killed you."

"I was_ fine_," I hissed back through my teeth.

There was a tap at the door and about everyone jumped up to get it, anything to get away from the awkwardness. The doctor was there, fulfilling his promise, and with him the Swan girls leech. _Jacob would _love_ this..._ I thought ironically, to which the bloodsucker shot me a curious glance. I scowled at him and turned away.

Billy wheeled himself away from Jake's side to shake the leech's hand, and to give him room to work, I guess. It was long before Charlie left, the imprints and Seth arrived, followed shortly by Bella Swan. After getting all his bones re-broken, Jake had passed out cold.

From experience, I knew this was a better fate than being conscious.

Almost everyone had decided to go home after Jake was settled, covered in braces and looking like death itself. Sitting in the previously cramped living room, was Billy, Embry and myself. I made sure that my seat had a clear view into Jake's room, so I could watch every move the bloodsuckers made.

The leeches walked out, the doctor wiping his hands. "He's patched up for now," he said, looking a little less haggard then when he first got here and got a good look at Jake's condition. "He's starting to wake up. I've given him morphine for the pain, but he's sure to burn it off with a body temperature like that. His bones are healing nicely. I'll be back regularly to check up on him and administer another dose."

Billy leant forward to shake his hand again. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

The parasite nodded. "My pleasure," and they drove away in their fancy Mercedes.

Billy sighed. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost him," he admitted quietly, and I was lost for words.

I looked desperately at Embry, who was usually good at this sort of thing, but he seemed just as lost as I was. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. "Hey Billy," I said uncomfortably. "Would you mind if I spent some time alone" _with your shit-for-brains son, _I wanted to add, but instead said "with him?"

"Sure, Leah," Billy agreed gruffly.

"I guess I'll head out and inform the others," Embry said, nodding to both of us before walking out the door.

I took the walk of shame to Jacob's room, feeling angry, frustrated and miserable. Jake was awake, like the doc said, looking like he'd just been chewed up and spat back out. Being me, he'd think something was up if I didn't greet him with some sort of insult. "Look what the leech dragged in," I drawled, closing the door behind me.

Jacob looked at me and sighed. "But I don't want to go to school today, Mum..."

"Wow," I said. "Those vamps drugged you up good."

"Not really," Jake said, wincing a sly grin. "I'm just messing with you a little." I pursed my lips and observed his damage, suddenly not too sure on what it was exactly that I wanted to say.

Then I found the words I was looking for. "You, Jacob Black, are a dickface."

Jacob looked confused. "What?"

"You heard me," I snapped. "If you weren't already looking like someone took a large dump shaped like you, then I'd tear you a new asshole myself and shove fistfuls of salt up there."

Jacob flared, even though I could tell it caused pain. "Are you serious right now?"

I stared at the floor. "I just came here to say that if you knew what was good for you, you won't try something that stupid like saving me again, got it?"

"But I _did_ save you," he whispered. "Shouldn't you at least come here to thank me?"

"I should, but I'm not," I said stubbornly. Jacob was quiet for a long second before starting a smile that started to grow larger as the seconds passed. This only annoyed me more. "What the hell are you grinning about?" I scowled. "None of this is funny, Jacob!"

"You were worried about me," Jake stated, amused. "Leah Clearwater was worried about me."

I flushed. "What?" I flushed some more. "At what point did me threatening you give you the idea that I was worried about your dumbass in any way?"

"I know you, Leah," Jacob smirked. "You were worried in your own little violent way."

I scowled again and gathered my composure. "I'm leaving," I declared moodily. "Here," I threw a quilt onto his body to cover the worse of his injuries. "So it saves everyone else the eyesore." Not to mention, I didn't add, defying all possible ways of our nature he appeared a little cold.

Turning my heal to storm out, his husky voice called out to me. "Hey, Leah?"

I faced him once more, with my best bored face. "Yeah?"

"You're welcome." He had a small, cheeky sparkle to his eye.

My eyes narrowed. "I didn't say thank you."

Jacob let out a breathy laugh that I hadn't heard him give in a while. "You didn't have to."

I shot him my best death glare before slamming the door shut. I bypassed Billy, preoccupied by watching the television, and walked outside and a few blocks down to my house. I froze in the front yard and gazed back to the Blacks home, and then into the cloudy sky. I sighed and muttered a low 'thanks Jacob... sort of' before heading inside and going to sleep.

**...**

I was running, running so fast with no idea where I was going, or what I would find there. All of a sudden I was lying on the ground, with sensual hands brushing over me like cool water. I closed my eyes and tried to picture a face, but found that no one in particular came to mind. The hands slipped down my back and I felt their breath on my lips, making my whole body shiver, until finally our mouths met.

I won the dominance, tongues entwined in a passionate embrace. I pulled away for air, brushing hair from my eyes and found myself looking into the face of Isabella Swan. I pulled her close to me, my hand sliding up her leg, and moved my lips back towards her—

"_Urgh_!" I woke with a start, feeling physically ill. "Oh, fuck no," I groaned.

**...**

"Jacob, do you think this is going to take too much longer?" I demanded.

"Jump off a cliff, Leah," Jake said calmly, pointing to the churning waters bellow his feet.

It was really nice to see the guy had healed so well. _Not_. "Really, kid," I sighed, sprawling beside him. "You have no idea how hard this is for me." If I knew Jacob, saying something like that was sure to get some sort of reaction out of him.

I wanted to get him angry, to push his boundaries, because the guy needed to feel something else other than moping around the place.

"For _you_?" he exclaimed. _And_ _bingo,_ I thought. "You have to be the most self-absorbed person alive, Leah. I'd hate to shatter that dream world you live in the one where the sun is orbiting the place where you stand so I won't tell you how little I care what your problem is. _Go_. _Away_."

"Just look at this from my perspective for a minute, okay?" he laughed and I glared. "Stop snorting and pay attention."

"If I pretend to listen, will you leave?"

I scowled. "This is making me sick, Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like to _me_? I don't even _like_ Bella Swan. And you've got me grieving over this leech-lover like I'm in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamt about kissing her last night!" I grimace as I relived the moment; a small shudder crawled up my spine. "What the hell am I suppose to do with _that_?"

"Do I care?"

I stared at him. I couldn't believe that he could sit there and lecture me about being selfish, when he wasn't giving two shits about anything else going on around him that didn't involve Bella-bitch. "I can't stand being in your head anymore! Get over her already! She's going to _marry_ that thing. He's going to try to change her into one of them! Time to move on, boy."

I could see the irony in it, out of anyone I should be the last person lecturing on _moving on_...

"Shut _up_," he growled.

"He'll probably just kill her anyway," I mused. "All the stories say it happens more often than not. Maybe a funeral will be more closure than a wedding. Ha." It was under the belt. I regretted the words almost immediately after saying them, but it's not like I could tell him that. I smiled at the tremors rocketing through him. This is what he needed. A release. To get angry and not keep everything bottled up inside, before it slowly started to eat away at him and everything he use to be.

I noticed something click in him, and he took the angry in a whole new direction. "If you're upset about gender confusion, Leah… how do you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes? It's bad enough that Emily has to deal with your fixation. She doesn't need us guys panting after him, too."

I flinched and scrambled to my feet. _Asshole,_ I thought bitterly, even knowing I'd somewhat deserved that.

I aimed a spit at him. "You missed," he laughed as I ran for the cover of the trees.

I soon as I ran I knew it was stupid, letting him get to me like that. I'd pushed the boundaries a little too far and it came back to bite me in the face. I got home not long after; Sue was waiting having spent the day with Billy. When she mentioned the wedding invitation that had arrived for us, and for the Blacks, and I knew for sure I'd been too harsh on Jacob. And, Christ help me, I was feeling a little guilty.

Before leaving, I mentioned to my mother that 'hell would freeze over before I'm seen at a leech wedding' even if it did mean giving up the free food.

When I phased, Jacob was running alone—Sam, Embry and Quil had just left him.

_Jacob?_ I called out, confused.

He groaned. _Leah, seriously, I want to be _alone_ right now._

_Where do you think you're going?_ I demanded.

_Don't you dare try and stop me,_ he said, and he picked up his pace.

He knew that, if any one had a chance of catching him and bringing him home, it was me.

_I'm not,_ I said softly.

_What?_ Jacob questioned.

_If you need to go, then go, _I shrugged.

_Okay then..._ he hesitated, and couldn't quite follow my thoughts. _Catch you later, Clearwater._

I nodded and phased human, giving him the privacy he wanted. I sat in the forest, thinking. I let Jacob keep running, imagining a world where that's all you had to do you could run, and your problems would never be able to catch you. Too bad I knew better now, and I guess Jake had to learn it the hard way.

Alone.

* * *

**Okay, I kind of feel like we're getting somewhere now that we're heading into Breaking Dawn and Leah's healing story can finally begin! I'm really sorry about my lack of updating, if I have any readers left that is! This chapter was a struggle to get through, but now that its done... I hope to write more in the future, I've just realised that I really miss this story and how much fun it is to write about Leah! Please let me know any feedback and what you think!**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	15. That Goddamn Wedding

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**And another million years has passed... I'm sorry!**

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: That Goddamn Wedding**

**...**

Jacob Black has been gone for a long time. Not that I really care, honestly, but some of the guys were getting a bit sentimental on the topic. 'Some guys' being by the name of Seth, Embry and Quil for instance. I, one the other hand, was starting to get envious of the fact that he actually _could _run, and I was left to deal with the sappiness that he could somehow block out completely by letting the wolf take over.

It was July, and I was lounging at home when the phone rang.

As people do, I answered it. "Hello?"

"_Umm, hi, Leah? It's... This is Bella Swan calling... I was just wondering if I could speak to—_"

I hung up.

Pfft. The nerve of that bitch, calling here. I don't give a damn if she wanted to speak to the freaking Pope; it's _her_ fault Jake has gone all feral thinking animal, as if he doesn't even want to be human anymore. The packs attitude towards her was pissing Jake off, and it pissed me off even more that she had the nerve to actually _call_ _my house_ to check up on the guy whose life she single-handedly put in the shitter.

And what's worse, you ask? My flesh-and-blood brother has become fast friends with a _leech_. All over some pitiful bonding experience during the Newborn fight. Whatever. A leech is a leech and, bond or no stupid bond, there was no way I would let this go down quietly.

Finishing my patrol early in the morning, I skilfully snuck back into the house and overheard a low voice.

"Yeah... yeah, Bella, of course," it was Seth. "I'll be there. I'm not gonna miss your wedding "

"_Seth_!" I spat, my teeth gritting together.

The colour drained from his face. "Got to go," he quickly mumbled into the phone, before promptly hanging up.

There was a moment when I was so filled to the brim with rage that I couldn't manage anything else but glaring dagger after dagger into every inch of my little brothers very soul. And then the shit hit the fan. "What the fuck do you mean you're going to that wedding?" I blew up. "Don't you have any loyalty at all to this pack?" I knew I wasn't one to talk about pack loyalty, but attending a bloodsucker bash crossed a very undeniable line.

"So what if I am?" Seth resorted defensively. "Billy is expected there because of his friendship with Charlie. And mum's going to look after both of them in case something goes wrong. I'm doing a pack duty by going. Besides, Edward is my friend—"

"Seth," I was starting to shake, my fists quivering. "Those... those _things_ aren't capable of friendship." I took a breath, closing my eyes and trying my best to remain in control of myself. "You know what? Forget it. I'll talk to Sam and your little fantasy of going to this wedding will be over."

I turned to walk away. Argument over, I thought. I didn't expect Seth to throw the phone in his hand across the room, his nose crinkled in anger. It left a dent in the wall.

"I don't believe this!" he shouted. "I'm so sick of being taken into special consideration because of your lame guilt-trip control over Sam!"

Well, that certainly shut me up. I gaped. "_Excuse me_?"

Seth composed himself. "Look. Edward is my friend, Leah, and I support Bella's decision to marry him. But even if I didn't, it wouldn't matter because it's _their_ choice. Not mine, not Jake's, and not yours! He is a good person, he has a good soul—"

"He's a fucking vampire!" I sneered. "He isn't human, he doesn't have a soul "

"What are we then, Leah?" Seth asked slowly. "Tell me. I've been asking myself this for a long while. Because last time I checked turning into a werewolf doesn't exactly make us human. But we protect people. The _Cullen's_ protect people—"

I growled in frustration. "Don't you _dare_ compare them to us," I stormed away, back to the front door that I swiftly opened, ready to slam shut behind me. "We're not coldblooded. We're not _murderers_."

Seth looked at me sadly. "Are you so sure about that, Leah?"

**... **

For some reason, Seth's words really got to me. Killing vampires wasn't _murder_. It didn't for a second change my opinion of the parasites, or the shit-tastic wedding that was quickly approaching, but something about this whole situation had struck home. I was on my way to Claire's third birthday, at Emily's place. Princess theme. I hadn't planned on making an appearance, but even after everything Claire who I'd seen at my morning run on the beach had battered her little eyelashes, asked me if I was going and I was reduced to putty in her puny hand.

Nice to know my heart hadn't completely turned to ice.

Arriving there, I immediately noticed that Emily had gone all-out on everything, like always. There was pink and white fabric draping all over the little cottage house, with a table of many different pink and sprinkled desserts for the few children running around to get their sugar-rush from.

Everyone who entered was given a tiara by Emily who greeted them at the door, and much to my own personal amusement, a glittery crown sat on the heads of Sam, Quil and Embry. When she attempted to offer me mine, I accepted with a large, cheesy grin, and snapped the tiara in two and disposed of its remains under the sofa cushion the second her back was turned. Fuck her and her cheap-ass plastic bullshit.

When Emily suggested to the small, wide-eyed, hyper group of kids that they should turn poor old Quil into a princess well, that's when things got interesting. I knew I wouldn't be able to look at the guy the same way again, even as a ferocious wolf I would never be able to see past the lipstick smeared all over his cheeks. Despite Quil's obvious embarrassment, mixed with adoration at his imprints happiness at his face being turned into a colouring book, Embry and I sat together and laughed shamelessly at him.

After I ate one of Emily's cupcakes, it tasted so good I felt the urge to run outside and rub dirt on my tongue, I decided it was time for my escape. "You know what?" I stood and stretched. Having stayed on hour, I'd reached my tolerance level of Sam and Emily and screaming children in the same room. "I think I'm gonna go for a run."

Embry went to stand. "Do you want me to come with you?"

I scoffed. "I think I can handle myself." I snubbed. I'd also reached my niceness level for the next decade choking down Emily's cupcakes.

I waited till I was a safe distance from the house to phase. I was alone... well, a part from Jacob, who was still doing his best to ignore everyone and everything so it was pretty much like being alone anyway. He has such a thick head. Sometimes I wonder how he managed to lift it off his pillow in the mornings.

Surprisingly, I felt his annoyance at my thoughts. He was listening to me.

Maybe I could get him to talk.

_So, I see you're living the life Jacob, _I said sarcastically. _Five-star accommodations, free meals... I can understand why you left, really. Come to think of it, all of this roaming the forests sounds great. I just might join you on your little holiday, what do you say to that?_

Of course I knew what he would say. He'd say 'fuck you, Leah', but he'd gone back to blocking me out after his little slip-up.

_Your girlfriend keeps calling my house,_ I tried again. _I told her to jump off a cliff. Oh, wait... Ha, didn't she do that already?_

Wow. He was getting pretty good at this stuff. Time to bring out the big guns, Leah.

_Alright,_ I stopped running, to focus all my concentration on my words. I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. _You want the harsh truth, Jake? Well here it is. Everybody thinks you're a total pussy for running away. I mean, just up and leaving your poor dad like that? Pretty fucking irresponsible, Jacob. And you just need to come to terms that Bella Fuck-wit Swan is gonna marry that blood-sucking prick. As much as I hate to admit it, Seth is right. It's her decision, and she's chosen to skip right along and live happily ever after. Grow up. If she wants to die, who gives a shit? And if she wants to get it on with a frozen Popsicle, who am I to judge—_

_Leah, would you please shut the hell up?_ Jake snapped.

_Ah-ha, _I said triumphantly. _Gotcha talking._

Jacob wasn't happy that he'd cracked. His fur was almost statically with annoyance.

_Fine, you got me talking. Now what do you want? To tell me I'm being a selfish asshole? Tell me to come home? _

His question took me by surprise. What _did_ I want to say to him?

_You know Jake, I could make you a whole fucking list of logical reasons of why you're a selfish asshole and why you should come home,_ I could sense his anger elevating with each thought that passed through our minds. _Your half-way to breaking free... I'd kill for that. But unless Bella Swan completely disembowelled your balls and keeps them in a little jar on a fancy little mantle, you need to grow a pair and come back and face your problems. I hate to break it to you, but running isn't gonna make everything go away. Sooner or later, buddy, it's gonna catch up to you. Might be easier if it's on your terms, that's all._

I phased human, hoping he'd think about my words and let _something_ sink into his brain.

When I got home I could hear Seth muttering on the phone. He placed it quickly back in its cradle as soon as I entered the room. "Who was that?" I questioned suspiciously.

"No one," he answered.

We had nothing else to say to each other, I didn't want to tell him that I'd actually spoken to Jacob after weeks of silence, so I went into my room and collapsed onto my bed. I was beginning to wonder if I'd told Jake the right thing, or if I'd just been jealous of his sort-of freedom. I mean, we could never ever be truly free as long as we maintained this mental connection to the pack. And if our situations were reversed, if I was running from Sam and Emily's wedding, I sure as hell wouldn't want to be there and wouldn't listen to anyone who told me I should even if that did make me a pussy.

**... **

On the day of Bella Swan's wedding, I was woken infuriatingly early by a loud banging on my window. I threw back the curtains to see a frazzled looking Quil and Embry; I unlocked my window and opened it as wide as it would go.

"What the hell's going on?" I asked, a little disturbed by their expressions. Both boys were out of breath. The colour in my face dropped as every possible scenario played in my mind, the most important question popped to my mouth as I prepared to dive out of my window and spring into action: "Is Seth okay?"

"Seth's fine," Embry reassured my quickly. "It's Jake."

"What's wrong with Jake?" my heart was hammering uncontrollably as I leapt out the window and was preparing myself to run as far and hard as necessary to reach him. That's why they would come to me, isn't it? It certainly wasn't for my blossoming social skills. If Jake was in trouble, out of everyone I would reach him the fastest. "Does he need help? Is he in danger? Where is he?"

"He's running," Quil huffed. "He's running to get to the wedding."

My jaw dropped.

_Oh, damn._

Jacob was running. Jacob was running to that stupid wedding from the middle of fucking nowhere or where ever the hell he was. And it was all because of my big mouth. Most of the guys and myself had transformed to try and figure out exactly what was happening like if Jake's intentions planned on violating a certain treaty while Sam went to inform Billy that Jake was on his way back.

_Jake man, what are you doing? _Embry said, exasperated.

_Don't do this now, Jacob,_ Jared warned considerately.

_Jake, don't be an idiot,_ I hissed at him. He was concentrating on the blur of the trees around him. Almost counting them, trying to ignore us present in his thoughts._ You don't have to do this. I was wrong, okay? Don't put yourself through something like that._

He wasn't listening to us again. Surprise, surprise.

It eased a little of my guilt when we realised that Jake seemed to have been heading back south our way for a while, it was just my words that made him realise and it clicked in his head. Great. He still seemed a long way away from us and from this thing being called a wedding, so most of the pack was hoping that the distance would prove too much and he'd miss the whole day.

I didn't put anything past Jacob.

If that guy wanted something bad enough, he'd find a way.

**...**

If this whole situation had been somewhat normal, I would be normally dressed up and sipping champagne and beer as normal people frolicked about doing perfectly normal things with other perfectly normal people at a dare I say it? normal wedding. I would certainly not be standing guard as a giant dishevelled grey wolf, ready to pounce on guests that would appear a little _too _homicidal for my liking.

And I'm not talking about the parade of single women itching for the claw-and-tooth fight to catch the bouquet.

Alas, I was covered in dirt, on four legs, standing in foliage and watching people dance and mingle with the most dangerous creatures that they've ever encountered, and quite unknowingly bewitched by their creepy beauty that they'd milk their own veins dry if it was asked of them. Funny how the world works.

There was absolutely zero chance I'd ever feel comfortable about this leech party, especially with Billy, my mother and brother right in the middle of what seemed to me like way too many bloodsuckers to be allowed in one place at one time. I just hoped my brother would be able to stay out of trouble.

Seth was just too far away, that if something happened I'd never be able to reach him in time. I tried hard not to think about it. Seth was smarter than that. Some of the Cullen's more, shall we say, _pale_ guests had discreetly given him a curious sniff whenever they ventured close, but I was glad to see their repulsion and avoidance rather than them subtly sprinkling him with salt and pepper as some sort of furry appetizer.

Sam, Quil and Embry were playing werewolf security with me. None of us let our guards down for a second. No parasite was permitted to leave our line of sight. We watched everything.

Jacob had made it to the party after all. Sam grudgingly allowed him, but only keeping to the borderline of the trees, where we could keep a firm eye on him. Bella, selfish as always, was glad to see him. It was a little hard to watch him dance with her, his gaze so loving and hands so gentle.

But it didn't take long for him to snap.

_Let's move_, Sam thought instantly, and the four of us moved in to intervene.

Jake had lost it, and within that second my little brother had his arms around him, trying to pry him away. A growl escaped my teeth. If Jake completely lost control while Seth was holding on to him like that, he'd he torn to shreds.

_Sam, do something!_ I shot desperately at our Alpha.

"I'll kill you," Jacob was hissing at the bloodsucker, Bella's husband.

Sam stepped forward, growling. _It's over, Jacob. It's done. She's made her choice, time to go_, he was shoving Jake away with his giant head. It surprised me that Jake allowed himself to be pushed along like that. Seth, Sam, Jake and the others disappeared into the darkness, I stared after them, contemplating the disaster that has just been averted.

"I'm sorry," I heard someone whisper. It was Bella. And she was saying it to _me_. I looked towards her bloodsucker hostilely. _Keep her away from me or I'll tear her to pieces, I swear. She deserves it, after all she's done to him. _He gave me a cold nod.

I huffed and followed the pack into the dark.

**...**

After the wedding, Jacob did nothing but mull over what the Cullen's had planned to stage Isabella Swans so-called 'death'. The pack tried our best to support him, to be there for him, but quite honestly it was getting more than a little irritating seeing him play out the scenarios in his mind, sometimes envisioning himself swooping in to her rescue before she would be engulfed by the fires of a burning plane.

Urgh. Let the bitch fry extra crispy, I say.

Before my morning jog along the beach, in a very spur-of-the-moment decision I decided to stop in the old corner store for a packet of crinkled salt and vinegar chips to munch on because I wasn't sure there was much left in the fridge for me to devour when I got home.

Chips snatched from the shelf and paid for, I started obliviously chewing away. Almost out the door, I had no way of knowing I was about to be ambushed by Heather Littlesea, Colin's overbearing, headache of a mother. She was standing just outside, probably having seen me go in for my snack and knew it was the perfect opportunity. Her arms were crossed and her face was looking more sour than usual.

In surprise, I inhaled half my packet and choked. "M-M-Mrs. Littlesea," I coughed, chips flying from my mouth. "Oh, I, er, didn't see you there." Well, I was standing point-blank in the middle of the open, so it's not like I could _run_ from her without arising even more suspicion then the pack needs.

"Cut the crap, Leah Clearwater," Heather snapped, clenching the rosary around her neck tightly like I was some sort of demon that had risen from the earth. "What in the name of the Lord Almighty do you think you are doing with my son?"

"_Me_?" I cried, trying to seem the picture of innocence. "What the hell, lady?"

Colin's parents were one of the few that didn't know about the wolves, like Embry's mother. Normally, we would avoid them like the plague, and for good reason because this was already starting to get extremely awkward.

"Don't play dumb with me," she jutted a pointed finger to my face. "Look at you, wearing shorts and showing off your arms and stomach. What do you think this is, California? We're in Washington, dear. Just who do you think you are? Tempting my boy and all the others with your body and sinful ways. Colin is a good boy, and he doesn't want anything to do with that devil-worshipping cult your part of! How dare you use that little crush of his against him and leading him into this... this... monstrosity!"

I didn't want to make the situation worse. I really didn't. I know the correct response to defuse the situation would be to claim convincingly that 'I see the light! I shall repent!' and walk away. But, of course, I didn't. I made it a thousand times worse. Because I cracked up laughing. And not just little fits of giggles. I was pretty much rolling on the floor trying to keep my sides from splitting.

When I managed to calm myself, I'm sure I saw steam coming out of her ears. I cleared my throat, my face straight. "Well, I'm late for my meeting with my BFF, Satan. Bye Mrs. Littlesea," I said, and I ran off before she had a chance to douse me with holy water.

Actually, my meeting was with Rachel Black, which only made my words to Mrs. Littlesea funnier as I jogged along to the beach, sniggering to myself. I found it a bit amusing that Colin's mother figured _we_ were the evil ones, when it was actually our 'cult' that stopped the real evil from snatching people like Mrs. Littlesea from her bed and night and eating her.

Rachel, the nerd, had graduated early. We had scheduled this morning to catch up, but I needed to be really careful with what I chose to say because she'd be questioning me harder than Heather Littlesea. Living back at home with her dad and Jake, she'd obviously grown suspicious of the activity going on. I don't think Billy wanted to burden her with the knowledge of the wolves. It was all strictly need-to-know.

We took this opportunity to patch everything up, since we'd left each other on a bad note when she had received Sam's scholarship. It didn't take long for things to return to normal between us. I was happy she'd gotten the chance to leave La Push and further herself.

Halfway down the beach, Rachel spewed out: "Lee, what's going on with my brother?"

I assumed she meant the general shifty-ness of everything he says and does, not to mention his depression and constant obsession of a girl that was about to become one of the undead. But I played dumb.

"What do you mean, Rach? He seems totally normal to me." If by _normal_ you mean fucking crazy. "Why?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she said, frowning at the sand. "Something just seems off. You really haven't noticed anything?"

I gritted my teeth together. "Nope." _Please forgive me for lying._

It was then that I saw a dark spec on the beach approaching us at a fast pace. Rachel squinted her eyes towards it, the sun in her eyes. "Who is that?" she asked, her hand cupped to block the glare of the light. "Wow, whoever it is they're pretty fast." I almost scoffed because I was at least ten times faster. Even though they were still a spot in the distance, I took a whiff of the air.

"It's only Paul," I sighed bitterly. It could only mean that I was about to be interrupted with wolf business.

Paul approached with his usual arrogant smugness, the kind that makes you want to shoot your own brains out.

"Hello Leah," he greeted with a smirk, before turning to Rachel.

His face went blank. "Hi," he said. It was the most un-self-righteous thing I'd ever heard escape his mouth.

"Um, hi," Rachel said in return.

Oh, hell no.

There was the look. _The look_.

_That fucking look_.

"You've got to be joking," I said to no one in particular, because the other two were too busy being absorbed in each other's eyes. I started walking in the opposite direction, talking to myself like an insane person. All my hard work to keep Rachel from discovering us for nothing, because Paul just _had_ to go and imprint on her. "Another one? Really? Wasn't this fucking shit suppose to be _rare_?"

Seriously dude. What. The. Fuck.

Oh yes, the universe just threw another rotten egg in my face. Thanks universe!—for nothing.

Ha. Jacob was going to be fucking ecstatic.

Picturing his face, that made me feel a little better.

* * *

**Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'll try and get the next one finished as soon as I can.**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	16. Escape

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**Another chapter down! Enjoy guys!**

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Escape**

**...**

There just _has_ to be something wrong with me.

I'd thought about it a million―no, wait―a _billion_ times, and I just can't see any other explanation. There must be dozens of other women in this godforsaken tribe that are direct descendants of this wolf gene. Then why, _why_, am I the only female wolf in the history of forever? Was I meant to be born a dude? Do I just have a microscopic penis, with a killer ass and rack? Am I some kind of mystical-wolfy transgender? Transvestite? Urgh. Headache.

My body had been put on a stand-still. No time of the month, no aging wrinkles, just a hell of a lot of moodswings. My form was forever in its prime, as long as I continue phasing. But with no other female wolves, I'm not sure exactly what will happen to me, like the guys have past generations to mooch info off. With me, there's only guesses.

I might never be able to have kids, ever.

Not that I'm yearning for some little nightmares running around the place. And after the Sam thing, I'd pretty much sworn off kids. But the option would be nice. There's no telling how much this wolf thing has fucked me up internally. I might actually grow a dick.

Sam and Emily were talking about moving their wedding sooner. It's been a month since Bella and the leech's wedding. I'm arguing with Sue a lot more. We can never seem to see eye to eye on anything. I tend to do a lot of ignoring, just to save myself the chewing out. I was alone in the house, with no idea how to patch up the bridge that had formed between me and Seth. He barely wanted to look at me anymore.

We were partly through a pack meeting, deep in the woods, phased and lounging in a circle on the forest floor. Seth brought up the news that the leech-lover Bella and her bloodsucking husband got home last week from there, err, honeymoon. And apparently she picked up some disease.

_Pfft_, I thought. _Probably some form of deadly vampire AIDs. STD–Sexually Transmitted Douche. Ha._

It went unsaid, but we all knew the bloodsuckers plan. To have Bella Swan 'die' of this so-called disease, and turn her into another stinking bloodsucker and live happily ever after.

I could feel Jacob seething. His claws digging into the earth, his hate made everyone feel uneasy. He wanted to attack the coven then and there. There was nothing but spilling blood on his mind, as he vividly imagined tearing Bella's new husband apart limb from limb like a feral dog.

Sam called him out on it. Jake wasn't ready to kill Bella Swan. I doubted he ever really would be.

_Are you ready to lose a brother?_ Sam had demanded. _Or a sister?_ He added reluctantly, which made my fur stand on end. It wasn't something Sam liked to picture. Me dying because of this curse. His concern for me was aggravating to say the least.

But Sam had decided the Cullen's were no longer a threat to us, and Jacob had run off. Probably to sulk. I felt for the guy, sort of. The meeting was over, and I wasn't going to spend a second longer there then I had to. It seemed everyone else had the same idea because once we got back to the rez everyone phased back to continue about the day. With nothing better to do, I wandered around and found myself passing my house and heading towards the Blacks. I don't know why, but I just wanted to see if Jacob was okay, even if his problems were fucking stupid sometimes. I stood outside, unsure how to approach and feeling fucking stupid myself, when Billy burst through the front door, his wheels spinning a hundred miles an hour towards me.

"Leah!" he exclaimed, I'd never seen the old man so dishevelled. He was freaking the fuck out.

"What's wrong?" I asked, I could feel the wolf in me stirring. "What is it?"

"Its Jacob," Billy was out of breath. His eyes wide and wild. "He's going after them himself. The Cullen's―"

He didn't get a chance to finish. A growl escaped my lips and my clothes were in tatters on the ground. Billy cupped his hands and covered his ears as I let out an earth-shattering howl. A summoning howl. I should have known Jacob would do something so _fucking stupid_ as go off and get himself killed. My howl echoed the reservation, the pack would know the urgent call and phased immediately.

Leaving Billy behind, I bolted into the woods and howled again.

I was going to _kill_ Jacob myself if he survived this! That goddamn, good-for-nothing dumb-fuck!

_Hurry the fuck up, you fuckers_, I thought. The foliage whisked past me like a green blur. I heard another howl respond, and another, and soon enough my brothers we're running with me. _Jacob pulled a fast one on us,_ I hissed. _The dumbass is on his way to finish off the bloodsuckers himself right now!_

We reached a clearing. Sam was there, I could feel his fury at being disobeyed. But he was glad that I was okay. My howl had scared him. Quil, Seth and Embry were fretful for Jake's safely, and were whining anxiously. Jared was pacing, Collin and Brady sat in the corner, unsure of how to react to the whole thing.

_We need to go after him,_ Embry said, ears perked.

_We can't let him get murdered by that coven! _Quil added.

_No_, Sam said furiously. _We'll wait for him to phase._

_Unless they kill him before he gets the chance to_, Paul spat. He was aggravated of how he was going to explain to his precious imprint Rachel of how her idiot brother got himself turned into vampire food, and pretty much served himself up on a platter.

Not a second had passed and Jacob phased, sprinting towards us. I was on my toes, I almost expected an angry horde of bloodsuckers to be following him, his thoughts were crowded and half-crazed, but not with the bloodlust we all were expecting. The images in his head were clear as anything.

Bella-bitch knocked up. The thing inside her killing her. The leeches willing to protect it, fight for it.

The pack was eerily silent before we all started running. We got ten miles away from La Push, our thoughts jumbled and unreadable. It was almost difficult to hear each other. But we knew we had reached a decision. I could see the picture Jacob had of Bella Swan in his head, haggard, stomach swollen, looking like a week old corpse. The pack had decided. We wanted whatever it was dead. We couldn't allow it. The Cullen's themselves feared what it was, yet still did nothing. What would this monstrous thing be? Would it kill our people, our families? It could, and the vampires would still protect the evil offspring they had created.

_It's just a baby for crying out loud,_ Jacob said loudly.

I thought of how quickly this parasite had obviously developed inside her. _Not for long,_ I whispered.

_Jake, buddy,_ Quil said as gently as he could. _This is a big problem. We can't just ignore it._

_You're making it into something bigger than it is. The only one who is in danger here is Bella,_ Jacob said. Of course, the only safety Jacob Black would take into consideration here was that shit-for-brains leech-lover. She brought this whole thing on herself, didn't she? She was the one who couldn't keep it in her pants.

_Then tell them to leave, _Seth suggested. I growled a low warning to him. Yeah, trust him to be on Jake's side with this. I knew his fascination with the Cullen's would come back to bite us in the ass one day.

_This is crazy,_ Jacob huffed. _This afternoon you were afraid to put the pack in danger,_ he rounded on Sam, who was standing strong at the front of the pack. Everyone was looking at him. He was thinking of the tribe, the pack, of Emily. Of me. He wanted what he loved safe. That asshole.

_This afternoon I didn't know our families were at risk, _Sam said calmly.

_I can't believe this!_ Jake exclaimed. _How're you going to kill this creature without killing Bella?_

Ouch. And there it was. I didn't want to be the one to bust his little Bella-bubble he was living in though granted I'd thought about it and would really love to and clearly neither were the others. Our silence spoke the unsaid words, and Jacob howled in outrage. _She's dying anyway,_ I thought. I knew what it was like. Slowly dying. _We'll just shorten the process._ After all, it was a kinder fate, right?

I wasn't prepared for Jacob to lunge viciously at me. His jaws were about to clamp shut on my hind leg, my fur stood bristled as I braced myself for the impacted, but it never came and his jaws close on nothing but air. I didn't want to fight back; I would have let him tear into me. But Sam had jumped forward and sunk his teeth into Jacob's flank, dragging the snarling wolf away from me where I was knocked down and paralysed on the ground.

_Stop!_ Sam used his Alpha voice. It wasn't something he ever did lightly and the pack winced in sync. We all knew if it was another to speak those words, Sam would have allowed Jacob to tear into them. As if he realised his mistake choosing me above any another pack member, he landed his heavy gaze on me. _You will not be cruel to him, Leah. Bella's sacrifice is a heavy price, and we will _all_ recognise that._ I bowed my head and tasted a bitter taste. Why did Sam always feel the need to save me? _We will _all _mourn for what we do tonight._

My ears perked upwards. _Tonight?_ Seth voiced my thought.

Sam placed a narrowed glare to my younger brother, pinning him. _We can't afford your tolerance for the Cullen's now, _he growled impatiently. _You _will_ do as your told, Seth. _We could all feel the weight of the Alphas command hit Seth like a ton of bricks and fell to the ground. I gritted my teeth together but said nothing.

My brother didn't want my protection, he made that perfectly clear.

Sam had given us his orders, and he wanted me to fight with Seth, Collin and Brady to take out the doctor, his wife, and the pixie psychic. I could feel the sick feeling twisting Sam's stomach as he tried to ignore Seth bowed in the command before him, and I swallowed back my spiteful words. Despite what needed to be done, Sam shouldn't order Seth and Jacob to be there.

I hated knowing he'd grouped me with the younger ones in the pack. Given me the weakest fighters of the bloodsuckers to kill. I was more than capable to handle the stronger vamps, he knew that. He just didn't want to risk losing me, like Jacob was about to lose Bella. Jake tried to disobey, but Sam had soon placed a command on him that sent him sprawled in the dirt, and the rest of us could feel the pain of it hit straight through our core. He was stupid to try and refuse Sam. God knows I've tried so many fucking times.

_Get into formation,_ Sam growled to the rest of us.

I could feel the excitement of the fight rolling off the others. Collin and Brady looked towards me, since I had the most fighting experience, but Seth was silent behind us. I ignored him. _I'll take down the Doc,_ I told the other two without feeling. I didn't want the young ones to have to do it. Out of all of them, the damn doctor was the only one of the Cullen's that I could tolerate. There was something eerily humane about him, but I was able to put that aside, and I wasn't sure if Collin or Brady could do that without leaving some serious mental damage. _You two will work on the... the other two. Fight together. Watch each other's backs. Don't do anything fucking dumb._

The physic and the mother hen were no threat, and I purposely left Seth out of my little plans. I couldn't ask Sam to send him home the pack froze. All of a sudden, I felt my fur stand on end and straight through to my bones a word shot through, clear as a bell, clearer than anything I'd ever heard before.

_No_.

It was Jacob.

The pack was in shambles, confused and worried. Jacob had taken off. Every one let out an involuntary howl into the sky; it felt like a piece had broken.

What the fuck is going on?

_Jacob Black has decided to desert his pack and tribe to protect the enemy_, Sam barked at us. I'd never seen Sam so angry. His muzzle pulled back in a vicious snarl and his canines biting at the air. He paced at the front of the pack, shaking his mighty black head back and forth.

The pack was howling, whining, pacing in confusion.

_What are you waiting for, Leah? _Paul snapped. _You're the fastest. Run after him!_

Some of them agreed, like Embry and Quil. I was the only one of them with any hope of catching him. All I could hear was everyone arguing, my brain felt like it was about to explode. _Why should I go after him?_ I snapped back. _He's made his decision._

Everything was so confusing, like having your head dunked in water over and over. Like having bits and pieces of you thrown around the place. I was so disorientated, the world around me spinning and churning, I dropped to the ground. Panting, I gazed around me, from Sam spewing orders and seething, to Collin and Brady curled up and whimpering, to Paul and Jared making plans, to Embry and Quil alert and anxious... wait.

_Stop!_ I cried, and for a moment there was silence. They stared at me. _Where's Seth?_

I couldn't hear him. I couldn't hear my brother. He was gone, he wasn't in the clearing. Where the hell was he? The pack realised to. He was missing. We couldn't hear Seth and we couldn't hear Jacob, and they both would be incredibly stupid to be human right now, but I wouldn't put it past them.

I felt my temper rise up to the throat and the next thing I knew I had leapt at Sam and taken a harsh nip at his hind legs.

_You!_ I flared, my mouth open and growling. _This is all your fucking fault! You pushed Seth to follow Jacob with your fucked up Alpha command! Well, this is just great! My brother has gone to fight for bloodsucking monsters! You can't order me to fight him Sam. I won't fight my brother. You'll have to kill me!_

Sam knocked me to the ground and pinned me in place, his face inched from mine. I couldn't help but whimper. He snapped ferociously at my muzzle. We locked eyes, and his we're almost filled with as much hate as mine. _I wish you were gone,_ he hissed, eyes boring into me. _I wish you'd disappear._

His words stung. The pack recoiled at my heartache. For fucks sake, I didn't want to feel this shit anymore.

Sam let me go and I stood, ashamed.

_With the element of surprise gone, we have no hope of ending this tonight. Patrol the area,_ Sam ordered._ I don't want those bloodsuckers on our land. I don't want any openings left for them to get the upper hand on us._

I had serious doubts that Jake would allow the Cullen's to launch an attack on us.

_I should go home,_ I told Sam bluntly._ I need to tell Sue what has happened._

Of course, my mother would want to know if her only son had run off to play guard puppy for a bunch of leeches. I could only hope she doesn't decide to shoot the messenger.

**...**

I was naked.

Crap.

I'd forgotten my little slip up outside Billy's had cost me yet another outfit. When I got home, it was dark, and the house was empty. I let out a sigh of relief. I wasn't sure where to start in telling our mother what had happened today. I didn't turn on any lights in the house; I just sat in the kitchen, surrounded by darkness, my face resting in my hands. I had covered myself with some clean laundry that was unfolded on the couch.

I couldn't wrap my own head around everything, not to mention explain it to anyone else. Bella Swan was carrying some kind of life-draining bloodsucker inside her, Jacob had broken off from the pack and Seth has blindly followed him into who knows how much danger. Jacob Black had formed another pack... a pack away from Sam Uley. A pack away from Sam and all his stupid feelings and rules.

Huh. I could join Jacob Black's little renegade pack.

I mean, was it technically renegade? Jake was the rightful Alpha after all. Sam had wanted him to step up in the past, but it looks like Jacob's Alpha instincts tuned in at the perfect time to kick Sam right in the teeth. Ha. Then again, Jacob has performed werewolf blasphemy and is actually _helping_ our one nature enemy. I cringed and scowled at the idea of having to be in the presence of vampires, let alone be of any assistance to them. The whole thing went against everything I stood for. But Seth was there. And right now, I didn't care if he wanted nothing to do with me. He's my brother. I can't just stand idly by and watch Seth become a leech's chew toy.

It seems like I can think of more pros then cons. Then again, siding with putrid bloodsuckers was one hell of a con.

Maybe I really should, I mulled. Maybe... this is just the opportunity I need to finally escape.

I thought of Sam, and of how much this would hurt him. Then his words from tonight replayed in my mind. _I wish you were gone, I wish you'd disappear_. I glowered. Fine. I will disappear. He can know what it's like for me leave _him_ behind for once. And I'll finally be free of him.

_You're actually going to do it, aren't you, you crazy bitch?_ A little voice in my head said. It sounded a little proud.

I'm going to do this, I thought encouragingly to myself. I'm going to do this!

I was actually... excited.

I'd been tossing around the idea for hours, and it was almost dawn. Sue never came home. I guess she was with the council, so she probably knew about Jake and Seth going willingly into vamp territory. But it would be a lot easier this way. If she knew what I was about to do, without a doubt she'd try to stop me. She'd pull out every card in the book to get me to stay, but I'd made up my mind, and my decision was adamant.

I walked to the borderline of the forest by my house, tied the clothes I had to my ankle, and prepared myself for a long, hard run to Cullen territory. No doubt at least half the pack was phased and vigilant right now, and when they see the plan I had in my head, they'd try to catch me before I had the chance to join my brother and Jacob. They'd try to catch me, but I'm the fastest of the pack. They wouldn't catch me. I knew all too well my decision wasn't the easy path, but I knew in my heart that it was _my_ path. I had chosen it. I needed this, and Seth and Jacob, they probably would never admit it as long as they live, but they probably needed me too. Leah Clearwater was ready to kick some ass.

I phased and started to run.

I left a note on the kitchen table for Sue. _I'm sorry_, is all it read.

* * *

**I'm trying to fly through this Breaking Dawn side of the story and onto life afterwards... so sorry if it seems that things are going a little quick here. I know this chapter is super short too, I was thinking of combining it with the next chapter, but then it seemed like it would be too long, so I just can't win! Haha! **

**I also wanted to get something up for you guys to read now. I hope you like it, and please tell me what you think. Also, I would like to hear what you would like to see happen to Leah in the end?**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


	17. Less Annoying Than Paul

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

**More of Breaking Dawn! Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Less Annoying Than Paul **

**...**

I made it. I _actually_ fucking made it.

By morning, I'd made it to Cullen land. I didn't exactly have the kindest of welcomes when Jacob and Seth realised I was there, with my choice made and even able to read their minds again since I'd decided to join Jake's pack. But it's not like I expected a parade or anything. Jacob let me stay. And as much as Jake pisses me off most of the time, as much as I hate the bloodsuckers for forcing me into this non-refundable duty, as much as I'd prefer it if they all died horrible, painful deaths and as much as it _pissed me the fuck off_ that I was actually protecting their sorry excuse for living corpses―I was free. Free of Sam. I felt like I'd won the freaking lottery.

I was running the circuit with Seth. It felt weird, being on the other side of things. Not to mention how different it felt being in a smaller pack; it was so quiet, not so many voices talking over each other. And no matter what anyone says, I was actually trying really goddamn hard not to think of anything that would annoy or insult Jacob that would make him send me home packing, tail between my legs.

_That will be my goal, then―_ I settled with him. _To be less annoying than Paul._

_Yeah,_ Jake had sounded amused. _Work on that._

Jacob had phased back human, leaving Seth and myself running together. It felt a little awkward. I wasn't quite sure what to say to him, and all I could find myself thinking about was stupid, little things he use to do when he was a kid. He was so annoying back then. I guess he's still just as annoying now. He use to bug me all the time to play with him, and when he was really little I use to dress him up in my clothes and we'd put on a fashion show for our Mum and Dad in the lounge room, they'd write our score on little yellow cards and hold them up to us―

_Why are you thinking of that stuff?_ Seth asked me. I knew what he meant. I was still waiting for the day when thinking of our father proved happy instead of just painful. Seth seemed to feel the same way. _It's not that_, Seth said. _You just never seem to think about Dad at all._

_I think about him every day, _I said. _Just not where everyone can hear. I can't be weak._

_You're always so worried about seeming weak, _Seth stated thoughtfully. _We're a family; they won't judge you, Lee._

_We're a hierarchy, Seth, _I said tightly. _And I'm not one to dangle at the bottom of the food chain._

I could feel Seth withdraw slightly, his ears sadly against his skull.

_Like me,_ he added sombrely.

_What?_ I exclaimed, I almost quit running in my tracks. _Seth, you're not at the bottom of the food chain! Don't say shit like that._

_You don't have to pretend, Leah,_ Seth said. _I'm not dumb. I know I'm not as strong as the rest of you._

I huffed. _That's different. It's not strength, because you know you're strong. You pretty much took down your first vampire on your own._ I thought about my words quickly, hoping they wouldn't upset him. _You're just not a killer, Seth. And that's okay. You care for everyone around you, and they care just as much about you. Don't you dare think that's weakness. That's the strongest strength there is. You're lucky to have that, kiddo._

_Leah, _Seth drawled, like he was a small boy in trouble. _I'm sorry about what I said before._ He was thinking about when I'd first arrived, and he'd expressed his obvious displeasure at the very presence. _I didn't mean it. I'm glad you're here, sis. _He paused, then hesitated to add. _But Mum is seriously going to kill us, isn't she?_

_Wow, you're gonna make me get all choked up,_ I thought cheekily. _But yes. _I said grimly. _She is going to kill us._

We were snickering to ourselves in our minds when Seth came to a sudden halt.

He was a far few miles away from me, and I was instantly alarmed.

_You hear that?_ Seth asked, his head tilted to the side to better allow the sound to reach his left ear.

I heard it too, the sound of oncoming paws.

Not a second had passed since Seth has stopped running, and we both howled long into the sky―an alert for Jacob. The pack was coming. The _other_ pack. It was hard to tell at this point how many of them, and God knows what sort of idiotic plan Sam had cooked up. At the moment, I didn't really care. All I knew was I had to get to Seth as fast as my four legs could carry me, and if anything happened to him, I was going to lose my shit.

Jacob phased and was sprinting towards the direction of Seth. He was quickly filled in, and I could feel Seth's anxiety about coming head to head with our old pack on his own. I was still further away than Jake was, my nose on high alert, eyes scanning the forest as I tried to suss out any ambush that might be forming here. They had us out numbered after all, if you didn't count the vampires, which I sure as hell didn't.

I could feel Jake's anxiety as well; he wanted to be near Seth―and that he even wanted to be near me, to protect us. Soon, sooner than I thought he could, Jacob had reached Seth. I felt my concern die down a little knowing he was there, and I felt Seth relax knowing that Jacob was with him.

There was a distinct shift in the air, someone among the others had phased.

At that moment, I broke through the foliage to meet my Alpha and brother, and skidded to a stop besides Seth.

_Got your back, bro,_ I huffed.

Seth heard three wolves approaching, and one man. Sam seemed to be playing it safe, but I wasn't ready to rule out foul play just yet. I felt a twinge of annoyance as I realised my body's position; Seth stood in front of me, slightly behind Jacob, and the wolf in me was aggravated by this sudden change in rank. My little brother ranked higher than me in this pack, what with him following Jake first and all. It was like damn kindergarten―first-in-first-dibs.

I wasn't surprised at all to see Jared in his human form approach us, after all he is Sam's Beta and go-to guy, followed closely by the wolf forms of Paul, Quil and Collin. It was creepy seeing the pack stand in front of us, and not be able to read their minds. I shifted uneasily. It was strange that Sam would send a kid like Collin here.

_A diversion?_ The thought skited through my mind. I was nothing but suspicious of this whole damn thing.

The idea that Sam would attack the Cullen's with only Embry and Brady scared me. I was scared for them, it that annoyed me beyond belief. They would be going to get themselves killed for no fucking reason. There is no way they'd be able to take on such a large coven of bloodsuckers on their own! But Jake was quick to reassure me.

"White flag of truce, Jake," Jared said, his voice was the only sound in the forest. All the small creatures nearby could sense us and had made themselves scarce. A truce? Somehow, I doubted that. "We're here to talk." Pfft, yeah. Bullshit. "It would be easier to talk if I could hear you, too." He suggested thickly. When it was clear Jacob had no intention of phasing, he sighed. "Okay. I guess I'll just talk then. Jake, we want you to come back. You've torn our family apart. It's not meant to be like this."

I rolled my eyes. Of course, trust Sam Uley to pull a guilt-trip. Typical. Apparently, according to Jared, he's 'calmed down' whatever the hell that meant. Willing to talk and all that shit.

_Translation,_ I thought bitterly. _They've already lost the element of surprise._

When our mother was mentioned both Seth and I froze. Sue thought we were doing right? I doubted that, too. Yeah, she probably thought we were doing right by not killing a human, but not right by leaving Sam's pack. Not right by willingly guarding a bunch of parasitic ticks.

Jacob snarled at them.

"―we're going to wait and reassess the situation," Jared said defensively. "Decide later if there's a problem with the... thing."

_Ha,_ I snorted. _What a load. _

Jacob's face was composed again. Blank. _You don't buy it?_ He asked me, his eyes never leaving the others. It took me by surprise that my opinion actually mattered to him.

Pfft. Of course not. Not even for one second. If there was one thing I wished I was completely incapable of, it was reading Sam Fucking Uley like a goddamn children's book. They knew Bella Swan would likely die from this. They were probably even counting on it, because then Jacob would be so mad...

_That I'll lead the attack myself._ He finished for me. He knew I was right, and Jacob sighed, knowing that _they'd_ be right too. _Leah, make a circuit,_ he told me. _Just to be sure. I'm going to talk to him,_ he grimaced at the thought, staring at Jared. _And I want to be _positive_ there isn't anything else going on while I'm phased._

I rolled my eyes. _Give me a break, Jacob. You can phase in front of me. Despite my best efforts, I've seen you naked before―__doesn't do much for me, so no worries._

Mentioning it, I had to try really hard not to picture his, ahem, whole package. He repeated his request and I snorted because launching myself through the forest. Jacob's presence in our heads disappeared, so my only tie to what was happening in that small patch of bare woodland was Seth. I tried not to concentrate on it, or worry. I tried to put all my focus on anything out of ordinary as I sped through the trees.

I suddenly felt a strong surge of pain strike through Seth and I heard the words. Jared mentioned our mother, knowing well it was a weak spot for him. I wanted to be there for my brother, so I picked up the pace. Like hell I was going to let Jared be a prick like that to him. Seth was a good kid, he didn't deserve it. I came to another skidding stop, taking a defensive stance in front of Seth, the ground deeply dented with my paws. I'd run the entire circuit in hardly any time at all. I kept my gaze carefully away from where I knew Jake stood naked. If me seeing his boy bits bothered him so much, I wasn't going to add fuel to the fire.

"Leah?" Jared said warily.

_Don't listen to him, Lee,_ Seth said sourly. He was pissed from the low blow he said about our Mum.

I met his gaze and pulled my muzzle over my teeth. _Let him try it,_ I hissed. I dare him to say something about Mum to me. I'd tear his fucking face off, and everyone here knew I would do it, too.

"Leah," Jared said calmly, choosing to ignore my hostility. Or he was just use to it. I couldn't tell anymore. "You _know_ you don't want to be here."

I snarled. _Lee…_ Seth whined, nudging my shoulder.

"Sorry," Jared said quickly. "Guess I shouldn't assume. But you don't have any ties to the bloodsuckers." Jared knew exactly how much I hated them. But he was wrong. I did have ties to them. Seth, for one, I thought immediately. And Jake, I added in an afterthought. I didn't want to see either of them hurt. And this surprised me. I felt loyal to Jacob, more loyal than I'd felt with Sam. "So you want to watch out for Seth, I get that. But Jake's not going to let anything happen to him, and he's not afraid to be here."

_Damn straight,_ Seth snorted, thinking of how stupid fear of the Cullen's was.

"Anyway, _please_, Leah. We want you back," he hesitated, if only for a second, before saying. "Sam wants you back." My total body visibly stiffened. I felt like someone had just hit me in the head. Jared could see my reluctance, so he continued. "Sam told me to beg," he added, and I could sense his disapproval of the order Sam placed on him. "He told me to literally get down on my knees if I have to." I wouldn't put it past Sam. Knowing he wanted me back with him, that almost had the old me run back to La Push. I'd wanted to hear those words for so long. My brain had fogged up.

But now it made me feel sick. My stomach twisted into a painful knot. _Don't listen to him, Lee,_ Seth pleaded me.

Jared had grown more confident as he noticed my slight hesitation, as if he had me eating out of the palm of his hand. "He wants you home, Lee-Lee, where you belong." And that did it. It pushed me over the edge that he'd started to swing me over by opening his big fat mouth. I flinched and saw red.

_That… that asshole... _I said slowly, the growl slipping between my teeth as the words and their meaning slowly sunk into my mind. My hackles rose and my brain became clear and unclouded. _That fucking prick! How dare he―__Jared that fucking kiss-ass pussy―__how DARE he! That fucking limp-dick cocksucker of an Alpha can go rot in a hole! Urgh, I hope Jake will let me take a bite out of him―_belong _there with him?! I'm going to rip his balls off!_ I must have looked truly feral, because for a second Jared looked concerned about the wellbeing of _his_ balls.

My breath was ragged with rage and Jacob stated calmly. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Leah belongs wherever she wants to be."

I growled in confirmation. My teeth were bared hostility. I couldn't believe this shit. Low blow. Very low blow.

"―the Cullen's will probably go, and Seth and Leah will come home," Jacob told him.

_Wait, what?_ Seth and I demanded, looking towards our Alpha.

What the heck does he mean we'll go home? He's just going to send us back once everything's fine and dandy? No, no way, the thought of going back to Sam's pack was almost terrifying to me now. There was no way I was going back. No fucking chance. I'd fight tooth and nail to stay right where I am now. But Jacob was Alpha now. He could order us back whenever the hell he wanted.

_He can't do that,_ Seth whined.

_Of course he will,_ I thought bitterly. _Use us up and spit us out. I wouldn't expect anything different this time around._

_Not Jake, _Seth was quick to defend him. _Jake wouldn't do that to us._

He probably would. I mean, if our situation was reversed, I know I'd rather spend my time alone than with anyone else in my head, that's for sure. Jake had mentioned that the thing growing inside Bella was making her crave and drink human blood. Fucking lovely. Let's feed the budding vampire litter all the blood bags we have in the town that were meant for people that, oh I don't know, weren't bat-shit crazy and _actually_ needed the stuff to live.

The conversation wrapped up, Jacob shared a fuzzy, good-feeling moment with Quil. Seth soon went to sleep, and Jake and I kept running, just talking. It was almost nice, having someone to talk to. When Jake told me to get some sleep too, I didn't complain or argue. I did what he said.

I mean, proving myself to be less annoying then Paul will be pretty damn difficult otherwise.

**...**

The next day, Jacob left for the Cullen's house and has been gone since. It was way past nightfall, I was pacing the woods in wolf form for hours, while Seth lounged lazily in the grass after we'd run a perimeter check. My mouth was producing a lot of saliva, I had to keep swallowing and my tongue was hanging out of my muzzle. I was nervous, and worried, and scared all at once, my wolf form just had no way to react to my emotions.

_He's fucking dead in there, I just know it,_ I groaned.

_He's fine,_ Seth brushed off easily. _He probably just fell asleep human, that's all._

We we're both exhausted from running the forest all day. My legs were more than a little strained and shaky from the work out. I don't think I'd ever spent so much time in wolf form before. I was starving. My muscles fatigued. All I wanted was a steak and some chips. It didn't seem like too much to ask, but it's not like the woods had a goddamn bistro at our disposal.

_Its midnight... its freaking midnight. Shit, what do I do?_ I was still dreading; the only thing keeping my mind off food was the thought of Jacob's blood drained carcass lying in the vampires nest.

_I'll go check in on him,_ Seth said nonchalantly, rising to his feet and arching his back in a long stretch.

I bared my teeth and leapt in front of him, halting his causal stride towards the Cullen's house. _Are you joking? _I yelled at him through the link, and he flinched at my voice. He was hoping not to get such a strong reaction out of me. _What, you think I'm just gonna let you mosey on in there? You're insane, Seth! This isn't a game._

_It'll be okay, Lee, _Seth assured me, in his best soothing voice. _I'll_ _check on him. It'll be fine._

I hesitated. I knew the one called Edward had a strong liking of Seth. And I'm sure the rest of the Cullen's liked him too, I mean, he's adorable. And I'm sure we smell bad enough to them not to be liked in the breakfast sort of way. I sure as hell didn't want to step in there. But I needed to peace of mind. I wanted to know that Jacob was safe.

_Its settled then_, Seth said happily as he quickly scampered past me and out of sight.

_What?―__wait, no, Seth you little―_ it was too late, he was gone. Phased. Sure, I could catch him. But with my lack of food I wasn't sure if I could afford the wasted energy right now, so I just plopped myself in the dirt and huffed. I didn't get a chance to sleep, knowing my brother and Alpha were in that house. It was early morning, not quite dawn, and Seth came strolling down the forest path in human form. I was in human form too, in the vaguest sense of the term. My clothes were almost tatters from being dragged around the floor for hours of the day. They stank. My hair was in impossible knots. I wasn't in the best of moods. Not only was I relentlessly pissed off from the lack of hygiene, sleep and food, but Seth and Jacob had just left me out here to run patrol alone for hours.

Seth approached me, carrying a plate in his arms, and my eyes narrowed.

"Leah―" he began cautiously, knowing me too well.

"Don't even try it," I spat my warning.

The food on the plate didn't need a label for me to figure it out. Obviously it was made by one of the parasites.

"C'mon Lee, just try some. It's really good," Seth cooed, like I was a stubborn toddler.

"I'd rather eat week-old roadkill," I snapped.

My brother pulled an unpleasant face. He knew it would be impossible to change my mind.

I stormed off, leaving Seth a little upset at my attitude. I walked down to the nearby river, seeing it as the closest thing I was going to get to a warm bubble bath around this damn place. I glared down at my dirty t-shirt and cotton shorts. Doesn't look like I'll be changing my wardrobe anytime soon either. I pulled the clothes off my body and began scrubbing them viciously in the current. I felt like a caveman, squatting in the mud in my underwear, washing my tattered rags. This is surely not the life I'd envisioned for myself.

When I'd gotten my clothes as clean as they were going to get, I hung them over a nearby branch to dry. I stepped into the river. To a normal person, I'm sure the water would be freezing, but it wasn't too bad for us wolves. I was busy scouring off the layers of filth through my hair and skin when Jacob approached. Much to my annoyance, he also was carrying a platter of food, with another unidentified bag slung over his shoulder.

He was staring at me, and we didn't say anything for a while. I was slowly becoming aware that Jacob was watching me bathe in plain white underwear, which would have surely turned see-through by now. And it didn't help that he himself was dressed, or should I say undressed, in his usual no-shirt, no-shoes, frayed denim shorts getup―it could get pretty distracting.

It was hard to tell, but I'm pretty sure he was beginning to blush. Jake cleared his throat, he was the first of us to break the awkward stare, and sat cross-legged at a dry edge of the river. He set the food and backpack down beside him and looked at me expectedly. It was aggravating. I knew what he was thinking. That he could tell me what to do without the use of phasing or words. The worst of it was that he was right. Bastard.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" I drawled at him, ending the silence.

My arms were crossed over my chest, I had on my best no-way-this-is-happening expression and my wet black hair stuck all around my back and face like ink. I was waist-deep in the water; it left my copper flesh slick and shiny. Jacob had on a small smirk, amused by me. Slowly, he picked up a bun from the plate and broke it apart in his hands. He knew, of course, that my wolf nose would pick up its intoxicatingly fresh aroma. My mouth instantly filled with saliva. He started wafting it towards me. My eyes almost watered. But there was no way in hell I was ever gonna admit the vampire's pity chow smelt extremely tempting. I scowled at him and continued by bath.

Jake laughed and took a large bite from the bun. "You know what?" he said with his mouth full. "You're just too stubborn for your own good, Leah." He let out an exaggerated groan of ecstasy as he finished the bun in another bite. His gaze didn't leave me as he chewed, swallowed and then grinned cheekily at me. My eyes narrowed even more as I stared back at him over my shoulder.

He was teasing me, and he knew it all too well, as he leisurely began to finish his portion of the food.

"What are you doing in there anyway?" he asked me, now lying on the side of the water as he ate. He looked like a Calvin Klein underwear model, all tanned and toned.

"It's called bathing," I hissed. "You've probably never heard of it."

Jacob raised his eyebrows at me, and did his little half-smirk. It was almost like the old, carefree Jacob. The one before all this wolf-vampire business. "Looks more like a peepshow to me."

I flushed, irritated. "No one asked you to watch, you fucking perve."

"I didn't come here to watch," he said, though the unsaid words on his face obviously hinted that it was an added bonus. The Alpha propped himself up on his elbow, the picture of ease and relaxation, which shit me beyond belief. "I came to teach you a valuable life-lesson."

I snorted. "Oh did you now?"

"Yeap," he said, grabbing another item off the food platter. "It's this marvellous thing called tolerance. It's where you put aside your enormous ego and eat the food I've so kindly brought to you so you don't starve to death, and wear these fancy designer clothes so you don't look like a dirty hobo. Got it?"

My eyes narrowed as I stalked dangerously towards Jake through the current of the water. He didn't look at all worried, still watching me like I was a placid little puppy. His mood changed as I got closer than he expected me too, his gaze calculating and stunned as I was a hairs breath away from him.

"Mighty Alpha," I said softly. "Here's what I think of your _tolerance_..."

And then I yanked him into the river and sent the food and bag of clothes flying downstream.

When Jake surfaced for air, I flicked my hair from my face. He scowled. "That's not funny, Leah."

"Oh, I don't know about that. I think it's pretty damn funny. Time for a run?" I suggested smugly before stripping off the last of my clothes and phasing.

**...**

I'm trying. I really am, not just saying it. But if I'm honest I know, and my Alpha knows, I don't want to be protecting the vamps. I didn't want to watch Jake softening to them, and my little brother joining them for―urgh―brunches. I don't feel any bland distaste towards Jacob, which he finds surprising to say the least. But I can't stand the Cullen's, or Bella Swan. I just don't like them.

I hunted a small elk at noon. The thought of eating it made me sick; feeling that squishy, horrible, metallic meat between my teeth. It didn't satisfy me, and just succeeded in putting me in a fouler mood than usual. If there's one thing I hate most about going wolf, it was eating raw.

Fuck my life in the butthole.

Jake sent me to sleep at dusk, as I curled myself into a moody, little ball in a nest of dirt and foliage I'd created for myself in a slight hollow of a thick tree. I didn't feel safe sleeping with my back unprotected, and my carefully selected spot had the perfect viewpoint: I could anticipate an attack from La Push, or an attack from the bloodsuckers, without any disadvantage. Cause I'm smart like that.

I woke up stiff and grumpy. I was sick of sleeping in the forest, but refused to complain, even when Jake noticed.

I tried my hardest to hide my thoughts from my brother and Jacob. I was so much happier in Jake's pack, aside from the lack of decent food and sleep. I was worried of what he would think of this, since my thoughts of staying in his pack in a more permanent manner were growing stronger day by day. Jakes plan was to send Seth and I back to Sam when this was all over. But I was making other plans. I mean, I could really turn everything around. I could go to community college and finish my studies, and actually _do_ something with my life, the way I'd always wanted to. I could get out a La Push and start a whole new chapter, Sam-free.

I'd have to get my so-called anger issues in check though. Maybe yoga, or meditation. I mean, Jake shouldn't mind, if I got my way I'd hardly have to phase at all, so he wouldn't have to put up with me. The more I thought about it, the more it played over and over in my head, the more eager I was to run my idea by Jake.

Seth and I were running the early morning before sunset, since I really couldn't sleep with everything I had bouncing around my head, when Jake phased. He was trying to make everything a little easier on me, and mentioned a fast run. My ears perked and I actually sincerely appreciated his gesture.

The two of us headed deep into the mountains that were once Cullen treaty land, to see if it was still safe for them to hunt. Jake had confirmed my goal; I was officially less annoying than Paul. As we ran, I couldn't help mulling over how much Jacob Black had changed. He wasn't the boy I remembered anymore, he was a man now. A man willing to face the consequences of his actions. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little sad to see the old Jacob go, despite it all, I really liked that kid. This new Jake had me dazzled at times, not that I'd ever admit it, but I'd still try to treat him like the snot-nosed little squirt I knew him as. I mean, if I didn't, I might actually find his new broad-shouldered, manliness as―god help me―_attractive_. My nose crinkled.

My thoughts were luckily disguised by the fact that I was fucking starving. Jake casually suggested a hunt. Of course, my enthusiasm on his suggestion was lacking somewhat.

_Yum, yum_. I said.

_It's all on your head,_ Jake said. Sure, easy for_ him_ to say. He'd eat anything. Literally anything. I'm pretty sure I'd caught him picking at old crumbs between the couch cushions once, and I wouldn't put my previous road-kill comment past Jacob. _That's __the way wolves act. It's natural. It tastes fine. If you didn't think about it from a human perspective―_

Oh, here we go. I really didn't need another 'embrace the inner wolf' talk from Jake. _Forget the pep talk, Jacob,_ I said sourly. _I'll hunt. I don't have to like it_. I was quiet, before reluctantly adding. _Thank you._

I huffed, wondering if now was the right time to speak with him. I guess I had to tell him soon, and he would have picked up on pieces of it in my thoughts anyway. He was surprised when I said I didn't mind hanging around―that I was grateful of his tolerance. Almost as surprised as I was when he said the same thing about _my _presence.

Of course I had to tease him, but my thoughts weren't spiteful. _What a glowing commendation!_ I exclaimed.

He smirked to himself. _Don't let it go to your head,_ he warned.

_Okay,_ I hesitated. _If you don't let this go to yours. I think you make a good Alpha. _I swallowed, then continued in a more defensive tone, because I couldn't just lay out my feelings like that for anybody. _Not the same way Sam does, but in your own way._ And without my permission, my thoughts added. _You're worth following, Jacob. _

My guts all laid out like a Thanksgiving feast on the table made it all a little embarrassing. But this was a better time than ever to bring it up, right? Here goes nothing.

_I want to stay with you, _I said firmly.

I just about skidded over the top of him when he pulled on the sudden brakes and stared at me in shock. I regained my footing and turned to stare back, unsure what else to do as I eyed the giant russet wolf in front of me, and watched him watch me through the link in our brains. Seth was listening in, and agreed with me about staying with Jake. Well, I guess he took it reasonably well. I didn't agree with Seth staying, but my I don't bother Jake-he doesn't bother me was a solid argument in my opinion. He said he'd consider it, so that sent me in a happy mood. The thought of Jakes acceptance made me feel instantly warm.

I didn't want to interrupt his thoughts about it, so I left him quiet to mull on it.

We came across a herd of black-tailed deer, and I cringed in repulsion but didn't hesitate as I took down the buck and felt its neck snap beneath my jaws. Jacob surprised me by trying to actually _help_ me by connecting our thoughts closer together than necessary to make this whole eating-raw thing more calming for me, and I took this as a good sign, willingly embracing his mind that was somewhat uncomfortably―but nicely so―close to mine.

My disgust didn't completed waver, but I embraced my wolf-self, and Jake and I ate together contentedly.

Afterwards, I thanked him. Being so close to Jacob, it was a strange and wonderful feeling. No one had ever actually tried to bring themselves closer to me in wolf from before. It was like having your very essence blur together for that one moment. Jake sent Seth to sleep and we ran the perimeter together. I was starting to understand that Bella Swan was to Jake what Sam was to me. That one person we find so difficult to let go, that we'll always love a little in some way or another. But at least Sam is happy, I figured grudgingly. I suppose I wanted what was best for him. But Jake was watching Bella Swan die from choosing a life that could only mean death. In his head, I saw him tormenting the barbie-doll parasite, and I was amused by it.

_Try this one,_ I suggested. _What's the difference between peanut butter and a blonde?_ I paused slightly for mock-effect. _Peanut butter is more difficult to spread! Ha!_

Jacob snorted and joined me in laughter. _Ah, adding that one to the list._

I was actually really enjoying our run together. We had a good moment―but of course, I had to go and ruin it.

I'd been relieved when Jake didn't want to imprint, but it surprised me that he wouldn't want to forget his feelings for the Swan girl. But that brings me right back to square one you always want what you can't have. Like the blonde vampire and that thing growing inside Bella. Stupid me, getting all upset and mentioning stupid female problems. I wasn't lying though, and it wasn't my fault Jake couldn't handle the truth. People would do anything to get what that could never have, and for once I could see the bloodsucker's perspective, which is something I'd never pictured happening.

Jake phased to escape me, and I regretted mentioning anything at all. When would I learn to keep my big mouth shut? I hit my great, big, wolf head against a tree.

I couldn't sleep that night; surprise, surprise. Seth was sleeping like a rock when my ears twitched at the sound I heard I heard coming from the Cullen's house, my paws mechanically moved closer in a swift and nimble pace. It was early morning, and the sounds were too loud to be one of those creepy Cullen's, so I knew it had to be Jake. I watched from the bushes, ready to perform the most genuine apology I'd mustered in a while, when my heart dropped. For a split second, I noticed Jakes face twisted in torment as he sped off in one of the Cullen's fancy cars before I had a chance to even chase after him. I didn't even know if he'd seen me, or if he just didn't care, but I'd never seen suffering like that on another humans face.

My blood boiled. What had made Jacob leave so quickly, in such obvious pain?

Not a second had passed and I was phased human, my clothes quickly pulled over my head and I approached the Cullen's yard without any hesitation. I'd never ventured this close to their house before, my bare feet stomping on their manicured lawn, and Bella's bloodsucker awaiting me anxiously on the terrace. No doubt he could hear my thoughts. No doubt he knew I was extremely pissed.

"Leah," the copper-haired parasite greeted me. We'd never spoken before, I didn't like that he addressed me so familiarly. I was chewing on the inside of my cheeks, trying hard not to phase back into a wolf so soon. "I'm Edward, Bella's husband. It's nice to finally meet you, welcome―"

"Cut the crap, bloodsucker," I snapped, jabbing a pointed finger at him. "What's wrong with Jake?"

"He's a little," Edward faltered uncertainly. "Upset."

"No shit," I said flatly, folding my arms tight. "_Why_?"

The vampire pursed his dead, pale lips. "He just doesn't understand."

What a fucking piss-poor explanation. I was starting to shake a little. I swallowed hard, and flashed my teeth at the bloodsucker in what I hoped resembled a smile, in the most threatening sense of the act. "You're a gentleman, right?" I asked indifferently, because he looked like he was born in one of those snobby centuries. The so-called smile was still smacked on my face. "Won't you let me in to have a friendly chat with your wife?"

* * *

**Well, there you go! I know. Its been ages. Sorry!**

**Please read and review!**

**Hazel-Buttafly**


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